Love: Today, after being together for 8 months, I learned that not... - FML

By Danny

Today, after being together for 8 months, I learned that not only was my boyfriend a liar, but that he is also married and has been for 4 years. FML

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Mother of the year

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By whatgoesaround - United States

Today, being a big believer in karma, I found it fitting that a girl that was always a bitch to me in high school is now fat and ugly. After sending one of her recent pictures with a mean caption to a few of my friends, I tripped and sprained my wrist falling up the stairs. Karma. FML

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By loser - United States

Today, I handed my friend a $50. I paid her to take care of my farm on Farmville, feed my fish on Fishville, and flip my burgers on Cafe World, while I went on vacation for a week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working as a hotel guard I found a homeless man lying in the grass. I asked him to move and he ignored me, continuing to lie there with his head resting on his arms and a big smile on his face. I got annoyed and started to yell at him. After a few minutes I realized he was dead. FML

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By welptimetoburntheplacedown - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

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By theyarefarapart

Today, I found out that my classmates affectionately refer to me as "the kid whose eyes are really far apart." FML

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By Scarred

Today, my Nana asked me to get her a book from her nightstand, but failed to specify which nightstand was hers. I stumbled across my grandparents' collection of sex toys instead. FML

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By lonelyengineer - Germany

Today, I sat in the cafeteria at work and saw a girl, which is a rare sight at my workplace, from the back with a beautifully long ponytail. After a full hour of building up courage to perhaps say hi to her, she turned around. It was a 50-year-old man. FML

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By badtrip - United States

Today, my girlfriend was packing for her study abroad program. Jokingly, I got her a pack of condoms. She laughed, saying "Oh yeah, I'll definitely need some of those." Later, I showed up to take her to the airport and saw her open suitcase in the kitchen, with the condoms on top. FML

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By juliaspaperbags - United States

Today, I was at the lake watching a romantic sunset with my boyfriend. He tenderly started touching my thigh, then started shaking my leg to the rhythm while singing the J-E-L-L-O theme song. FML

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By jab43 - United States

Today, after returning home from a camping trip, I found a leech on my love spuds. I ended up having to call my dad in to help me get it off. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up and found a turd casually sitting in the bathroom sink. Just 9 more months left on this lease. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I was at a bar. A fat guy looks at me for a while and sits down next to me. He turns and I expect that he'll hit on me. He then buttons down his shirt, presses his man boobs together and say to his friends “Look, I’ve got bigger tits than than the girl next to me!" His friends agreed. FML

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By upsetandannoyed - United States

Today, my friend set me up with a cute guy who is very germaphobic. So, I spent 4 hours cleaning my apartment. 2 minutes into the date, I sneezed. He politely told me he wasn't feeling well and left. FML

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By Star_Wars_Lover - United States - Dallas

Today, my husband got a vasectomy. My mother-in-law is extremely upset that he only gave her one grandson. Guess my other son doesn't count. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, for the first time, I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She broke down in laughter and mockingly asked, "What are you, some kind of queer?" I could've sworn she was mentally older than a 5-year-old when I asked her out. I guess not. FML

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By Math_Rocker - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. Usually, people just sit still when asleep. Nope, not me. Not only had I been violently rocking and nodding my head, the teacher stopped class for everyone to see for 5 minutes as she made jokes. What woke me? The intense laughter followed by embarrassment. FML

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By Sotired - United States - Medford

Today, after working 12 shifts in the past 8 days at 2 jobs and thinking today was a day off, I got the call that I misread my schedule and I was in fact scheduled. Got off at 2:30 am, work again at 9 am with 9 shifts to go this week. FML

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By geeklove - United States

Today, I got a Facebook message from the school genius/nerd, who I have never talked to. He politely informed me that after much thought and deliberation, he has narrowed it down to who his ideal mate is. Me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was getting out of the car, my 7-year-old son opened the door for me. I thought it was very gentlemanly of him to do that, until he smashed my thumb with the car door. FML

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By propose_you_freakin_coward - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was insulted and harassed by my sister and her boyfriend, all because I proposed yesterday. They were angry I might get married before they did. They have known each other since primary school; I met my fiancée earlier this year. FML

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By Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard - United States

Today, my apparently braindead and now ex-boyfriend asked me if "this period thing" is going to happen a lot, and said that if it is, "we're so done." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a group of attractive guys at the mall. One of them looked exactly like a friend, so I decided to take a picture. Trying to be discreet, I put my phone up to my ear as if I was making a phone call, and pressed the capture button. The flash went off. FML

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By blahppl14 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend got high and decided to text all our friends and family the crazy stories about us. He was even nice enough to include pictures. I hear a nude one made it to my Dad. FML

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By Cecilly2010

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

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By nice guys finish last - United States - Smyrna

Today, a kid in class dropped his paper on the floor. I held on to my desk with one hand and reached for the paper with my other hand. I lost balance and tilted both my chair and desk over, nailing the floor as everything on my desk hit the ground with me. He picked the paper up himself. FML

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By Kay Jacline Salvatierra - 15/4/2020 05:00

Shivering Herbert

Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML

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By booooo - France

Today, I withdrew €40 at the ATM to pay for dinner later tonight. It wasn't until I went to pay for it that I realized I'd taken the receipt, but left the cash in the ATM. FML

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By cunting cunts - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML

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By yikes - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my 18th birthday. Last month was my best friend's 18th birthday. She spent the night with me, and the next morning, my mom and brother gathered in my room and sang "Happy Birthday" as they handed her pancakes with a candle on top. Today, I was woken up by screams to take the trash out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oceanside

Today, as usual, I'm stuck working in a brutally hostile work environment under my mother-in-law, who's never forgiven me for marrying her daughter. I only got the job because of family politics. Four months on, I still can't even land so much as a single interview elsewhere. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, the girl I had a crush on for the past few months called me and wanted to tell me something. Excited, I agreed and we went out to dinner. She wanted to tell me she had been secretly seeing 'someone' for the past six months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rahway

Double dipping

Today, I found out that I mean nothing to the man I have loved for over a year. He has been taking vacations with another woman, and is in fact, on a vacation with her right now. FML

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By sheWontbeOnMyZombieApocteam - United States - Killeen

Today, while walking home with my girlfriend we decided to take a shortcut in the woods. After hearing a huge noise, she pushed me and ran. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Desperate nan

Today, I graduated from college with two undergrad degrees in biochem and wildlife biology, with high distinction. My mom told me she had found me a job at a petting zoo. I thought she was joking. She then said sternly, "I want grandkids. At least you will meet girls there." FML

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By why - United States

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

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By what the actual fuck - United States - Puyallup

Today, I was debating with my now ex-boyfriend over the ethics of using torture in interrogations of suspected criminals. It took just ten minutes before he freely admitted that he'd have no problem "torturing the shit" out of me if he even suspected I was seeing another man. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2020 10:01 - United States - Saint Joseph

Fiancé of the year

Today, I found out that my fiancé of three years, with whom I share a child, fell in love with my best friend and they’ve been going on dates for the last four months after work. FML

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By outofajob - United States

Today, after not receiving my paycheck for over a month, I confronted my boss about it. His response? "You still work here?" FML

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Top comments

By real life problems | 26

#7692266 - Wednesday 12 September 2018 21:47

Tell his wife

By i8cake | 12

#7692240 - Wednesday 12 September 2018 20:52

silver lining is that you found out before a year has gone by! on the other hand, can you imagine being his wife of 4yrs and finding this out? he does not deserve either of you! run!

COMMENTS

By i8cake | 12

#7692240 - Wednesday 12 September 2018 20:52

silver lining is that you found out before a year has gone by! on the other hand, can you imagine being his wife of 4yrs and finding this out? he does not deserve either of you! run!

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7692263 - Wednesday 12 September 2018 21:37

I feel really sorry for both you and his wife.

By real life problems | 26

#7692266 - Wednesday 12 September 2018 21:47

Tell his wife

By Félix O'Reilly Osborne | 1

#7692329 - Thursday 13 September 2018 1:14

How can you be oblivious to that?

Reply

WHSKitty4ever | 23

#7694788 - Monday 17 September 2018 16:15

Ikr

By blightsight | 10

#7692378 - Thursday 13 September 2018 5:00

You are the home wrecker

Reply

WHSKitty4ever | 23

#7694792 - Monday 17 September 2018 16:21

“There’s two ways that we can do this, I’ll let you decide. We can take it somewhere else or we can take it outside ...”

By WHSKitty4ever | 23

#7694786 - Monday 17 September 2018 16:13

How did you not know this?

By WHSKitty4ever | 23

#7694787 - Monday 17 September 2018 16:14

At least (we would hope) he doesn’t have multiple fiancées.