Love: Today, I got a call from this girl I really like. Surprised,...

By Anonymous - 16/09/2010 07:04 - United States

Today, I got a call from this girl I really like. Surprised, as I never get anything other than a text from her, I answered. All I heard were rustling sounds. She had pocket dialed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 324

You deserved it 5 021

Love

Taking stock

This Charming Man

Doin' it for the 'gram

By adad - 01/02/2010 14:34 - France

Today, I was walking by a pond when I saw a small frog. I decided to catch it to get a close look. After I picked it up, I realized that it was not a frog. It was dog shit shaped like a frog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 794

You deserved it 37 953

By jennabean - 12/08/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was in the car for 8 hours driving home from North Carolina with my family. We brought my dog along and I was petting her for most of the ride. I thought she fell asleep, so I continued to play with her. She never woke up. I played with a dead dog for almost an hour and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 808

You deserved it 4 599

By Anonymous - 15/04/2015 17:18 - United States - Birmingham

Today, a few weeks after teaching my dog to fetch my phone and drop it in my lap, he decided to do it spontaneously. Too bad I was in the bath at the time. There goes a $300 phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 154

You deserved it 21 311

By notawizard - 16/07/2009 10:16 - Spain

Today, my daughter turned 11. Since she LOVES Harry Potter, I decided to write her an acceptance letter to Hogwarts. When she saw the letter, she screamed and showed me. When she found out I wrote it, she told me she hated me, started crying, and stepped on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 277

You deserved it 94 953

By Ugh - 16/02/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 377

You deserved it 7 028

By RedWaters - 06/03/2013 20:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 382

You deserved it 15 853

You tried

By Anonymous - 09/12/2011 07:56 - Australia

Today, I was set up on a blind date. When I arrived, the person waiting for me was a woman. It appears that my friends have always thought I was a lesbian, and that they 'played along' when I talked about guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 229

You deserved it 3 244

Sounds fishy

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 11:01

Today, I told my wife I wasn’t comfortable with her going out with an old guy friend. Petty, sure, but our sex life is non-existent. I found out that she's been seeing him behind my back for months, spent the night with him last week and claims there’s nothing going on. Trying to decide whether I should stay or go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 964

You deserved it 158

Freak out

By Anonymous - 03/09/2020 19:07 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, some jackass spider decided to lay eggs behind my wall. No matter how many I kill, I always wake up to multiple baby spiders on my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 105

That Monday morning feeling

By Carmen - 09/03/2020 15:00

Today, I couldn't sleep because a group of drunken guys decided to stay out all night singing Disney songs. They had loudspeakers too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 07/08/2012 14:49 - United States

Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 588

You deserved it 3 046

By It's CSI Miami - 24/06/2015 04:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got into a fight with my mom because she believes that my fiancé is "irresponsible" and "immature". I stormed out and drove back home. There, I walked in on my fiancé and his friends. They were in a heated and almost violent argument over which CSI is the best. The wedding's next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 627

You deserved it 6 273

By Anonymous - 25/09/2011 16:15 - United States

Today, I bought a UV light so I could detect cat pee, since I was sure my cat was relieving herself on the carpet. I decided to try it out in the living room first. Nearly half the room lit up like a Christmas tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 029

You deserved it 5 167

Plooped

By ZombieMommy - 10/03/2017 05:00 - United States - Conroe

Today, I was pouring milk into my coffee and, as it plooped into my mug, I noticed the expiration date on the jug passed 2 weeks ago. Nobody here drinks milk very often and I ran out of creamer so I've been unknowingly drinking my coffee with curdled milk for the past 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 275

You deserved it 2 275

By anon - 26/12/2013 12:08 - Australia

Today, I watched "Time of the Doctor" and I'm pretty sure my love of Doctor Who slithered out through my ear and shamefully lodged itself in the darkest corner of the room, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 507

You deserved it 8 809

By Anonymous - 10/10/2013 05:25 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 350

You deserved it 3 204

By neverleavingthehouseagain - 08/12/2015 23:08 - United Kingdom - Epsom

Today, my ex, for whom I still have feelings, introduced me to his new girlfriend. To make things "less awkward," he invited a mutual friend of ours. However, the last time I'd seen this friend, it was a week after my ex and I had broke up, and we hooked up. Awkward doesn't cover it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 684

You deserved it 5 518

I'm late… for business!

By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 17:01 - Australia - Crows Nest

Today, the magazine that had my ad in it came out. There’s never been an ad for my niche before. But there was a bigger, better ad for exactly the same thing before mine. Yet another failed business idea for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 70

By Debra - 14/05/2018 13:00 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I had the class clown of my preschoolers oversleep our daily 15-minute nap. Not wanting to spare any more class time on his disrupting jokes, I let the headache sleep. After another 10 minutes we called an ambulance. He had a stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 901

You deserved it 976

By Anonymous - 03/07/2012 19:56 - United States - Ridgefield

Today, I went out to get groceries and ice-cream. When I got home, I couldn't find my house keys. I retraced my steps, but with no luck, so I returned home and had to break in. While unpacking, I found my keys in the bag, right next to the completely melted ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 496

You deserved it 9 709

Roll with it

By anon - 17/09/2019 22:00

Today, my boyfriend encouragingly told me that he could tell I was losing weight, all because I had one roll fewer than usual on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 438

You deserved it 276

Creepypasta

By terrifiedanon - 29/06/2019 06:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was at a house party and a guy needed a ride somewhere. Our designated driver, being the nice person she is, offered. I was in the back seat with him. His first words were, "Hey guys! I want to clear this awkwardness so… I once saw a 6-year-old girl die during a drive by I was on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 611

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 01/02/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 145

You deserved it 3 602

By homeless4Christmas - 24/12/2009 05:54 - New Zealand

Today, I flew my wife, myself and three kids to pay a surprise visit to my parents who were going to be alone for Christmas. When we arrived, we found out they decided to go on vacation. We have nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 344

You deserved it 27 959

By Pups4Cups - 26/10/2016 12:43

Today, I finally realized why my 9-week-old puppy was going to the bathroom so much. I went to pick up the food bag and realized she had chewed a hole in the bottom, and eaten half of the bag in the last 4 days. Goodbye 30 pounds of dog food, and 100$ for a vet visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 331

You deserved it 1 758

By aroman2312 - 06/09/2011 21:33 - United States

Today, my grandpa decided to charcoal-grill some steaks. Inside the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 188

You deserved it 2 091

By Nick Nameous - 01/01/2009 06:22 - United States

Today, I celebrated the new year. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 178

You deserved it 5 266

By cloudberry - 27/05/2012 08:00 - United States - Astoria

Today, I told my mom I was going out to hang out with some friends. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Don't lie to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 706

You deserved it 2 697

Awkward family gatherings

By Anonymous - 13/08/2013 16:01 - United States - Bensenville

Today, I was eating with my grandma and her sister, who don't get along. I went to the bathroom for just 2 minutes, only to come back to find pancakes everywhere and our plates smashed on the ground. They got into a "little argument". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 132

You deserved it 3 438

Boozehound

By fuck you mom - 17/04/2020 20:00

Today, my mom laid into me, calling me a selfish bitch, blaming me for my dad not being around and finally that she should’ve aborted me. All because I couldn't get her booze from the neighborhood market she’s been banned from. I’m not even 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 746

You deserved it 143

By ow - 18/12/2016 18:33

Today, while playing paintball, a shot ricocheted off a wall and slammed into my nuts. I told the other team I was out and tried to run out of the field, but as I was jogging to the door I was hit again in the balls. My friend saw this and dropped his gun, laughing. It hit me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 616

You deserved it 590

By good-samaritan-fail - 06/10/2009 15:56 - Australia

Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 096

You deserved it 9 405

Class act

By Anonymous - 23/03/2020 17:23

Today, after 5 years, an engagement, and me being 5 months pregnant, my boyfriend downloaded Tinder again. 2020 is really great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 804

You deserved it 256

By BulldogHoops - 12/11/2012 05:12 - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 293

You deserved it 2 424

By boylookingirl - 30/01/2011 15:30 - United States

Today, my friend installed this new application that shows you what a girl would look like as a boy and what a boy would look like as a girl. Well I'm a girl and when it was my turn it didn't change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 934

You deserved it 4 982

By Anonymous - 25/01/2010 18:17 - United States

Today, I discovered that if you slip on ice, imitating Mario from Super Mario Bros when he attempts to stop himself slipping, won't work in real life. I now have a broken nose, as well as a blood trail running from my driveway into my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 501

You deserved it 32 342

By representative - 20/04/2017 00:00

Today, I was let go without warning at work. Why? Because my boss saw some comments I'd posted. Nothing I'd said was offensive or controversial, but he said he didn't care, because he didn't agree with it and didn't want me to "smear" the company name. I represent the company? I just serve coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 622

You deserved it 883

By Anonymous - 03/12/2009 08:39 - United States

Today, I walked into my apartment to find my boyfriend of two years screwing my lifelong best friend. I immediately burst into tears. He looked at me and told me I was being too dramatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 496

You deserved it 2 711

By Anonymous - 22/11/2015 05:45 - United States - Ossining

Today, we buried my mom. I walked past my sister's husband just in time to hear him mutter: "Hope the fire's nice and hot down there, you old hag." I told my sister. She wouldn't believe me and accused me of trying to start drama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 189

You deserved it 2 670

By Anonymous - 18/01/2014 19:49 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at work, a kid rushed into the bathroom to vomit. Understandable, except he threw up into the sinks. Sinks plural, whose drain holes are so small that only liquid can really pass through. Guess who had to clean up vomit chunks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 401

You deserved it 3 803

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Top comments

FFML_314 11

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:06

Did you get really excited and then go "awww" like Peter Griffin?

SomeScrewedGirl 3

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:08

oh wow...I bet you're the only person that's ever happened to in the history of cell phones.

scippy 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:05

woo first!

ugwmii 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:06

oh well. then dude you might as well ask her out already.

Spierdalaj 7

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:06

Congratulations.

un_nomable 6

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:07

lol pocket dialing... I never fully understood how it's done. you lean, somehow pick that person and riiiing.

ilovenerds_ 1

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:38

Naaah. She just wanted attention. Slut.

zerobahamut03 2

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Thursday 16 September 2010 17:23

don't worry OP i gotten pocket dialed before. its actually kind of funny when you can hear them talking having their own conversation. as you're on the other line screaming trying to get their attention and they don't hear you haha. actually kind of reminds of "honey, i shrunk the kids" lol. you know?...when they are little and no one can hear them?.... >.

pimplayer 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 18:36

haha fyl maybe u got ass dialed OP n that's a plus!

BoyBeyond 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 19:35

@4 I agree just call her up and ask her out. Seriously or text her when u guys text. Just say something like hey how you doing and just say i really like to go out with you sometime. And mention a place you would like to take her most likely some place you know she would be interested in and see what she says.

FFML_314 11

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:06

Did you get really excited and then go "awww" like Peter Griffin?

Tikwichka 5

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:11

But this was from the girl he liked! Can you not see how awful this is? His life is over!

stephanie0613 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:11

hahah i love family guy . nd well sorry op i hate getting booty calls or even booty calling people haha . well hey look on the bright side atleast you have her numberr :))

FFML_314 11

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:12

Right.

lajaynay 15

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:59

I guess his crush crushed his hopes.

InDenial 6

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Thursday 16 September 2010 13:12

Family guy FTW! Don't worry OP, don't give up yet.

xWTF_FML_FTWx 1

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Thursday 16 September 2010 13:20

I once pocket dialed my aunt and she was freaked out because it was at 6 in the morning and I wouldn't answer her.

ShorTiE4LyFe 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 14:25

I don't see the fml. just call her back! say you missed the call and talk to her for a while!

JuliaM1000 10

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Thursday 16 September 2010 14:27

that's sweet. shr saved u as speed dial!!

Tasanasanta 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 14:47

"A degenerate am I? Well you are a festijio! See? I can make up words too sister!" Family guy does have its moments :)

Annihilator 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 15:13

Be a man and call her! Tell her you  her and you want to take your relationship to the next level! Don't be a 

bubblzz 4

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Thursday 16 September 2010 15:17

i have never pocket dialed anyone but i know people that have:) it depends on the phone make.. i guess

PunisherE1ite 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 15:55

lol

LOLatU87 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 16:02

poor OP #40 nice peace symbol too

Firestar1202 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 17:09

at least you even talk to the girl you like. a lot of people dont even know them. stop complaining.

FFML_314 11

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Thursday 16 September 2010 17:46

I do /not/ appreciate all of the notifications and thread-jacks off my post that do not pertain to my comment. The ones that do, thank you. Here's a sticker. The rest of you, prepare for the hose!

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Thursday 16 September 2010 18:12

*prepares the hose* ... Oh, wait. Did you mean me or pendatik?

jester613 2

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Thursday 16 September 2010 18:28

how is this an FML? grow up and get some real problems.

FFML_314 11

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Thursday 16 September 2010 18:30

You Jane. You are my resident hoser. Orgy, follow me please.

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Thursday 16 September 2010 18:41

Heh. I actually used to have the nickname "Momma Hosebag." I don't recommend looking into the UD definition of that one— it's a long, strange story. ;)

FFML_314 11

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Thursday 16 September 2010 18:46

Haha, you do realize that I will have to look up the definition now?

brycereid 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 21:06

*threadjacks

counterfit 10

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Thursday 16 September 2010 21:25

what peace symbol?

FFML_314 11

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Thursday 16 September 2010 22:16

*thread-jack.

Mehness 0

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Friday 17 September 2010 3:38

14 - You do realize what booty-calls are and what you just said, right? Please tell me I'm right, I die a little inside every time I see a complete idiot on fml -__-

BLafleur 0

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Friday 17 September 2010 5:41

I think he needs some motovation

stephanie0613 0

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Friday 17 September 2010 9:53

148 i do know what booty calls are and im sorry because im not one of thos complete idiots. I just say booty calls because i usually have the phone in my back pocket and when i sit down or something i call people on accident. DUMBASS. so before you want to call me an idiot ask me why i refer to it as bootycall. Thank you.

kybabyy 4

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Saturday 18 September 2010 7:29

Wait, FFML_314? Isn't that Anna? One of the worse thread jackers ever back in the day? xD 148, 163, get a sense of humor, please.

FFML_314 11

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Saturday 18 September 2010 7:31

Yes and I still am a major thread jacker. That hasn't changed. :) Also, I was teasing them.

FFML_314 11

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Saturday 18 September 2010 11:43

Are you going to finish your sentence, OrganisedChaos?

kybabyy 4

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Saturday 18 September 2010 20:13

Aha, okay. It's been months since I've been on. I thought you were serious. I was like woooow, things have changed.

bluntcunt 0

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Monday 20 September 2010 9:23

booty calls..! that's a new one, all I've heard was picket dialing or butt dialing. I'll be using that one in the near future!

starberries 0

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Sunday 24 October 2010 1:11

180, please find out what "booty call" actually means before you use that phrase. It is NOT the same as butt-dialing.

FMLISTHEBESTAPPE 0

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Saturday 18 June 2011 17:30

yah my crush called me and I didn't answer but then I called him back and we talked for 2 hours! now he's my bf! :)

leadrunner751 3

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Friday 2 March 2012 6:18

this has happened to me more times than I can count. fyl I hate when that happens

m1j3 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:06

That happened to me once, FYL

awesomewhitekid 0

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Friday 17 September 2010 7:56

happened to me to

Hgielad_720 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:07

Oh wow, your life is soo effed. Haha :)

GlaoigharAirm 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:08

I wonder who she was skroggin' at the time? o.O Maybe your bestfriend? :O

amnesiasparkles 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 14:24

hahahaha skroggin?? lol nice one

CaptainCommenter 6

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Tuesday 10 December 2013 19:38

"skroggin'"? With her pants on?

SomeScrewedGirl 3

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:08

oh wow...I bet you're the only person that's ever happened to in the history of cell phones.

ThereIsNoFork 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 13:03

Hahaha so true. I'm not sure that the OP needs to be whining about this.

ganash22 6

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Tuesday 19 April 2011 17:41

mayb

Ariasmake_1 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:10

how about you call her

JoHan55_fml 7

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Thursday 16 September 2010 12:11

wait, how is this an fml?

KelceyLoves 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 14:40

Ahhh clever!

fmlbai 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 23:38

SHIT FML TBH

Ryan55 0

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Thursday 16 September 2010 23:49

nono, you don't understand. Pessimistic OP's crush didn't INTENTIONALLY call him, therefore, his life is f'ed, because now, even tho she txts him and has his number, so it's not like she hates him, because of one accident on her part, he'll never get the girl.