Today, I found out yet another of my guy friends liked me. I...

By fail - 18/8/2013 04:41 - United States

Today, I found out yet another of my guy friends liked me. I posted that I just wanted a guy friend that had absolutely no romantic feelings for me. My crush volunteered. FML

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Miscellaneous

Who's a good boy?

Vultures

Child labor

By not on life, that's for fucking sure - 25/10/2014 18:27 - United States

Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML

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By lifeguardfuckup - 14/2/2019 15:17 - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on the official pool phone. When it rang again, I picked it up, told them to go fuck themselves, hung up, and then left the phone off the hook. A second later, my cellphone rang. It was my boss, telling me to get a sense of humor. FML

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By not a kiddy fiddler really - 29/5/2015 20:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML

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By dantheman - 24/7/2009 14:56 - United States

Today, I just got a new assignment for the moving company I work for. Two weeks ago my fiancé dumped me and I moved out of the house. Almost all of the furniture was mine and it took forever. The new moving assignment I have is moving her new boyfriend into my old house. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, my aunt informed me that she thinks I'm faking the debilitating disease I've had for the past 13 years. Apparently she thinks I just don't want to go to college or get a job, and that I like living on disability. She also added that my entire extended family agrees with her. FML

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By MadMax - 16/7/2009 14:59 - United States

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

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By alphabetman - 14/9/2009 09:56 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML

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By dirk855 - 18/1/2009 10:29 - United States

Today, I crashed into a ditch on my way home from work. I had to walk 2 miles in -25 below zero weather before I could pick up a cell phone signal to call a tow truck. When I got back to my car, a cop was waiting for me with a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I was going into an office building. There was a boy and a man ahead of me, and the boy held the door open for me. Surprised, I said "What a nice young man," and he said. "It's ok, ma'am; my dad says to always hold the doors open for old ladies." I'm 43. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2020 08:00

Hard shoulder

Today, the guy I’ve been trying to get over for the last month finally messaged me like I’ve been hoping for, only to cry that his new girlfriend cheated on him and to ask if I think he should forgive her, because he, "appreciates my honesty." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2009 17:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because she found a lot of red lipstick on my neck. The red lipstick was from her lipstick because she came over in the middle of the night when she was really drunk, then left. She refuses to listen to me. FML

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By bsulyingb - 24/11/2013 19:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "our priorities aren't the same." Her priorities turned out to be getting into my coworker's pants. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2014 15:38 - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

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By Tiana Scott - 12/9/2018 13:10

Today, I left the door open while I went to the bathroom and my 11-month-old crawled in and then took off with my toilet paper. FML

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By HolyyMolyy - 11/7/2016 10:24

Today, I was ecstatic to have received a friend request from my crush of grade 4 after 11 years. He's grown up to be such a hottie. I quickly accepted his request, he messaged me and we ended up chatting for hours. Later, when I messaged him, he called me clingy and unfriended me from Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2010 06:24 - United Arab Emirates

Today, this guy I've been "seeing" for a year said he didn't want to share my birthday with me because he doesn't want us to get serious. FML

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By work -_- - 22/4/2013 13:22 - United Kingdom - Mitcham

Today, I was feeling really sick at work. I messaged my boss whether his girlfriend, who also works there, could cover me. He then came down, shouting at me that whatever illness I have, I've also passed on to his girlfriend. I'm pregnant. FML

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By Oh_baby - 10/6/2009 17:35 - United States

Today, I checked facebook, only to find out that my close cousin is now married. When I looked at the pictures, I saw that my whole family was there - including my sister, mother and father. I was the only one who wasn't invited. FML

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By LonelyInLA - 16/2/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when the Jim Beam commercial came on with the hot girl saying how she likes her men fat and hairy. My mom walked in and said, "See honey, you still have a chance." FML

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By CaddyWhack - 18/11/2016 20:57

Today, after a couple of months of enjoying an informal parking arrangement with a local bank, I found out they sold their extra lot without telling me. The new owner's towing company heard about the deal, though. FML

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By evecamp - 10/2/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 11 months told me that she's been faking her orgasms the whole time. Just to make me "proud" of myself. FML

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By starcatch777 - 9/5/2011 20:30 - United States

Today, I blacked out going up a roller coaster. Instead of helping me, my friend took pictures of my face and posted them on Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2011 18:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and we were just about to kiss. Until his mum walked in saying his girlfriend was at the door. I thought I was already there. FML

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By Stressed_Out_Student - 29/8/2018 22:00

That's a lot of damage!

Today, I had to do a still life of a pillowcase for my drawing class. To make up for bad grades I've gotten before, I followed my professor's directions to a T. He took 19 points off because I drew the background when no one else did. We have to do it for every piece. FML

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By Nutellalover - 19/10/2012 14:19 - Germany - Hennef

Today, I realized that I spend the same amount of money on my phone bill as I do on Nutella. FML

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By spoiled22 - 12/10/2011 07:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to change the batteries of my automatic room freshener. As I held it to my face to figure out where the batteries went, it started spraying on my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2018 06:00

Today, I was walking the boardwalk when I felt a strange sensation between my legs as I sneezed. My tampon shot out like a cork and rolled to the side of my granny panties. I had to waddle like Yosemite Sam to the nearest potty. I was on a date. FML

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By smokecloud_ - 30/12/2014 21:38 - United States - Ashland

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML

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By oink oink fuck off - 29/7/2012 18:49 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, my son got to my great grandfather's old stopwatch, which had been valued at a very high sum, and broke it by twisting the hands in reverse. He says he was trying to time travel. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2016 22:28 - United States - Columbus

Today, I went to a new doctor. While filling out charts she looked up and said, "I'm assuming you are single." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2013 19:09 - France - Minzier

Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML

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By annoyed teen - 13/4/2014 03:01 - United States - Boise

Today, I had to work at the restaurant instead of going to the prom, which nobody asked me out to. For five hours, I got to shamefully greet and seat people on their way home from the prom, all of whom knew I was too lame to get asked out. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2013 11:47 - United Kingdom - Stevenston

Today, the guy I like and his friend came home with me to work on a project. I opened my front door and my mum was at the top of the stairs completely naked, bent over, drying her hair with the hairdryer. It took a few moments for her to realise we were there. FML

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By wow - 11/7/2009 20:02 - United States

Today, I have to choose between one eyebrow or none because I'm a heavy sleeper and my brother is a moron. FML

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By What does this button do? - 17/2/2017 10:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my new apprentice took, "What does this button do?" to a new level when he pushed an emergency, "Stop all" button, causing my firm to miss multiple deadlines, causing massive losses In profits. FML

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By AdriftInTheSeaOfPaperwork - 24/9/2014 17:17 - Germany - Dachau

Today, after waiting well over a month for a work visa in Germany that should only have taken 3 weeks to come through, I finally received my long-awaited answer. Unfortunately, that answer was "We lost your paperwork." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2014 21:07 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, while on a first date, I had to excuse myself to the restroom. I was still tired from pulling an all-nighter, and fell asleep on the toilet. When I woke up and rushed back out, my date was gone. Everyone now thinks I'm an arsehole who pulled the old "window escape" trick on her. FML

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By Dying Son - 5/4/2019 12:00

Today, as I was sitting on a bench thinking about an upcoming test, some hysterical woman slapped me out of nowhere because she thought I was staring at her ass. I was staring blankly into the void. FML

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By MotherNatureMustDie - 27/10/2009 12:32 - South Africa

Today, my telephone line was hit by lightning. I discovered that not only will lightning fry a router, it will also destroy any PCs connected to that router via network cables. I also discovered that a $10 phone line surge protector would have saved nearly $3,000 worth of PC equipment. FML

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By hmmmm - 13/8/2012 12:19 - Australia

Today, the condom slipped off, because my boyfriend refuses to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms. FML

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Top comments

By xSkittle | 16

#5632870 - Sunday 18 August 2013 12:40

Heartless to post that, those friend who have feelings for you can read it aswell. You got what you deserve.

By GhostChickens | 17

#5632890 - Sunday 18 August 2013 12:52

No sympathy from me, OP. There was no reason for you to post that on Facebook, were you just trying to inflate your ego or something? Your poor friend doesn't need to see that. If you didn't want to date him, you could have just politely declined if he asked you out.

You can't get mad that your crush publicly stated that he didn't fancy you, because that's exactly what you did to your friend.

COMMENTS

By xSkittle | 16

#5632870 - Sunday 18 August 2013 12:40

Heartless to post that, those friend who have feelings for you can read it aswell. You got what you deserve.

your_ma | 27

#5632891 - Sunday 18 August 2013 12:53

Yeah big old YDI for being a thoughtless bitch.

nyrangersfan9 | 13

#5632993 - Sunday 18 August 2013 15:05

If I told a girl I liked her but then saw her post that, well, she wouldn't have the problem of me liking her anymore.

CobraLazerFace | 21

#5633006 - Sunday 18 August 2013 15:16

"But guise, Facebook is the ultimate forum fer mah feelingz and nao has #hastags 4 more expressionz" - What I think OP will post

skyeyez9 | 24

#5633145 - Sunday 18 August 2013 19:08

Written in "lol cat" language.

By baxeh | 29

#5632872 - Sunday 18 August 2013 12:41

Must suck, but he just feels like you felt for your male friends.. Not much to do but get over it and move on, better luck next time!

By BeRT2me | 13

#5632876 - Sunday 18 August 2013 12:44

Sucks to be friendzoned doesn't it...

By calilovesneb | 12

#5632878 - Sunday 18 August 2013 12:44

Careful what you wish for.

By pdp_fml | 21

#5632879 - Sunday 18 August 2013 12:44

Well, maybe you were expecting someone else? How can you expect a guy not to have some feelings for you?

MikeonFML | 17

#5632970 - Sunday 18 August 2013 14:43

I have quite a few friends that are girls that I don't have any romantic feelings for

banemask | 14

#5632999 - Sunday 18 August 2013 15:10

To have romantic feelings for every girl you know is intensely creepy

Queensland | 27

#5633049 - Sunday 18 August 2013 16:27

I didn't know creepy til I saw your picture #68

sematariux | 7

#5633155 - Sunday 18 August 2013 19:14

90, you just made my day with that

By HortonThelephant | 15

#5632880 - Sunday 18 August 2013 12:44

That is a sweet ass form of retribution if I do say so myself..

By Bevspeaks | 11

#5632882 - Sunday 18 August 2013 12:46

Oh friendzone, thou art a cruel and heartless asshole. Welcome to the friendzone, population: you.

MattOnFML | 13

#5632920 - Sunday 18 August 2013 13:38

And the rest of her guy freinds

Bevspeaks | 11

#5632965 - Sunday 18 August 2013 14:40

At least they can all play yahtzee together. Or twister.

starile | 19

#5633150 - Sunday 18 August 2013 19:12

Or Naked Twister

Bevspeaks | 11

#5633159 - Sunday 18 August 2013 19:19

Or naked twister yahtzee

By SexyQueen0905 | 24

#5632884 - Sunday 18 August 2013 12:48

I don't feel bad for you. It's one thing to friend zone your guy friends. But why would you do it publicly on the Internet? That's just cold. Kudos to your crush for giving you a taste of your own medicine.

By LaLince | 40

#5632885 - Sunday 18 August 2013 12:48

you can't seriously think you could control other people's feelings..

By raytyler26 | 16

#5632886 - Sunday 18 August 2013 12:49

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment