Intimacy: Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 92

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 40

29/11/2010 15:16

Spicy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me by finding orange panties in my closet. His excuse was "they're a Christmas gift." Thanks honey, I get panties that won't fit, and have little brown streaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 853

You deserved it 3 188

Taking stock

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Coherence dude, do you have it?

04/02/2014 01:30

Today, my boyfriend decided the best way to inform me of his shoplifting tendencies was to steal stuff while we were at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 220

You deserved it 4 447

27/04/2012 15:24

Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 802

You deserved it 4 819

Unionize

By blah! - 13/12/2020 14:01

Today, I found out I'm pregnant, after quitting my job because they asked us to work for free due to COVID. So because I quit, I'm no longer eligible for maternity leave. I didn’t know that I was 4 months pregnant. I could've just gotten a doctor's note for medical reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 427

26/08/2015 07:45

Today, is my five year anniversary. My boyfriend said he was gonna get me something shiny this year. I thought he was gonna propose. He got me a set of sparkle glue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 558

You deserved it 3 477

27/04/2009 21:47

Today, my boyfriend of two years, who is a fabulous guitarist and singer, told me he wrote me a song. I was so excited. Turns out it was a break up song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 785

You deserved it 4 191

03/06/2010 02:12

Today, I was excited about showing everyone at work my new piercing. It's in an interesting place in my ear, and its not that common. Before I had the chance to tell anyone about it, someone asked "Are you wearing a hearing aid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 542

You deserved it 32 288

20/11/2017 15:00

Today, my bike slipped on ice and I slid spectacularly for several meters. While my helmet saved me from a cracked skull, nothing could protect me from landing leg-first in the dog poop somebody hadn't bothered to pick up. I had to go to school like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 258

You deserved it 304

22/12/2012 01:16

Spicy

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 654

You deserved it 8 922

06/09/2018 14:30

Today, I and several housemates have food poisoning. From what? Last night's Subway, which we only got to avoid eating the pork that was possibly bad as none of us wanted to be sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 501

You deserved it 250

27/07/2016 20:32

Spicy

Today, when the power went out, my wife said it was too bad we couldn't have sex by candlelight since she had just started her period. The only time she brings up sex is when we can't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 406

You deserved it 1 698

13/02/2015 14:54

Today, I found out that honestly answering "yes" to "Are Kate Upton's boobs bigger than mine?" is in my girlfriend's mind the equivalent of saying I don't find her attractive anymore and that I want to break up with her to date a supermodel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 214

You deserved it 8 343

09/11/2017 10:00

Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 921

You deserved it 246

01/12/2013 21:43

Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 058

You deserved it 4 275

27/02/2018 13:00

Today, I finally had one of my preschool students observed by the county for aggressive behavior intervention. Of course, he only started hitting my assistant and other students after the observer left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 367

You deserved it 259

Hi mom!

By jonnie - 07/05/2020 02:00

Today, I learned Google Assistant and Google Home work harmoniously together if I blabber on without ending a command, like when sending a text to my mom about canceling dinner plans because I’m fake sick and going to hook up with this guy, it’ll send every word. My mistake & lesson learned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 2 043

09/11/2015 00:36

Today, I found out everyone in my neighborhood thinks that I'm a beaten woman due to the reoccurring ambulances in front of my house at night. My kid just chokes on everything, and they don't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 122

You deserved it 2 348

19/04/2011 10:03

Today, my friend and I were bouncing around on a trampoline. We brought my dog up to bounce him around. We found it hilarious. He didn't. He attacked us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 467

You deserved it 82 075

19/05/2011 05:30

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 446

You deserved it 70 170

19/08/2010 17:36

Today, seconds after my mom put my yorkie onto my bed, he threw up. His head was not fully over the bed itself, so the wet chunks fell straight into my backpack onto my new school books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 297

You deserved it 3 573

23/08/2009 02:41

Today, I spilled my heart out to a guy by showing him one of my poetry journals. He read through it and said, "Wow, I feel sorry for the guy you wrote about." The poems were all about how I loved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 123

You deserved it 7 956

23/02/2010 16:48

Spicy

Today, I realized I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. Too bad he has never once made me orgasm in the two and a half years we've been together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 568

You deserved it 7 614

29/11/2014 19:45

Today, while at work, I had to spend an hour and a half on the phone, listening to an old lady relive her entire day in excruciating detail. We're not allowed to hang up on customers, and she was extremely quick to dismiss all my attempts to steer the call back on topic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 789

You deserved it 3 686

19/08/2012 05:51

Today, I got into an argument with my girlfriend over how many sides a triangle has. I actually ended up drawing her a diagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 433

You deserved it 4 340

07/12/2010 17:21

Spicy

Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 583

You deserved it 41 667

14/02/2011 05:20

Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 740

You deserved it 3 227

01/04/2015 17:56

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 132

You deserved it 2 455

Great start

By MattClifford - 15/11/2020 17:01

Today, I passed my driver's test. As I was driving home, I was rear-ended. Rear-ended by the examiner that'd passed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190

You deserved it 57

27/02/2015 22:23

Today, my hiccups got so intense that I threw up in the middle of class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 342

You deserved it 2 616

07/03/2009 07:35

Spicy

Today, I was sitting on my 70 year old grandmothers bed with my older brother. I decided to snoop through the cabinet at the back of her bed, and I pulled out what I naively thought was a strange looking flashlight. When I twisted the bottom of it to see what would happen it started vibrating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 491

You deserved it 71 448

27/03/2019 00:00

Today, I've been horribly sick with a stomach virus. Six hours ago, I asked my husband to go to the store and get me a few things that would help ease my misery. He's still in bed and I'm cleaning the house in between bouts of vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 279

You deserved it 323

11/11/2015 11:03

Today, I fractured my shinbone after slipping on a leaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 743

You deserved it 2 267

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12

Spicy

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 545

You deserved it 9 492

20/07/2012 07:58

Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 252

You deserved it 2 063

16/06/2016 16:55

Today, I was kicking my soccer ball with my father. My mom pulled out in the car without checking and ran into to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 889

You deserved it 1 205

Because I'm worth it

By Anonymous - 30/03/2009 13:34

Today, a mother wrote me a $130 check for babysitting her four kids for a few hours. Trying to be gracious, I said, "Wow, thank you, this is very generous!" She thought for a minute, then said, "You're right." She took the check back, ripped it up, and wrote me a new one for $55. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 966

You deserved it 30 692

Shoulda woulda coulda

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 11:00

Today, I did the math: back at college in 2011, I had a $20,000+ reimbursement from my school. If I had invested even half my cash into Bitcoin then ($2.50), I would be worth over $120,000,000. Instead, I said, "Fuck that! This is stupid", and am now over $200,000 in student loan debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 243

24/10/2011 22:46

Today, my parents staged a family intervention and gave me the grandest bollocking I've ever experienced in all my 22 years of life. They did this because my sister showed them a photo of me jokingly posing with three bottles of Bud Light at a party. Apparently, I'm an alcoholic in denial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 985

You deserved it 4 937

16/05/2012 21:56

Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 178

You deserved it 39 590

18/04/2009 21:12

Today, I was responsible for taking care of Hoppers, the rabbit belonging to my sons 3rd grade class. Tomorrow my son returns Hoppers so the next student can care for him. That won't be happening because Hoppers hopped out my 5th story window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 627

You deserved it 15 775

06/03/2009 19:04

Spicy

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486 683

You deserved it 106 269

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:00

Good for him, fucking a woman who can't wipe properly. Get away from his dysentery-riddled dick ASAP.

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:02

So break up with him. I don't know why it seems like girls are attracted to cheaters.

Comments

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Monday 29 November 2010 18:54

His loss

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:41

If the panties don't fit, you must acquit. Worked for OJ

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:53

If he likes girls that shart their drawers, then let him bask in her skid- markyness. You're better off without him.

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 0:32

All I have to say is that this is a pretty "shitty" situation :)

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 1:42

ewwww so you tried them on !???!??

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 3:41

65: I can't even begin to explain the stupidity of that statement.

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 5:03

68 I know this is off topic bit I absolutley love your hair color! is it natural?

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 9:23

Why do you consider him finding panties an act of cheating? Grammar fail.

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 15:30

holy crap you are CUTE (and clever) :)

Laura123456789 0

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Friday 21 January 2011 14:32

I agree with 68... HAHAHAHAA

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Friday 30 September 2011 21:22

Your boy friend is a doo doo chaser

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Monday 29 November 2010 18:55

make him that shit stain right off

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 3:59

I think you are missing a verb... I just accidentally _____ the whole Coke bottle.

Zeppelinman311 0

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Wednesday 1 December 2010 4:20

hoofed? lol

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Friday 8 April 2011 17:32

lmfao!!

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Monday 29 November 2010 18:59

family bomdin is fun!!

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:26

Yes, I enjoy bombing families as well.

lovemysnubber 0

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Monday 29 November 2010 21:16

no way 2 other people that like bombing families?!? I thought I was the only one!!

TheBananaTheif 0

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 6:55

THREE people.

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Thursday 2 December 2010 5:09

4 fer sure

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:00

Good for him, fucking a woman who can't wipe properly. Get away from his dysentery-riddled dick ASAP.

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:31

maybe she likes it in the butt and maybe he has a poo fetish so he doesn't have her wipe cause it's a turn on

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Monday 29 November 2010 21:21

All the more reason to run far, far away.

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 13:40

28: i am sensing a defensive quality in your comment! should we be worried?

Annies 17

Thursday 20 May 2021 4:49

It could have been blood

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:00

ewe!!!shit stains!!!cheats with a bitch who can't wipe her own ass...yuk!!!!!

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:02

YOUR BOYFRIEND IS DISGUSTING....HE SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST HAVE THE BALLS TO CONFESS HIS DIRTY DEADS INSTEAD OF "GIVING" YOU DIRTY UNDERWEAR!!!

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:03

nice shirt! i saw them in concert a little over a month ago

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:10

agreed #7 plus, let alone cheating with girl who can't even clean herself properly is somewhat more disturbing. just saying

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 0:42

dirty deads?

sassypants93 17

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 0:49

57- Yeah he keeps dirty dead people in the closet.

sassypants93 17

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 0:51

Mine are clean...

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 13:48

heyyyy

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:02

So break up with him. I don't know why it seems like girls are attracted to cheaters.

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:15

Deep I agree completely.

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:24

Girls could be attracted to any guy, unbeknownst to them if they're a cheater or not. OP, dump his ass.

Discombobulated9 12

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Monday 29 November 2010 22:26

Girls like bad boys?

sassypants93 17

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Monday 29 November 2010 22:49

They don't know that they are cheaters when they start dating them! If they do, then it is their fault. I would much rather go out with a nice guy that treats me right than a bad boy.

f3rD1 0

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 14:24

that's what they all say...

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 15:16

Girls like cars & money.

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:02

Maybe he wore the panties.

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Monday 29 November 2010 23:09

that would have been a better lie "No I'm not cheating, I'm just a sick sick human being"

acevu 0

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:07

Get even and shag the sitter

b1acksharpi3mark 0

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Monday 29 November 2010 21:22

Or sag the shitter?

Helloiloveyou199_fml 0

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 4:26

nice pic....

perdix 29

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:09

Lose some weight and wash off the skid marks. . . have a holly jolly!

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Monday 29 November 2010 19:31

I thought it was fake tan lines. I'm holding on to that thought - nicer mental images...

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Monday 29 November 2010 23:32

What if the underwear is too big? She simply said they don't fit, not that they were too small. BF might be a plumpa-humpa! Now this is going to start comments about how all fat people are nasty, lazy slobs who don't wipe their asses. Stereotyping starts..... NOW!

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Monday 29 November 2010 23:39

omg fat people are nasty, lazy slobs who don't know how to wipe their asses. it's disgusting

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 0:16

so true ^

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 5:12

See, what'd I tell ya! XD