Miscellaneous: Today, I finally found out what the weird sour smell that's been... - FML

By thatstinks - Iceland

Today, I finally found out what the weird sour smell that's been in my dorm room for a while is. My roommate's sweat. FML

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Dangling modifier

The Walking Dead

8 out of 10 dentists

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-wife crashed my engagement party. FML

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By chefdujour - United States

Today, I spent 5 hours preparing dinner for my fianc''s grandparents, whom I've never met. At dinner, his grandmother says to him, "If you're going to pick someone to spend the rest of your life with, at least make sure she can cook." I'm the executive chef at a 4 star restaurant. FML

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By time to lawyer up - United States - Forney

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

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By musicmaniac13 - France

Today, I performed in my school's choir concert. The girl next to me started to pass out, and I grabbed her so she wouldn't hit her head. After we were done performing and the curtains closed, my choir teacher dragged me off stage and said I was getting an F for "creating a distraction". FML

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By Stan - United States

Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML

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By Sudokori

Today, my coworker paid me back the $15 I let him borrow and we shook hands. Later, I was called into my boss's office, where he threatened to fire me for doing a drug deal in front of customers. The police are getting involved. FML

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By noyodel - Italy

Today, I had been planning a family trip for months. My father had all his bags packed, ready to go in the car. He had my grandmother's ashes in his suitcase, and planned to spread them on a mountain. This morning our car was broken into and everything was stolen. The thief stole my grandma. FML

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By fat_thighs - United States

Today, I read a PostSecret that said "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

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By failure - United States

Today, I went to a jeweler's to buy a ring to propose to my girlfriend. When I was at the restaurant, in mid-proposal, with people watching, I realized I had left the ring in the store. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Augsburg

Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML

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By blech - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML

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By extants - United States

Today, I found out my broker invested my $6000 in the wrong stock. How did I find out? He called me to let me know the stock crashed. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML

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By Anonytard - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

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By FMyThroat - Peru - Lima

Today, after battling for hours to get just a little sleep before my early morning work shift, I finally began drifting off. Then I got the worst attack of hiccups in my life. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went downtown to pay my speeding ticket. After standing in line and arguing with a rude woman behind the desk, I get back to my car only to find an expired meter and a parking ticket. I got a ticket while paying my ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 23:01

Unloveable

Today, I was paired up with a girl in my class for a project. She started crying. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I discovered my mom has over 20 sites bookmarked on her laptop, all having to do with 'How To Boost Your Insecure Teen's Confidence' or 'How To Help Your Overweight Teen Have A Positive Self Image'. Thanks, mommy. FML

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By Jade

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML

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By waterlogged - United States

Today, my entire region received record rainfall, with torrential downpours all day and night. Today was also the day I discovered my car's sunroof leaks, when I was greeted with two inches of standing water in my floorboards. FML

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By "wolfssb135"

Today, I deeply underestimated my baby nephew's climbing skills. I returned from the bathroom to find a broken vase, spilled powder formula, and my phone wiped clean from too many incorrect password attempts. FML

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By screwedhousemate - United Kingdom

Today, my three housemates got into a huge fight and ended up declaring their undying hatred for each other. They now refuse to talk to each other, and I've become their go-between. Yesterday, we signed the lease for another year in the house together. FML

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By jquaw - Canada - Brockville

Today, I realized the sweet, sensitive girl I was talking to on a dating site was actually my brother trolling me for fun. FML

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By akvan - 30/10/2020 06:01 - Canada - Toronto

Sounds lovely

Today, my coworker, who keeps calling me Mexican even though she knows I'm not, is telling everyone that I act like a bitch to our boss, even though she's the one who is always contradicting and fighting with her, and I always try to keep everything professional. No other jobs are calling me back. FML

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By AlreadyInDebt - United States

Today, I found out that I've been paying student fees for the wrong account. Apparently I have been paying for some other student's tuition. FML

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By fuckadaisical - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ellensburg

Today, I flew back home from out of state. When I got back to my house, my bed, furniture, and TV were gone. My girlfriend changed her number and I have no idea where she lives now. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, there was a a huge storm. There were no buses so I walked for an hour to see my boyfriend of two years who (usually rather the unemotionally type) had called me, crying. When I got there soaking wet, he told me that he doesn't love me anymore and this makes him sad. I had to walk back. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was driving to work, I witnessed a kid apparently getting jumped. Being a good citizen, I got out and started yelling at them. I ended up alongside the kid in the hospital. FML

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By girlsx2mom - United States

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't have sex with me because he doesn't want his mom "watching from heaven." FML

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By Madridsta - United States - Rialto

Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML

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By lunarstrain - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

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By Stung - United Kingdom

Today, I got into a fist-fight with a wasp, aka a Nazi helicopter. Despite swiping at it with ninja-like skills, I lost. FML

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By minaaaaajftw - Norway - Jessheim

Today, I went to the grocery store with three bags full of sausages that I'd drunkenly bought the night before. Even though the manager remembered me, he wouldn't give me a refund, and now I'll be lucky if I can pay my rent this month. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while on my daily jog, I passed a very attractive girl. While passing her, she yelled "hey cutie". Trying to look cool, I tried turning around without stopping. I then fell off the curb and severely sprained my ankle. She caught up to help but was laughing the entire time. FML

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By hatemyjob - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I answered a call at work from a very irate gentleman. After being shouted and sworn at profusely, I ended the call in a slightly less than civil manner. Turns out that guy is one of our company's biggest clients. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

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By lanaoftherey - United States

Today, I went to get my car washed at one of those places where you can watch through the glass. I watched in horror, face pressed against the glass, as my car went through with the window down. FML

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Top comments

By nomz333 | 5

#2307734 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:59

y do u think he was sweating that much ;)

By AmberlovesJb | 0

#2307708 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:56

stinky...

COMMENTS

By Neilish | 15

#2307706 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:56

first and that blows

Reply

Neilish | 15

#2307726 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:58

yea I actually got a first! now for something intelligent to say... hmmm nah I got nothin...

By AmberlovesJb | 0

#2307708 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:56

stinky...

Reply

sexy_middle_east | 0

#2307718 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:57

agree lol ;) u rvery cute btw =p

Reply

ring13 | 0

#2307776 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:05

yummy is more like it...

Reply

callofduty4life | 0

#2307820 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:12

and I just happen to have a fetish for sweat

Reply

ring13 | 0

#2307865 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:24

a bath?

Reply

Thanatos1206 | 0

#2307982 - Thursday 7 April 2011 10:24

A birthday cake?

Reply

khaya | 9

#2308060 - Thursday 7 April 2011 11:40

If OP hasn't killed him by then

Reply

smileeee_fml | 0

#2308140 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:10

YUK ! give your room mate deodarant or perfume or something. yuuk ...

Reply

gutzzzz | 0

#2308224 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:32

hmmm April in Iceland, open the window. It will air out the room and freeze your roommate so they aren't sweating anymore :) and if you don't have a window.... fyl

Reply

mz_booty | 0

#2308720 - Thursday 7 April 2011 15:10

well u know what your buying him for his birthday?? some soap for a start and I'm
guessing his single!!

Reply

beatrucelynn | 0

#2309599 - Thursday 7 April 2011 19:27

this seems to be a global pandemic lately. I propose a worldwide hygeine day, accompanied by sweet little cartoons showing how to use deodorant so even the biggest idiot can get the concept. c'mon people it's really gross to be smelly

Reply

ps592 | 0

#2309820 - Thursday 7 April 2011 20:29

story of my life

By jess6blondie9 | 2

#2307720 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:57

Ew. Some people have some crazy smelling sweat.

Reply

BahahahLOL | 0

#2307799 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:08

Mine smells like one of those tree-shaped car air fresheners.

Swag.

Reply

GiggidyPants | 0

#2307804 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:10

and they should be applauded for expressing themselves through odour

Reply

MyNameIsBruce | 0

#2308357 - Thursday 7 April 2011 13:10

Kill it with fire

Reply

insanesna1l | 0

#2308578 - Thursday 7 April 2011 14:30

I have a manly musky odor which makes the ladies crazy. at least it did during my time in the psych hospital

Reply

RavenRiley007 | 4

#2309219 - Thursday 7 April 2011 17:32

that's just repulsing

Reply

beatrucelynn | 0

#2309575 - Thursday 7 April 2011 19:25

it has to do with what they eat and that's what gets sweated out. it's really gross if the person eats a lot of garlic or curry eck! but really deodorant should work if it's used properly.

By wisericky | 12

#2307723 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:58

thats hot

By bigmanj28 | 0

#2307732 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:58

air conditionin

Reply

mikolyshka | 0

#2309348 - Thursday 7 April 2011 18:16

give em some ax body spray

By nomz333 | 5

#2307734 - Thursday 7 April 2011 8:59

y do u think he was sweating that much ;)

Reply

15thPrestige | 0

#2307768 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:04

Because he was working VERY hard.

Reply

Frelling | 0

#2308690 - Thursday 7 April 2011 14:58

Fapping.

By 15thPrestige | 0

#2307742 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:00

Tell them: Girl you stank take a bath, girl you stank take a bath, girl you stank take a bath.

Reply

jess6blondie9 | 2

#2307785 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:07

If I had someone telling me that repeatedly I would keep stankin on purpose until they shut up and moved out.

Reply

15thPrestige | 0

#2307802 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:09

I guess it would work because he doesn't smell his roommate anymore :D

Reply

jess6blondie9 | 2

#2307871 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:25

True.

Reply

15thPrestige | 0

#2307883 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:27

Ha yes! I win:D

By denvan | 0

#2307746 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:00

Damn light up those candles

By Perksofbeingawal | 0

#2307757 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:02

Mmm, sweat. <3

Reply

ydi_4_suking | 20

#2308017 - Thursday 7 April 2011 10:52

mmm weird sour sweat

Reply

smileeee_fml | 0

#2308149 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:12

perk your pic is so cute hahah

Reply

abby1029 | 8

#2316882 - Saturday 9 April 2011 1:50

..eww

By Gratalis | 0

#2307765 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:03

Air freshener is you're best friend right about now. ;)

Reply

Nimmrodel | 11

#2307827 - Thursday 7 April 2011 9:14

Or febreze.

Reply

marilynmanson646 | 0

#2307957 - Thursday 7 April 2011 10:06

or cat poo