Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around...

By webcammistake - United States

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

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24040

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Miscellaneous

Serious times

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

Hi mom!

By Anonymous - 5/4/2020 14:00

The Taste of Love

Today, I was watching a romantic comedy at my boyfriend's house. During the make out scene, I decided to go in for a kiss. He apparently decided to belch at the same time. I could taste it. FML

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1371

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278

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got my belly button pierced. The guy put a small dot with a sharpie right above the center of my belly button so he knew exactly where to pierce. I also have a small freckle noticeably to the left of center of my belly button. Guess which one he pierced through. FML

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51025

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

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43726

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By carsuck - United States

Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29263

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument. She admitted she didn't know why she was pissed at me, but still is, and now she won't talk to me. FML

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28413

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By Ah piss - United States

Today, my roommate let me know he "bumped" another car with mine. What he really meant was that I need a new rear quarter panel and the very angry BMW driver he hit has all of my information. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27021

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3873

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By tomcat69 - Canada

Today, after spending 6 months and $15,000 on lawyer fees at my 13 year old son's request, his abusive, alcoholic father no longer has any legal right to see him. How did my son repay me? He ran away to live with his father the very first time I told him he couldn't have friends sleep over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48058

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By SLAB_GIRL15 - Australia - Port Macquarie

Today, I cleaned the toilet so vigorously that I snapped the handle of the brush. I laughed and told the rest of my family. Instead of joining in on the hilarity, my mother screamed, "We have had that toilet brush for twenty-six years!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31321

You deserved it

3049

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By Halloween Fail - United States - Braidwood

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's ghost costume, a white sheet with holes all over. I got beat up for dressing like a member of the KKK. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37822

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By Kimmiko - Germany

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

110961

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that if I'm not home and my roommates have girls over, my room is the designated "fart room". FML

I agree, your life sucks

46136

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By Eyebrowless - United States - Willingboro

Today, I decided to wax my eyebrows. My entire eyebrow came off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23932

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By Monkey - United States

Today, I woke up to my English bulldog standing over me, getting ready to pee. I didn't move in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33557

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5472

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By locker - United States

Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25573

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By eh - Azerbaijan - Baku

Today, my laziness reached a whole new level when I caught myself skipping the longer FML stories to read the shorter ones. FML

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33422

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By IloveMaroon5 - United States

Today, I found out that if your boss deletes you off Facebook, it's probably not a good sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33771

You deserved it

4382

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By yay! - United States

Today, I found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app. He walked into the living room to see me fighting the cat and making sound effects to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8747

You deserved it

32189

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By Anonymous - United States - Arlington

Today, my boyfriend is mad at me for causing him to fail a science test. Apparently he thought I was serious when I told him that homo sapiens were extinct because they were "homo". FML

I agree, your life sucks

22201

You deserved it

3920

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By I hate Walmart???? - United States - Greensboro

Today, I went to the self-checkout line at Walmart. When I tried to pay, the cash wouldn't go in, so I stood there trying to cram money into the thing that's supposed to take your money. What I didn't realize was that there was a sign up top that said: "No Cash. Cards Only." FML

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17883

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41503

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By somewhatlucky - United States

Today, my mom convinced me that she and my dad were getting divorced. I have anxiety problems, so I had a panic attack. She then laughed, and said, "Just kidding, I wanted to see your reaction. It's the best so far." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36952

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By StillHurt - United States

Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38342

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By Anonymous - Canada - Hamilton

Today, at archery practice, I jokingly said that I'd kiss the next person to get a bullseye. They all made a point of missing their targets, some even shooting their arrows way off to the side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25840

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By Anonymous - United States - Vancouver

Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38006

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By sadgoblin

Today, the cashier at Walmart kept getting distracted and laughing hysterically while ringing up my items because she couldn’t get past how much I "look like a goblin". She then called her manager over, who agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3803

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254

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By wetandhungry - United States - Houston

Today, I came home to find water dripping from the ceiling in my apartment laundry room/pantry. All of my groceries were ruined. Maintenance's suggestion? "Put a bucket under it." FML

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9628

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 07:04 - France

Pro gamer move

Today, I wanted to play Among Us for a little distraction. I ended up having a panic attack. FML

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475

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174

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By DearLord - 3/4/2020 23:00 - Canada

Next, on The Jerry Springer Show…

Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1856

You deserved it

124

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By Anonymous - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML

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29601

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1930

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2020 02:00

How d'you think?

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML

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1524

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By FMeRight? - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me in front of his whole family with the ring his mother had helped him pick out. Two hours later, I found emails of nudes from another women that had been sent to him a week prior, on his phone. Our flight for home leaves in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21783

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

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40105

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By xBubbles38 - United States

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43813

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By Anonymous - United States - Santa Ana

Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a great scratcher and I now have thousands of tiny plastic balls around the house. He decided those looked yummy, and now the scent of vomit and plastic is awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36312

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By missTyfied - Philippines - Sucat

Today, I had to hunt down and collect a stray dog's feces for my parasitology class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22112

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Thievery Ltd.

Today, I saw a neglected potted palm tree on the front porch of what I thought was an empty house down the street from me. I took it home to nurse it back to health. When I got home from work, it was gone. Later, when taking a walk, I spotted the palm, right back on the porch I'd taken it from. FML

I agree, your life sucks

442

You deserved it

2344

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By fuck Star Wars - 14/9/2020 10:02

The Force is weak with this one

Today, I sat through 9 gruelling hours of Star Wars with my boyfriend. I hate those movies with a passion and frankly would rather get a pap smear from Wolverine than watch them. Afterwards, he dumped me for yawning, saying that I didn’t take a “serious” interest in his favorite things. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1345

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744

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By Marcowalker95 - United States - Panorama City

Chill out, man!

Today, I was at a gas station when the cash register made a sound effect similar to one from Sonic the Hedgehog, and I pointed this out. The cashier then saw fit to go on a rant about how I need to stop focusing on video games, and get a life and a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24578

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By PUA - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39055

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By weneedthatmoneytoliveon - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48050

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By SimpleSwimmer - United States

Today, I applied for a job as a dishwasher. I was denied because I don't have enough experience. FML

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33903

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Top comments

By Kitten125 | 0

#39031 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:27

Well, it is understandable she would think that considering the situation....

By dwights | 0

#39030 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:27

grandmas jsut jealous.

COMMENTS

By dwights | 0

#39030 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:27

grandmas jsut jealous.

cocopuff96 | 0

#943643 - Saturday 13 March 2010 22:27

haga nice.

wintamint101 | 7

#1301629 - Thursday 26 August 2010 3:37

slutttt

By Kitten125 | 0

#39031 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:27

Well, it is understandable she would think that considering the situation....

By caitlinmarie | 0

#39043 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:30

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By kayronjm | 0

#39044 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:30

I second #1, she's not seen any such action in years!

By Zooma_fml | 0

#39058 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:31

You probably are, you idiot. Seeing that you flashed your friend, I mean, who even does that on a webcam, o ya thats right, only whores/lesbians do. So evidently you deserve it, idiot.

By 219gbh | 0

#39060 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:31

Her old bones can't handle the excitement anymore.
:]

brunettesara5722 | 17

#1439622 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 5:53

lmaoo agreeed

notsoanonymous3 | 20

#6139918 - Tuesday 9 December 2014 23:58

#6***!

By cadenernest | 0

#39087 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:34

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By green_199 | 0

#39097 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:36

No worries, her grandma took some pics on the webcam of herself for me later.

thirdbase1733 | 0

#912976 - Thursday 4 March 2010 4:23

that's just nasty.

By DefHamster | 0

#39159 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:50

That's awesome...and hot. Honestly you probably shouldn't have been doing that, but we all do stupid stuff with friends, so I'll got with your life being f'ed.

By lolol182 | 4

#39162 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:51

granny wants some of that