Today, my husband has been painting our house all weekend and... - FML

By Llaurin - 24/1/2011 14:43 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband has been painting our house all weekend and plans to finish the job after work today. I decided to surprise him by completing the job myself. Painting the last window frame, I dropped the open tin of white paint, right onto our car roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25634

You deserved it

10739

Tweet

Share

Deep-seated resentment

Incognito browsing

This is fine

By Anonymous - 20/8/2020 02:02

It's not permanent

Today, I have really big insecurities, and the ONLY thing I like about myself is my hair. I got it permed yesterday, and just now I used shampoo on it, and my hair is falling out. All 12” of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1264

You deserved it

276

Tweet

Share

By WhyMe - 20/3/2011 17:42 - United States

Today, I called the car repair shop to complain to the manager about their tow driver who keeps making sexual passes at me. The girl taking my call started crying and said that their driver was her husband. I'm being sexually harassed, my car is dead, and I think I just ended a marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52474

You deserved it

4289

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/3/2009 05:42 - Canada

Today, at the gym, I saw this really pretty girl. Trying to impress her, I started lifting with heavy weights. One of the weights slipped out of my hand. I then dropped the other one, trying to make it seem like it was on purpose. I dropped the weight on my phone. I squealed. She giggled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13644

You deserved it

87277

Tweet

Share

By ApparentlyATerribleDaughter - 12/8/2018 15:00

Today, while I took my dog out, my mother began to cook, took a Xanax, locked the doors, and knocked out. When I managed to get in, I called the paramedics because she was in the smoke for at least an hour. When she became conscious, she blamed me for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3163

You deserved it

178

Tweet

Share

By Jaclk - 24/4/2012 21:28 - United States - Needham

Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn't have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I'm not a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27817

You deserved it

19700

Tweet

Share

By boyo - 21/5/2009 09:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was visiting my sick grandmother in the hospital when my cousin and I were playing in some empty wheelchairs. After goofing off I said, "They're fun, but I would kill myself if I was in a wheelchair." A little boy rounded the corner and said, "Tell me about it." He was in a wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13287

You deserved it

81822

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 23:30 - United States - Trenton

Today, I walked from my friend's wedding to my divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29157

You deserved it

2173

Tweet

Share

By rabid_otaku - 20/9/2014 23:39 - United States - Sycamore

Today, I had to stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom. A sign on the door told people to knock since the door didn't lock. As I was peeing, a lady walked in on me. Rather than simply saying sorry and shutting the damn door, she opened it wider and stepped in to apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38897

You deserved it

2898

Tweet

Share

By Soapy - 28/6/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours washing my hands to get the pony out of the soap bar. I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13625

You deserved it

55286

Tweet

Share

By unknown - 28/5/2019 04:00

Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1315

You deserved it

285

Tweet

Share

By desperate - 5/10/2012 09:47 - Malta - Paola

Today, as an introduction to the history of China, I asked my APA World History class to write a 500 word essay on a historical Chinese person. Out of a class of 18, five of them were about Mulan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25920

You deserved it

5006

Tweet

Share

By Concert Flatulent - 10/7/2012 04:44 - United States - Marshall

Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15900

You deserved it

29028

Tweet

Share

By Caqtusmonkey - 25/8/2016 15:28 - United States - Arlington

Today, I heard my dog chewing on something. I called her over, held out my hand, and told her to drop it. She dropped it into my hand, and I was proud of her. That was until I realized it was cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13693

You deserved it

1775

Tweet

Share

By legit - 2/3/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I was singing Alicia Keys in the shower and hitting the insanely high notes. My father ran into the bathroom and threw open the shower door, screaming. He thought I was wailing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20152

You deserved it

46796

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/12/2012 18:55 - United Kingdom - Southwold

Today, my parents heard from my sister that I'd recently lost my virginity to my girlfriend. I've never been bitched out so viciously in my life, and yet my sister, whom everyone knows has had numerous casual sexual partners this year, is treated like a princess 24/7. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31274

You deserved it

2510

Tweet

Share

By Username - 27/8/2011 00:20 - United States

Today, while waiting for a doctors appointment, my husband started playing angry birds. Continually losing the game ended up raising his blood pressure to the point where he now has to have his medication changed. The new medication is $100 copay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29635

You deserved it

3247

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/1/2010 02:25 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my parents necking in the living room. I promptly covered my eyes and muttered something about my innocence being stolen from me. My dad looked up from the couch, and mentioned that he had heard my innocence being stolen by Jake, my boyfriend from 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10269

You deserved it

40591

Tweet

Share

By drakx88 - 6/3/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, it was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder. I just found out that he committed suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks

132613

You deserved it

6526

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/11/2015 11:47 - United States - Taunton

Today, I started to tell my step-dad about a funny video I came across online last night. He cut me off by saying "Yeah? Well I came across your mom's face last night!" then left for work with a shit-eating grin on his face. I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25238

You deserved it

2030

Tweet

Share

By Mr. King - 16/3/2016 08:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, whilst walking past a large pond-sized puddle, a double decker bus and a van slowed and drove around the puddle so as not to splash me. Thinking luck was on my side, I began walking more confidently, only for a tiny smart car to come hurtling past, causing a huge wave of water to hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17812

You deserved it

1785

Tweet

Share

By Unteachable - 8/2/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, as a high school English teacher, I had to read submissions for a writing contest. The entries were filled with words like "irregardless", "could of", "acrost", and "ain't". These papers were supposedly written by the best students in the school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7170

You deserved it

772

Tweet

Share

By Chakkamofo - 1/2/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card saying "You made it to 36!". It's my 35th birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31912

You deserved it

2435

Tweet

Share

By Max - 4/3/2017 22:00

Today, I sent a thank you note after a job interview, emphasizing my accuracy at editing written reports; I misspelled the company's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4240

You deserved it

5319

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 25/2/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I was on a subway with my boyfriend and it was stopping so I grabbed the pole for support. I felt another hand grabbing onto the pole knowing it was my boyfriend's. Without looking I carressed and tickled his hand. I turned around to smile at my boyfriend. The hand wasn't his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11298

You deserved it

40010

Tweet

Share

By michelle91 - 2/12/2009 11:36 - Malaysia

Today, while stepping out of the shower, I slipped and cut my head. I went to the hospital, got 8 stitches and was tested for head trauma. After hours of ignoring my calls and texts, my girlfriend finally responded, very angrily. Why? Today is her birthday, and I "selfishly made it about me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42006

You deserved it

4128

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 16:18 - United Kingdom

Today, my 14 year-old son sent a broadcast on my blackberry saying ''I'm a young gay man looking for some fun!'' to all my contacts as a joke. What he didn't know was that it's my work phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40704

You deserved it

5574

Tweet

Share

By WTFiswrongwithme - 3/3/2020 00:01

Desperate times, desperate, dumb measures

Today, I was so desperate for human interaction that I asked a deaf girl in my class if she liked music. I actually signed it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1092

You deserved it

664

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/12/2009 06:30 - Canada

Today, I invited my boss and his family over for dinner. As usual, I bought his kids Christmas' presents, nothing too fancy though. This year, he had one more that wasn't here last year. So I just pulled something from under the tree to hand him. He opened it on the spot. It was my son's PS3. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11966

You deserved it

52045

Tweet

Share

By Kaite - 3/5/2018 01:30

Today, I was working at Subway when a middle-aged lady demanded that I give her a sandwich for free. When I refused, she took out a spray bottle of water and sprayed me in the face, like a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4502

You deserved it

257

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/8/2013 02:54 - United States - Denver

Today, I received a phone call that started with, "Now stay calm... Your house is on fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51664

You deserved it

2843

Tweet

Share

By happy bday - 17/9/2010 04:02 - Canada

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I am now in charge of driving my friends home after they had an awesome night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28893

You deserved it

9359

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/1/2014 20:34 - United States - Tobyhanna

Today, I had to explain to my father that when my friends sleep over, it's not acceptable to sneak into my room in the middle of the night and dig through their stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55072

You deserved it

4420

Tweet

Share

By generic_name123 - 9/3/2015 13:55 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams' phone number. After texting her "Hey, is this Stephanie?" I got response saying "Sorry bro, I know how you feel, she did the same thing to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39447

You deserved it

3312

Tweet

Share

By Serire - 23/9/2014 00:23 - United States - Monroe

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39127

You deserved it

5172

Tweet

Share

By SBT1030 - 23/7/2009 11:45 - United States

Today, I was helping my sister by getting some old boxes down from her attic. Too bad I didn't realize the piece of plywood I was standing on doesn't extend all over the attic floor. Of course, I did realize it when I went through the ceiling onto the concrete floor of her garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41412

You deserved it

5626

Tweet

Share

By Cassandra - 14/10/2011 00:10 - United States

Today, my mom took a bright red sharpie and drew a red circle just above my breasts. She said, "If I can see this, ever, your shirt is either too low cut or too see through and it will be thrown away." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32529

You deserved it

12156

Tweet

Share

By Lord Buttfuck IV - 29/8/2015 14:06 - France

Today, my mum took away my laptop and my phone and won't let me call, text, or go out with friends for one month. Why? I left the toilet seat up. I'm writing this from a public library. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26649

You deserved it

3735

Tweet

Share

By sunitgir - 21/10/2019 06:00

Gordon Ramsey is furious

Today, my mother decided to cook dinner for us and used rice that she had in her cupboard. While helping out, I stirred the dish and noticed black flecks. Turns out they were rice weevils. She tried to convince me it was "burnt garlic" and served it to the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1552

You deserved it

97

Tweet

Share

By Bewildered - 10/9/2009 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my teenage son called me at work and started screaming abuse at me. He told me how he never wants to see me again and hopes I die a gruesome death. Why does he feel this way? I beat his high score on Bejewelled 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53487

You deserved it

8600

Tweet

Share

By unluckysamaritan - 15/10/2016 08:51 - Sweden - H??r

Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15353

You deserved it

884

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By DocBastard | 38

#2003335 - Monday 24 January 2011 20:51

You must feel like there is a black cloud over you, but don't feel blue. I just read that paint should rinse off. I hope your husband isn't a violent man, and I hope he won't pink a fight or yellow lot of you, or get sick and puce all over the place. Maybe he'll be green with envy at your new paint job.

Orange you glad I was here to cheer you up?

By ydi_4_suking | 20

#2002967 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:03

Rinse the car down with the hose

COMMENTS

By Bobissmall | 13

#2002895 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:53

I dont suppose ur insured at all? Once dropped paint on my carpet and it was insured.

Reply

ajohnson2318 | 0

#2003215 - Monday 24 January 2011 20:09

she shouldve been in the kitchen. idk why she thought she was allowed outside, unless she was planning on hanging up laundry!

Reply

jizzho | 0

#2005288 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 6:01

Thats what the op gets for a woman trying to do man work

Reply

blankaex | 0

#2006936 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 15:51

Back. To. Kitchen. Sandwich. Now.

Reply

DaDezza244 | 31

#5230107 - Sunday 9 December 2012 13:33

Stereotypical much 49?

By josiej0j0 | 0

#2002929 - Monday 24 January 2011 18:57

if the car was white it wouldn't have been a big deal!

Reply

inSayne | 7

#2004764 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 3:33

a white convertible though; completely different story.

By TaylorTheBoss | 4

#2002955 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:01

should've stayed in the kitchen...

Reply

TaylorTheBoss | 4

#2003146 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:42

why would they moderate, "should've stayed in the kitchen"?

By machiko_fml | 0

#2002965 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:03

Sounds like this is a time where your grateful you have insurance. If not, then your fucked.

Reply

razeleet | 0

#2003061 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:19

I can totally see the husband coming home and seeing it and he says "No worries I got this handled"

Then sings
"Like a good neighbor state farm is there." with a new wife that stays in the kitchen where she's suppose to be :o

Reply

JERZBornNRaised | 7

#2003118 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:34

not even close to funny #15, bet you get all the girls with remarks like that, learn to respect em you tool

Reply

freebird92 | 0

#2003204 - Monday 24 January 2011 20:05

jerzborn your too cute(:

Reply

razeleet | 0

#2004768 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 3:34

I remember when I had my first beer.

Reply

Hockeyboy4280 | 18

#2004972 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 4:33

I remember when I first watched Step Brothers...

Reply

gooBUZZ | 0

#2005836 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:35

I remember when I got my first phone...

Reply

freebird92 | 0

#2010053 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 20:21

(:

By ydi_4_suking | 20

#2002967 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:03

Rinse the car down with the hose

Reply

bigbadtim | 7

#2003013 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:09

What about the big dent in the roof of the car?

Reply

sallen0046 | 4

#2003948 - Monday 24 January 2011 23:38

What dent? There's absolutely no mention of a dent, and even if there was one, a single dent would look a lot better than a gigantic dropped paint splotch running down the sides.

By bigbadtim | 7

#2002993 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:07

Well, you did succeed in surprising him.

Reply

chowE_fml | 4

#2003445 - Monday 24 January 2011 21:40

women can't do anything right

By MetallicA7X86 | 0

#2003010 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:09

That sucks! If its oil based that aint coming off!!

By Ninjafriends | 1

#2003015 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:10

It wipes off with absolutely zero issue. It's not like you're painting with enamel. If you had tried to wipe it down relatively quickly you wouldn't have anything to complain about.

Reply

rockyraccoon28 | 8

#2003298 - Monday 24 January 2011 20:38

and I suppose the dent from the paint can will come right off, too?

Reply

Ninjafriends | 1

#2003409 - Monday 24 January 2011 21:24

"Suppose" whatever you'd like. The emphasis was on the white paint. There's no mention of any dent.

Reply

Trueeeee | 0

#2005193 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 5:23

god ur stupid

By MetallicA7X86 | 0

#2003019 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:10

Disregard, paint thinner or goof-off will take it off just be careful not to ruin the factory paint job!

By morgan020 | 0

#2003042 - Monday 24 January 2011 19:14

umm soap and water. if it was a water based paint cleaning it up quickly would have worked. I used to work at a paint store and spilled it all the time and soap and water worked fine.

if not tell your husband it's the new style people are painting their cars :)