Today, my girlfriend donated most of my book collection because she got me a Kindle for Christmas. Some were signed, including my Harry Potters. FML

Today, my girlfriend bought herself a brand new iPad and iPod Touch, and returned my aging iPod and Kindle, which she constantly steals for her own use. She considers it my Valentine's Day present. FML

Today, I went and bought my wife a new cell phone for a Christmas present. She called me five minutes later saying she got a notification e-mail thanking her for her purchase. FML

Today, I got an email saying the gift I'd ordered for my boyfriend of three years had been sent. I ordered it a couple of days ago because I thought he needed cheering up. I guess he found a better way of doing so himself; he broke up with me yesterday. FML

We got a reader!

Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML

Booksmarts

Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML

Today, I wrote a long, loving and emotional Christmas letter to my girlfriend, leaving it for her to read when she woke up. Halfway through the day, I received a text stating that she saw my "breakup letter" and threw out all my stuff. I can't even contact her now. FML

Be proud, stand tall

Today, I'd like to thank Alexa for my notification, saying ”You bought a 4-pound bag of Jawbreakers recently, would you like to share your feedback with Amazon prime customers?" My wife heard the message and laughed. FML

Insane parents

Today, I was wondering why the new book series I'd ordered hadn’t arrived. I ordered new books because my mom constantly bitched at me about being on the internet too often. She took my laptop away to "teach me a lesson". Only I need my laptop to get the confirmation number to track my books. FML

Today, my ex-boyfriend called me. I was really excited, thinking he wanted to get back together. He just wanted to get back the Christmas present he gave me before we broke up so that he could return it for cash. FML