Today, I got knocked over at the park by a rampant dog. My fiancé stood by laughing his ass off as I repeatedly tried to stand up, only to be knocked back down again. I'm seven months pregnant. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML
Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML
Today, I came home on crutches. My dog was immediately afraid of them, and came running towards me, growling and barking. She ran right into me, knocking me over. FML
Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML
Today, my fiancé and I decided to have a romantic rendezvous on the trampoline in our backyard. Or at least it was romantic, until I accidentally rolled off and all but crushed our dog. FML
Today, I saw a pregnant woman fall off her moped. As I helped her back up, I asked if her baby was okay. I was then blindsided by her brick of a purse while she screeched, "I'm not pregnant!" FML
Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up bridal-style to carry me to our bed. As he carried me through the bedroom door, the dog ran between his legs and sent us both crashing to the ground. FML
Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML
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Top comments
kaitieloo 22
Ultimate douchebag.
transcedental 18
This is the first time I actually say 'Fuuuck' while reading an FML, and I've been around here for years. This is too brutal for a pregnant lady, he should've taken care of you. Sorry, OP, I hope you're alright.
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Comments (218)
harmtouch16 11
Men without a protective nature will NOT make good fathers. They will NOT make their families a priority. Get out while you still can. I had a large dog come out of nowhere when I was getting my 2 month old out of the car. My husband was dropping us at the curb to go in a store so we didn't have to go very far. Before I knew what was happening, my 145 lb husband had TACKLED the 100 lb rot to the ground lol. No owner was found and my husband yelled for me to get in the car. He and another 2 guys got the dog totally locked down till the police and animal control got there. The dog had rabies, no collar or owner to be found, and was put down. My husband could have been killed but it wasn't even a thought in his head over his wife and child. Now the dog that jumped on you may not have been violent and maybe didn't need to be restrained or tackled but your bf sure as heck should have pulled the dog off of you.
nopasanada 3
woww...ur fiance is a dumbass and an asshole
MegPro21 1
You may want to rethink that engagement. His job is to protect you and your baby. Kinda shows how immature he still is.
assm1234 11
This was humorous until I read the last sentence. I hope you and the baby are ok.
assm1234 11
This was moderately humorous until I read the last sentence. I hope you and the baby are ok.
blackychan63 12
Gotta love husbands..... -.-
mrtonyanderson 20
If you wernt pregnant it would be hilarious lol
laylarose1396 7
Ass. Lol I would've laughed to tho.
Smiles074 5
two words ultimate jerk
laylarose1396 7
But only if you weren't pregnant.