Today, I found out that I've been calling my boyfriend's dad...

By somefamily - 26/4/2012 07:11 - United States - Wayne

Today, I found out that I've been calling my boyfriend's dad by the wrong name for the past two years. No one had told me sooner because they liked laughing at me for it when I wasn't around. FML

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Miscellaneous

DINOSAURS!!

Who's a good boy?

Goodbye Bill

By Grinsporked - 11/10/2019 22:00

Bankers!

Today, after talking to the bank, I'd have to take a pay cut to qualify for a home loan. I'm still confused. FML

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By yourclotheslookgay - 25/3/2016 16:00 - United Kingdom - Rotherham

Today, my mum visited. Even though I live under my own roof now, I caught her continuing her old habit of throwing out any clothes she thinks make me look "gay". FML

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By tatfreak - 8/3/2011 01:03 - United States

Today, I told a cashier I always bullshit with that I was getting a new tattoo. She shook her head and said, "Honey, don't get a tattoo. You'll look like a whore." I already have five. FML

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By justcomesnaturally - 4/11/2012 00:37 - United States - Danby

Today, I realized that I'm a terrible human being. For the first time in my life, I gave some change to a homeless guy, but only so he'd get out of my face long enough for me to watch two other bums beating the crap out of each other over a sandwich. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2016 06:01 - United States - Spring

Today, my fiancé's mom was driving me to the store to pick up my wedding dress. A few minutes into the drive, she said the car's tank was nearly out of "Jews" and that she'd have to give it "a whole lotta gas", then chuckled to herself. She's well aware that I'm Jewish. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2012 11:57 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

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By ocean555 - 7/3/2011 00:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my Facebook profile picture, of me between my boyfriend and a friend, is actually me between my boyfriend and the girl he has been cheating on me with. FML

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By whyme_ss - 23/2/2010 22:10 - United States

Today, I got into my boyfriends car having to pee really badly. I accidentally peed everywhere. He kicked me out. I had to walk four miles home in 20 degree weather. In wet clothes. FML

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By ouch - 8/3/2011 15:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend convinced me that a staple gun doesn't work on skin. I decided to put this new piece of information to the test. FML

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By fattysonparade - 21/7/2010 01:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I cycled past a group of middle school kids. They decided that they should all start shouting "FAT ALERT" while ringing the bells on their bikes. FML

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By FBfail - 28/2/2010 13:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw my boyfriend of two years had joined a group on facebook called 'Guys who are proud of their girlfriends'. I smiled and was about to like it when I noticed a comment below from a girl saying "Awww thanks babe :) xxxx". FML

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By Insomniac - 2/2/2012 07:07 - United States

Today, I finally got my stubborn toddler to take an afternoon nap after an hour and a half of wrestling with her. Ten minutes later, a UPS package arrived at my door. The UPS man decided it would be a good idea to ring my doorbell repeatedly in rapid-fire sequence as he was walking away. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he gets a call from his best friend whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzips his pants and mouths, "She won't know." FML

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By badplannning - 30/11/2015 04:55 - United States - Naperville

Today, my date suggested we go to 10:30 p.m. movie so we could "talk" in the car afterwards, when the parking lot was empty. Thus, at 1 a.m., I thought we were going to make out. However, he only asked where I get my car air freshener from, had me write down the scent, and then suggested we go home. FML

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By yesguysgetabusedtoo - 24/5/2013 23:42 - New Zealand - Papamoa

Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her because for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML

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By dieana - 16/5/2014 12:16 - Canada - Lacombe

Today, I actually uttered the words: "Those are my good sweatpants." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, to save money, I wanted to fix my own leaky roof instead of hiring someone. When I got on the roof, the ladder fell. As it was falling, it broke three windows and snagged the siding of my house ripping over half of it off. FML

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By curiousminx - 6/12/2016 02:32 - Australia - Morningside

Today, is my first day as a student nurse. It was also the first day I learnt I was allergic to latex gloves. FML

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By wrongcolorwrongcreed - 30/5/2019 10:43

Today, I went with my boyfriend of 10 months to rent a car, for which he needed his dad to sign for. To avoid introducing me, he banished me to the nearest airport terminal, and picked me up 45 minutes later, around 11:30 p.m. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2016 14:09 - United States - East Brunswick

Today, while working the Sunday rush at the deli, I held up a piece of ham to a blind customer and asked him if it was thick enough. FML

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By Danny - 28/5/2012 18:02 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2012 11:37 - Australia

Today, I called my mum, crying because of my low self-esteem. She interrupted my sobs by saying, "Can I hang up now? The phone's getting hot." FML

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By Dani - 28/11/2011 12:34 - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

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By bigmikenyc - 15/7/2010 09:31 - United States

Today, I realized if you leave a can of soda in parked car during a heatwave it will explode all over everything. My car is like a human glue trap. FML

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By WetPhone - 15/6/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, I was being pulled into a pool by my girlfriend. To avoid ruining my phone, I tossed it into one of the chairs behind me. I missed and it landed into the hot tub behind it. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of the sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House was on. My boyfriend stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML

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By Teenagegirl - 26/3/2012 04:11 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my mother told me it's okay to be a prostitute, as long as I make sure the clients pay a lot. FML

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By FML - 21/12/2013 16:58 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, my mum and I were referred to as "ladies". I'm happy for her, since she always complains about looking masculine. However, I would still like to be called a gentleman, seeing as how I am one. FML

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By Nofriends - 9/7/2012 11:44 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, for my birthday, my family offered to take one of my friends to the movies with me. I had to pay a random person in my class to pose as a friend of mine, so that I wouldn't look pathetic in front of my parents. She forgot my name three times. They didn't buy it. FML

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By story of my life. - 21/2/2009 14:33 - Switzerland

Today, at a party I told this guy that I really liked his pirate costume. Turns out he wasn't wearing a costume, his eye was shot out with a BB gun. This explains the eye patch. FML

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By Danielle - 9/4/2011 23:00 - United States

Today, while dog sitting, the dog peed on the carpet. There was a bottle of cleaning spray on the counter so I sprayed the spot. Turns out that spray was Clorox Bleach. Now their carpet is bright orange. FML

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By swarm20 - 5/2/2013 05:24 - United States - Mankato

Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML

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By generic_name123 - 9/3/2015 13:55 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams' phone number. After texting her "Hey, is this Stephanie?" I got response saying "Sorry bro, I know how you feel, she did the same thing to me." FML

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By ColdMN - 3/2/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I trying to scrape the ice off my car, but wasn't having much luck. Frustrated, I kicked a clump off from the bumper. The clump didn't budge, but the entire front quarter panel fell off. FML

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By soon to be divorced - 24/10/2013 20:06 - United States

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2018 01:30

Today, my wife admitted that she purposefully starts fights with me purely because she enjoys arguing and seeing me flustered. Don't marry a lawyer. FML

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By AlwaysAfraid - 16/10/2018 22:00

Today, I went on a date for the first time in almost a year. To keep things casual, he had a couple of his friends join. Oh and by a couple of friends, I mean a party of people from his church. I'm not religious. The date wasn't even half over before I was being preached to. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2013 05:20 - United States

Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I said yes and he gave me an engagement ring. He immediately went to call his mom to tell her the happy news. After the phone call, he asked if he could return the ring because his mom needed money. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2015 12:42 - United States - Clifton Park

Today, I was forced into accepting a "promotion" for a position that pays less than what I get right now. FML

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Top comments

By shuoq76 | 10

#4357514 - Thursday 26 April 2012 12:07

Well at least he wasn't necessarily offended right?

By br0ccoli | 14

#4357535 - Thursday 26 April 2012 12:13

OP: "Hi Alejandro!"
Bf's mom: "Shh, Steve just play along"

COMMENTS

By sucessfultroll | 18

#4357509 - Thursday 26 April 2012 12:06

that's nice :D

katcot99 | 11

#4357667 - Thursday 26 April 2012 13:09

Trying to be first I see #1?

ladyLALAA | 28

#4357683 - Thursday 26 April 2012 13:16

19, if you're going to thread jack at least make it good. 27, who cares let them get thumbed down. :)

French_Toast_fml | 3

#4357731 - Thursday 26 April 2012 13:46

She did make it good. She had a point.

flockz | 19

#4358085 - Thursday 26 April 2012 15:57

^ya her face is a flashlight.

By shuoq76 | 10

#4357514 - Thursday 26 April 2012 12:07

Well at least he wasn't necessarily offended right?

linstar | 13

#4357648 - Thursday 26 April 2012 12:58

Have the last laugh - keep calling him by the wrong name.

Feared | 9

#4357742 - Thursday 26 April 2012 13:49

Call him by the right name and say, "Oops! I don't know why I called you by that name. I was around my friend the other day with that name. Isn't that the ugliest name you've ever heard?"

Jakesterk96 | 8

#4357807 - Thursday 26 April 2012 14:17

The other day? More like the past 2 years...

By jessikamahone | 6

#4357516 - Thursday 26 April 2012 12:08

Aw, they're low. Hah

By AkGirl1991 | 7

#4357517 - Thursday 26 April 2012 12:09

At least they have a sense of humor about it. Better than him getting pissed off!

By qchabs4lifeqc | 7

#4357519 - Thursday 26 April 2012 12:09

Well if no one bothered to tell you, you shouldn't be embarassed because it's their fault!

By TheFamilyElf | 17

#4357523 - Thursday 26 April 2012 12:10

Well, you stuck around two years. It can't be that big a deal. Laugh it off:)

MidnaLink | 32

#4357815 - Thursday 26 April 2012 14:19

It would actually be less of a big deal if it was a few days or weeks.

By muis545 | 21

#4357525 - Thursday 26 April 2012 12:11

Atleast they have a sense of humour :)

By karmicsamadi86 | 9

#4357527 - Thursday 26 April 2012 12:11

Wow, that's just mean!

By emeraldisle | 30

#4357528 - Thursday 26 April 2012 12:12

Your boyfriend's family sounds like a bunch of winners. I hope he's not like that at least.

SpokenReasons | 0

#4357746 - Thursday 26 April 2012 13:50

who doesnt want to be a winner you are probably trying to spell weiner or whinner im younger than you maybe im just a gramar nazi dont look at my birth its fake

gmc_blossom | 21

#4357852 - Thursday 26 April 2012 14:29

36- What?

First, it's spelled "wiener."

Also, what does "whinner" mean?

"Winner" was the correct word, and you're not a "Grammar Nazi," obviously.

Unless you're just a troll.