Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around...

By webcammistake - 17/3/2009 20:51 - United States

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

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Miscellaneous

Caught red-handed

Assumptions

You snooze, you lose

By smh - 15/7/2014 20:11 - United States

Today, my mom and dad played rock, paper, scissors over who gets to spend the night with me in the hospital tonight while I have surgery. FML

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By kristajoy2001 - 1/9/2019 00:02

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. All of the sudden, he whispered in my ear, "Do you want to hear a Minecraft joke?" FML

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By dogsickftl - 31/10/2009 19:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I left my hammer outside after putting up my 'for sale' sign in front of my house. I realised and went outside to get it. The hammer had been used to smash my car window and steal stuff inside. FML

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By tacoboy27 - 21/12/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, I found out that my father has taken my copy of Modern Warfare 3, and re-wrapped it as a Christmas present. FML

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By Rumpkis - 5/12/2011 01:30 - United States

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2014 19:11 - United States - Salida

Today, I went back to work after a horrible bout of respiratory illness. After a few hours of using hot tea, cough drops, and tissues to deal with my lingering cough, I found out that my asshole coworker has filed a formal complaint about me disrupting her concentration. FML

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By socialbanana - 19/12/2016 02:13 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, after getting up at 6 a.m., fighting with the dogs to wipe their paws off from the snow, and having to wait for a moving truck to move so I could get to work by 8, I got a call from my boss saying we were closed due to weather. It was 8:15. I was already there. FML

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By . - 5/8/2016 16:57 - Germany - Neuwied

Today, I had to hide some Oreos inside my bra to motivate my husband to get close to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2014 23:16 - United Kingdom

Today, wanting to break up with my boyfriend, I invited him to dinner with my parents. I was sure they'd hate him, which would give me the excuse I needed. They ended up loving him, and now they won't stop mentioning marriage. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML

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By Lexi - 31/10/2009 20:15 - France

Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2013 16:53 - United States - Livingston

Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML

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By Ad-s - 14/1/2009 05:01 - France

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

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By Earths_Venus - 19/11/2009 22:31 - Australia

Today, I was driving to my new home with a lot of my belongings in the car. I could hear things shifting in the back. When I parked, I opened the door, ready to catch my vodka. I caught it- and watched my laptop slide out of the car, onto the concrete, and break into 3 pieces. FML

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By anon - 1/6/2018 01:30

Nightmare Fuel

Today, at work, I had a coughing fit so bad I actually shat myself. What felt like a gallon of liquid crap poured down my trouser leg onto the floor. I work in a competitive office and this happened in front of 30 spiteful coworkers who love posting pics online. FML

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By WrongPlaceWrongTime - 25/6/2016 18:51 - France

Today, my girlfriend came to my workplace to tell me she was breaking up with me. My boss, who was passing by, fired me for "chatting with friends" during work hours. FML

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By 352 - 18/4/2012 20:18 - United States

Today, I somehow managed to hit my head on a first aid kit. I now have a cut on my forehead and my boyfriend just keeps laughing from the irony. FML

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By lovegame - 28/6/2014 15:48 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, two months after forgiving my girlfriend for breaking my heart by cheating on me, I found out that she's cheating again with the same guy. When I confronted her, she basically said I brought it on myself and that I was an idiot for not dumping her the first time. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2016 19:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, my mom tried to convince me to throw out my insulin shots because she read a chain email that claimed they "cause cancer". FML

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By moon_paw - 28/11/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

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By Spanner - 25/4/2019 00:00

Today, I realized why a female colleague keeps asking me if I'm high when I'm not. All I'm thinking when I see her is how glad I am to see her. Dilated pupils, flushed face, stupid grin on my face? I'm not high. I'm in love with her. She's married. Oh, and she wants to be my roommate for a year. FML

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2331

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By creimers - 1/7/2020 23:01

Tis the season

Today, my mom forbade me from taking any allergy medicine, because she is afraid that I'll turn into a meth addict. I have horrible allergies and can barely see or stop sneezing without them. FML

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By 1suckatL1fe - 4/5/2009 19:04 - United States

Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my ex-girlfriend's number. She texted back, "One of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML

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By Soakedandbroke - 26/1/2016 17:05 - United States - Houston

Today, I was walking to class. While waiting at the crosswalk, a guy cat-called me from his car. I guess he was pissed that I didn't respond, because he purposely drove through a puddle and completely soaked me and the expensive textbook I was holding. FML

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By Username - 23/3/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML

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By TrashlifeKaylala - 10/7/2019 00:01

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk

Today, my father once again sat me and my boyfriend of a year down to have another "talk." These "talks" are always something negative against our relationship, and how it’s not up to his standards. We’ve explained numerous times why he’s wrong. My father is about to make me single. FML

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By gorey - 19/8/2010 01:26 - Canada

Today, I gave blood. He sneezed while he stuck the needle in my arm. FML

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By anonymous - 12/8/2009 21:01 - United States

Today, I went with my girlfriend to her parents' house. They told me I smelled of cheap vodka. When I told them I worked in a bio lab and used ethanol a lot, they said I was too stupid to do anything like that. My girlfriend broke up with me because her parents think I'm a drunk. FML

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By GirlinGreen - 30/4/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a four year old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me and that I should go die and never come back. FML

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By armtits and big pits - 5/4/2014 07:14 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2018 22:00

Today, after a long shift, I came home and cleaned my house so I could relax tomorrow. I finished up the night with a soothing bubble bath, which was lovely until the ceiling collapsed into the tub. I can't even wash the filth off because my bath is full of drain-clogging plaster. FML

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By IhadToTakeCareOfTraumatizedFish - 3/3/2016 05:32 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told me he wanted the table next to the "koi fish tank", because he wanted to let the fish know what happens when they "cross him". FML

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By Clauric - 3/5/2016 15:15

Today, I found out my 35 year-old brother got divorced 18 months ago when my now ex-sister-in-law told me via Facebook messenger, and asked me to tell my parents, as both of them were too scared to do it themselves. FML

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By lalanon - 3/4/2009 05:16 - Australia

Today, my friends were being rude to me, so I decided to be nice to a boy that didn't have many friends. While I was talking to him he popped a pimple on his face and tasted it. FML

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By footfetish - 2/2/2013 11:21 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

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By WTF - 14/7/2013 20:08 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

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By Maddie - 20/6/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses me for two things. 1) My food. 2) My sister. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/7/2014 01:27 - United States - Sandston

Today, my boyfriend said that he doesn't have to marry me because we coincidentally have the same last name. FML

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By anonymous - 21/1/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was bet 100 dollars that I couldn't break a piece off a brick with my head. I couldn't, and I have 2 gashes in my head now. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2015 08:04 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had my daughter babysit her 2-year-old brother while I went out with my husband. I told her not to let him out of her sight. She certainly did as I said; when I tuned into our internet-enabled baby monitor, I heard her and some guy having sex in the room. FML

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Top comments

By Kitten125 | 0

#39031 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:27

Well, it is understandable she would think that considering the situation....

By dwights | 0

#39030 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:27

grandmas jsut jealous.

Comments

By dwights | 0

#39030 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:27

grandmas jsut jealous.

cocopuff96 | 0

#943643 - Saturday 13 March 2010 22:27

haga nice.

wintamint101 | 7

#1301629 - Thursday 26 August 2010 3:37

slutttt

By Kitten125 | 0

#39031 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:27

Well, it is understandable she would think that considering the situation....

By caitlinmarie | 0

#39043 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:30

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By kayronjm | 0

#39044 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:30

I second #1, she's not seen any such action in years!

By Zooma_fml | 0

#39058 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:31

You probably are, you idiot. Seeing that you flashed your friend, I mean, who even does that on a webcam, o ya thats right, only whores/lesbians do. So evidently you deserve it, idiot.

By 219gbh | 0

#39060 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:31

Her old bones can't handle the excitement anymore.
:]

brunettesara5722 | 17

#1439622 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 5:53

lmaoo agreeed

notsoanonymous3 | 20

#6139918 - Tuesday 9 December 2014 23:58

#6***!

By cadenernest | 0

#39087 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:34

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By green_199 | 0

#39097 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:36

No worries, her grandma took some pics on the webcam of herself for me later.

thirdbase1733 | 0

#912976 - Thursday 4 March 2010 4:23

that's just nasty.

By DefHamster | 0

#39159 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:50

That's awesome...and hot. Honestly you probably shouldn't have been doing that, but we all do stupid stuff with friends, so I'll got with your life being f'ed.

By lolol182 | 4

#39162 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:51

granny wants some of that