Kids: Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband... - FML

By how about never? - 19/10/2014 11:22 - United States - San Fernando

Spicy

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 909

You deserved it 5 162

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 29/10/2012 10:32 - United States - Levelland

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 792

You deserved it 2 706

By Lennyr - 28/08/2016 06:36 - United States - Union City

Today, I gave birth to my first born child. Somehow, my mom and mother in law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother in law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 542

You deserved it 1 094

By Anonymous - 14/02/2015 02:43 - United States - Titusville

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 251

You deserved it 3 525

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 02:13 - United States - Herndon

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 012

You deserved it 9 446

Family portrait

By Anonymous - 29/05/2022 14:00

Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 187

Asshat

By Julissa - 25/02/2021 00:30

Today, I got a call from my husband, saying that he wants a divorce, he’s been seeing his colleague and that she’s more compatible to him. I’ve just given birth to out first child. He told me, "Aww, good luck with that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 117

By you ripped them off ages ago - 17/08/2014 06:15 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 044

You deserved it 16 318

By Anonymous - 03/10/2012 04:25 - Canada - Winnipeg

Spicy

Today, my husband spent our entire anniversary sulking because I wasn't up for sex. I gave birth to our first child less than two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 874

You deserved it 6 504

Not now!

By Ineedit - 26/02/2010 17:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 101

You deserved it 2 568

By wifeofafainter - 24/09/2015 06:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 413

You deserved it 3 070

Next

Top comments

LostMy_Marbles 24

Monday 20 October 2014 0:51

At least he isn't scarred over watching the whole ordeal!

Enslaved 36

Monday 20 October 2014 0:56

Almost as charming as a guy asking the doctor to add a few extra stitches in.

Comments

yassfmfl 5

Monday 20 October 2014 22:15

Congrats on your baby tho ???

RainbowBitch15 11

Thursday 23 October 2014 6:52

My fiancé and I are expecting our son any day now, and when I told him we'll have to wait about six weeks post partum for sex, he said, "What'd your dentist say?" I know he's kinda joking, but yeah... Sorry, OP. Congrats on the baby!

CollegeGirll 2

Thursday 30 October 2014 0:51

Terrible lol. I would've slapped him

CollegeGirll 2

Thursday 30 October 2014 0:48

I would've slapped him lol.

sebassm 12

Monday 1 December 2014 0:02

He sounds awesome

blu42nj 4

Monday 1 December 2014 5:01

The appropriate reply to that is, "Really, Nigga?"

fantasyworld 37

Tuesday 23 December 2014 23:08

Priorities, he has them mixed up.

rocksmith 15

Monday 27 July 2015 8:10

I am a little tired reading this and I thought it said that she gave birth to her first cousin

Unlucky1232 20

Wednesday 27 April 2016 2:55

wait your username. do u think he meant the baby OP?

PsudoAnon 20

Monday 4 July 2016 11:14

Best username ever!

lucasj23 11

Wednesday 14 March 2018 17:25

Your husband sounds like an asshole

Keywords

Animals Cats Cute Sex Intimacy Awkward Family Work Alcohol Coworkers Mental health Health Psychology AITA Relationship advice Weird Love Cops Miscellaneous Neighbours Scary Stressed out Parents Cake Birthday Dogs Transportation Cars Embarrassing Fire

The Top

Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 693

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 961

You deserved it 12 660

The Top

Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 745

You deserved it 6 483

Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 937

You deserved it 9 581

Today, after he fought tooth and nail to win me back, my boyfriend had to break up with me. His parents found out he was dating while he was studying abroad, and are bringing him home. He told me that his parents knew about me and were really fond of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 373

You deserved it 201

Today, after two weeks of believing that my extremely sick cat had escaped the house and ran away to die, I uncovered his lifeless body while deep cleaning my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 335

Today, my parents heard me leaving my room at 2 am, and freaked out because they thought I was sneaking out. I was too embarrassed to tell them that I was getting food instead of having a social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 203

You deserved it 23 184

Today, I learned that my mother now refuses to drink anything but bottled water because she actually believes that the government is putting a chemical in tap water that lowers pregnancy rates. She is trying for her 5th child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 426

You deserved it 2 222