Love and School: Today, after he fought tooth and nail to win me back, my boyfriend... - FML

By Anonymous - Canada - Markham

Today, after he fought tooth and nail to win me back, my boyfriend had to break up with me. His parents found out he was dating while he was studying abroad, and are bringing him home. He told me that his parents knew about me and were really fond of me. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Season finale

Oh, hai!

By djshahso - United States

Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2020 05:01

Let down

Today, after having spent 2 weeks planning my husband's surprise birthday party with his friends and family, we get in the car on the way to "dinner" and he says, "I really hope it's just the two of us tonight." FML

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By Meg

Today, we moved 2,700 miles across the U.S. to better our lives, with job offers and home options lined up. All of them were given to other people or turned out to be scams. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

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By faith - 16/6/2020 23:00

Goodbye Bill

Today, I went to a restaurant to order food with just a $100 bill. They no longer had what I came for, so I left. When I got to my car, I realized - no bill. I went back in for them to say they hadn't seen it, and they wouldn’t check the cameras. I know the lady working there picked it up since I was the only customer. FML

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By Carrie G. - United States - Holland

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why period blood couldn't be saved and donated to the hospital for transplants. FML

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By Anonymous - Bulgaria - Sofia

Get it on, bang a gong

Today, I'm dating the perfect guy. He's smart, considerate, charming, funny, good looking and we have a ton of interests in common. He also can't get it up. At all. FML

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By buryuntime - United States

Today, my mother was re-enrolling me in school so she was required to fill out some paper work. Later, she asks me, "What does Caucasian mean?". I ask, "Why?". Apparently she didn't recognize the word so she checked "other" and wrote in "white". FML

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By hh - United States - Clear Lake

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to break up with him. When I got there, I got sent on a scavenger hunt that ended with him proposing to me. FML

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By disembob - United Kingdom

Today, at a talent show, my band got booed before we even started playing. FML

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By Username - France

Today, it was the hottest day of the year so I opened my sun roof. The hottest day of the year was followed by the biggest storm of the year. I forgot to close my sun roof and my car is now flooded. FML

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By gothchick201013 - United States - Dayton

Today, my dog kept barking at the door, and I jokingly shouted, "Language!" My mom heard and grounded me for yelling at the dog. FML

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By fuckbio - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter for my Bio final at 8AM and drinking 6 sodas, 3 energy drinks, and coffee throughout the night, an hour into the exam, I had to go to the restroom, so I get permission and go. I'm 1 of 3 people. They later find a cheat sheet in the restroom. Now I'm a suspect. FML

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By snarly1 - United States

Today, it was our one year anniversary. After a surprise re-creation of our first date, we went home, in the mood for love. The food poisoning from the restaurant had a different idea. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my co-worker offered me sweets, then chocolate and then biscuits. Repeatedly. She knows I'm trying to diet for my wedding. She does this every day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was cleaning my apartment because I'm moving. I was being really thorough so I could get as much of the damage deposit back as possible. I noticed I still had one of those 3M plastic hooks on the wall, and when I went to carefully take it off, a large chunk of the wall came with it. FML

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By Noname - Canada

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

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By lulu - United States

Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML

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By LondonTor - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Christmas is dangerous

Today, I was moving my sofa to make space for the Christmas tree and the sofa slipped on the wooden floor, thus flipping my right big toenail up 90° so it is now only connected at the cuticle. FML

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By unluckylassy - Ireland

Today, after moving miles to be with my boyfriend, I logged onto his computer just in time to see his other girlfriend had sent naked pictures. FML

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By jamblasticus - United States

Today, I was walking in the park when I saw an attractive girl walking nearby. I approached her to strike up a conversation when suddenly a large fly invaded my left nostril, and became lodged inside. After picking out the bloody fly pieces, I looked up to see the girl walking away, gagging. FML

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By fugachumi - United States

Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML

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By Tytonic - United States - Washington

Today, I took a few Advil. They weren't Advil. My dad mixed the containers and I have no idea what I just took. FML

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By deargodthepain - United States

Today, I was singing in the shower but couldn't hit the higher notes. My wife complained and 2 minutes later she ran a tap causing my shower to go freezing. I shrieked. My wife said my pitch was still wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Durham

Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML

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By themcdave - United Kingdom - Cranfield

Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed, and sat down to eat breakfast... I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal. FML

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By ivegotapackage - United States - Greensboro

Today, I got a notice on my apartment door that I'd received a package when no one was home, and it was left at the backdoor. I don't have a backdoor. FML

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By Anonymous

Light day

Today, on my 16th birthday, my lightly worn jeans split while I was at school. I attempted to fix them with staples, but I have a metal allergy. So I took my driving exam with a rash on my butt and staples digging in, in a car that had no AC. FML

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By Enrique - United States

Today, I work at McDonalds. I burned my hand while cleaning their grill and have a 2nd/3rd degree burn from my pinky to my wrist. When told about this, my manager told me that there was "nothing that they could do for me and to tough it out". However I was given a free McFlurry. FML

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By Brittany - United States

Today, after calling my boyfriend and telling him that my dog had just died, he hesitated and stuttered "She was old, sick, and suffering. Babe, it was her time to go." He then informed me he had to go to his friend's house and hung up. My dog was 2, in great health, and was hit by a car. FML

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By ninjawhat1337 - United States

Today, I told my dad that I was going to sleep over my friends house this weekend with a few other guys to play Dungeons and Dragons. He responded with, "Oh, back in my day, me and my pals used to pick on the kids who played Dungeons and Dragons." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my 13 year old fishing off the pier for dogfish. The only thing he caught was a piece of my ear. FML

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By CutePenguin - Canada

Today, I returned to my university residence following spring break. I was greeted by a letter stating I'd been caught on camera vandalising a wall repair. At the time in question, I was asleep on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The REZ coordinator is avoiding me, and I can't clear my name. FML

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By xHoho - United States - West Fargo

Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend he is good at singing. Now he won't stop. FML

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By meowmeow - Australia

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

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By - France

Today, I drank a beer that I thought was mine, it wasn't and someone had put out their cigarette in it. FML

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By ohsnap - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML

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By LuckySperm - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML

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Top comments

By interesting33 | 36

#7673147 - Wednesday 8 August 2018 10:53

they are bringing him home because he is dating?? what!? how old is he?

By ARISKomuniszt | 24

#7679880 - Monday 20 August 2018 21:01

"Studying abroad" or "studying a broad" (sorry guys I had to do that *dab*)

COMMENTS

By interesting33 | 36

#7673147 - Wednesday 8 August 2018 10:53

they are bringing him home because he is dating?? what!? how old is he?

By ARISKomuniszt | 24

#7679880 - Monday 20 August 2018 21:01

"Studying abroad" or "studying a broad" (sorry guys I had to do that *dab*)

By RichardPencil | 29

#7679884 - Monday 20 August 2018 21:07

Yay! Someone turned “Crazy Rich Asians” into an FML.

Reply

Glowworm56 | 25

#7679899 - Monday 20 August 2018 21:55

More like "Crazy Rich Canadians", eh?

By TyrionLannister | 17

#7679896 - Monday 20 August 2018 21:42

A lying child is not worth your time, my dear.

By purplepixie23 | 16

#7680322 - Tuesday 21 August 2018 19:18

Not fond enough

By soulreaper12296 | 28

#7680904 - Wednesday 22 August 2018 20:08

Honestly, you probably dodged a bullet there if his parents are that much in control of his life.