Transportation: Today, I got into a car accident. Why? I was distracted by a... - FML

By moxy - 24/01/2011 15:00

Today, I got into a car accident. Why? I was distracted by a floating spec of dust and was pretending I was in space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 642

You deserved it 65 666

Mama's boy

Own it

Vulture

By what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god - 05/04/2013 18:51 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 618

You deserved it 4 820

By jazzie7719 - 28/09/2014 19:26 - United States - Arlington

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 945

You deserved it 4 305

Stuck

By Forgetfull - 02/02/2010 17:07 - United States

Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 717

You deserved it 26 543

By parker1993 - 03/02/2011 18:53 - United States

Today, while waiting for a job interview, a woman sat down next to me and asked if I was here for the job too. Thinking she was also an applicant, I tried to demoralise her, and said the job was going to be a complete joke. With that, she stood up and said, "Do you still want to go into my office?" She was the interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 856

You deserved it 76 461

By Anonymous - 23/02/2017 01:00 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, nobody wanted to come to my graduation after finding out that my father was coming too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 829

You deserved it 447

By Soaked - 20/05/2010 15:20 - United States

Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 327

You deserved it 4 674

By unhappystudent - 14/12/2016 12:32 - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, after a long night of studying, my roommate and her friends decided it would be fun to throw a mini party in my room at 7am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 590

You deserved it 577

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 16:23 - United States - Mulino

Today, while I was pet-sitting for my boyfriend's parents, one of their dogs killed one of their kittens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 461

You deserved it 5 468

By Anonymous - 03/12/2012 19:02 - Canada - London

Today, I got into a fight with my girlfriend. After yelling and arguing my point, my cat got up and jumped up next to her on the bed. He sat down, and they both glared at me until I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 451

You deserved it 4 287

By DefinitelyNotMyMeds - 22/02/2019 20:00 - Canada

Today, just like everyday, I opened my med box, took out a blister pack and took one of the pills before putting the pack back in the box. Today, not like everyday, I had diarrhea. Turns out one of the packs was laxatives put in my med box by my boyfriend because they looked the same as my meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 971

You deserved it 285

By flipflap - 14/06/2015 06:35

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 225

You deserved it 7 058

Rash decision

By FilthyIke - 21/08/2009 20:17 - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the rash I've been getting in my underarms, behind my knees and sometimes on my face. Turns out I'm allergic to sweat. I'm a varsity rugby coach, gym teacher, and I just shelled out a stack of cash to get a sauna and steam room installed in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 686

You deserved it 4 367

By streeted - 18/09/2010 14:27 - United States

Today, after selling some furniture and jewelry to make the rent this month, I woke up to find a foreclosure notice. The landlord hasn't paid the mortgage in 6 months, so I'm evicted anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 263

You deserved it 2 277

By theseguysarewhipped... - 06/10/2014 15:05 - Canada - London

Today, as a limo driver, I had to drive 8 guys for a night-out from their wives. I put the Michigan/Rutgers game on the radio, thinking they would appreciate that. Apparently, they wanted to listen to their "pump-up" songs instead, which were mostly Katy Perry songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 618

You deserved it 5 215

By rinala - 01/07/2012 07:07

Today, my boyfriend decided to start an argument and storm off the train we were on. Two stops later, ticket inspectors hopped on the train. He had our tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 741

You deserved it 3 209

By tortured - 10/09/2018 15:00

Today, despite using deodorant religiously and showering twice a day, my roommate still smells so bad that every time she enters the room I become physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 883

You deserved it 233

OK then…

By Anonymous - 29/12/2009 05:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 149

You deserved it 3 512

By Anonymous - 20/07/2016 15:08 - United States

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer excused himself to use the bathroom, so I took the chance to let out a tiny fart I'd been holding in. That tiny fart filled the whole room. When he came back, the guy literally stopped dead in his tracks and recoiled at the stench. Doubt I'll get that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 308

You deserved it 4 471

Be more specific

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 21:01 - United States - Folsom

Today, my mom told me that I wasn't allowed rights until I was eighteen, or until I took on some duties. The rights include having or expressing ideals that don't match up with hers. She doesn't know what duties I should have. My options are to either take on nonexistent duties, or keep my mouth shut for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 166

By ouchhhh - 20/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. 5 seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 385

You deserved it 581

By Kimel - 22/01/2016 00:11 - France - Vincent

Today, my eldest daughter announced she was getting divorced. She never even told me she was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 578

You deserved it 2 309

It's not me, it's you

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 15:00 - Mexico - Lagos De Moreno

Today, I went out with two new friends. While we were talking, they said that their mother had called them to go home. Later on, I saw them in the main square, hanging out. I wasn't creepy or disrespectful, and I don't know why they did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 78

By time to put you down, gran - 01/12/2012 22:53 - United States

Today, I went to Hollister with my grandmother. She immediately started yelling about the music being too loud, and ordered the staff to "shut the damn thing off". She was yelling at a bunch of mannequins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 786

You deserved it 4 685

By sleekRelease - 11/06/2019 04:00

Today, I was expecting an important delivery for a party I'm having tonight. I was in the shower when the doorbell rang. In my haste, I slipped and ended up with a bunch of little cuts and bruises. Turns out, it was someone trying to leave a note saying it would be delivered tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 672

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 18/02/2012 23:32 - United States

Today, I checked over my notes from yesterday's midterm review so I could study for the test on Monday. It seems I was so exhausted, I'd done nothing but scribble unintelligibly all over the first page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 089

You deserved it 8 062

By shithappens - 31/03/2019 14:00

Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself.FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 625

By reconnect - 27/12/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, Facebook told me I should reconnect with my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 259

You deserved it 7 708

By BadassRumbleroar - 20/01/2012 03:46 - Canada

Today, I found out that when you are sitting on a full bench at a bus stop, some crazy person will come sit on you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 516

You deserved it 3 012

By forewhatnow - 07/11/2009 08:47 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 580

You deserved it 9 763

By Anonymous - 01/04/2014 06:06 - United States - Eugene

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 593

You deserved it 7 910

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 17:28 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, my mom heard on TV that teens need at least ten hours of sleep a day. Now she makes me go to bed at 7pm. I told her I can't finish my homework in time, and my grades will suffer. She wouldn't listen. Last week, she threatened to punish me if I don't get straight As this semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 701

You deserved it 1 973

By Greg - 28/10/2013 21:53 - United States - Livonia

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 152

You deserved it 3 270

By Anonymous - 19/06/2009 16:39 - United States

Today, I was walking to work and saw three guys sitting at a table outside. One of the guys looks at me and says to his friends, "That's the girl that works at the grocery store. She replaced the hot chick." The other two guys glared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 809

You deserved it 3 517

By kenzieeeee - 30/12/2009 00:30 - United States

Today, I got stuck in a blizzard. My mother never picked me up like she was supposed to, and wasn't answering her phone. After walking around for a half hour, freezing, I finally found her. Where was she? Sitting in Pizza Hut, having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 552

You deserved it 2 351

By sexisntfun - 30/03/2015 02:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 096

You deserved it 3 142

Dishwasher pod challenged

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 23:00

Today, after submitting a work order to our landlord due to our dishwasher being “broken”, my roommate and I found out there is a wrong way to put dishwasher pods in. We’re both 25 and have gone our whole lives not knowing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 751

Chill out, dude

By Anonymous - 01/02/2017 18:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was lectured about how emotionally immature I am by someone who, afterwards, promptly threw a chair out of anger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 076

You deserved it 535

By birdguts - 31/01/2011 02:34 - United Kingdom

Today, after 2 years together, my boyfriend finally proposed. I excitedly said yes. Just as we began to kiss, my half crazed cat ran in, dropped a half eaten bird at our feet, and promptly threw up on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 924

You deserved it 5 235

By sadkid - 25/09/2011 23:23 - United States

Today, my mom called me a bastard, told me I should run away, and said I don't deserve to live in her house. All because I didn't use a plate when I ate a Poptart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 817

You deserved it 4 376

By badtiming - 15/09/2010 04:15 - United States

Today, I saw a bad car wreck. I pulled over and ran to the car to find an unconscious man behind the wheel. Another car pulled up, and a guy got out. I was relieved to have help, until, to my horror, he started trying to hit on me. I was stuck with him until the ambulance arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 009

You deserved it 3 280

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Monday 24 January 2011 18:51

you shouldn't drive if you can't pay attention

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Monday 24 January 2011 19:06

I agree your life sucks. not because you got in a accident , but for the fact that your mom dropped you on the head when you were a baby and you became a complete abnormal retard for thinking your in space via dust ... o_O

Comments

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Monday 24 January 2011 18:51

you shouldn't drive if you can't pay attention

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Monday 24 January 2011 19:00

Indeed. Why the hell are you driving? Imagine that you hit someone because 'you were pretending to be in space'.

KingDingALing 9

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Monday 24 January 2011 19:40

In addition to that, imagine the explanation that the OP would have given to the person he (or she) crashed in to. Victim: Dude! How the fuck did you crash into my car?! OP: ...Um... Victim: Answer the question, shithead! OP: ...I was pretending to be in space... Victim: *Kicks OP in the crotch*

KingDingALing 9

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Monday 24 January 2011 19:40

In addition to that, imagine the explanation that the OP would have given to the person he (or she) crashed in to. Victim: Dude! How the fuck did you crash into my car?! OP: ...Um... Victim: Answer the question, shithead! OP: ...I was pretending to be in space... Victim: *Kicks OP in the crotch*

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Monday 24 January 2011 20:24

that's kinda funny

iliveinthesky_fml 0

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Monday 24 January 2011 20:55

Must have been that kush or Maui wowie

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Monday 24 January 2011 21:33

actually marijuana tends to make the driver more cautious, compared to other drugs.. never got in a car accident , 4 years of driving high

boyguydudemalema 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 8:20

63, 4 years of pretending to be in space ? man, you must be the best space cadet in history!! jk

port5 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:14

get a life bitch, you aren't getting any sympathy, it's like if someone was qqing about getting into an accident cause they were texting and drinking a beer

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 10:51

win win win I loled so hard

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Thursday 16 June 2011 4:30

houston we have an alchohal problem.

z620 0

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Wednesday 5 October 2011 4:24

You also shouldn't drive if your on shrooms...

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Monday 13 May 2013 7:42

#119 fuck you asshole. It's called an accident. You should know. You are one.

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Saturday 22 March 2014 15:05

Exactly... It's retards like OP that make driving insurance overpriced...

nlm92 15

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Monday 23 June 2014 17:59

171 OP doesn't know the meaning of space

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Monday 24 January 2011 18:55

You being a dumbass is not an FML. :|

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Monday 24 January 2011 20:09

You shouldn't be allowed to drive on any planet where there are human beings.

Epic_Phale615 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 5:10

Or anything living. Lets drop him on mars and continue the voyage for new life :P.

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Monday 24 January 2011 18:56

aww :/

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 6:17

op is on shrooms . nuff said

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:22

um dude how did u say you got your drivers ID again DMV Dumb Motor Vechiles

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Monday 24 January 2011 18:56

Wow...

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Monday 24 January 2011 18:56

FYL because there must not be anything interesting going on in it for you to daydream like that.

ryu7 0

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Monday 24 January 2011 22:04

agreed

DU0 0

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Monday 24 January 2011 18:57

Don't understand how this is a FML. YDI for being an idiot. :l

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Monday 24 January 2011 18:58

WoooooooooooW.

sweet_candy_ 17

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Monday 24 January 2011 18:58

You can do that on your own time. NOT when you're driving ydi op.

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Monday 24 January 2011 23:22

I pretend the emergency brake handle is a gun and pretend to shoot the cars infront...but them again im in the passenger seat not driving

sweet_candy_ 17

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 0:06

That's because you're weird.

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 0:26

Yes I am a tad weird lol

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Monday 24 January 2011 19:00

Ydi. You shouldt get behind the wheel of a vehicle. Ever.

ydi_4_suking 20

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Monday 24 January 2011 19:00

Haha done that too but within a second of my day dream starting I go back to focusing on driving

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Monday 24 January 2011 19:15

YDI because you were day dreaming about being in space and not something a little more interesting. It would have been different if you were day dreaming about sex or something O_o

LyricaSilvan 29

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Saturday 27 August 2016 19:04

Yes, because it's totally about what he was daydreaming, not the fact that he was daydreaming while driving and could have hurt someone. Good job, 23.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 58

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 52

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 117