Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML
Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Huh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
It was probably because your **** was too big and mighty for her. She was afraid you might hurt her, so she wanted to go home and practice some Kegels to be ready for you in the future. Yeah, go with that.
melchibr_fml 0
sounds like your evening was short
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Comments (290)
jadejazmyn 5
lmao. must be small or too big and she got freaked out. choose whichever helps u sleep at night lol but don't lie to yourself
86ed 4
Should have walked her out the front door and locked her outside. "Gonna disrespect me and then tell me to take you home? Walk you own ass home bi*ch!"
Brooding99 15
Welcome to your life... of apparently resembling a hamster... ENJOY! FYL
Brooding99 15
In the immortal words of" ~Salt'n Peppa~ "Don't want no itty bitty teeny whiny short short man"
NPN_Scorpio 16
Medical news flash: Unless OP was sporting a raging boner she had no way of knowing if he was "too small for her needs" or not. Many a big tool doesn't get much bigger, only harder, many that you wouldn't be able to stop yourself from laughing at in the flaccid or semi state increase in size many times over when they get ready for business.
NPN_Scorpio 16
Maybe she likes them circumcised and yours is not, or the other way around. There's no accounting for taste.
biggyd97 0
Sucks
Kristoffer 35
Ouch, man. Ouch. But look at it this way: do you really want a girl who is that hung up on **** size?
OsirisFaction_fml 5
Don't be mad, you probably narrowly avoided getting crabs.
illmat 3
I never have that issue, my dick is so big, it's got it's own dick, an it's dick is like a babies arm... Jst sayin
FuckOffNoob 6
that was for number 151 size doesn't matter