Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!"... - FML

By anonymous

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

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Understandable

Out of it

Messed up

By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

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By randa

Today, I told my boss I was too sick to come to work. He asked if I had a late night so I told him I stayed in. Apparently I ran into him at a bar last night and was too drunk to remember it. FML

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By You must be joking

Today, my boss told me to sort and file all the paperwork he'd been randomly shoving into boxes since 2010. Apparently we're being audited, so he expects me to do eight years of filing in two weeks. There's enough paper to fully stock a large public library. Two weeks my ass. FML

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By Out Ran - United States

Today, while running, I sped up to show off for a cute female runner I'd seen before up ahead. I passed her and not more than a minute later she sprints past me. I couldn't catch up. She not only out ran me, but waited to tell me it was a 'nice try'. FML

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By killercow - United States

Today, I walked into the laundry room when my mom pulled a condom wrapper out of my pants pocket. She looked at me and said "you know you can't wash and reuse these." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got fired from my job. My manager found Facebook pictures of me drinking underage at a party. He said he didn't want "that kind of image" associated with the business. It was his birthday party. He supplied the booze. FML

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By GoFigure - Germany - Berlin

Today, my wedding is scheduled for next week. Today is also the day my whole family had an epic falling out, resulting in my mother disowning my brother. Apart from having them taking turns sobbing at me through the phone, they're also not coming to the wedding. I paid the hotel rooms in advance. FML

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By myanmarkaviar - Norway - Fl?

Today, at work, I served a customer who looked so much like my grandma that I thought it actually was her. Then I remembered she died 6 months ago. I had to serve customers with a smile on my face while choking back tears for the rest of the day. FML

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By my name is sarah - United States - Midland

Today, my mom called me by her favorite TV show character's name. Again. This is the eighth time this week. I'm an only child, and I'm 15. I thought she had my name down pat by now. FML

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By Harry641 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I got accused of ruining my girlfriend's birthday, all because I accidentally got her the same birthday present as her mother did. FML

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By cheekymac - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the airport baggage collection when I saw an old man struggling to get his very old and heavy suitcase off the belt before giving up. I had already collected my bag, but wanting to be helpful, the old man watched me as I grabbed his handle, yanked and snapped it clean off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving home and stopped at a light. A cute guy in the truck ahead of me waved me forward and told me to roll down my window. It was the first time a cute guy had talked to me in a while so I was pretty excited. He told me to turn my lights on. FML

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By BetterThanChocolate - United States - Silver Spring

Today, at a big Easter egg hunt, the kids found a wild bunny. Everyone smiled and "aww"ed, until my dog caught and ate it in front everyone. FML

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By Blurry - Philippines

Today, I joined a small disaster relief group. I remarked to the big, long-haired person beside me that it was surprising that I was the only female in the group. I got a cold stare. Later I asked another volunteer about that person. He answered, "Oh, her? She's my sister." FML

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By Scarred for life - 13/3/2020 08:00

Frozen

Today, while volunteering at a senior care center, I witnessed a woman begin to remove her trousers. Then she began tearing apart her diaper. She then began to explore her body. I was unable to stop her. FML

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By GaveAnInchTakeAMile - United States

Today, my brother's friend was about to drive home drunk, so I convinced him to think and not be stupid. It wasn't an invitation to puke on my floor then try to crawl into bed with me. FML

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By SeriouslyMakeItStop - United States - Waco

Today, three days before I take my bar exam, the biggest exam of my life, I got my monthly. And I get to bring my belongings in a clear plastic bag so the world knows. FML

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By of course

Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. needing a drink. Not only did my cat wake everyone up when I tripped over him, but I also spilled a whole gallon of milk on myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2020 20:00

Creepy

Today, one week after moving into my new apartment in a new city to get away from my stalker ex, I met my new neighbour. Yep, stalker ex. FML

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By *cough* *cough* you're a dickface - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML

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By ahhh - United States - Northbrook

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

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By anon - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking in the park when I heard some boys shouting behind me. As I turned around they poured a bucket of red liquid over my head. They thought I was someone they knew. I wasn't. And i was wearing a $200 white dress. Red dye doesn't come out of white dresses. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally bumped into the fire alarm which set off a high pitch buzzing noise that could be heard throughout the entire dorm. It went on for at least two hours and none of the technicians could figure out how to turn it off. All the girls on my floor want to kill me. FML

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By whorecrux - United States - Newark

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

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By Starving Student - United States - Tacoma

Today, I got a ticket for panhandling to get gas money so that I could both drive out to a job interview AND still have enough gas to pick up my dad. Apparently, these particular cops had nothing better to do than harass me for standing quietly next to a freeway entrance with a silly sign. FML

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By MondayonaTuesday

Today, while rushing to a big marketing presentation, I started feeling ill in my car. I was stuck in traffic, and before I could get my window open I threw up all over my suit. All I had were some tissues to try to clean the mess before presenting to a full boardroom. FML

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By jacey chreyest - United Kingdom - London

Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML

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By joolsie - United Kingdom - York

Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss told me I was fired 3 weeks ago because there was no money to pay me, meaning that I worked the last three weeks for free. FML

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By tLee - Canada

Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was set up on a blind date. When I arrived, the person waiting for me was a woman. It appears that my friends have always thought I was a lesbian, and that they 'played along' when I talked about guys. FML

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By kafreen - United States - Tucson

Today, I arrived at work early. I noticed the plants on the side of my classroom could use some water so I went out to do so. On the way, I found a beer can. Not wanting the kids to see it, I picked it up but some spilled on my dress. I quickly noticed a familiar smell. No, not beer. Urine. FML

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By lonelygirl - United States - Circleville

Today, I bought the only cat on Earth that doesn't like chasing after a laser dot. Goodbye, hours of sick, sick entertainment. FML

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By SmileAndSayHi - United States - Hialeah

Today, the underwire in my bra snapped as my 9-hour workday started. FML

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By snottyface - United States

Today, I was trying to sneak up my husband while he was playing a computer game. As I was getting behind the chair, he paused the game and sat up straight. I stopped. He turned around and sneezed violently and blew a bunch of snot into my face and eyes. FML

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By bloom - France

Today, during dinner, my new girlfriend's father stroked my leg several times under the table with his bare foot. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Falls Church

Today, my mother has issued a 'Christmas Ultimatum'. The rest of us have exactly 2 days to "get some Christmas around here" or we will feel her wrath. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I updated an e-mail I've saved to drafts and have been updating every day for the last few months to a girl I really adore. In this letter, I told her everything I ever kept from her. Instead of saving it to drafts again, I accidentally sent it. And she's online. FML

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By Michael - United States

Today, I found the source of the bad smell that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks in my apartment. The police knocked on my door asking if I've seen my neighbor recently. I haven't. The smell has been that of a dead person. It's a smell that even Febreze can't remove. FML

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By wtf did he do - United States - Anchorage

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's office, I looked up at the news on the TV to see my husband's mugshot. FML

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Top comments

By jewban | 3

#2041054 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:19

jamonaaaaa!!!!! HEeHEe

By SirSantpoort | 0

#2041055 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:20

Its your husband.. Who cares if he makes a joke like that.. As long as he doesnt do it all the time :)

COMMENTS

By calenzelon | 6

#2041027 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:14

girst

Reply

SirSantpoort | 0

#2041040 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:17

You fail so badly.. Girst? Really? Get a life.

By x_Cupcakes | 0

#2041045 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:18

lol!

Reply

Rakistazz | 0

#2041122 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:38

lol?

Reply

tr0llz0r | 0

#2041136 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:44

Cool story, bro.

Reply

gooBUZZ | 0

#2041180 - Thursday 3 February 2011 13:02

Cool story, bro.

Reply

bwhahaha_fml | 10

#2041246 - Thursday 3 February 2011 13:23

Cool story, bro.

Reply

instnt1nfction | 17

#2041275 - Thursday 3 February 2011 13:29

cool story, bro

Reply

Zesty697 | 0

#2041289 - Thursday 3 February 2011 13:34

cool story bro

Reply

Alexxcunningham | 0

#2041305 - Thursday 3 February 2011 13:41

cool story, you just got trolled

By apcfan009 | 0

#2041047 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:18

you're doing something right :) or maybe he sees you as a lil boyish?

Reply

barberton21 | 0

#2041269 - Thursday 3 February 2011 13:29

haha I get it.

Reply

newnew8 | 0

#2041355 - Thursday 3 February 2011 14:03

i don't get why people complain about that. he's trying to make the sex funny, add some comedy. funny sex is amazing. so chill out and enjoy it!

Reply

felipe87 | 2

#2041380 - Thursday 3 February 2011 14:18

could have done something funny though, not gay

Reply

carnage1106 | 0

#2041426 - Thursday 3 February 2011 14:40

47 WIN

Reply

iSitt | 0

#2041496 - Thursday 3 February 2011 15:27

Did he then ask you to turn around so he could moonwalk ?

Reply

KorosuKazoku | 0

#2041505 - Thursday 3 February 2011 15:37

53, I think you replied to the wrong post.

Reply

Withired_Away | 0

#2043015 - Friday 4 February 2011 5:26

I wonder if it's the taxi driver that sings like him :O

Reply

misspipedream | 0

#2251207 - Sunday 27 March 2011 22:39

HAHAHAHAHA YOU'RE HILARIOUS!
No, but seriously, shut up. It's been done and it's untrue. Have some respect.

By rephunt007 | 0

#2041048 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:19

FIRST*

By marinus_fml | 19

#2041050 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:19

YDI.

Reply

DenisV95 | 2

#2041077 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:25

How? ^

Reply

DDPT2 | 4

#2041365 - Thursday 3 February 2011 14:06

OP tell him he can BEAT IT next time.

Reply

joshua22 | 3

#2041462 - Thursday 3 February 2011 14:58

^^win!

Reply

qcumberlovar | 2

#2041732 - Thursday 3 February 2011 18:40

I agree with #12. RIP. MJ! <3

Reply

theten_fml | 9

#2043264 - Friday 4 February 2011 8:11

that's not disrespecting the dead...

Reply

J15237 | 21

#7911857 - Sunday 7 June 2020 0:51

hell ya. she should break out in song

By jewban | 3

#2041054 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:19

jamonaaaaa!!!!! HEeHEe

Reply

tktom7 | 6

#2042311 - Friday 4 February 2011 0:09

^^win

By SirSantpoort | 0

#2041055 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:20

Its your husband.. Who cares if he makes a joke like that.. As long as he doesnt do it all the time :)

By barberton21 | 0

#2041059 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:20

that's not good. aren't guys supposed to ejaculate?

Reply

CreateZ | 0

#2041067 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:22

No. We shit out of our penises.

Reply

barberton21 | 0

#2041089 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:28

okay so I'm not alone on that one? good I thought it was just me.

Reply

pimpedout900 | 0

#2041125 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:42

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you're so funny I can't stop laughing no but seriously shut the hell up

Reply

barberton21 | 0

#2041130 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:43

my bad bro. by the way nice picture.

Reply

tr0llz0r | 0

#2041140 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:46

Pimped out 900 times? Oh, you silly hoe. At least it isn't 9001.

Reply

DVecc | 0

#2041200 - Thursday 3 February 2011 13:06

you mean over 9000? :)

Reply

barberton21 | 0

#2041238 - Thursday 3 February 2011 13:19

Do YOU mean ITS OVER 9000!

Reply

football2014 | 3

#2042829 - Friday 4 February 2011 3:58

hahahahahahahahahahahaha funniest thing ever ROFL

Reply

poopedinAZ | 0

#2054142 - Monday 7 February 2011 7:35

AGREED! :P

By anabuddy123 | 10

#2041106 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:34

LMAO

By tr0llz0r | 0

#2041128 - Thursday 3 February 2011 12:43

Really, you should be praising your husband for his creativity. It's not often one finds a lover who will willingly channel the spirit of a dead child molester during intercourse. In closing, I'd just like to say: HEE HEE.

Reply

barberton21 | 0

#2041260 - Thursday 3 February 2011 13:27

Okay I wanna say that you both got it wrong he said "EEE HEE".

Reply

Crlnprz | 11

#2041726 - Thursday 3 February 2011 18:32

soo im not the only one...when i read this i sed since when does my michael jackson fukn say woohoo?