Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML
Today, I found out that the fat sweaty guy at my job frequently uses my rub-on deodorant and puts it back in my drawer after he's done. FML
Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, when I went to work, my nice coworker gave me a gift basket. And cookies. I had to tell him that I caught his kid keying my car last night. FML
Today, I found out that my husband thinks I'm fat when I caught him slipping diet pills into my morning smoothie. FML
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with lunch at work. He surprised me too, when I caught him making out with one of his coworkers. FML
Today, after my coworker bought coffee for me for the fifth time, I thanked him and asked him why. Apparently it's the only way to get me to shut up in the morning so he can get work done. FML
Today, I found out that the man who came into work yesterday, the man who tried to grope me from over the counter, the one who spat his drink in my face, the one who kicked me in the shins when he didn't like the way his food tasted, is a regular and I can expect him three times a week. FML
Today, at work, the janitor would not stop telling me how good I looked. This was after he told me he was fired for sexual harassment at his last job. He clearly learned that lesson. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
vucui 21
Well, that's a dick move.
ItsAUnicorn 27
Was it a vanilla milkshake?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (183)
strike2867 13
I'd probably quit and sue.
Ray_of_midnight 23
"Clean food, please."
Unenunciable 14
Surely your coworkers would find it just as hilarious to find out that your home-made muffins all got rubbed all over someone's ballsack? Now THAT is a secret ingredient.
sweet23_fml 11
Make 'em with laxitive's then sit and watch the shit hit the fan.
demonkitty619 8
I'm pretty sure that can be construed as sexual harassment - and you can sue for that shit. Go nuts and get ALL the money! Then take a shit in some brownies and anonymously send them to mr "d!ck in yo' cup"
Zebediabolical 45
...at which point he countersues and takes all the moneys back and then some. Great ides.
JustStella 28
I'd like this FML better had you put "dipped his dick". I'm a sucker for alliteration.
mrSkeptic 6
anyone else think you should be angrier at your co workers who knew and condoned this insanity?
chosha_fml 27
Please tell us you threw the next one all over him. He deserved it.
52564 8
Used to do that to a coworkers cheeseburgers. We all took turns because he deserved it and it was funny. Did you deserve it?
allplayedout 20
Well, if he's just stirring his dick in it and not adding any extra genetic material, he's spending $5 a day to basically dunk his finger into your drink. Jokes on him, OP
allplayedout 20
I also recommend bringing some very special brownies to your office, perhaps anonymously. And I don't mean the hippie kind of brownies