Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my stalker is my mom's new boyfriend. FML
Today, I'm hiding from my creepy next-door neighbor. She constantly trash-talks my partner of two years, she's mentally unstable, looks to me for support, has a raging crush on me, and she drunkenly tried to make out with me last weekend. I'm two months older than her daughter. FML
Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of four months. FML
Today, I found out that the person who has been stalking me has also been stalking someone else. I got upset. It seems it took being stalked to make me feel good about myself. FML
Today, I found out that my current girlfriend has dated all of my friends at one time or another. FML
Today, I found out the identity of the pervert who's been staring at me through my bedroom window in the late hours of the night. My parents and I decided to set out a trap for 'him' instead of reporting to our local cop. Turns out, we caught my 37 year-old neighbor in the act. He's the cop. FML
Today, I found out that my 50-year-old ex-husband and the 20-year-old skank he cheated on me with are buying the house next door to me. FML
Today, I found out that my crazy stalker got a crazy stalker too. And she's also stalking me. So basically, I'm in some sort of a stalking triangle. FML
Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML
Today, I discovered that my male coworker, who coincidentally shares my last name, has been telling everyone we're married. I'm 26; he's 58. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
TheDrifter 24
Call him grampa and cuddle in his lap. I'll bet he has a present for you.
yamatelle 19
What you also didn't know is that he's got binoculars, a box of tissues, and vaseline right next to his window. I would invest in some blinds if I were you.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (132)
perdix 31
Go with it and get him to write you into his will. Tell him how fantastic the sex you two just had was. He'll think he just forgot it, but he'll be so proud that he's banging the shit out of you.
codymaas01 0
That sucks. But quite funny
gracetaylor 0
dump him!
Badab1ng 5
Ooooooooo spicy!
ohxdamnxkay02 12
that's sooo hot. He can be your sugar daddy (;
lollipop77_fml 6
Just one word - YEUCK!!!
MrSassypants 34
OP, you're the choosen one. Consider yourself lucky. I was chosen once before but it wasn't a stud muffin like and 80 year old man. It was some Big Bootied Bitch named Fromana.
Egnar 19
Does he actually consider you his girlfriend or was it a crazy old man making a joke at the fact that he wishes he were younger? I've seen it before I'm willing to met he's just an innocent old man being polite and trying to pick up your self-esteem by saying you're worth going out with.
perdix 31
Two words: Petrified wood ;)
someoneO_O 4
Why does Herbert from Family Guy come to mind???