Intimacy: Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!"... - FML

By anonymous - 03/02/2011 05:17

Spicy

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 145

You deserved it 6 423

Triage

You tried

Thanks Boris!

By Anonymous - 03/03/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, I was perusing my mom's Facebook. I noticed she has an album of pictures for each member of the family, except me. The dog has an album. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 531

You deserved it 2 734

By Rowan Curry - 15/09/2012 15:37 - United States - San Jose

Today, I got mad at my parents and threatened to run away. Things got so bad that I packed a bag and left, planning to hide in my front yard to teach them a lesson. It's been two hours, and I'm still standing behind a bush in front of my house while they make no effort to look for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 643

You deserved it 49 149

By Snuffles - 24/04/2019 18:00

Today, while eating a BLT sandwich, I unexpectedly sneezed a lump of bacon up the back of my nose. It has just taken 6 hours of unpleasantness to snort the lump back out. Not how I wanted to spend my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 215

By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 07:21 - United States

Today, I went to the hospital to visit my aunt and her newborn baby. The receptionist gave me the room number, and I went and my aunt was in the bathroom so I cuddle the baby, only to find that the woman who came out of the bathroom was a complete stranger. I was holding her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 548

You deserved it 8 334

By Bethany - 07/08/2013 14:26 - United States

Today, I have an orthodontist's appointment, and I told my best friend that I was going to get my teeth fixed. She replied, "Wow, thanks. Your smile's really awful to have to look at." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 196

You deserved it 4 368

By Stacy - 05/07/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and "Shit happens" written on the wall in lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 909

You deserved it 8 422

By katurday - 03/11/2009 15:59 - United States

Today, my landlord came over while I wasn't home. My friend and her pets were thrown out by her husband. I'm the only person she knows in this state and she begged me to stay. I reluctantly told her fine; just don't answer the door. She did, with the animals, and told him she was living here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 179

You deserved it 6 363

By yosenfal - 28/04/2012 01:04 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Spicy

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 266

You deserved it 4 029

By Anonymous - 10/02/2015 23:32 - United States - Herndon

Today, I got a letter in the mail telling me to report for jury duty. The day that I have to show up is the day of my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 215

You deserved it 2 794

By Freelman - 06/05/2015 14:34 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I tried to write a bad review for the fast-food place at which I work part-time. My username made me anonymous, but I forgot to change my profile picture. Now my manager and coworkers won't even speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 200

You deserved it 44 254

By cavallo31 - 28/06/2016 00:47 - United States

Today, I invited my friends to meet up at the park. After asking twice, I finally got the text saying to meet them there. But when I got there, I realized they had already been there for a while. As I was walking up to them, I heard, "Why did you invite him?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 891

You deserved it 862

By abc - 27/05/2009 10:15 - Pakistan

Today, I took my friends out to an expensive restaurant for my birthday treat. They had arranged for a surprise birthday cake for me which I cut, very happily, while they chanted birthday wishes. When the bill came, I discovered I was supposed to pay for my great 'surprise' cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 323

You deserved it 5 345

By Thepunchline - 11/08/2010 09:19 - United Kingdom

Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 143

You deserved it 4 202

By I keep failing it all - 02/06/2013 19:45 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, my dad found the Father's Day present that I spent at least ten hours preparing and decorating. I'd expected him to be extremely happy about this lovely gift. His only reaction was to ask if he could exchange it for something else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 857

You deserved it 3 935

Well shit.

By Wells Fargo Worker - 18/05/2018 19:00

Today, at work, we were told by Wells Fargo that we'll be training our foreign replacements from India. After we train them, we're gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 337

You deserved it 221

By Dani_Rich - 16/02/2009 06:52 - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a motorcycle cop for speeding in a 25 MPH zone. As the cop was walking towards my car, I flicked my cig-bud out of my window. So, the cop did me the pleasure of writing me two tickets instead of one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 968

You deserved it 173 006

Mixing it up

By Kayleigh - 16/03/2021 21:59 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with his dad's ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 76

By Anonymous - 25/02/2011 06:40 - Australia

Today, I sent an email to a girl I like about how I really feel about her. She later replied "Real funny, tell Michael to change his password!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 081

You deserved it 4 624

Technically Correct: The Best Kind of Correct

By Sufia - 28/10/2017 19:51

Today, my teacher called me "stupid and ignorant" for referring to myself as Asian. I'm from Pakistan. Pakistan is in Asia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 459

You deserved it 303

By Sailorjoe - 25/08/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, I had to take out the trash at work and I kept trying to throw it in the dumpster. After five tries I finally made it in. I was feeling pretty good since the bag was heavy. That was until I turned around and saw about 30 of my coworkers applauding and laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 503

You deserved it 7 250

By tomoxishigaki - 17/11/2011 01:32 - United States

Today, I moved to California. Too bad the rest of my belongings didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 695

You deserved it 3 094

By Grrrr! - 23/04/2011 14:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to hunt Easter eggs before we have sex. I'm glad he has his priorities straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 930

You deserved it 10 896

By bri_sci94 - 26/09/2014 06:56 - United States - Madison

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up. He greeted me with a winning smile, a belch, and the words, "Nice tits." I'm beginning to lose hope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 111

You deserved it 3 679

By MyS3lf - 19/04/2011 02:33 - United States

Today, I woke up to a strange sound that sounded like a lot of water being poured into a sink. It was actually my father in law using the bathtub as a toilet. He's staying with us, and is showing no signs of leaving any time soon. He thinks this is acceptable behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 051

You deserved it 3 308

By nopissleft - 20/12/2013 21:05 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 921

You deserved it 2 907

By rejected4ever - 14/02/2012 18:29 - United States

Today, for Valentine's Day, my boyfriend gave me the half-eaten chocolate bar that I left in his fridge two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 504

You deserved it 4 181

By brokeandhungry - 04/07/2013 05:18 - United States

Today, I saw a little girl digging in the gravel inside the fireworks tent I work in. After she and her family left, I went and used my foot to smooth out the mound she'd made. In doing so, I discovered that she wasn't digging, she was burying. She'd pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 081

You deserved it 4 766

Packaging

By Anonymous - 01/09/2020 17:01 - Germany

Today, I was cleaning up after my mom visited with her dogs. She'd left a little pill-jar on the kitchen counter. Had she forgotten her medicine? It made a weird, soft sound when I shaked it. I opened the lid to shake some pills into my hand, only it wasn't pills. It was two fat ticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 208

By snickerdoodles - 10/02/2010 21:19 - United States

Today, I was in class and noticed that it smelled strongly of cat urine. I smelled my shoulder and realized that my cat had peed on my sweater. I had six hours of classes left, and the smell had permeated my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 763

You deserved it 5 990

By psychic parents, how do they work? :( - 31/07/2013 22:49 - United States - Effingham

Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 665

You deserved it 47 392

I'm a mess

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 23:01

Today, I went in to return a pack of socks. The cashier told me I couldn't return them. Then, I thought that she hadn't given the unreturnable socks back to me, even though she had, so I ended up getting all hormonal and angry over their return policy. When I got home, my mom got on my case too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 1 227

By aragmir - 18/12/2016 06:10 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, while working at a nursing home, I was alone in the station and figured I could sneak one out. It wound up being very loud, and I could hear the faint snickering of a patient in the next room. Every time he saw me for the rest of the day he would burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 661

You deserved it 2 829

By carless - 15/08/2010 02:25 - United States

Today, my car was stolen. From my driveway. By the guy who sold it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 818

You deserved it 4 217

By Username - 03/08/2019 18:00 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was sitting on the porch of my apartment when my drunk upstairs neighbour decided to take a piss. I got my first golden shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 843

You deserved it 113

By wow - 28/05/2014 23:08 - United States - Cape Coral

Spicy

Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of the store I work at now. She even pointed out which stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 912

You deserved it 5 419

Dog hater?

By Elizabeth Haygood - 13/05/2021 04:01

Today, I had a phone interview for a better position at work. I've been training my puppy recently not to bark. I put on dog-calming videos while she was in the kennel. During the interview, my neighbor's dog started barking and my dog immediately responded back. My boss ended the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 08/09/2012 09:57 - United States

Today, after 3 nights of insomnia, I was finally able to doze off. My boyfriend woke me up just to ask which soda in the fridge was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 334

You deserved it 2 076

By Tree - 30/07/2010 11:34 - France

Today, my husband told me "The only reason I stay with you is because it's cheaper than paying child support." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 013

You deserved it 5 764

By Pouya - 18/12/2010 06:03 - United States

Today, it was my first day as a promoted manager. I got fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 746

You deserved it 42 778

By ultraattitude - 22/04/2012 07:01 - United States - Union City

Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 927

You deserved it 12 567

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Top comments

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:19

jamonaaaaa!!!!! HEeHEe

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:20

Its your husband.. Who cares if he makes a joke like that.. As long as he doesnt do it all the time :)

Comments

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:14

girst

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:17

You fail so badly.. Girst? Really? Get a life.

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:18

lol!

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:38

lol?

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:44

Cool story, bro.

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Thursday 3 February 2011 13:02

Cool story, bro.

bwhahaha_fml 10

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Thursday 3 February 2011 13:23

Cool story, bro.

instnt1nfction 17

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Thursday 3 February 2011 13:29

cool story, bro

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Thursday 3 February 2011 13:34

cool story bro

Alexxcunningham 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 13:41

cool story, you just got trolled

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:18

you're doing something right :) or maybe he sees you as a lil boyish?

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Thursday 3 February 2011 13:29

haha I get it.

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Thursday 3 February 2011 14:03

i don't get why people complain about that. he's trying to make the sex funny, add some comedy. funny sex is amazing. so chill out and enjoy it!

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Thursday 3 February 2011 14:18

could have done something funny though, not gay

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Thursday 3 February 2011 14:40

47 WIN

iSitt 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 15:27

Did he then ask you to turn around so he could moonwalk ?

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Thursday 3 February 2011 15:37

53, I think you replied to the wrong post.

Withired_Away 0

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Friday 4 February 2011 5:26

I wonder if it's the taxi driver that sings like him :O

misspipedream 0

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Sunday 27 March 2011 22:39

HAHAHAHAHA YOU'RE HILARIOUS! No, but seriously, shut up. It's been done and it's untrue. Have some respect.

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:19

FIRST*

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:19

YDI.

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:25

How? ^

DDPT2 4

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Thursday 3 February 2011 14:06

OP tell him he can BEAT IT next time.

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Thursday 3 February 2011 14:58

^^win!

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Thursday 3 February 2011 18:40

I agree with #12. RIP. MJ! <3

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Friday 4 February 2011 8:11

that's not disrespecting the dead...

J15237 25

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Sunday 7 June 2020 0:51

hell ya. she should break out in song

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:19

jamonaaaaa!!!!! HEeHEe

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Friday 4 February 2011 0:09

^^win

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:20

Its your husband.. Who cares if he makes a joke like that.. As long as he doesnt do it all the time :)

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:20

that's not good. aren't guys supposed to ejaculate?

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:22

No. We shit out of our penises.

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:28

okay so I'm not alone on that one? good I thought it was just me.

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:42

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you're so funny I can't stop laughing no but seriously shut the hell up

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:43

my bad bro. by the way nice picture.

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:46

Pimped out 900 times? Oh, you silly hoe. At least it isn't 9001.

DVecc 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 13:06

you mean over 9000? :)

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Thursday 3 February 2011 13:19

Do YOU mean ITS OVER 9000!

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Friday 4 February 2011 3:58

hahahahahahahahahahahaha funniest thing ever ROFL

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Monday 7 February 2011 7:35

AGREED! :P

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:34

LMAO

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Thursday 3 February 2011 12:43

Really, you should be praising your husband for his creativity. It's not often one finds a lover who will willingly channel the spirit of a dead child molester during intercourse. In closing, I'd just like to say: HEE HEE.

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Thursday 3 February 2011 13:27

Okay I wanna say that you both got it wrong he said "EEE HEE".

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Thursday 3 February 2011 18:32

soo im not the only one...when i read this i sed since when does my michael jackson fukn say woohoo?

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 8

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 124

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 85