Intimacy: Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After...

By Anonymous - 21/02/2014 17:37 - Germany - Naurath

Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began flirting, then grabbed my ass. She felt around a bit before freaking out and asking where my penis was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 680

You deserved it 6 155

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Same thing different taste

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 616

You deserved it 32 078

By Anonymous - 04/09/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 312

You deserved it 6 396

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 495

You deserved it 9 870

By tigerbyrn - 30/05/2016 15:35 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 078

You deserved it 2 100

Surprise!

By dieold - 28/01/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriend's house. When her little brother was about to blow out the candles, I slipped my hand into her sister's back pocket and squeezed her ass, thinking it was my girlfriend. She freaked out, and now her family thinks I'm a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 878

You deserved it 34 555

I did a sex

By Anonymous - 17/05/2021 05:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that last night after I got drunk, I passed out mid-pump while we were knocking boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 1 204

By ass slap - 11/08/2013 15:35 - United States - Broomall

Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 239

You deserved it 24 853

By arctic1 - 27/05/2009 09:45 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 333

You deserved it 68 743

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 16:27 - Serbia

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 830

You deserved it 5 460

By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 020

You deserved it 45 657

whythankyou 19

Saturday 22 February 2014 1:49

She must have been utterly shocked when you turned around and showed her your tail.

kjack49044 18

Saturday 22 February 2014 1:48

Disregard #1. They don't seem to realize she was feeling your ass.

Comments

kjack49044 18

Saturday 22 February 2014 1:48

Disregard #1. They don't seem to realize she was feeling your ass.

Welshite 39

Saturday 22 February 2014 1:48

Her beer goggles extend to anatomy.

timakinz 21

Saturday 22 February 2014 13:53

Witty

Michael903 18

Saturday 22 February 2014 1:48

Ah....alcohol. The great fml tool that keeps on giving again and again! Don't worry OP, she'll find it after she sobers up and you'll have a funny story!

Ytharr_Taaz 10

Saturday 22 February 2014 1:49

That's awkward af lol

laden_swallow09 34

Saturday 22 February 2014 2:11

Do you know what the word "awkward" means?

andrewturtle 16

Saturday 22 February 2014 2:56

#6 is a cat. Don't have such high expectations.

Ytharr_Taaz 10

Saturday 22 February 2014 6:31

Meow meow

cryssycakesx3 22

Saturday 22 February 2014 9:30

"awkward" is starting to get used like "literally"

6punkrock9 2

Saturday 22 February 2014 11:19

Whoever said you're cute as a kitten, lied to you

zsxwrsd 7

Monday 24 February 2014 8:08

no its not

whythankyou 19

Saturday 22 February 2014 1:49

She must have been utterly shocked when you turned around and showed her your tail.

molliciousj 19

Sunday 23 February 2014 5:06

Haha! ^^^ Omg this girl needs a high five!

amason5995 4

Friday 23 May 2014 1:35

Crazy clever, kudos girl, kudos.

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 22 February 2014 1:56

Assist her hand...that may help...or have less drinks...

paigexox0 37

Saturday 22 February 2014 9:12

Someone pointed out how much you use "..." And now thats all i notice whenever you comment

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 22 February 2014 20:21

Old habits die hard

molliciousj 19

Sunday 23 February 2014 5:07

Whoa, #51, you forgot something....

worldclassrager 39

Tuesday 4 March 2014 16:37

Intentional...

skipper2009 18

Saturday 22 February 2014 1:57

The ol tuck and stuff! Yeah my husband does the same when I get frisky. He says I'm too rough :(

greekk 21

Saturday 22 February 2014 3:36

a tuck and stuff would mean she would have felt it on his ass lol, she was feeling his ass while looking for said penis.

molliciousj 19

Sunday 23 February 2014 5:09

Maybe he tucks it in his ass.

broski4 13

Saturday 22 February 2014 1:59

Well at least you know she's pure... For now

kumarina 35

Saturday 22 February 2014 5:47

Some people get honest drunk, she gets anatomy wrong drunk, doesn't mean she is a virgin....

reaxion 25

Saturday 22 February 2014 2:02

At least your girl, drunk off her ****, was doing those things to you instead of a random stranger. She proved her love for you right there. When she sobers up take good care of her and her hangover.