Today, I got another email from Amazon asking me how I like my new Kindle. I don't have a Kindle. It's the one I bought my ex for Christmas, right before she left me while I was deployed overseas. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend donated most of my book collection because she got me a Kindle for Christmas. Some were signed, including my Harry Potters. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought herself a brand new iPad and iPod Touch, and returned my aging iPod and Kindle, which she constantly steals for her own use. She considers it my Valentine's Day present. FML
Today, I went and bought my wife a new cell phone for a Christmas present. She called me five minutes later saying she got a notification e-mail thanking her for her purchase. FML
Today, I got an email saying the gift I'd ordered for my boyfriend of three years had been sent. I ordered it a couple of days ago because I thought he needed cheering up. I guess he found a better way of doing so himself; he broke up with me yesterday. FML
Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML
Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML
Today, I wrote a long, loving and emotional Christmas letter to my girlfriend, leaving it for her to read when she woke up. Halfway through the day, I received a text stating that she saw my "breakup letter" and threw out all my stuff. I can't even contact her now. FML
Today, I'd like to thank Alexa for my notification, saying ”You bought a 4-pound bag of Jawbreakers recently, would you like to share your feedback with Amazon prime customers?" My wife heard the message and laughed. FML
Today, I was wondering why the new book series I'd ordered hadn’t arrived. I ordered new books because my mom constantly bitched at me about being on the internet too often. She took my laptop away to "teach me a lesson". Only I need my laptop to get the confirmation number to track my books. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend called me. I was really excited, thinking he wanted to get back together. He just wanted to get back the Christmas present he gave me before we broke up so that he could return it for cash. FML
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Top comments
hXcsoccerplaya 0
wow shows that some people are incapable of faithfulness. FYL buddy
SemiRetarded 0
Ouch. Thanks for the constant reminder Amazon. I can't believe all the shitty comments people make over someones spelling mistakes. THANKS FOR SERVING OUR COUNTRY!!!!
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Comments (195)
j0k32r0x 0
wat a bich. but on the bright side u can try gettin another girl and when ur in the news for gettin a metal fucken rub it in tht bich's face!!!
krislea10 0
this sucks.. I'm real sorry =(
tony1401 0
Yea it was a gift. But it's still pretty messed up :) You gotta laugh at getting screwed, or life just sucks.
repyourcliche 0
is that a threat?
Sirin_fml 47
Many women laugh while getting screwed, and who can blame them?
pedotroll 0
their masters degree could be I basket weaving or some other nonsensical area. just because they no speek inglesh gud not make them stoopid. nawmeen?
pedotroll 0
*in, not I
o0XMzMayX0o 0
lol making 60 grand a year I dnt need you believe it u dnt pay me and oh my bad I forgot to type right on fml cuz if I dnt It means I can't write at all pendeja Im bilingual try ur Spanish estupida
pedotroll 0
60 grand a year? hahahahahaha....you're poor.
o0XMzMayX0o 0
Im just tired of this people talking down on others she needs to kno she is no queen btw she just laught at u and is saying stuff like she owns you and u still here? talking for her? poor u this should b a fyl!
hurleysurff 0
haha
alexisthename 0
Holy run-on sentence, Batman. LMAO @ making more than you do while working on my Bachelor's I normally don't brag about my income, but I don't have a penis to compare sizes with you.