Transportation: Today, I got into a car accident. Why? I was distracted by a... - FML

By moxy

Today, I got into a car accident. Why? I was distracted by a floating spec of dust and was pretending I was in space. FML

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Taking stock

Drugs are bad, well, some of them

Bad car day

By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, it was my first day at my new school. I've never been the new girl before, so I asked my best friend for advice. She said, "Whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances, be yourself." FML

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By Ouch - Serbia

Mommy's favorite flower

Today, I learned how it feels when you fall off a second floor balcony with mom's flower pot then landing on your back. My mom got pissed because of her beloved flowers, and gave me a lecture while I rolled on the ground in pain. FML

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By carla - France

Odorama

Today, as I came out of some changing rooms in a clothes shop, I gave back all the stuff I'd tried on to a saleswoman. I then walk off, make it about a couple of yards, change my mind and decide to purchase one of the items I'd tried. When I get back, the saleswoman was spraying the changing room I'd used with deodorant. FML

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By Wobblefat

Today, I was watching porn when I found a lookalike of my soon-to-be sister-in-law. She's attractive, so I enjoyed watching her getting it on by herself. Needless to say I did not finish as I saw another "lookalike" entering the room. I have now seen my brothers erect penis. FML

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By Patrick - 29/10/2020 03:08 - Trinidad and Tobago - Couva

What?

Today, my coworker got a raise by making our boss give me a pay cut for doing his job while he was slacking off. As we were heading home for the day, he found $100. FML

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By "Caroline Ballard Turner"

Chili beans

Today, I woke up to find that there has been a water main break in my neighborhood and there is no running water until the break is located and fixed. I had chili with beans late last night and it is wreaking havoc with my lower gastrointestinal track, and the toilet won't flush. FML

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By FlamedOut

Today, I discovered that my Tinder date is the roommate and best friend of a date from the previous week that went sour. He also hangs out with my former high school flame. What are the chances? FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the girl of my dreams, the one person I've met in my life that I could see myself spending the rest of it with, told me she loves me. She then specifically added "...but not in that way, so we could never be together." FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wants to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend of three and a half years a text message spilling my heart out, saying I'll love him forever, and how much I appreciate him in my life, that I want to be the mother of his children, etc. His text back to me? "Are you drunk?!?" FML

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By marlow - Canada

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

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By Cookie - South Africa

Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss fired me for dating a co-worker. There's no policy forbidding it; he just thought it was unfair that I could get with the "hottest girl who works here" but he can't. I live in an at-will employment state. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I accidentally sprayed some perfume in my eye. After rinsing said burning eye with water for a few minutes, I half-blindly grabbed the eyedrops my sister left on the counter and used some. They were actually tea tree oil drops. Ouch. FML

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By SinkyBalls - Canada

Today, I found out my roommate thinks the sink is an appropriate place to wash his junk. FML

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By a - United Kingdom - Ascot

Today, my mother asked me how pasta is harvested. She actually thought it grew out of the ground. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with superglue. FML

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By PigPen - United States

Today, I had lunch with friends I hadn't seen in years. We took a few group shots with my camera, and I went home and downloaded them to my computer. Seeing them on my monitor, I noticed a yellow spot on my black shirt, so I looked down. A big, dried booger was stuck there. FML

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By son - Israel

Today, my mom told me that she doesn't want me to help any of my friends get a job at the restaurant I work at. Apparently, she thinks that they would do a better job than me and get me fired. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rockford

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text message saying "It's over!". I sent him maybe a thousand texts saying "Why?", "What do you mean?!" After an hour of crying and whatnot, I realized he had driver's education today and that he was saying the class was over. FML

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By Anonymous - Spain - Ripollet

Absolute beginners

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

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By a genius - United States

Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 23:03

Chilly

Today, I'm a young, healthy non-smoker, getting plenty of exercise and walking about 8.000 steps a day. I still have ice-cold feet. Even wearing two pairs of socks. And Lambswool boots. In July. FML

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By Chris Altenbach - United States

Today, I got off from work and noticed that the weather finally warmed up after the recent snowstorm. I hopped into my car and rolled down the windows. When I opened the sun roof, a foot of snow came falling into my car. FML

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By justanidiot - 20/9/2020 22:01 - United States - Macon

Vibe check

Today, I've been getting weird vibes from my boyfriend of over a year and half, so I made a fake Tinder account. Guess who my first match was? My now ex-boyfriend. FML

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By bobbies - United States

Today, I was telling my sister about how I am horribly depressed and how I can't function and she responded with, "Oh, shit! I've got to go Jeopardy is on!" FML

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By ShutUp007 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I learned that if life gives you lemons, your sister is going to squeeze them over your face while you take a nap on the couch. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

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By J……… - 16/10/2020 02:02

Dog whisperer

Today, my new dog broke out of his new crate, ate my door, pissed on the floor, and trashed my room. I got him to help with my anxiety, but all he does is give me more anxiety. The worst part is that I adopted him as a favor to a friend, because she couldn’t handle him. FML

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By jasmine

Today, I found out the hard way, that yes, a condom can break. Also, that sometimes when it does, your boyfriend won't say anything until you start having morning sickness. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, we had a meeting at my job and we had to introduce new ideas to our boss. Earlier, I was talking to one of my close friends who also attended the meeting about my idea. As we start the meeting, she decides to steal my idea and take complete credit for it. My boss loves "her" idea. FML

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By thepigeonsfriend - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend of nearly two years broke up with me because he's sick of me being annoyed at him. Why am I annoyed at him? Because he wants to go and spend a week with his ex. FML

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By LH0026 - United States

Today, I learned from the noise outside my window that construction workers start their days at 5 AM. FML

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By Jarool - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

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By frustrated! - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me a freak for wanting to have sex for a second night in a row. FML

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By Black - Lebanon

Today, I caught my cat humping my dog while he was asleep. I'm sleeping with the door closed from now on. FML

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By Cynical - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML

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Top comments

By zolltf | 4

#2002887 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:51

you shouldn't drive if you can't pay attention

By moshmosh | 0

#2002983 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:06

I agree your life sucks.
not because you got in a accident ,
but for the fact that your mom dropped you on the head when you were a baby and you became a complete abnormal retard for thinking your in space via dust ... o_O

COMMENTS

By zolltf | 4

#2002887 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:51

you shouldn't drive if you can't pay attention

Reply

DjeePee | 24

#2002940 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:00

Indeed. Why the hell are you driving? Imagine that you hit someone because 'you were pretending to be in space'.

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#2003137 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:40

In addition to that, imagine the explanation that the OP would have given to the person he (or she) crashed in to.

Victim: Dude! How the fuck did you crash into my car?!
OP: ...Um...
Victim: Answer the question, shithead!
OP: ...I was pretending to be in space...
Victim: *Kicks OP in the crotch*

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#2003143 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:40

In addition to that, imagine the explanation that the OP would have given to the person he (or she) crashed in to.

Victim: Dude! How the fuck did you crash into my car?!
OP: ...Um...
Victim: Answer the question, shithead!
OP: ...I was pretending to be in space...
Victim: *Kicks OP in the crotch*

Reply

breakofdawn1 | 0

#2003264 - Monday 24 January 2011 20:24

that's kinda funny

Reply

iliveinthesky_fml | 0

#2003342 - Monday 24 January 2011 20:55

Must have been that kush or Maui wowie

Reply

whatup360 | 1

#2003434 - Monday 24 January 2011 21:33

actually marijuana tends to make the driver more cautious, compared to other drugs.. never got in a car accident , 4 years of driving high

Reply

boyguydudemalema | 0

#2005558 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 8:20

63, 4 years of pretending to be in space ? man, you must be the best space cadet in history!!

jk

Reply

port5 | 0

#2005745 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:14

get a life bitch, you aren't getting any sympathy, it's like if someone was qqing about getting into an accident cause they were texting and drinking a beer

Reply

Doomire | 0

#2006096 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 10:51

win win win I loled so hard

Reply

bezach | 0

#2691914 - Thursday 16 June 2011 4:30

houston we have an alchohal problem.

Reply

z620 | 0

#3389474 - Wednesday 5 October 2011 4:24

You also shouldn't drive if your on shrooms...

Reply

TheAwkHawk | 14

#5489725 - Monday 13 May 2013 7:42

#119 fuck you asshole. It's called an accident. You should know. You are one.

Reply

Kamon97 | 23

#5892979 - Saturday 22 March 2014 15:05

Exactly... It's retards like OP that make driving insurance overpriced...

Reply

nlm92 | 15

#5985784 - Monday 23 June 2014 17:59

171 OP doesn't know the meaning of space

By Bathory_fml | 0

#2002914 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:55

You being a dumbass is not an FML. :|

Reply

#2003212 - Monday 24 January 2011 20:09

You shouldn't be allowed to drive on any planet where there are human beings.

Reply

Epic_Phale615 | 0

#2005128 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 5:10

Or anything living. Lets drop him on mars and continue the voyage for new life :P.

By katiechap8 | 0

#2002919 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:56

aww :/

Reply

lmBrown | 0

#2005335 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 6:17

op is on shrooms . nuff said

Reply

daaron | 3

#2005795 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:22

um dude how did u say you got your drivers ID again DMV Dumb Motor Vechiles

By keegan23 | 4

#2002922 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:56

Wow...

By mzjane | 0

#2002925 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:56

FYL because there must not be anything interesting going on in it for you to daydream like that.

Reply

ryu7 | 0

#2003486 - Monday 24 January 2011 22:04

agreed

By DU0 | 0

#2002927 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:57

Don't understand how this is a FML. YDI for being an idiot. :l

By johnsese | 0

#2002932 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:58

WoooooooooooW.

By sweet_candy_ | 17

#2002934 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:58

You can do that on your own time. NOT when you're driving ydi op.

Reply

deputy_g | 5

#2003905 - Monday 24 January 2011 23:22

I pretend the emergency brake handle is a gun and pretend to shoot the cars infront...but them again im in the passenger seat not driving

Reply

sweet_candy_ | 17

#2004036 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 0:06

That's because you're weird.

Reply

deputy_g | 5

#2004128 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 0:26

Yes I am a tad weird lol

By kikibisweet | 0

#2002938 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:00

Ydi. You shouldt get behind the wheel of a vehicle. Ever.

By ydi_4_suking | 20

#2002943 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:00

Haha done that too but within a second of my day dream starting I go back to focusing on driving

Reply

razeleet | 0

#2003047 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:15

YDI because you were day dreaming about being in space and not something a little more interesting.

It would have been different if you were day dreaming about sex or something O_o

Reply

LyricaSilvan | 29

#6679235 - Saturday 27 August 2016 19:04

Yes, because it's totally about what he was daydreaming, not the fact that he was daydreaming while driving and could have hurt someone. Good job, 23.