Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because...

By Anonymous - 24/03/2009 10:41 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 925

You deserved it 9 577

Intimacy

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Same thing different taste

Good question

By epictothemax - 10/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 107

You deserved it 13 170

By coffee_princess - 22/07/2010 23:14 - Canada

Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 935

You deserved it 4 459

By leahrb - 24/02/2016 18:55 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 328

You deserved it 1 884

By Anonymous - 20/10/2018 22:00

Today, I was feeling a bit randy, so when my boyfriend got home, I jumped on him and gave him a proper deep-tongue kiss. I noticed he tasted a bit weird, so I asked him when he last brushed his teeth. His answer: the day we had dinner with his mother. That was 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 743

You deserved it 523

By -_- - 13/05/2015 16:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 121

You deserved it 3 197

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 23:28 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 477

You deserved it 36 736

Blender time!

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 17:04

Today, I've told my boyfriend several times that my toothless grandma can only eat pureed foods, but likes any kind of soup, "as long as there's no meat in it." Guess what was his idea of a gift for her when meeting her for the first time? A steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 455

You deserved it 175

Very funny, Dad

By Anonymous - 20/05/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 611

You deserved it 4 622

By Pierceew - 19/09/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, after making out with this guy, our tongue piercings got stuck together. After about five minutes of trying to unlock them, I accidentally vomited a little in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 591

You deserved it 37 791

By moonstone15 - 06/08/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 196

You deserved it 4 239

tehhotness 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:11

Your grandpa rules

McZeal 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:24

grandpa's a pimp

Comments

Jasper_fml 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

rawrlily 0

Tuesday 14 June 2011 4:29

Nah, they're awesome.

DarksideDoll 31

Monday 19 May 2014 18:59

Awesome grandpa is awesome.

Benpie 22

Wednesday 17 February 2016 20:56

69 dislikes

neonoodle 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:11

If it was my grandpa, he would've called your boyfriend gay.

lolx7 5

Wednesday 27 April 2011 2:09

yeah really! I mean personally I would be peeing myself with laughter

tehhotness 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:11

Your grandpa rules

Adrian66_fml 0

Wednesday 31 March 2010 5:44

Grandpa WIN!!!!

kiltsaresexy 4

Monday 3 May 2010 9:16

I agree. That is the coolest line from a grandpa ever.

wiggz1990 0

Tuesday 25 May 2010 16:24

awesome grandpa ,,, but sorry about ur dad

Erinx3 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:11

Oh, my God. Hahaha. That would've been me. I hope your father knows it's a joke (Well, for his sake. ;) )

JackTheRipper_fml 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:11

atleast your grandpa has a great sense of humor

gregthestrange 3

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:16

hehehe

ghadir 2

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:19

wait i dont get it...can someone explain that...?

titanic12beth 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 21:16

ever heard the phrase "eating someone out"?

Anonymus101 4

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:20

Now her father is going to be following her all around for the next few weeks. This is definitely a FML.

victimofchanges 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:20

Today my daughter invited her boyfriend over to dinner, but due to a recent tongue piercing he was unable to eat anything. Upon hearing this my father said to her boyfriend, "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." when I confronted him about it later all he had to say was "At least she won't get pregnant!" FML