Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great,... - FML

By paging dr. kevorkian - 16/5/2013 21:23 - Netherlands

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML

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They're everywhere

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

The end of the road

By hunter168647 - 2/7/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I bought an otter box. While setting up my iPhone, I dropped it and it is now shattered. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2012 00:49 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was refused employment at a liquor store. Their reason? I'm a regular customer and they're afraid I'll drink all their profits. FML

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By AntiBobTheBuilder - 2/3/2011 05:22 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my one person on my staff why having kids aged 6 to 9 hammering in screws with the butt end of a screwdriver is neither safe, nor a good idea. FML

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By Skazzy3 - 14/1/2015 22:04

Today, I got banned from my school library after I ran after a guy who stole my bag. FML

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By xYumix - 17/11/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I was late for an interview. Going into the elevator, a man ran up to the doors but since I was late, I pressed the "close" button. When I arrived to the office, the secretary asked me to wait. The boss walked in to interview me. The man whose face I closed the elevator doors on. FML

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By Mark - 13/8/2009 22:30 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to approach a girl. I've never done anything like this before. She stared me down, not saying a word, until I felt so little that I just walked away. FML

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By wannadi - 3/3/2013 09:29 - United States - Camden

Today, I was told by co-workers with whom I have worked for 2 years that I tan too much and dye my hair black too often. I'm from the Middle East and have never tanned nor dyed my hair. My co-workers think I'm a wannabe. FML

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By elizabethyeo - 20/2/2012 10:01 - Australia

Today, I was speaking to an old friend and I asked her how her mother was. She replied, "She passed away, you came to her funeral last month." FML

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By Stevo - 18/6/2010 07:13 - United States

Today, my math teacher told me to learn how to say "welcome to wal-mart". FML

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By ugh - 1/6/2014 22:15 - United States - Concord

Today, I told someone about my degree in technical theatre with a concentration in lighting design. They looked at me and said, "You're paid $52,000 a year to turn lights on and off?" And technically, that's correct. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2017 14:00

Today, my not-quite-potty-trained toddler niece had a 'wee accident' in my bed. I used towels to mop it up and changed the sheets. Later, I had the bright idea to dry it faster by turning the electric blanket on high. Now my room smells like burned urine. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/3/2011 12:53 - United States

Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2010 00:03 - United States

Today, my younger sister said that she was going to pray for her brother's HIV. I have Primary Immune Disease (PID) not HIV. School will be very interesting tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2014 17:55 - United States

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

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By stdpositivenow - 18/10/2011 14:16 - United States

Today, for our 3rd anniversary, I gave my boyfriend a watch, courtesy of Rolex. He gave me herpes, courtesy of his other girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2013 04:02 - United States - Escalon

Today, my insane war veteran great-uncle punched me in the throat for not laughing hard enough at his stupid joke. FML

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By ericane27 - 27/12/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 22:00

Put it away

Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML

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By Alice - 24/10/2012 16:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I passed out while I was with my boyfriend in his garden. I woke up on the concrete just outside his house. Apparently, he'd tried to carry me in, but because he was too weak, he gave up and went to watch TV. FML

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By scared - 2/10/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I went on a date at a restaurant with a guy. When he promised I wouldn't have to pay the bill, I didn't think he meant we'd be dining and dashing. FML

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By notaman - 11/2/2016 18:12 - United States - Marion

Today, I found out my insurance company denied my claim because they had me marked down as "male" and yet also pregnant. I now have to prove to them that I'm actually a woman. FML

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By Julian - 22/12/2008 07:45 - France

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answer: 'Well, you don't kiss me often either!". So now she keeps kissing me. FML

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By Smile No More - 13/5/2011 12:27

Today, I was wondering why I was getting strange looks all day at work. When I got to a mirror after my shift, I noticed a booger hanging out of my nose, which was visible only when I smiled. My job involves greeting people all day with a huge smile. FML

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By Mr.P - 21/10/2011 15:35 - United States

Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML

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By ? - 20/2/2013 18:20 - United States - El Cajon

Today, my girlfriend of nine months made a huge scene in public, calling me a "cheating bastard" because she saw me with another woman at the library. That "other woman" is my Calculus tutor. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2010 09:36 - United States

Today, was the third day of my camping trip with my "friends". I woke up in my boxers with my hand glued to my forehead. FML

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By sadcartoons - 12/2/2011 18:57 - Canada

Today, my son and I attended my mother's funeral. It was the first time he'd been to such an event, so to ease his grief and distract him, I turned on Max and Ruby when we got home. He quickly broke into tears; apparently, it was the episode where Max and Ruby prepare their grandma a special birthday gift. FML

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By shatMyself - 22/4/2013 19:10 - United States

Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML

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By bouda - 15/5/2011 18:19 - France

Today, I killed a pigeon. It choked to death on a piece of bread I threw its way. FML

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By Dani - 5/12/2014 21:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I woke up feeling awful and decided to make myself a nice egg omelette with bacon, toast and fresh fruit. As I went to eat it, I stubbed my toe and dropped it all on the floor. My dogs were very happy about that. FML

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By night_fox88 - 27/1/2020 05:00 - United States - Camden

Go out please!

Today, I woke up to my overly religious grandmother trying to shove salt down my throat yelling "DEMON BE GONE!". Why? I didn't wear the cross neckless she bought me. FML

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By carl_carl_ - 25/7/2016 04:17 - United States - Grand Ledge

Today, I found my dad on a dating website looking for younger girls. My mother and father are "happily" married, well according to her Facebook profile. FML

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By HappilyNeverAfter - 18/9/2014 03:14 - Canada - Port Perry

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML

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By Username - 22/6/2012 06:02 - United States

Today, while watching TV with my boyfriend, I was telling him that I wasn't looking forward to "getting older" and turning thirty in three days. Five minutes later, he said, "I never knew you had so much grey hair already" and then offered to help me dye them. FML

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By D.W. - 3/11/2017 00:30

Today, the new Apple update put all of the 100+ nudes I'd sent my boyfriend on his mother's phone because their accounts are linked. FML

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By 1234 - 11/7/2009 16:41 - Canada

Classy

Today, it was my wedding day. I had my butt clenched during the ceremony. I was giving my husband the ring, but dropped it. When I went to retrieve it, I let a huge one rip. My husband yelled, "She likes to eat beans." FML

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By jrad - 8/9/2010 19:23 - United States

Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML

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By S - 9/1/2011 10:18 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML

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By leftoutdrunk - 5/5/2012 18:12 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I volunteered to be my brother's designated driver. I told him throughout the night that I wasn't drinking, but he ended up leaving me at the bar and going to his friend's house in a cab for more drinks, taking my keys along with him. FML

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Top comments

By yetanotherginger | 19

#5495050 - Friday 17 May 2013 1:11

And Grandma wonders why she's in a home...

By WhisperSoflty | 20

#5495063 - Friday 17 May 2013 1:16

Troll Grandma: 1
OP: 0
Gullible Girlfriend: -1

COMMENTS

By yetanotherginger | 19

#5495050 - Friday 17 May 2013 1:11

And Grandma wonders why she's in a home...

Reply

evilraider | 5

#5495107 - Friday 17 May 2013 1:31

That's when you tell grandma, " thanks we ll celebrate her pregnancy and the succes of your surgery together. We just found that you need one"

Reply

firefighter925 | 18

#5495200 - Friday 17 May 2013 2:49

Just sit her down and tell her the truth.... PSYCHE! we all know that never works on women.

Reply

isallwaysme | 27

#5495209 - Friday 17 May 2013 3:04

FFS. We need that damn old people category FML. MAKE ONE PLEASEEEEEE

Reply

Hobbit79 | 10

#5495273 - Friday 17 May 2013 4:05

So disturbing.

Reply

DyslexicPanda | 12

#5495495 - Friday 17 May 2013 8:03

And what precisely is "so disturbing", 39?

Reply

InvisibleMonster_fml | 16

#5495628 - Friday 17 May 2013 10:55

I completely agree! It would be a hit, old people say the darndest things. :)

Reply

Hobbit79 | 10

#5495914 - Friday 17 May 2013 18:35

Damn, replied to the wrong comment. So sorry #1 :)

Reply

yetanotherginger | 19

#5496194 - Friday 17 May 2013 23:53

I forgive you. That's the first time I've been called number 1 since smitty werbenjagermanjensen stole my hat

By MsConfusedd | 27

#5495057 - Friday 17 May 2013 1:13

One up her by telling your girlfriend that grandma's the wife. Although that may backfire ad hurt you more...

Reply

soulebelius | 17

#5495180 - Friday 17 May 2013 2:34

That was all-around stupid.

Reply

eMurpH | 9

#5495212 - Friday 17 May 2013 3:06

That would probably just hurt both relationships even more.... Actually, your grandmother might just go with it and anger your girlfriend even more.

Reply

Ainarr | 29

#5495362 - Friday 17 May 2013 5:08

Why does this idea even have any thumbs up?

By ucoolgirl31 | 20

#5495058 - Friday 17 May 2013 1:13

Explain to you're girlfriend, hopefully she will understand. Or get your grandma to explain to her. FYL OP. Best of luck!

Reply

gmian | 33

#5495330 - Friday 17 May 2013 4:53

Explain to you are girlfriend?

Reply

firegirl1993 | 21

#5495476 - Friday 17 May 2013 7:21

So, shouldn't she realize that if you were in fact married, and she's the other woman, that you wouldn't be bringing her to a FAMILY dinner? I'm sure if you talk to her she'll be fine.

Reply

VeganVampyre | 26

#5495652 - Friday 17 May 2013 12:15

No, the whole family's in on it, they support him leading two lives because they want a bigger family. Dinner with the wife is Monday, Wednesday, and all weekend. The girlfriend get Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday.

By jaff23 | 11

#5495059 - Friday 17 May 2013 1:14

Your Grandma sounds great!

Reply

VeganVampyre | 26

#5495654 - Friday 17 May 2013 12:21

How do you know she's not? Maybe both of you just never thought of it. I know it never occurred to me to have a prank war with my grandmother. She is cool enough to have pierced her belly button for her 60th birthday though, maybe she'd be up for it :P

By kumonsucks | 7

#5495062 - Friday 17 May 2013 1:15

Aha the Evil Grandma strikes again!

Reply

ElatedEarthling | 15

#5495084 - Friday 17 May 2013 1:22

Old people need to have fun too! I'd imagine sitting in a recliner watching Matlock and eating soft foods all day gets pretty boring after a while.

Reply

Uhscanherdarklee | 10

#5495406 - Friday 17 May 2013 5:56

I blame Betty White and "Off Their Rockers" for all these grandparent related fmls.

By WhisperSoflty | 20

#5495063 - Friday 17 May 2013 1:16

Troll Grandma: 1
OP: 0
Gullible Girlfriend: -1

Reply

MrConcise | 34

#5495138 - Friday 17 May 2013 2:01

Troll Grandma: +2, Girlfriend that's in on the prank: +1

By zombieslayer83 | 19

#5495067 - Friday 17 May 2013 1:17

Ask her to be wife #2.

By Supahnova | 14

#5495068 - Friday 17 May 2013 1:17

Settle it, then. Tell grandma she's going to a nursing home. Pack her bags and even drive all the way there with her in the car and wait for the right moment. You'll definitely win the war after that.

Reply

ss_20_xx | 14

#5496002 - Friday 17 May 2013 20:38

Oh so your grandma makes a joke and you threaten to kick her out? I just hope this mentality doesn't hit you back as karma.
Yes OP should talk to the grandma about not making such jokes but drive her to the nursing home?

By sexyboi1985 | 27

#5495076 - Friday 17 May 2013 1:20

Make her the other woman.

By LennyComa | 39

#5495077 - Friday 17 May 2013 1:20

Get her a Coffin to be delivered by a guy dressed as the Grim reaper and have him say "So apparently todays your day."

Reply

DDCA | 24

#5495105 - Friday 17 May 2013 1:30

That will only work if Norm MacDonald is the Grim Reaper. Either way, keep an AICD handy. You may need it.

Reply

Jemm_fml | 29

#5495230 - Friday 17 May 2013 3:18

"Don't get mad, get even." I like it!

Reply

Jaxx66 | 21

#5495916 - Friday 17 May 2013 18:39

Coffins are too damn expensive. Although I suppose he could get her measurements and be prepared for that unfortunate day when epic gran is lost to us.