Love: Today, I found out my girlfriend of four years is legally married... - FML

By fouryearswasted - 19/12/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend of four years is legally married to a man in prison. He gets out next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 829

You deserved it 3 874

Two wheels not so good

EXPLAIN YOURSELF!

Sorry Danny de Vito…

By notthebesttime - 13/10/2012 12:04

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He decided that the best time would be while I was giving him a blowjob. He then seemed confused as to why I didn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 672

You deserved it 3 710

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 175

By finalssuck - 21/05/2010 15:01 - United States

Today, I found out that I have been studying for the wrong final exam. One more hour until the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 690

You deserved it 36 708

By Anonymous - 12/03/2016 11:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, an attention seeking weirdo who thinks she's my friend asked me who was going to be the maid of honour at my wedding. Knowing what she was really asking, I said I just want a small, non-fancy wedding with no bridesmaids. She broke down into a sobbing mess in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 978

You deserved it 2 072

By FootFlakes - 09/04/2013 17:58 - United States - Boston

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 924

You deserved it 4 423

By anonymous - 21/06/2010 12:21 - France

Today, the Vuvuzela that my brother ordered online was delivered to our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 129

You deserved it 6 058

By NoNotCats =^._.^= - 03/09/2013 08:17 - United States - Mesa

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 471

You deserved it 7 132

By Wellthen - 28/07/2016 01:07

Today, I was fired from my job. Not because I don't do a good job but because my boss didn't feel it was appropriate to have an affair with my wife and have to face me everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 323

You deserved it 1 447

By hastobeajoke - 31/01/2012 18:45 - United States

Today, I submitted my 208th job application in less than a year, and went to my 83rd and 84th interviews, only to be told once again that I'm over-qualified for the first, and under-qualified for the second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 844

You deserved it 2 430

By mstannyngdogevr - 28/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Orlando

Today, my fiancé and I moved into a new home a few houses away from our previous one. We were excited about not hearing our roommate's dog howling non-stop anymore. We can hear him from the new house. Very clearly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 878

You deserved it 1 907

Bye bye Bambi

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 19:59

Today, I hit two deer at the same time on my way to work around 50 mph. They jumped out of the bushes last minute, leaving me zero time to react. I waited a full year to get this truck, shopped around to get what I wanted, and it's my "dream truck". I've only had it for two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 104

By Cashier - 09/03/2011 05:36 - Canada

Today, I was at work as a grocery store cashier. I felt a hand slap my ass. Turning around I saw an old man winking at me and I screamed. When my manager came to deal with the problem she didn't believe me and gave the man a $25 gift card for 'the trouble' I caused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 189

You deserved it 3 784

By Anonymous - 15/07/2012 19:09 - United States - Littleton

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 438

You deserved it 3 473

By Radio GaGa - 27/10/2014 16:25 - Canada

Today, I watched my co-worker throw the mother of all temper tantrums. He's a radio personality, and just learned that he's not famous enough to use the "Don't you know who I am?" line to get out of a traffic ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 266

You deserved it 3 147

By Thatgirl - 14/04/2019 20:00

Today, my grandfather told me I could bring a date to my cousin’s wedding. I said I didn't have anyone to bring. He replied, “That's the saddest thing I've heard all day.” He’s 98. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 926

You deserved it 264

By Ferniferousfern - 02/03/2018 15:00

Today, I went to the dentist for a tooth extraction. Not only were they not able to extract all of it, but after 7 injections, I was still screaming. The best part? Their referral to someone else fell through, so I head back tomorrow to finish the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 847

You deserved it 311

By Abandoned - 15/02/2010 07:28 - United States

Today, our family went out to a restaurant at night. My cousin and I needed to go to the restroom, so we told everyone before going. Less than three minutes later, we came out to find them gone, along with the cars. They forgot about their own kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 804

You deserved it 2 444

By jess - 24/12/2018 04:00

Spicy

Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 008

You deserved it 305

By NotGay - 16/06/2012 05:45 - United States - Lake Zurich

Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 085

You deserved it 7 589

Roommates from hell, part 4874

By Ohgodithurts - 19/10/2020 11:00

Today, I got a second degree sunburn everywhere above my waist, for which I've been using a medicated lotion. My roommate "pranked" me by switching the lotion with a similarly colored, very caustic acne wash. My chest feels like it's roasting in hell and is oozing pus and oil now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 133

By Hesjustapuppy - 10/05/2016 12:56 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, while I have never been able to say my dog ate my homework, I do get to call several people and tell them my dog ate my wallet. He even chewed up my driver's license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 604

You deserved it 1 043

Best to check

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 08:00

Today, I was offered a "rust and accident free“ used car at the dealership. By chance, I managed to track down the previous owner, who was quite surprised I was asking about it, saying, "That one was totaled, I thought it had been scrapped!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 51

By deadman - 09/07/2012 18:25 - United Kingdom - Market Harborough

Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 312

You deserved it 2 463

By number2 - 14/06/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, my friends and I were walking past a bar. There were a few cute guys "rating" every girl that walked by with number cards. My friend, who is a guy, got an 8. I got a 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 975

You deserved it 4 485

By Anonymous - 21/04/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, due to the cold, windy weather, I decided to wear my brand-new cute (and expensive) jacket that has a faux-fur hood. As I walked down the street, numerous PETA members attacked me with red liquid. I'm a Vegan and an animal-rights activist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 837

You deserved it 24 952

My precious

By Qoqo - 14/08/2021 22:01

Today, I found my wife crying. She said she’d lost her diamond ring. I backtracked her activities and suggested where to look. She found it in the fridge. She now thinks I hid it there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 65

By Asshole Parker - 06/09/2016 11:01 - United States

Today, I went to work early and saw my crush's car in the parking lot, so I parked next to her. After that, I looked over at her car to see her staring at me with a weird look and her saying, "Really?" Then she gestured around the lot; I looked around to find it completely empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 279

You deserved it 7 428

Keep your secrets, do your own laundry

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 22:00 - United Kingdom - Chester

Today, I found out that before my grandma washes my clothes, she smells my underwear to "make sure they're dirty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 242

By DMO - 07/07/2009 05:26 - United States

Today, I decided to get back into shape and go for a run. With a 1/4 mile left to run, I saw a hot chick a block ahead of me running. Trying to show off I ran hard and passed her stopping just outside my complex. I started to throw up right as she came past me because I had run so hard to pass her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 713

You deserved it 63 795

By Missyangel - 31/12/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, my 7 year-old looked at me and stated, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 318

You deserved it 11 432

By Not That Old - 28/07/2011 04:22 - United States

Today, I went to El Pollo Loco for the $10.00 special. I ordered from the pimple-faced kid at the register, pulled out two fives, and he said, "That'll be 9.70, I gave you the senior discount." I'm 10 years away from that. Thank you? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 039

You deserved it 6 668

By taylortotscx - 27/05/2012 17:15 - United States - Ocala

Today, I went to Busch Gardens. Trying to cool off, I got on a ride that soaked me to the bone. For the rest of the time I was there, my bra was visible through my clothes, along with the "Hell Yeah" printed on my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 006

You deserved it 36 773

By unicorn - 13/09/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 632

You deserved it 12 880

By Username - 27/11/2010 02:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, after having a long and serious talk about maybe having a relationship, the guy I really like told me to send him a "sexy picture." I sent him a picture of me in a bra and a thong. He replied, "Yeah, you're hot!" and signed off after ten minutes of silence. I haven't heard from him since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 516

You deserved it 45 918

By crackie - 16/06/2016 17:45 - Korea, Republic of

Today, my job as a supervisor has become increasingly ridiculous because one employee doesn't want to do the tasks I give her. My supervisor tells me to keep working with her and giving her work. When she goes directly to him, he tells her she doesn't have to do them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 474

You deserved it 718

By void bowels() { cry(); } - 26/11/2014 20:45 - United Kingdom - Caerphilly

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 890

You deserved it 3 669

By racist - 15/10/2010 06:00 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a lecture about the history of the KKK and the problems it has caused, when the weirdest and quietest kid leans over my shoulder and says "I'd burn you first..." and winks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 156

You deserved it 3 635

By stalked - 08/01/2014 20:27 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 541

You deserved it 4 776

By jillie minaj - 09/07/2012 21:06 - United States

Today, I'm accused of vandalizing a cop car during a night of partying, and in so doing, violating my parole. While talking with my lawyer, who I spent all my savings on, I said he could hire better than his hideous secretary. Turns out she's his wife. I think I'm now more screwed than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 085

You deserved it 61 059

By oralMistake - 26/10/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, I failed an oral speech because "I didn't look up once." The problem was, every time I looked up, my teacher looked down. Every time I looked down, she looked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 795

You deserved it 6 441

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Sunday 19 December 2010 12:57

well, he's prolly used to butt sex with men. maybe you can work out some sort of love triangle.

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Sunday 19 December 2010 12:50

Run, run, as fast as you can!

Comments

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Sunday 19 December 2010 12:33

hahaha! good luck with that!

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Sunday 19 December 2010 12:42

ikr! he's going to kill you once he finds out you've been screwing his wife. You better run now. Lolz

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Sunday 19 December 2010 12:43

propose a duel where the winner gets the maiden. go medieval on his ass!

OverweightNinja 0

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Sunday 19 December 2010 12:45

Don't forget the glove slap to show you mean bussiness.

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Sunday 19 December 2010 12:53

hahaha I would purposely just sit in her house in my boxers (cause OP's a man) and when he walks in just be like sup then he'll go all mad and try to kick my ass but then I'll tell him that his wife never told me about him and in the end I become best friends with Mr. Jail man and the wife got a nice little divorce. So OP just go gay! :D

Qluz 3

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Monday 20 December 2010 9:51

aaaaaw your picture is adorable!!! i wanna a tshirt with that image

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Sunday 19 December 2010 14:49

lol 7 wins. make sure to add a classic brick to the mix.

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Sunday 19 December 2010 16:29

Threesome! His asshole must be a ruined flap after prison!

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Sunday 19 December 2010 18:08

Totally agree 44, threesomes are the universal solution to all FML relationship problems.

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Sunday 19 December 2010 18:21

lol

Mister_Grinch 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 6:42

That's her way of breaking up with you.

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Tuesday 21 December 2010 3:31

tell him while he was droppin the soap, you were havin good times with his wife

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Wednesday 22 December 2010 10:29

Dude you are posting on FML which leads me to believe you are a wuss cut your losses pack your crap and let him have the the girl, or you might get bitch slapped unless you like that than stay :)

cusof 0

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Sunday 19 December 2010 12:36

smack er

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Sunday 19 December 2010 12:37

Unlucky, better luck next time OP. I'll give you a tip, find someone who is single?

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Sunday 19 December 2010 12:42

Wow, that is awful.

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Sunday 19 December 2010 12:50

Run, run, as fast as you can!

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Sunday 19 December 2010 13:20

crime of passion, he'll kill him and walk

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Sunday 19 December 2010 12:56

hahahaha don't drop the soap

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Sunday 19 December 2010 12:57

well, he's prolly used to butt sex with men. maybe you can work out some sort of love triangle.

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Sunday 19 December 2010 12:59

lol!

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Sunday 19 December 2010 15:13

BAHAHA!

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Sunday 19 December 2010 13:07

He might want to hook up with ya and leave her out of the picture.

Alleged_Cranium 7

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Sunday 19 December 2010 13:08

I don't see fml, I see ylmf (you lucky mf). Hopefully you've been banging it, that's why she was with you, and now you have a guilt free breakup.

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Sunday 19 December 2010 13:18

Ugh oh! That's something that should have been discussed on the first date!!

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 3

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 538

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 746