Today, I got knocked over at the park by a rampant dog. My fiancé stood by laughing his ass off as I repeatedly tried to stand up, only to be knocked back down again. I'm seven months pregnant. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML
Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML
Today, I came home on crutches. My dog was immediately afraid of them, and came running towards me, growling and barking. She ran right into me, knocking me over. FML
Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML
Today, my fiancé and I decided to have a romantic rendezvous on the trampoline in our backyard. Or at least it was romantic, until I accidentally rolled off and all but crushed our dog. FML
Today, I saw a pregnant woman fall off her moped. As I helped her back up, I asked if her baby was okay. I was then blindsided by her brick of a purse while she screeched, "I'm not pregnant!" FML
Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up bridal-style to carry me to our bed. As he carried me through the bedroom door, the dog ran between his legs and sent us both crashing to the ground. FML
Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML
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Top comments
kaitieloo 22
Ultimate douchebag.
transcedental 18
This is the first time I actually say 'Fuuuck' while reading an FML, and I've been around here for years. This is too brutal for a pregnant lady, he should've taken care of you. Sorry, OP, I hope you're alright.
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Comments (218)
grunt_fml 17
The former husband-to-be is a jerk, no question. But I wonder about the owner of the dog. Was there any or was the dog astray? I absolutely HATE it when dog owners just stand by while their cur is running down a stranger. "He doesn't do anything! He just wants to play!" is definitely in my top 10 asshole-statements. And just standing there, watching phlegmatically how your dog is attacking a pregnant woman definitely would be a great dick move.
VSVP_fml 6
I was laughing up until you said you were pregnant then I was like oh that's ****** up.
secretlady99 6
your fiance is a complete tool. i would leave him, he has so little respect for you and your unborn child.
barroombrawlr 2
What a dickhole... I apologize on the behalf of real men everywhere
reaxion 25
Your fiancé should be on nappy and vomit duty for two months at least after the baby's born for that stunt...
heliophobia 13
Are you joking? Have you ever been pregnant and knocked over by a dog? What is your problem?
ThatsLifeThough 6
Hmmmm... Deduct one point from his douche way of handing the situation. Deduct 10 points for not helping his fiance. Deduct 100 points for laughing while you are being violated by a dog. & further more, dump his ass and find someone who will pick you up at your weakest, not laugh and be careless. End of story.
whathefuckislife 11
THE ****?
Lindsay484 5
awe sorry darlinn!
blankjack 6
Tell him the baby is not his and dump him :)