Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began flirting, then grabbed my ass. She felt around a bit before freaking out and asking where my penis was. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriend's house. When her little brother was about to blow out the candles, I slipped my hand into her sister's back pocket and squeezed her ass, thinking it was my girlfriend. She freaked out, and now her family thinks I'm a pervert. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that last night after I got drunk, I passed out mid-pump while we were knocking boots. FML
Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML
Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML
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Top comments
whythankyou 19
She must have been utterly shocked when you turned around and showed her your tail.
kjack49044 18
Disregard #1. They don't seem to realize she was feeling your ass.
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Comments (74)
buttcramp 21
at least she wanted to find it!
sarkaar 30
Her primal animal instincts made her look for the tail at the back.
pizzzah 9
at least even in her drunken state she was only flirting with OP and not other people
jonnyboy89 10
I hope you didn't sleep with her while she was drunk.
arandomusernameaa 20
They are going out! who gives a shit :P
Rizzie0512 18
why? that's his girlfriend, they've probably had sex multiple times, and she wanted to ****. If my boyfriend turned me down while I was drunk I'd be super sad X3 so I hope they did ****
mace275 9
Seem to me no one thought the author could me a girl also
rosenkrieger223 24
except that the fml shows the users gender next to their screen name. ..
Suaria 38
It also mentions OP's girlfriend was looking for his D in the post.
molliciousj 19
Hahah!! Wouldn't that be a crazy lesbian plot twist?!
EphMi 5
that's better than she stuck her hand down the front of your pants and still asking where your penis is!
vikky538 28
good for u.. she then should have looked at the bar's lost and found section...
j_cat187 19
This is a good think. You won't be going broke buying your girlfriend drinks.
j_cat187 19
*thing
redelmo20 3
Penis?
krad204 21
Thank god she didn't find your ass penis!