Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left breast a cup size. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "Hey look! I can finally see one of them." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a wasp stung my nipple. Twice. The swelling makes it look like I'm growing a third breast. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML
Today, I got a bug bite on my boob. I scratched it so much it started bleeding so I put a bandaid on it. Turns out the band-aid had latex in it and I got an allergic reaction to it. The bug bite is still bleeding and the top half of my boob is swollen. FML
Today, as I bent over to pick up my baby, a wasp flew into my bra. I jumped up in a panic, flattening the wasp between my boob and my bra, where it stung me on the nipple, which is now swollen, a funny colour, and throbbing. Did I mention the nipple was already irritated from breastfeeding? FML
Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML
Today, I found a bug in my bra. Not a huge deal, so I flicked him out. Turns out he was a black blister beetle. I woke to at 3 a.m. to insane pain, as well as the water blisters all over my boobs. FML
Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML
Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out what it came from until I saw a small insect crawling out of my bra. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML
Today, on the bright side, my boobs grew a size. Unfortunately, this was only after bed bugs decided to attack my nipples. FML
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Top comments
Grand_Cookie 21
Hehe! That's funny. I'm sure you have very nice boobies, so relax and tell him his junk is small like a normal person.
perdix 31
I'll never understand guys who have flat-chested girlfriends joking or complaining of their lack of boobage. If that bothers you so much, don't go out with her. Otherwise, shut your stupid mouth and love her for everything else.
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Comments (91)
davincidasecond 24
Sounds pretty one-sided.
JACKxRAWR 22
Here, take these sunglasses. ... YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
beachbum_101 16
Hahahahahahahahahhahahhahahhaaahhhahahhaahahahhahahhahahahhahahhahahhahahahahhaahahhahahahahhaahh omg
PenguinBitch 44
A simple "lol" could have been less obnoxious you know.
AshaaFerreira 22
I would recommend to just laugh (in person) and move on next time...
Jaxx66 21
After all that, I was REALLY hoping you'd say 'Narf!' .... Alas, my hopes have been dashed.
perdix 31
I'll never understand guys who have flat-chested girlfriends joking or complaining of their lack of boobage. If that bothers you so much, don't go out with her. Otherwise, shut your stupid mouth and love her for everything else.
Fluffydemise 18
I took a different route. I grew my own. I play with them when I'm lonely. xD
Faff 20
I think that's pretty shallow of you to say. In a relationship you should be able to joke about these kind of things.
awkward_gothlady 32
Not necessarily. I think if you're in a relationship with someone, you should eventually figure out which things are ok to joke about and which are not.
Fsvb 32
but you should be really sure of what is okay and what is not. Self-esteem issue's can be very dangerous to play with and we women can hide well what hurts us.
annie_nk 23
A cup size?! Damn, and I thought my half dollar size welts were bad. Get yourself some Benadryl or something.
Zebediabolical 45
To hell with that. Get yourself some mosquito bite extract and sell it as the next big thing for cosmetic procedures!
annie_nk 23
Anytime they wanna go up a cup size, give em a little scratch. ;)
ltaper11 20
Well it's safe to say you have some mosquito bites lol
fuzz97 23
thanks Captain Obvious!
Loser10000 9
Your welcome, sergeant sarcasm.
mfmylifesrsly 30
You should reply "A mosquito should bite your dick so then I can see it." Also don't take what he said to heart, he was most lilely joking. Esp if you don't have small boobs. And if you do, small boobs are cute :). You boyfriend seems like a dick but kinda funny.
SuperDanielNL 23
Hate to give this advise, but kick him in the balls next time and as they swell up, casually make the same remark.
eMurpH 9
Is a sense of humor really hard to come by these days? It was a joke. No need to think your life is ******.
perdix 31
I'll bet keeping pet mosquitos is a lot cheaper than a boob job.
worldclassrager 41
He'll be saddened soon...allergic reactions are the worst..,