At least you have coffee? He could've told you to shut-up in a way that didn't involve you getting free coffee.

I meant this to go somewhere else entirely. While I'm here though, I agree, coffee makes me jittery and talkative, I thought that's what it was supposed I do.

While it makes some talkative, they still have to shut up while drinking it. I know when I worked in an office, I would often come in in the morning and do the most work because of ideas I had floating in my head from the night before. Others would take an hour or so to settle in and go talk with everyone. If I needed to be left alone to write code I would put on my headphones. In my office, that was the universal sign that someone needed to be left alone to get something done.

^Valid point. Yes, coffee is usually used to wake people up and/or keep them going throughout the day. OP is probably quiet while drinking coffee. But the co-worker should have just told OP that work needs to be done and he doesn't have time to chit-chat.

And stop getting free coffee? OP needs to talk more! :p

Tell him you will shut up for a latte and a muffin. If he wants to buy your silence he can do better than just coffee.

Ps, as a return gift for him, write a thank you note, along with some ear plugs!

I'm on my coffee break, the boss didn't want to hear me make one more work related pun

Would you like one of my shutthefuckup-cakes? Theyre like regular cupcakes, but once you take a bit, they expand in your mouth and prevent any sound from getting through. It may prevent oxygen from getting through too...

no.

Mr. Pleonasm what are the ingredients for the cup of shut the **** up?

You're just mad cause you choked on one. Wait, that didn't come out right.

Do they keep you in the morgue, and then give you a caffeine drip at an alotted hour? You must really be feared around the hospital if they regulate your biological state.

#13, I'm guessing you've had your coffee today? ;)