Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML
Today, I found out that the fat sweaty guy at my job frequently uses my rub-on deodorant and puts it back in my drawer after he's done. FML
Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, when I went to work, my nice coworker gave me a gift basket. And cookies. I had to tell him that I caught his kid keying my car last night. FML
Today, I found out that my husband thinks I'm fat when I caught him slipping diet pills into my morning smoothie. FML
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with lunch at work. He surprised me too, when I caught him making out with one of his coworkers. FML
Today, after my coworker bought coffee for me for the fifth time, I thanked him and asked him why. Apparently it's the only way to get me to shut up in the morning so he can get work done. FML
Today, I found out that the man who came into work yesterday, the man who tried to grope me from over the counter, the one who spat his drink in my face, the one who kicked me in the shins when he didn't like the way his food tasted, is a regular and I can expect him three times a week. FML
Today, at work, the janitor would not stop telling me how good I looked. This was after he told me he was fired for sexual harassment at his last job. He clearly learned that lesson. FML
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Top comments
vucui 21
Well, that's a dick move.
ItsAUnicorn 27
Was it a vanilla milkshake?
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Comments (183)
GamerMom392 19
I knew there was a good reason I don't accept food or drinks from people I don't reeeeeeeally trust.
TheCerealKiller 24
Extra flavor?
crystalxa 35
does it have bit of a sweet taste to it?
pikachulove14 14
sometimes you seriously don't know how many dicks you've sucked.
CraZZZyL0VE 9
The choice of "LittleDipper" had me dying of laughter
JoelsLastNight 18
No one else is going to say it so i will, get tested for hiv or something similar like aids. If he has something sue him because those are grounds to sue.
kirasant 19
This is illegal. I'm not sure if counts as sexual assault or something else but putting your bodily fluids in another person's food or on them is illegal. This guy could have given you something. Go to the police and report it. Then go to the doctors and get tested for anything they think you should be. Clearly this guy is a pervert and has crap judgment, so who knows what diseases he's picked up. After you've spoken to the police go to HR. If you work in a chain store, go straight to corporate. Do NOT trust that your direct manager didn't know about this, if your coworkers did. I'm sorry you ran into such horrible people. Take all steps to protect yourself from this kind of assault from here out. Seriously, there are things out there that can kill you and AIDS isn't the most dangerous thing on the list.
Lesyriad 14
I wouldn't even go to HR just get a lawyer and sue them for sexual assault. By them I mean the guy who did it and every one who knew about it and thought it was funny because they are accessories.
Angel_of_Night 10
This is true. He can be jailed for that, can't he? In fact, they can all be cuffed.
JoshMohawk 11
Who said anything about there being bodily fluids involved? It sounds like she's saying he just dunked his penis in the smoothie. And OP, it may be hard proving it happened. Hope you have some evidence, because if not, you're just going to look like a paranoid idiot if you go public with this complaint.
kirasant 19
A penis has fluids on it. That's why you need to change your underwear. There is always remains of urine and seminal fluids on it, especially on the head. Anything a penis touches leaves a smear of bodily fluids and is enough to pass disease.
Obey_StudBoii 23
Wtf? Yeah I hope he didn't piss in it or something. He's disgusting.
QueenQuay77 10
how did you find out that he was doing that? did someone eventually tell you? and long was this going on for? that's so messed up in so many ways. people are crazy nowadays.
RedPillSucks 33
Where the hell do you work that this would even remotely be seen as acceptable by co-workers? Are you the only woman at a construction site?