Miscellaneous: Today, campus security called me to let me know a lawnmower crashed...

By Anonymous - 28/09/2011 15:53 - United States

Today, campus security called me to let me know a lawnmower crashed into my car. Apparently the guy mowing the lawn lost control. My car wasn't parked by any grass. I need a new bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 799

You deserved it 2 170

Miscellaneous

Dysfunctional

Own it

A new enemy

By Janitor - 08/03/2012 01:08 - United States

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He gave me a cupcake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 254

You deserved it 3 871

You won't know him, he goes to a different school

By jennavankirk - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I lied to a group of 8 year-olds about having a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 909

You deserved it 32 259

By Sleepless in Juneau - 26/11/2018 19:00 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, my housemate's cat began meowing at 2:15am. After about 10 minutes of continuous caterwauling, it finally shut up. Almost immediately afterwards, a car with thumping bass music pulled up to idle in the street right outside my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 571

You deserved it 209

They targeted gamers. GAMERS.

By hadakanbo - 17/04/2020 05:00

Today, after spending weeks collecting almost every star, flag, and stamp of Super Mario 3D World on the Wii U, I was working on the very last of the super bonus levels to get the final 12 of 380 available stars when my five-year-old decided to help. By accidentally deleting the file. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 628

You deserved it 522

By perfect - 04/02/2013 20:47 - Canada - Whitby

Today, my boyfriend and I arrived at our pre-paid hotel for a romantic evening. When we went to sign in, they had no reservation for us, however they did yesterday. The payment is non-refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 750

You deserved it 6 045

By Anonymous - 07/06/2013 07:10 - United States - Marion

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 911

You deserved it 70 014

By NotJobbing - 11/08/2015 23:05 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my lazy bastard of a co-worker punched me straight in the jaw because he didn't get the promotion I did. Being his new manager, I fired him. A few hours later, I was fired for "abusing" my power. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 352

You deserved it 3 124

By LittleMissRejected - 21/07/2017 14:27

Today, I learned that, even after several interviews and congratulations for getting the job, you still might not get the job. I just received an email stating that my accepted offer is now rejected. I already treated my close friends to an expensive dinner to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 827

You deserved it 941

By flea-bitten - 06/04/2013 19:41 - United States

Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 274

You deserved it 4 421

With friends like these…

By Anonymous - 04/10/2020 05:01

Today, I told my “best friend” that I'd tested positive for COVID-19. She told me to “chill”. Ten years of friendship and she didn’t even ask if I was OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 213

By Anonymous - 17/07/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I received a "diamond ring" in Mafia Wars (a facebook app) from my boyfriend of 3 years. Along with the ring came a message. It read, "Will you marry me?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 384

You deserved it 9 953

By Anonymous - 25/06/2010 09:36 - United States

Today, was the third day of my camping trip with my "friends". I woke up in my boxers with my hand glued to my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 318

You deserved it 5 674

By idonthavelice - 28/02/2010 13:44 - China

Today, while I was standing in the elevator with a few people I just met when I moved in yesterday, I felt something fall on my hair and dusted it off. It was a cockroach. None of them will come within a 1m distance to me now, because they all think I've got lice. Welcome to the building! FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 033

You deserved it 2 403

By jerk_ex_boyfriend - 21/04/2013 13:33 - United States - Narberth

Today, I overheard my boyfriend talking to his mom about me. It sounded like they were planning something for me, like a marriage. They were planning how to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 375

You deserved it 6 165

By Philip - 17/02/2017 16:00 - Australia

Today, my roommate told me that when he takes a shower he likes to swipe the bar of soap in between his butt cheeks, "like a credit card." I use that soap on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 753

You deserved it 1 611

Close to you

By dumbestgalever - 02/01/2022 17:01 - United States - Andrews

Today, my boyfriend was complaining about his kids being hard to handle. He repeatedly said the other day that if he had a woman to help then maybe it wouldn’t be so hard. I don’t really know how to take that, since I’ve said multiple times I’m willing to meet them. I feel like I’m too close, to soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 159

By masterman - 27/08/2012 06:45 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I turned on the TV just in time to see my picture on the news. I have no idea what they said about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 037

You deserved it 2 925

By RiceSickle - 01/08/2014 02:50 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I received the $30 parking pass that I ordered over 4 weeks ago. My class is only 4 weeks long, and next week is the last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 732

You deserved it 4 054

By Wow - 05/07/2014 05:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was on the internet playing a game. I have a speech impediment, and the guy running it told me to get off his server for making fun of disabled people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 063

You deserved it 4 219

Getting the point across

By Anonymous - 05/05/2020 02:00

Today, I was discharged from hospital and I took a cab home. The driver drove really fast and made sharp turns that made me feel nauseous. As I opened my mouth to tell him to slow down, I threw up all over the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 615

You deserved it 113

You can talk to us

By Lonely Loser - 27/07/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, I started self-harming again. My therapist keeps switching the subject when I try to bring it up, and my best friend has called me attention-seeking and selfish so many times in the past year that I’m too scared to ask for her support. I have nobody else to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 235

By Char-azard - 17/05/2016 09:03 - New Zealand - Napier

Today, my father bought a pair of fancy noise cancelling headphones. He doesn't realise that the noise cancelling function only slightly muffles the moaning and screaming in the porn he's watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 212

You deserved it 1 733

By Username - 27/01/2011 03:54

Today, the guy who sits next to me in my psychology class openly admitted to torturing animals as a child. It's going to be a long semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 358

You deserved it 2 840

Annoying neighbors ruin everything

By so much for relaxing - 21/07/2021 06:01

Today, I decided to sit on the back porch for a while to enjoy the nice weather and relax. Unfortunately, one of my neighbors was outside too, having a very loud argument with his wife for about 45 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 64

Heartbreaking

By Anonymous - 03/12/2020 02:02

Today, I ran into a childhood friend for the first time in years. It turned out her mother died of COVID a few days ago. It was heartbreaking to see her close to tears all the time we talked, but due to distancing I couldn't even hug her to make her feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 110

By bellsucker - 04/08/2012 22:15 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was rotated to the graveyard shift at my job. My only co-worker is a twenty-something Paris Hilton wannabe who won't shut up about her belief that she's the reincarnation of Whitney Houston. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 098

You deserved it 1 957

By omfgitburns - 06/01/2011 14:54

Today, I had a plaster cast removed from my arm. After telling the nurse it felt like the saw was cutting my skin, she tells me there is no way that it could touch my skin and that I was being paranoid. She cracked open the cast. Burns, blisters and bleeding skin were revealed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 406

You deserved it 2 854

By S. Fancyson - 16/04/2013 23:23 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 361

You deserved it 9 618

By Unemployed - 30/09/2009 09:03 - Malaysia

Today, I fell asleep during my division emergency meeting. As I about to head home that evening, my boss patted me on the back saying "Wrong move. Good luck". Turned out, it was a meeting to determine who will be kicked out of the company due to recession. My name was written first on the list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 882

You deserved it 54 365

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 333

You deserved it 35 666

By PrayingForMoney - 25/03/2013 08:48 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, Religion doesn't pay my car payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 615

You deserved it 6 432

News to me

By Anonymous - 18/04/2020 20:00

Today, my dad told me he liked men. While he was making a drunken speech. At my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 801

You deserved it 151

By mrmarshall - 17/05/2019 05:44

Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss pulled me into his office and gave me a write-up for quitting, told me that he knows where I live and that I'd better be at work tomorrow or he's going to come and drag me into work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 347

You deserved it 167

By Churizmo - 19/07/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, I was at a party and I really had to use the bathroom. There were 30-40 people talking outside the door, so I thought it would be ok to make some noise. Just as I'm about to begin having explosive diarrhea, everyone falls silent as my dad begins to pray for our meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 635

You deserved it 5 441

By Mike - 20/12/2017 01:30

Today, I received the Christmas gift I bought for my sister in the mail. I also received a nearly $200 bill for shipping fees, taxes, etc. for a $50 blanket from Canada. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 873

You deserved it 1 006

By maaaryy - 07/01/2009 05:53 - France

Today, I went into a shop, not really completely awake. To get to the upper floor, I took the escalator... in the wrong direction. After about 30 seconds (which seemed like hours) trying to climb up the wrong way, my brain started working and by that time I already had a few amused spectators watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 154

You deserved it 9 362

WHERE IS IT?

By Erik - 13/03/2021 11:00 - Netherlands

Today, after days of torture, I finally found out where the annoying fire alarm with empty batteries was hidden. The previous house owners had it hidden behind the top board of a wall cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 50

By ummno - 28/04/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a frantic banging on my front door. It was a guy whom I'd only been dating a few weeks, with a suitcase. He stated that his wife kicked him out for having an affair, and thought now would be a good time to move in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 422

You deserved it 13 508

By Anonymous - 12/05/2016 07:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend was extremely angry. He found a naked photograph of me online that he thought I'd been sending to other guys. It wasn't me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 983

You deserved it 1 193

By MrZhang - 23/06/2009 03:34 - Australia

Today, I had an interview with IBM. For a week I did extensive research and preparation for the interview. At first the interview was going really well. I was hitting all the marks. Then just as a final casual question she asked with a smile "What does IBM stand for?". I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 361

You deserved it 26 474

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Top comments

Kyzahhh 7

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 18:57

I hate losing control at 5mph and crashing into cars while on my lawnmower

techweed 12

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 18:54

That bastard should pay for it

pandapoopDX 0

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 18:53

should of had a v8

shorty1911 0

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 19:14

V8s blow

BagleHead 6

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 19:19

You should've done what I do; tape TM-46 Russian anti-tank mines to my bumper. No one ever crashes into my car and of they did, they won't again!

pineapplefiend 13

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 19:26

Shorty you crazy.

skata 4

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 20:22

13- yeah because you won't have a car

MagicallyFat 12

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 20:46

11- I think he's referring to the drink

enonymous 8

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 21:01

If this was Louisiana I would blame Bobby Boucher

nolarboot 10

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 21:03

This sounds like a fender render to me.

KiddNYC1O 20

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:09

27- Awesome.

techweed 12

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 18:54

That bastard should pay for it

13FTW 9

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 19:11

My question is how the fuck do you lose control of a lawn mower? That takes some serious skill, or lack there of.

Fruit_Dealer 9

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 19:22

The guy mowing the lawn had another of these famous daydreams that occur when breathing fresh grass emmanations for an extanded period. True story.

illmatic2 16

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 20:28

I'm guessing he was drunk.

KiddNYC1O 20

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:11

2- I'm pretty sure the Doc does not drive a lawnmower.

Senior29 8

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 18:55

didnt he pay 4 the damage?

tylersign 11

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 20:10

Eh, he might have paid for it. I don't know about 4 though.

XKXKKXK 10

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 20:54

^ That was clever.

tylersign 11

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Thursday 29 September 2011 7:52

Ah sorry, I forgot to put my clever shoes on earlier.

Kyzahhh 7

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 18:57

I hate losing control at 5mph and crashing into cars while on my lawnmower

ThreeSheetsGone 12

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 19:22

Some people just can't drive slow. But they can sure as hell weave in and out of traffic on the highway doing 90 mph.

KiddNYC1O 20

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:31

15- Oops, didn't mean to cut you off...

LucyGucy 7

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 23:21

Me too!

stevenJB 25

Wednesday 20 March 2013 14:22

"But you don't have to cut me off!".... >.>

yamatelle 19

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 18:57

...and then two days, we hear that the lawnmower guy got "accidentally" hit by a car. What are the odds...

TraceCase_ 19

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 19:00

That's hard to do. If you even lift one butt cheek off my mower, it shuts off. What a dumbass!

Fruit_Dealer 9

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 19:27

Trues questions are : how man butt cheeks are on your lawnmower, and why aren't you providing us any pictures of it?

Fruit_Dealer 9

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 19:55

I can not believe how many typos are in my previous comment. Thx, iPhone keyboard :)

TraceCase_ 19

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 21:09

How man...y butt cheeks? Usually just the two. As far as the photos go...I would take some but I heard that's how you lose control and hit parked cars on those things.