Miscellaneous: Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around...

By webcammistake - United States

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

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Miscellaneous

BO Central

There's no helping some people

I've just got one of those faces

By Noname - United States

Today, my little sister and I were reading a book together and out of nowhere, she said "I love you". My heart melted and I told her that I love her too. Then she told me that she was talking to her stuffed animal, not me. FML

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By Rabzouz - France

Today, I opened a packet of cereal and it exploded on my keyboard; now, my keyboard crackles. FML

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By kaz89 - United States

Today, I overheard a conversation between a coworker and a new employee. The new girl was trying to get familiar with people's names, and she asked my coworker, "Which one is Heather?" He answered, "The annoying one." She said, "Oh, that's Heather." I'm Heather. FML

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By mydaughterisdisturbed - United States - Huntingburg

Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML

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By zarko - Croatia - Zagreb

The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one!

Today, I created myself a Dropbox folder named "Traffic fines". FML

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By nicooolea - United States

Today, the 75 year old blinding owner of the bar I work at called me over and told me to fire "Rachel, the stupid c**t after the next wrong thing she does". My name is Rachel. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I told my parents that I was going to hang out with some friends. My dad guffawed and said, "Ooh, look at Mary, pretending she has a social life." Thanks, Dad. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Boya

Turn of phrase

Today, my son was at a birthday party. After eating a plate of cake, he loudly asked the birthday boy's mum if he could have sloppy seconds. I don't know where he heard that phrase, but the other kids' parents shot me very dirty looks. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my best friend was fired from the place we both work at because she's a bad employee. After they fired her she said, "If I go, I'm taking my best friend with me." So they fired me too. I actually liked that job. FML

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By dogpatch087 - United States - Ventura

Shout the victory

Today, while climbing a mountain, I got to the top and then put both of my arms up in a victory kind of way only to trip on a rock and fall into a cactus plant. FML

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By Ughhhhh - United States - Stockton

Today, I purpose woke up early so that I could be prepared for a class taught by a professor who thinks I'm an idiot. This professor was the first to tell me that I'm 2 hours early and asked very slowly if I know how schedules worked. She seriously sounded concerned. FML

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By anon

Nightmare Fuel

Today, at work, I had a coughing fit so bad I actually shat myself. What felt like a gallon of liquid crap poured down my trouser leg onto the floor. I work in a competitive office and this happened in front of 30 spiteful coworkers who love posting pics online. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2021 17:01

Daydream believer

Today, I apparently fell asleep during a work Zoom meeting. I awoke to no meeting on my screen and an e-mail from my boss saying I was terminated, and to do something about my "sleep apnea." FML

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By ohmygosh - United States

Today, I accidentally asked a one-armed man which arm he wanted me to take blood from. He asked for a different nurse. FML

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By Jes

Today, my father called me to ask what my middle name is. He apparently needed to know it to remove me out from his will. FML

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By traumatised - United Kingdom

Today, my new roommate decided to put his pet hamster in the same cage as my beloved hamster. Apparently he wanted them to make hamster babies. They are both males. His hamster attacked mine and tore it to pieces. I just finished cleaning up the mess. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was shaving my left armpit when I cut myself badly. I wondered whether or not it would be safe to shave my right armpit, then reasoned that it couldn’t possibly happen twice. It did. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband decided to drain his motorcycle oil into an empty bottle of laundry detergent. Also today, I decided to lift a stain out of my white comforter with some detergent I found in the garage. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a kid grabbed the receiver to my cochlear implant and ran off with it. I went to a security guard, and, if my lip reading was accurate, he said to "try and make it through the day without it". Without it, I can't hear anything. FML

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By who wants spaghetti - United States - Oconomowoc

Today, during a family dinner, I witnessed my younger brother casually slip his hand down the back of his pants, take it out, sniff each finger individually, before stirring his hand in his spaghetti and continue to eat normally. I was the only one who saw this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up at 3am because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

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By asdfghjkl - United States

Today, I bought a brand new flat screen TV. When I brought it home it didn't work. Furious, I walked into Best Buy and yelled at a guy in a tucked in blue polo and khakis. I asked him why it didn't work and he said he didn't know. I kept screaming. He didn't have a nametag. He didn't work there. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother and aunt got into an argument about who had gotten groped more times in public. I don't know what's more disturbing, that my own mother would brag about getting groped, or that she won the argument, at 34 times. FML

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By sweet_02 - United States

Today, I was talking this guy I'm dating and stated that the only reason I am with him is because of what he buys me. I was joking. He then responded that he doesn't care because the only reason he is with me is because I give good head. He was serious. FML

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By neveragain89 - Australia

Today, I had shelves installed using a builder who came highly recommended by my co-worker. Turns out the builder is her friend, who has no actual qualifications or experience as a builder, but 'it's his dream'. I now have a gaping hole in my kitchen where the shelves should be. FML

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By Nathanael Johnson - Australia

Today, after a fun movie night, I found a note on my fridge saying, “It was delicious.” I don’t know what it is referring to, since nothing is missing and we didn’t eat anything during the movie. FML

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By Aled - United Kingdom

Today, I found my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML

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By sydmarie98 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, my friend let me borrow a pair of jeans. I found out I'm allergic to her laundry detergent when I broke out in a rash everywhere that the jeans touched. FML

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By crippy - United States

Today, I came home from a knee surgery. I asked my mother to get me a glass of water. She replied, "You can get it, you're not crippled. Oh wait, yeah you are" and laughed hysterically. FML

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By don'tdrinkthat - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

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By Unreality - United States

Today, I discovered my fiancé has been telling everyone else we are just friends, yet last night he wanted me to go with him to pick up my engagement ring. I'm supposing the wedding will be a surprise to everyone. FML

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By nosleep - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend read online that oversleeping has been linked to strokes later in life. He's now taken it upon himself to protect me by making sure that I have as minimal sleep as possible. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got into my car and realised that my CDs were no longer in my glove box. According to the police, the random key code for my car type has been cracked, and thieves can now let themselves in whenever they want. The manufacturer says they can't do anything about it. FML

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By Ally - United States

Today, I came home to my front door open and a homeless man taking a 'bath' in my sink. If this wasn't bad enough, he refused to leave because 'finders keepers!' FML

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By Mad Munki

Today, I went on the best date of my life with someone I’ve admired for a very long time. On the car ride home, she vomited all over my lap and informed me that she’s moving across the country next week. FML

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By noonotme - United States

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

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By Unemployed - United States

Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. When she saw the ring, she got so excited that she ran to kiss me and it flew out of my hand, over the balcony of our suite, and fell roughly 45 stories straight down. I could feel my wallet screaming as a £4000 diamond vanished into the night. FML

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By JustLeaveThem

Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML

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Top comments

By Kitten125 | 0

#39031 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:27

Well, it is understandable she would think that considering the situation....

By dwights | 0

#39030 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:27

grandmas jsut jealous.

COMMENTS

By dwights | 0

#39030 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:27

grandmas jsut jealous.

cocopuff96 | 0

#943643 - Saturday 13 March 2010 22:27

haga nice.

wintamint101 | 7

#1301629 - Thursday 26 August 2010 3:37

slutttt

By Kitten125 | 0

#39031 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:27

Well, it is understandable she would think that considering the situation....

By caitlinmarie | 0

#39043 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:30

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By kayronjm | 0

#39044 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:30

I second #1, she's not seen any such action in years!

By Zooma_fml | 0

#39058 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:31

You probably are, you idiot. Seeing that you flashed your friend, I mean, who even does that on a webcam, o ya thats right, only whores/lesbians do. So evidently you deserve it, idiot.

By 219gbh | 0

#39060 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:31

Her old bones can't handle the excitement anymore.
:]

brunettesara5722 | 17

#1439622 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 5:53

lmaoo agreeed

notsoanonymous3 | 20

#6139918 - Tuesday 9 December 2014 23:58

#6***!

By cadenernest | 0

#39087 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:34

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By green_199 | 0

#39097 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:36

No worries, her grandma took some pics on the webcam of herself for me later.

thirdbase1733 | 0

#912976 - Thursday 4 March 2010 4:23

that's just nasty.

By DefHamster | 0

#39159 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:50

That's awesome...and hot. Honestly you probably shouldn't have been doing that, but we all do stupid stuff with friends, so I'll got with your life being f'ed.

By lolol182 | 4

#39162 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:51

granny wants some of that