Miscellaneous: Today, I finally found out what the weird sour smell that's been... - FML

By thatstinks - Iceland

Today, I finally found out what the weird sour smell that's been in my dorm room for a while is. My roommate's sweat. FML

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Season finale

Triage

What a headache

By Imslow - United States

Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 5 years. She bitched me out for not getting the ring she had been "hinting" me to get, and angrily left. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2020 05:00

Extreme drying

Today, I was drying my duvet and pillows in the dryer. Apparently, one of the pillows was memory foam, which I was not aware of. It caught on fire due to the heat and nearly burned down my laundry room. FML

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By DesperateMother - France - Wasselonne

Today, my 16-year-old daughter handed me the picture she wants TV reports to use if ever she happens to get kidnapped. FML

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By Pissed - Australia

Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML

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By Dariya - United States

Today, I asked my mom how much she had set aside for college. She then looked and me as if I were crazy and said "Why the hell would I do anything like that?" FML

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By akieferr - United States

Today, while undergoing the cumbersome task of screwing the tiny silver ball onto my lip piercing, I clumsily dropped it onto the counter and watched it bounce into the trash can, where it nestled snugly into a used maxi pad. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to give me my Christmas present early because he's going to his grandparents' house for Christmas and won't see me. I was excited, until I unwrapped a sweater that I left there a month ago. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, for my birthday my boyfriend bought me a sexy outfit to wear for him. At the bottom of the bag was a razor. FML

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By Anonymous

Outdoorsy romance

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting in a pub, we went for a walk at the marina nearby. He tried to have sex with me bareback behind the lighthouse. FML

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By unlucky22

Today, I turned twenty two. Three days ago I was fired. Two days ago I failed a midterm. Yesterday my boyfriend and I broke up. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went caroling with some family friends. We got pelted with oranges. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/8/2020 05:01 - United States - Arbuckle

Countdown

Today, I broke my ankle trying to step over a pipe, but instead slipped and put all of my weight on my left ankle. I'm scheduled for surgery in 3 days, which will be my 1-month countdown to my due date. I'm 8 months pregnant. FML

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By NotBridezilla - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, after waiting 3 months until my friend's wedding was done being celebrated, I announced my engagement. My newlywed friend bitched me out for "stealing" all of the attention and being selfish. FML

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By Juliet - United States - Inglewood

Today, my Romeo and Juliet style relationship hit an all time low when my boyfriend's parents filed a lawsuit against my parents. FML

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By homealone - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML

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By ineedalifekay - Canada

Today, none of my 500 Facebook friends responded to my status about "who wants to hang out during summer holidays?" I created an imaginary person on a different account to respond and ask me to hang out with him. I had a conversation on my status, with myself. FML

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By noname1025 - United States - Lamar

Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML

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By Jill Shanks - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom's boyfriend jacking off. The worst part was that he didn't stop. FML

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By FMLdude - Australia - Bexley

Scammed

Today, I accidentally hit an elderly man while driving. The police came, and five minutes later I was told that he confessed to walking in the middle of the road to get hit and claim compensation. He was fine, but I still got charged for hitting a pedestrian. FML

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By yashmoshin1 - United States

Today, I finished the run for a play in which I played a gay man. Now that all the performances are over, I have kissed a man more times in my life than I have kissed a woman. I'm straight. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML

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By ashley - United States

Today, my sister had her batmitzvah. During the party, there is a tradition where the batmitzvah gets lifted on a chair, and so does her family. It was my turn after my sister's. I got in the chair. They couldn't lift me. FML

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By Toolmaker

Today, we got the bill from our lawyer. She'd recommended taking my common-law wife's ex-husband to court for child support, so we went to court and won. The judge awarded us over $8300! The bill came to $18,000. FML

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By aginglikemilk

They weren't wrong...

Today, I had a customer tell me that I don't look a day over 39. I'm 35. FML

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By Stressed Seamstress - United States - Charlotte

Today, my usual 15 minute return trip from the fabric store took almost an hour and a half due to traffic. Once I finally got home, I realized I misunderstood the pattern I'm using and only bought half the fabric I needed. FML

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By Cinnamon - Jamaica

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her. With my own sister. FML

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By Crypticbeerbelly

Today, I was reading a recipe list on my tablet. I moved a little, and one of my fat rolls came into contact with a button which closed the tab. FML

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By thegirlofthedad - India - Mumbai

Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML

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By sosoram - United States - Victorville

Today, I learned that the gentleman that found my wallet was not satisfied with the $300 cash and forged a check for a washer and dryer. I found out when I checked my account. It cleared. FML

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By -___- - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Kinburn

Today, I was doing a demonstration in front of my taekwondo class because I'm flexible. Really flexible. I kneed myself in the face and broke my nose. FML

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By thismakesmesad - United States

Today, I received an email from my boyfriend. It contained a link to a site that was titled "How to Give Head". It also said "Have a nice day!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pasadena

Today, after having to call in a noise complaint about my downstairs neighbors talking loud past midnight, the managers fixed the problem. Now all I can hear is two little girls who like to throw a basketball at the building for hours. FML

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By Secretlypossessed

Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML

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By Aintnosunshine - France

Today, I attended a speed dating evening. After 7 minutes, the girl told me she wasn't interested. I asked her at what point of the conversation she had made up her mind, she answered: "When you said 'Hello'. Goodbye". FML

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By James - United States

Today, my eleven year old daughter called me a moron, after I told her she was dead wrong when she claimed that rabbits lay eggs. FML

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By Mia - India - Mumbai

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get it on. That's when the bell rang. He said, 'I'll just be back'. 5 minutes later, still no sign of him. I wrapped myself in a towel and went to the hall. Turns out his new PS4 had arrived. He said, 'I forgot you were here, sorry' and continued to play. FML

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By Shibs - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I was riding my bike along a road and a deer jumped out from the tree line, knocking me to the ground and breaking my arm. Someone pulled over to see if I was alright, running over my bike in the process. FML

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Top comments

By nomz333 | 5

#2307734 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:59

y do u think he was sweating that much ;)

By AmberlovesJb | 0

#2307708 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:56

stinky...

COMMENTS

By Neilish | 15

#2307706 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:56

first and that blows

Reply

Neilish | 15

#2307726 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:58

yea I actually got a first! now for something intelligent to say... hmmm nah I got nothin...

By AmberlovesJb | 0

#2307708 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:56

stinky...

Reply

sexy_middle_east | 0

#2307718 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:57

agree lol ;) u rvery cute btw =p

Reply

ring13 | 0

#2307776 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:05

yummy is more like it...

Reply

callofduty4life | 0

#2307820 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:12

and I just happen to have a fetish for sweat

Reply

ring13 | 0

#2307865 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:24

a bath?

Reply

Thanatos1206 | 0

#2307982 - Thursday 7 April 2011 10:24

A birthday cake?

Reply

khaya | 9

#2308060 - Thursday 7 April 2011 11:40

If OP hasn't killed him by then

Reply

smileeee_fml | 0

#2308140 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:10

YUK ! give your room mate deodarant or perfume or something. yuuk ...

Reply

gutzzzz | 0

#2308224 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:32

hmmm April in Iceland, open the window. It will air out the room and freeze your roommate so they aren't sweating anymore :) and if you don't have a window.... fyl

Reply

mz_booty | 0

#2308720 - Thursday 7 April 2011 15:10

well u know what your buying him for his birthday?? some soap for a start and I'm
guessing his single!!

Reply

beatrucelynn | 0

#2309599 - Thursday 7 April 2011 19:27

this seems to be a global pandemic lately. I propose a worldwide hygeine day, accompanied by sweet little cartoons showing how to use deodorant so even the biggest idiot can get the concept. c'mon people it's really gross to be smelly

Reply

ps592 | 0

#2309820 - Thursday 7 April 2011 20:29

story of my life

By jess6blondie9 | 2

#2307720 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:57

Ew. Some people have some crazy smelling sweat.

Reply

BahahahLOL | 0

#2307799 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:08

Mine smells like one of those tree-shaped car air fresheners.

Swag.

Reply

GiggidyPants | 0

#2307804 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:10

and they should be applauded for expressing themselves through odour

Reply

MyNameIsBruce | 0

#2308357 - Thursday 7 April 2011 13:10

Kill it with fire

Reply

insanesna1l | 0

#2308578 - Thursday 7 April 2011 14:30

I have a manly musky odor which makes the ladies crazy. at least it did during my time in the psych hospital

Reply

RavenRiley007 | 4

#2309219 - Thursday 7 April 2011 17:32

that's just repulsing

Reply

beatrucelynn | 0

#2309575 - Thursday 7 April 2011 19:25

it has to do with what they eat and that's what gets sweated out. it's really gross if the person eats a lot of garlic or curry eck! but really deodorant should work if it's used properly.

By wisericky | 12

#2307723 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:58

thats hot

By bigmanj28 | 0

#2307732 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:58

air conditionin

Reply

mikolyshka | 0

#2309348 - Thursday 7 April 2011 18:16

give em some ax body spray

By nomz333 | 5

#2307734 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:59

y do u think he was sweating that much ;)

Reply

15thPrestige | 0

#2307768 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:04

Because he was working VERY hard.

Reply

Frelling | 0

#2308690 - Thursday 7 April 2011 14:58

Fapping.

By 15thPrestige | 0

#2307742 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:00

Tell them: Girl you stank take a bath, girl you stank take a bath, girl you stank take a bath.

Reply

jess6blondie9 | 2

#2307785 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:07

If I had someone telling me that repeatedly I would keep stankin on purpose until they shut up and moved out.

Reply

15thPrestige | 0

#2307802 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:09

I guess it would work because he doesn't smell his roommate anymore :D

Reply

jess6blondie9 | 2

#2307871 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:25

True.

Reply

15thPrestige | 0

#2307883 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:27

Ha yes! I win:D

By denvan | 0

#2307746 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:00

Damn light up those candles

By Perksofbeingawal | 0

#2307757 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:02

Mmm, sweat. <3

Reply

ydi_4_suking | 20

#2308017 - Thursday 7 April 2011 10:52

mmm weird sour sweat

Reply

smileeee_fml | 0

#2308149 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:12

perk your pic is so cute hahah

Reply

abby1029 | 8

#2316882 - Saturday 9 April 2011 1:50

..eww

By Gratalis | 0

#2307765 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:03

Air freshener is you're best friend right about now. ;)

Reply

Nimmrodel | 11

#2307827 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:14

Or febreze.

Reply

marilynmanson646 | 0

#2307957 - Thursday 7 April 2011 10:06

or cat poo