Transportation: Today, I got into a car accident. Why? I was distracted by a... - FML

By moxy

Today, I got into a car accident. Why? I was distracted by a floating spec of dust and was pretending I was in space. FML

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Out of it

The opposite of a good idea

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By Hurtingincanada

Today, I woke up with bronchitis and hemorrhoids. I'm getting married in 3 days. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2020 20:00

Feelin' sexy

Today, my wife, who NEVER wants to have sex, decided that now is the time. I, of course, had to take antibiotics that make me so bloated I can’t move without extreme pain. FML

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By NoStarbucks4Me - Germany - M?hldorf

Today, the area I live in is so rural that the nearest Starbucks is a 1-hour drive away. And in another country. FML

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By Fatnlonely

Today, at a pool party, I had forgotten to bring a swim suit, so I went in in my bra and shorts. After everyone screaming and telling me to put my shirt back on, I asked, "Why? It's the same as a bikini." My best friend told me it was because no one wanted to see me topless. FML

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By Warriorwizzle - Vietnam - Hanoi

Ewwwwwwww

Today, I had to move down to the third floor because after complaining about rats on my rooftop the landlord put down traps. The rats died. Flies came. The flies laid eggs. The eggs birthed maggots. The maggots rained down from my broken ceiling into my bed and all over my floor. I'm not okay. FML

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By larvagirl23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of ten months sent me a picture message of her making out with a guy. Under it, it read, "You can pick your stuff up in the morning." FML

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By tomoxishigaki - United States

Today, I moved to California. Too bad the rest of my belongings didn't. FML

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By sickofthisshit - United States - Oceanside

Today, I nearly got written up for "publicly humiliating" a coworker. All because I left a note in the restroom asking whoever keeps peeing all over the floor to please be considerate of other people. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, like every day for the past year or so, I went for a walk. And like every time I go for a walk, I got severely winded halfway through. I have no medical issues like asthma, I’m just out of shape. FML

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By Sooz - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, after 6 months of sex, my boyfriend showered himself with praise for managing, for the first time ever, to stretch the act out to a full minute. FML

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By Cheater_Cheater_Pumpkin_Eater - United States

Today, my best friend became my ex-best friend. I have finally gotten over the guy she stole from me a year ago and have developed a crush on another guy. My best friend called me today to tell me that she broke up with the first guy and is now going out with my current crush. FML

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By not my idea - 27/4/2020 20:00

Not now, mom

Today, my mom learned via Facebook that my ex is now divorced. She took this as a "sign from God" that he’s my soulmate, and took it upon herself to try to set us up. Not only have I not talked to this fool since we broke up in high school, I’m not sure who’s more pissed off, me or my husband. FML

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By lovelesslonely - United States

Today, my boyfriend brought me home flowers and candy for the first time in our 1 year relationship. Thinking he was going to finally propose, I got excited. I asked why he was being so sweet, and he responded with, "I thought you'd take the breakup better this way." FML

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By annabellatrix - Hungary

Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus. Then on the other bus I changed to in order to lose him. At least somebody's interested. FML

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By Rory - United States

Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of something hitting my bedroom wall outside. I could see my boyfriend's car from the window, so I assumed he was throwing pebbles to get my attention. I opened the window and an egg flew in. FML

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By Brittany - United States - Kerrville

Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML

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By clewie - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By lizzardbreath - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I don't know very well. He told me to dress in formal attire so I assumed he was taking me to a nice dinner. He took me to his brothers wedding, and introduced me as "the one" to his entire family. FML

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By Lisaaa - Canada

Today, it was my little girl's birthday and her grandparents came over to celebrate. One of the presents from her grandparents turned out to be a sweater. She then asked, "Mommy, may I please lie?" When I shook my head no, she exclaimed, "I hate this ugly sweater!" FML

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By kill me

Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML

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By Lana - Austria

Today, while sitting at my desk at work, a co-worker asked for my help. It was only after I had walked over to his desk, bent over, answered his question, and walked back to my stall, that I felt a breeze. My tube top had slid down across my breasts, revealing my bra to the entire office. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2020 20:00

Proactive

Today my fiancé left to take care of his little sister who lives alone and recently got COVID-19. To be cautious, he will remain there for weeks until he tests negative. Feeling lonely, I texted my mom for comfort. She immediately canceled our engagement party this summer instead. FML

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By Ignored - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend can name each and every Pokémon, but can't remember my birthday. FML

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By Justme - United States - Lafayette

Today, I got the bill for the flowers my husband arranged to be delivered to me while he's out of town next week. I also got the bill for the flowers he's sending to the floozy he'll be seeing next week while he's out of town. The gift tag for it was: "I can't wait to see you." FML

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By Redhottt6

Today, I received a friend request from a boyfriend I hadn't talked to in 20+ years. A few minutes later he messaged me a picture of himself with a young woman at a strip club. My daughter. FML

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By NotDrunk - United States - San Diego

Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML

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By dollfacee - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he thinks I'm cheating on him, with my brother. FML

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By onlyslightly - United States

Today, my cat peed on my bra. I didn't realize this until after I arrived at work for my 12-hour shift. Now I'm trying to wash my bra out in the sink and stuff paper towels down it to soak up the moisture. Only 10 more hours to go, and the smell of cat pee is still lingering. FML

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By baldintheback - United States

Today, my sister and I were reading the new FML posts. I sat close to the fan, and after a few minutes, I leaned against it for support. It immediatly sucked up my hair and started violently twisting it. My sister continued to read and shouted at me because my cries for help are distracting. FML

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By danskinnow - United States

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I came home after a short trip. Walking through the door, an overpowering smell indicated that in my rush to leave I'd forgotten to bring the cat litter tray indoors. The place was covered in cat urine. It was as if I'd created a cycling ecosystem of evaporated urine turning into urine rain-clouds. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after spending five months helping my husband lose a ton, he left me. Apparently, "fit people" should only have sex with "fit people". FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland

Today, I found out I'm allergic to the pills my doctor prescribed for coughing, which I really need because I ripped a muscle in my stomach. Now my whole upper body is covered in a terrible itchy rash. I also found out it will last for at least another week. FML

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By jdch_99 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I'm at home, sick with walking pneumonia and a raging UTI. Every time I cough, I piss myself. I'm now having to lie on a bath towel and garbage bags until the meds kick in. FML

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By payne - United States

Today, I found my daughter's brand new ipod touch. At the bottom of the washing machine. FML

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By FenderBender - Canada

Today, I was driving home from work and noticed the car behind me was tailgating me pretty badly. I was starting to get angry with the driver, and kept glancing in my rear view mirror at him. While I was doing so, the traffic ahead of me stopped, and I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, an unknown number left me a lengthy voicemail of what sounds like two people having sex. This is the closest I've gotten to real-life sex in 2 years. I listened to it three times. FML

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By abbiexo97

Today, I had a dream that I had to abandon my shopping at the checkout due to lack of funds. Even in my dreams I don’t have any money. FML

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Top comments

By zolltf | 4

#2002887 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:51

you shouldn't drive if you can't pay attention

By moshmosh | 0

#2002983 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:06

I agree your life sucks.
not because you got in a accident ,
but for the fact that your mom dropped you on the head when you were a baby and you became a complete abnormal retard for thinking your in space via dust ... o_O

COMMENTS

By zolltf | 4

#2002887 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:51

you shouldn't drive if you can't pay attention

Reply

DjeePee | 24

#2002940 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:00

Indeed. Why the hell are you driving? Imagine that you hit someone because 'you were pretending to be in space'.

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#2003137 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:40

In addition to that, imagine the explanation that the OP would have given to the person he (or she) crashed in to.

Victim: Dude! How the fuck did you crash into my car?!
OP: ...Um...
Victim: Answer the question, shithead!
OP: ...I was pretending to be in space...
Victim: *Kicks OP in the crotch*

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#2003143 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:40

In addition to that, imagine the explanation that the OP would have given to the person he (or she) crashed in to.

Victim: Dude! How the fuck did you crash into my car?!
OP: ...Um...
Victim: Answer the question, shithead!
OP: ...I was pretending to be in space...
Victim: *Kicks OP in the crotch*

Reply

breakofdawn1 | 0

#2003264 - Monday 24 January 2011 20:24

that's kinda funny

Reply

iliveinthesky_fml | 0

#2003342 - Monday 24 January 2011 20:55

Must have been that kush or Maui wowie

Reply

whatup360 | 1

#2003434 - Monday 24 January 2011 21:33

actually marijuana tends to make the driver more cautious, compared to other drugs.. never got in a car accident , 4 years of driving high

Reply

boyguydudemalema | 0

#2005558 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 8:20

63, 4 years of pretending to be in space ? man, you must be the best space cadet in history!!

jk

Reply

port5 | 0

#2005745 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:14

get a life bitch, you aren't getting any sympathy, it's like if someone was qqing about getting into an accident cause they were texting and drinking a beer

Reply

Doomire | 0

#2006096 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 10:51

win win win I loled so hard

Reply

bezach | 0

#2691914 - Thursday 16 June 2011 4:30

houston we have an alchohal problem.

Reply

z620 | 0

#3389474 - Wednesday 5 October 2011 4:24

You also shouldn't drive if your on shrooms...

Reply

TheAwkHawk | 14

#5489725 - Monday 13 May 2013 7:42

#119 fuck you asshole. It's called an accident. You should know. You are one.

Reply

Kamon97 | 23

#5892979 - Saturday 22 March 2014 15:05

Exactly... It's retards like OP that make driving insurance overpriced...

Reply

nlm92 | 15

#5985784 - Monday 23 June 2014 17:59

171 OP doesn't know the meaning of space

By Bathory_fml | 0

#2002914 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:55

You being a dumbass is not an FML. :|

Reply

wellinever | 5

#2003212 - Monday 24 January 2011 20:09

You shouldn't be allowed to drive on any planet where there are human beings.

Reply

Epic_Phale615 | 0

#2005128 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 5:10

Or anything living. Lets drop him on mars and continue the voyage for new life :P.

By katiechap8 | 0

#2002919 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:56

aww :/

Reply

lmBrown | 0

#2005335 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 6:17

op is on shrooms . nuff said

Reply

daaron | 3

#2005795 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:22

um dude how did u say you got your drivers ID again DMV Dumb Motor Vechiles

By keegan23 | 4

#2002922 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:56

Wow...

By mzjane | 0

#2002925 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:56

FYL because there must not be anything interesting going on in it for you to daydream like that.

Reply

ryu7 | 0

#2003486 - Monday 24 January 2011 22:04

agreed

By DU0 | 0

#2002927 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:57

Don't understand how this is a FML. YDI for being an idiot. :l

By johnsese | 0

#2002932 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:58

WoooooooooooW.

By sweet_candy_ | 17

#2002934 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:58

You can do that on your own time. NOT when you're driving ydi op.

Reply

deputy_g | 5

#2003905 - Monday 24 January 2011 23:22

I pretend the emergency brake handle is a gun and pretend to shoot the cars infront...but them again im in the passenger seat not driving

Reply

sweet_candy_ | 17

#2004036 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 0:06

That's because you're weird.

Reply

deputy_g | 5

#2004128 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 0:26

Yes I am a tad weird lol

By kikibisweet | 0

#2002938 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:00

Ydi. You shouldt get behind the wheel of a vehicle. Ever.

By ydi_4_suking | 20

#2002943 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:00

Haha done that too but within a second of my day dream starting I go back to focusing on driving

Reply

razeleet | 0

#2003047 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:15

YDI because you were day dreaming about being in space and not something a little more interesting.

It would have been different if you were day dreaming about sex or something O_o

Reply

LyricaSilvan | 29

#6679235 - Saturday 27 August 2016 19:04

Yes, because it's totally about what he was daydreaming, not the fact that he was daydreaming while driving and could have hurt someone. Good job, 23.