Today, I sprained my sternum in my rugby match. I now can't yell,...

By ouchiee - 7/4/2011 04:17 - United States

Today, I sprained my sternum in my rugby match. I now can't yell, laugh, cough, inhale or exhale fully, or sneeze without a sharp pain shooting through my chest. I have a pollen allergy, and sneeze every 5 or 10 minutes. FML

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By soccerscout7 - 8/2/2011 12:48

Today, I was leaving school to get tested for peptic ulcers, because my stomach has been hurting for a few months. To wish me luck, one of my friends gave me a friendly punch in the stomach. I threw up blood. FML

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By poop - 8/3/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 17:26 - Canada - Uxbridge

Today, I'm insanely hungover from a long night of drinking. I'm going to my nephew's baptism in an hour as his godmother. FML

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By shugette212 - 5/12/2014 01:56 - United States

Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2010 10:47 - United States

Today, my friend bought a smartphone and updated his facebook status with it. Two weeks ago he signed an apartment lease with another friend. Four months ago he bought a new handgun. Seven months ago he bought a new TV. He's owed me $300 for a year and a half. FML

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By grlzze444 - 16/11/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, my swim coach had me swim a 400 meter freestyle. Feeling a little sick near the end, I lifted my head to breathe, then burped, and threw up violently all in the pool. All my team mates screamed horrified running out of the pool, and now they have to drain it. I was told not to come back. FML

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By LeftOut - 13/4/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML

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By nola2005 - 1/10/2019 00:01

Hoarded in

Today, as my gaze went from the cobwebs hanging from my ceiling to the opened and unopened Amazon boxes in the corners of my house, I realized I'm on my way to being a hoarder. I'm too tired and depressed to do anything about it. FML

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By hatemyjob - 23/4/2013 18:25 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I answered a call at work from a very irate gentleman. After being shouted and sworn at profusely, I ended the call in a slightly less than civil manner. Turns out that guy is one of our company's biggest clients. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 17:22 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend's 4-year-old son and four of his friends to the amusement park. While walking down a hill, I slipped on some water and slid down the hill, taking out multiple children. It wasn't rain. I'd slid on vomit. FML

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By callerid - 3/8/2009 11:45 - United States

Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML

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By fml9124 - 5/9/2019 20:00

Et tu, Doggo?

Today, as usual, my neighbor's 9 year-old son came over after school. I work from home so he stays until his mom gets home. My dog mopes around the house until 3 p.m., then gets all excited because he has a friend to play with. I'm almost jealous because a dog I've had for 11 years likes him more than me. FML

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By Can't Unsee - 25/8/2018 22:00

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

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By Shopgirl - 6/8/2009 13:14 - Australia

Today, I found a wallet on the train. I called the owner, who said he would come around and pick it up. When he finally did, he looked inside and screamed that his money was missing, and that I was a dirty thief. I never took a cent. He's filing theft charges against me. FML

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By Flaps - 27/11/2010 12:36 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2014 18:29

Today, I told my boss I have a sore throat. He replied, "Well, don't take it so deep next time." FML

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By His name is now "Cunt" in my phone - 5/4/2017 14:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I was "angry" at him. I was angry because last night he turned off his phone and left me locked out of the Airbnb that I had paid for. Until 3 am. In a foreign country. FML

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By Lola - 29/7/2019 06:00

Today, for the third time, I’ve had to clean a puddle of pee from the bathroom floor. I live alone, and I’m a girl. FML

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By angry girlfriend - 22/5/2012 14:32 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I found out via Facebook status that my boyfriend is going to Hawaii with a group of friends, including his ex-girlfriend for a few weeks. When I confronted him about it, he said he didn't think I needed to know, and to mind my own business. I think I'm about to be single. FML

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By notmansbestfriend - 12/8/2013 16:09 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I was stuck on the toilet for hours after eating some questionable seafood. During this time, I watched through the open door as my dog destroyed the nice shoes I just bought, as well as the tux I rented for my sister's wedding. The wedding is in 12 hours. FML

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By RabbitOwner - 7/1/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing with my pet rabbit when my boyfriend discovered poop on his lap. As he brushed it off, I reminded him that there are a lot worse things in the world than rabbit poop. Almost as if on cue, my rabbit peed on both of us. FML

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By nosymptoms - 10/2/2012 00:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me he's going to get tested for STDs, because he's worried about a previous partner. I'm grateful for his thoughtfulness, but I'd be even more grateful if we hadn't already slept together several times. FML

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By Josie - 5/6/2012 04:27 - United States - Florence

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend. There's a short cut to my house by jumping a fence but he insisted that we take the long way because, "Girls don't jump fences." To prove him wrong, I jumped the fence. I fell and broke my leg. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2011 23:49 - United States

Today, while skiing on Mammoth Mountain, a man dressed in an Easter Bunny costume snowboarded into me and sent me flying. Not only did he hurt my wrist, he also threw an Easter egg at me, yelled "Happy Easter", and snowboarded away. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2016 20:23 - United States

Today, I met a girl who was just as socially anxious as me. We spent the whole night staring at each other, then quickly looking away when the other person saw. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2017 20:00

Today, I was pumping the tire of my bicycle indoors, and suddenly the inner tube exploded next to my head. One ear is now ringing and the other one feels like it's bleeding. FML

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By 20lbknockout - 20/10/2009 04:26 - United States

Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML

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By konacoffee17 - 14/12/2014 05:15 - United States - Portland

Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML

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By babydoll - 12/10/2010 09:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was traveling by bus. There were no spare seats, so I stood next to a seated lady. When she got off at her stop, I was amused because her bum made the shape of a mushroom on the seat. I went to sit on it. So I'm sitting there when I realise the seat is really warm... and wet. FML

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By Orangehead - 28/11/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

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By BiteMe - 30/8/2016 23:29 - United States - Upper Marlboro

Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML

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By whoahshloann - 30/5/2009 23:48 - United States

Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML

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By holly10350 - 14/10/2010 03:08 - United States

Today, I allowed my friend to practice driving in my car. As she began to let the car roll forward, she looked at me and very seriously asked, "Brakes is the right pedal, right?" FML

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By crapules - 23/12/2008 04:18 - France

Today, my boss asked me, "Can I give you some constructive criticism?" I said yes. He told me, "Your work is really shit. You have no talent and I can't figure out why I hired you." FML

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By Geemeisters - 8/11/2015 10:03 - United Kingdom - Studley

Today, after several months desperately searching for a job and feeling pretty insecure and unimportant, I drove 15 miles to a job interview. On parking my car at the destination, I found that during my drive a spider had been making a cobweb between the car and my hair. FML

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By insignificant - 29/10/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, I was getting on a bus, the driver shut the door on me while I was half way inside. Instead of apologizing to me, he criticized me for getting in the way. FML

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By 4themoneh - 5/4/2011 05:10 - United States

Today, I arrived twenty minutes early for my opening shift at work, so I decided to turn on the radio and wait in my nice warm car. I woke up two hours later with twelve missed calls from my boss and a dead car battery. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2019 16:00

Cancel Student Debt

Today, I paid $800.00 towards my student loans. That was the minimum payment. FML

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By American idol - 6/4/2011 06:19

Today, I was at a local talent show and during a piano performance I had to go to the bathroom. I sang along in the bathroom but was unaware how loud I was until I walked out and everyone started applauding me while the pianist was still playing. FML

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By Bostonian - 2/12/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, I told my long distance girlfriend I will be coming half way across the country to visit here since I have not seen her in a month, I gave her my flight information so she could pick me up at the airport. She responded with "That's when The Office is on, can you take a cab?" FML

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Top comments

By Nimmrodel | 11

#2308103 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:04

A trip to the hospital may be beneficial.

By Frelling | 0

#2308480 - Thursday 7 April 2011 14:03

33, damn straight. Everyone knows they make rugby balls from pollen.

COMMENTS

By my_usagi | 0

#2308095 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:03

that's rough

largefoofighter | 0

#2308145 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:11

least you haven't been slapped in the chest yet

gutzzzz | 0

#2308199 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:28

ya, but you should see the other guy. bet he doesn't have allergies though :P

Frelling | 0

#2308242 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:37

He?

gutzzzz | 0

#2308264 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:41

he, she, it's all the same. we are all man. right? no? ok, fine then, I'm sexist and saw rugby and assumed male :)

Bano360 | 25

#2308280 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:44

So many insensitive people hitting ydi. How is it OP's fault?

Aldebaran_fml | 0

#2308436 - Thursday 7 April 2011 13:45

If he does have pollen allergy he shouldn´t be practicing Rugby since he´s exposing himself to polen, he doen´t deserved his sternum sprain, but he does deserve the allergic part since he exposed himself to his allergen.

Frelling | 0

#2308480 - Thursday 7 April 2011 14:03

33, damn straight. Everyone knows they make rugby balls from pollen.

insanesna1l | 0

#2308567 - Thursday 7 April 2011 14:28

I thought NRL balls were made from frozen dinosaur testicles?

KELSEYJOHNSON23 | 5

#2308659 - Thursday 7 April 2011 14:50

sternum is a bone and you can't sprain bones? sprains are in the muscle.. how much of this is true because a doctor wouldn't tell you that

2010smhill2010 | 0

#2308662 - Thursday 7 April 2011 14:50

no no no...its made from a portion of a dinosaur penis..

Frelling | 0

#2308669 - Thursday 7 April 2011 14:52

Dino bell end?

jess2gd4u | 0

#2308680 - Thursday 7 April 2011 14:55

this why girls don't play rugby!!! lol jokes!!! go broncos or wallabies !!

blackbird31 | 0

#2308688 - Thursday 7 April 2011 14:58

So you sprained a bone? Playing rugby whilst also being female? In America?

I'm calling BS on this. None of those things can ever happen.

jes1610 | 6

#2308778 - Thursday 7 April 2011 15:33

56 I play rugby and I'm a female in America. she probably BRUISED her sternum not sprained it that's stupid. I sprained my wrist recently at a match and it hurts like hell. injuries in game suck

marinus_fml | 19

#2309124 - Thursday 7 April 2011 17:09

Fucking rep that shit up! Springboks for life :D

yeah women do play! I watched some games.

HeartnSoul | 3

#2309178 - Thursday 7 April 2011 17:21

YDI for playing rugby

By Nimmrodel | 11

#2308103 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:04

A trip to the hospital may be beneficial.

Nimmrodel | 11

#2308757 - Thursday 7 April 2011 15:25

Pain medication

aquariusangel420 | 0

#2309323 - Thursday 7 April 2011 18:09

Yah allergy meds like zertec you should take IMMEDITALY and maybe you should drink that eases the pain BUT DONT take it with the meds!!!

By SuckerPunchurMom | 0

#2308108 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:05

Not much to say. Fu*k your life.

By Jimboom | 11

#2308112 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:06

Stop breathing... Problem sorted. ;-)

trick619 | 0

#2309076 - Thursday 7 April 2011 16:58

true that. op needs to stay away from flowers and the garden ha

By smileeee_fml | 0

#2308131 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:08

nothing but fyl. get well soon (:

Javgirl | 4

#2308803 - Thursday 7 April 2011 15:46

That's what he gets

By seraphxchild | 3

#2308183 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:26

my friends dad broke two ribs when he sneezed so it could be worse :D

Monkyman2006 | 0

#2308312 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:53

how is this at all relevant to the subject at hand? I would also be willing to bet that a sprained sternum is a bit worse than 2 broken ribs. FYL and get well soon, OP.

starreidy | 4

#2308359 - Thursday 7 April 2011 13:11

that was a powerful sneeze huh?..

By abceasyas123abc | 12

#2308189 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:27

Probably time to hit up the Claratyne/Zyrtec/something else along these lines, OP.

SuckerPunchurMom | 0

#2308219 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:31

Perhaps some meth?

allmidnighteyes | 10

#2308309 - Thursday 7 April 2011 12:52

Meth? Because inhaling fumes that will irritate your lungs and likely make you cough even more is a great idea for the OP. Every other time though, I'd be on-board with the meth thing.