Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Same thing different taste
Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML
Today, I found out that the fat sweaty guy at my job frequently uses my rub-on deodorant and puts it back in my drawer after he's done. FML
Won't get fooled again
Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, when I went to work, my nice coworker gave me a gift basket. And cookies. I had to tell him that I caught his kid keying my car last night. FML
Today, I found out that my husband thinks I'm fat when I caught him slipping diet pills into my morning smoothie. FML
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
Plot twist
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with lunch at work. He surprised me too, when I caught him making out with one of his coworkers. FML
Today, after my coworker bought coffee for me for the fifth time, I thanked him and asked him why. Apparently it's the only way to get me to shut up in the morning so he can get work done. FML
The usual?
Today, I found out that the man who came into work yesterday, the man who tried to grope me from over the counter, the one who spat his drink in my face, the one who kicked me in the shins when he didn't like the way his food tasted, is a regular and I can expect him three times a week. FML
Today, at work, the janitor would not stop telling me how good I looked. This was after he told me he was fired for sexual harassment at his last job. He clearly learned that lesson. FML
Top comments
vucui 21
Well, that's a dick move.
ItsAUnicorn 27
Was it a vanilla milkshake?
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Comments (183)
AussieChick101 13
Haven't you learnt to not let people buy you drinks if you don't see them do it! Never know if they did anything to it.
klorehore 24
Guess I'm paranoid, I'd never accept a drink from a random stranger like that..
Dracoboxer357 36
And because of that, you've probably significantly decreased your odds of ever being slipped a date rape drug. :p Call me equally paranoid, but someone did that to my younger sister a few years back. The only reason she didn't get raped was the guy couldn't get her out of the bar away from her friends fast enough, and her friends noticed she was acting funny. She had a bad reaction to it and they had to take her to the hospital, which is where they figured it all out. So my sense of humour about putting any kind of shit in people's drinks is just about zero, and I wouldn't blame anyone who didn't know me (or anyone) well for not accepting a free drink either. There's a lot of trust in that act right there, and sometimes, maybe that trust really should be earned first.
queerdragon 20
Wow, your sister is so lucky! I had a guy try to slip something in my drink. He thought it was vodka, I was drinking water. My friend was not so lucky and he had slipped something in her drink. His friend tried to carry her out of the club. I ended up flagging down security and my boyfriend punched the guy so bad we think he knocked out a few teeth. Turns out the guys had gotten another girl and had her waiting in the car. It was terrifying.
Dracoboxer357 36
Well, in my opinion, your boyfriend is my new friend...who's a boy. ;) More seriously, very little disgusts me more than people that pull that shit on others, and if anything, your man should have hit him again. My sister did get lucky, and that thought bothers me greatly how close that was. What's worse is that guy got away, so odds are, he probably tried it again another day. If only he was the same guy that your boyfriend clocked out could this story truly have a happy ending. ;p
2ru 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If this "nice guy" is bringing you smoothie for free everyday then YDI. Also I'd bet he's doing more than just putting his dick in it. His probably giving you an protein boost. Your coworkers are jackals, but its funny as hell.
Unenunciable 14
There is no way she deserves it just because she accepted his smoothie. It's not like she was tricking him into spending money on her, it's probably all his idea, to cover his evil hidden agenda. He probably has a thing for doing this. Also, if he really is adding ingredients to the smoothie, so to speak, he could give her diseases. That's not funny at all. Wouldn't you feel violated if you found a pubic hair in your sandwich? Now, would I accept a drink from someone I don't know very well, when I didn't see how the drink was being handled at all times? Probably not. Then again, I'm overly suspicious. She could have been more suspicious of him, but the point I'm trying to make is she shouldn't have to be. It is normal, expected human decency to not behave like a total asshole, and for others to go along with it. People shouldn't have to be afraid of stuff like this.
juturnaamo 29
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
"I'm pretty so people just bring me free things. That's how the world works, right?"
SpamPam 18
Right on # 54 I'm shocked at how many people are okay with this.
christian_slate 16
You can't get an STD from a dick-dipped drink, right? :P
queerdragon 20
Try saying "dick-dipped drink" 5 times fast. Yeah, I am pretty surprised people are okay with this. I know the moment someone did it to them, they would be beating the shit out of the guy/pressing charges/freaking out. I would have called the police about this. The guy sounds like he gets off on this sort of thing. Op should also get checked out to make sure she didn't get an STD.
DanielleinDC 34
And maybe she thinks the guy has a crush on her. That doesn't mean she deserves anything for some sicko bringing her dick-dipped smoothies. That said, OP, your co-irkers are jerks if they think this is funny, and I'm not sure if you should turn this creep down or offer it to one of your coworkers.
SpamPam 18
I thought it was a pretty typical thing for coworkers to bring each other drinks just in good nature.
ScarlettVixen_fml 8
You can get a very nasty strain of gonorrhea
BFons 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's nasty, unless you're into that thing.
BobbiLove 10
I'm sure she wouldn't be posting the FML if she was into that.
WhiteCrimson 23
Well that is a pre dick ument that you would not have fore skinned. Ah well what doesn't kill you make you stronger lol. I hope you did not contract some sort of virus
rai102 1
He's saying predicament and foreseen :). But with a twist.
Wizardo 34
Be glad it wasn't tea and that it wasn't topped with syrup...
Missyeru 14
Well I guess a morning smoothie is faster than a cold shower...
jrock9093 18
How did you find out? I need the full story it's like an end of the movie and your like wtf why!!! But sorry about that it's disgusting and you should file charges good luck
vipirius 18
I don't think you can file charges for that, it's not like he poisoned it or something.
Wakachulak 22
Definitely a sanitary violation, though that probably only applies to fast food workers. Or not...
Lesyriad 14
If he has any diseases that can be transmitted via bodily fluids. (HIV, Herpes, etc.) Then his bodily fluids can be considered a deadly weapon. Then he can be charged with aggravated assault because some of his bodily fluids could have gotten into her drink when he stuck his dick in it. It can still be considered sexual assault even if he has no disease. And all her coworkers that knew about it are accessories to assault.
Octwo 16
Sexual harassment probably. Doubtful you'd get sexual assault from that unless she were to catch a disease as a result.
queerdragon 20
Sexual harassment, endangering her health.
thelittlepakeha 6
Yes, she can. There's precedent for slipping someone bodily fluids to be considered assault. Actually, putting anything in someone's food or drink and lying about it is pretty dangerous because you don't know what sort of allergies they might have and if it's not something they normally eat THEY might not even know.
CaptainFabulous 1
Wouldn't the smoothie be dick flavored? I'm just saying, but it's really dicky what your coworkers did.
Wakachulak 22
Has nobody said "pervert" yet?
MortenM 17
Uncalled for...
Mossears133 15
Completely called for