Health: Today, despite using deodorant religiously and showering twice... - FML

By tortured - 10/09/2018 15:00

Today, despite using deodorant religiously and showering twice a day, my roommate still smells so bad that every time she enters the room I become physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 880

You deserved it 232

Another great day to be alive

Commando

Too Much Information

By Anonymous - 13/07/2019 04:30

Today, it was the first day after my promotion. Everyone, including myself, was shocked that I was promoted so quickly. I figured it was because of all the hard work and overtime I'd put in. However, my coworkers figure I'm just sleeping with the boss, and constantly glare and snicker behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 855

You deserved it 161

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 18:02 - United States

Today, someone left sticky notes with inspirational messages on everyone's locker. Well, almost everyone. My locker was the only one without a note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 547

You deserved it 1 903

By guest - 18/11/2011 05:54 - Canada

Today, I moved into a lovely basement suite. Unfortunately, the 12 year old upstairs plays violin. She also plays baritone. She said she alternates each day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 914

You deserved it 3 063

By Sarah - 26/01/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, my mom barged into my room at three in the morning, demanding to know where I'd been. I'd been in my room sleeping since ten o'clock. In that time she had called the police, all of my friends, and my ex-boyfriend, asking if I was with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 190

You deserved it 2 460

Still better than the Cats movie

By dirty deeds - 31/05/2020 14:00

Today, my brother’s cat pissed on my brand new bed. He refuses to replace the mattress, and claims it wasn’t his cat. We only have one cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 131

By Vassy - 04/12/2012 18:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 639

You deserved it 32 644

By ZombieGirl - 11/08/2015 07:43 - United States - Tampa

Today, I signed the lease on my first apartment alone with my boyfriend. We've lived here a month before we got to sign. Today is also the day my neighbors decided to show how they're night owls: all I hear is banging on the walls and them loudly talking and yelling. This will be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 622

You deserved it 1 795

Parenting

By anon - 30/06/2020 08:02

Today, my mom volunteered me to watch her cousin’s 7-year-old daughter overnight. She’s a nice kid, but sadly the mom has babied her so much that she literally can’t do a thing for herself. She needed help wiping, bathing and even brushing her teeth. Her mom does it all and never taught her differently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 111

By enya - 18/01/2016 22:29 - Luxembourg

Today, my dad and uncle got in an argument over money and ended up fighting in the back garden. Only, my dad is a muay thai fighter and my uncle is an MMA fighter, and they're refusing to stop until one of them is out cold. I foresee me driving them both to the hospital before midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 020

You deserved it 1 429

By margretlle - 26/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 666

You deserved it 8 379

Genius

By joshua - 25/01/2010 21:24 - United States

Today, I got a call from my younger brother's school to pick him up immediately. He had a test today, but he had the brilliant idea that by telling everyone he had head lice, he could go home. I had to leave work to pick him up, and now I have to take him to a doctor so they can see if he can go back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 978

You deserved it 2 511

By claubea11 - 01/01/2014 05:17 - Puerto Rico - Ponce

Today, I decided to light a lantern and watch it fly with my girlfriend after midnight. The neighbor's tree caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 686

You deserved it 13 706

By canucks_chick - 23/10/2011 05:45 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 517

You deserved it 20 985

My little boy

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 00:30

Today, my 12 year-old son came home with two broken arms after finding an awesome place to ride his bike. He found a sweet jump and his handlebars broke. He's currently in slings and waiting for an appointment with a surgeon, the breaks were so bad, the hospital couldn't reset them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 76

By Canuckster - 10/07/2011 21:41 - Canada

Today, I was invited into a group chat on Skype. Everyone ignored everything I said, so I got pissed and started yelling at them. Then I realised my microphone wasn't plugged in right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 603

You deserved it 57 510

By laxie - 27/10/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 124

You deserved it 3 887

By Noname - 14/03/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 996

You deserved it 81 875

Yeet it

By Sasquatch - 02/11/2017 22:14

Today, while showering, I noticed a spider drowning in the bath. Spiders gross me out but I felt a moral duty to save it. Reluctantly, I scooped it up and carried it to safety. Then I realised it was my housemate's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 695

You deserved it 1 223

Subtle

By uh huh sure - 09/07/2020 05:01

Today, my mother-in-law, who isn't southern, who’s family isn’t southern, and has never even mentioned any interest in anything even remotely southern, decided to give us a baby gift: a hand-crocheted confederate flag blanket. We’re an interracial couple. I think she’s trying to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 411

You deserved it 175

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 18:54 - United Kingdom - Carlisle

Today, at a family dinner, I found the courage to tell my husband's parents about my schizophrenia. They exchanged weird looks and then there was an uncomfortable silence. Then my father-in-law finally says, "Christ. The grandkids won't come out all nutty, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 305

You deserved it 2 065

By happybidet - 31/10/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 669

You deserved it 868

Relax

By Anonymoosey - 19/02/2012 23:47 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I found out that my favorite song since I was a small child is actually about anal sex and delaying an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 167

You deserved it 5 284

By Alex - 16/01/2009 09:40 - United States

Today, I decided to ride my bike to the bus stop to go to school. I wasn't even half way and the last bus had already left. I figured I would loop around instead of going back the way I came and ended up riding 16 miles before I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 918

You deserved it 20 118

Nice try, fed

By Anonymous - 21/09/2021 13:00 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, I was selling weed to a guy by text. He was using our code, saying, "Can I book a tutoring session at 6 o'clock?" I asked, "How many hours do you need?" He replied, "Three please." I said, "Sure." Then he said, "Just leave it in the blue Adidas again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 963

By jnisla - 11/10/2013 22:44 - United States - Conway

Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 064

You deserved it 3 414

By Keith walk - 12/02/2011 05:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not only did her dad make me walk out to my truck with no clothes on, he is my baseball coach and I will be seeing him on Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 180

You deserved it 22 829

By Simon Cowell - 08/09/2018 20:30

Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 206

You deserved it 838

By Nope - 26/06/2015 21:46 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, I was at the market when a guy started telling the man I was with how "curly-haired women are an adventure," saying what he would do to a woman like me. He was talking to my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 302

You deserved it 1 784

By Anonymous - 24/07/2012 02:08 - United States

Today, I saw a news story about how wearing flip-flops is dangerous. I scoffed at the ridiculous study and went about my business. Three hours later I accidentally ripped off my toenail. While wearing flip-flops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 984

You deserved it 22 819

By barf - 06/02/2015 23:00 - Ireland

Today, I experienced the horror of walking in on my best friend fondling his tits. Yes, "his". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 738

You deserved it 3 243

By dEpPrEsSeDgIrL - 11/11/2009 11:28 - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean my 20 gallon fish tank. I had 6 fish. One of them was called a transparent fish, clear with a bright orange tail, which was my favorite. My dad didn't see it, and dumped the water out along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 833

You deserved it 3 910

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 925

You deserved it 2 752

By Anonymous - 01/11/2013 18:52 - United States - Manhattan

Today, it's the fourth day of my new diet. I told my friends and family to watch me every time I eat to make sure it's healthy. I got so desperate that I hid some chocolates in my pocket then scarfed them down while pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 003

You deserved it 49 456

By double trouble - 04/05/2015 04:04

Today, I found my bike that was stolen a week ago in front of someone's house. Now this wouldn't have been a problem if my husband didn't steal it to go meet with his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 789

You deserved it 2 546

By hcditfi5foygy - 31/08/2018 20:30

Today, I went to my dorm's community bathroom to do my business. After releasing the Kraken, as I was wiping, I accidentally let go of the toilet paper. Instead of the toilet, it hit the floor in the next stall. Someone was in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 345

You deserved it 524

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 21:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason she asked me to shave my beard. When I go down on her shaved, it feels more like her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 663

You deserved it 3 842

No good deed goes unpunished

By Anonymous - 07/06/2020 23:00

Today, I went in for my first day of work. I told them three months in advance that I was going away for 2 weeks to build a school in a third world country. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 346

By pistonsunshine - 10/10/2009 18:06 - United States

Today, I took a girl out I've been seeing for two months on our first real date. I had saved all my money for the week for this. I took her to a beautiful restaurant uptown. She got hammered, hit me and screamed that I would never be as good as "Marshall." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 723

You deserved it 3 322

By unbelievable - 02/02/2009 11:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd help me shave my mustache. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 835

You deserved it 6 648

By Jmdezy - 05/04/2016 15:45 - United States

Today, I was drunk and sent my friend a picture of my penis. He edited the picture and put hands and sunglasses on it before sending it to practically everyone I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 756

You deserved it 24 104

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Top comments

boopingsnoot 24

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Monday 10 September 2018 15:03

Tonsil stones? Bacterial vaginosis? A corpse brought to life by dark magic?

Charlie Given 24

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Monday 10 September 2018 16:04

Tell your roommate to seek immediate medical help she definitely has some sort of medical condition causing the smell 😨😲😵🤢😖

Comments

boopingsnoot 24

Send a private message

Monday 10 September 2018 15:03

Tonsil stones? Bacterial vaginosis? A corpse brought to life by dark magic?

Marta Perlicka 13

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Wednesday 12 September 2018 18:17

If I was OP I would ask Emily is that you? (Emily from Corpse Bride movie by Tim Burton).

lexos 16

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Monday 10 September 2018 15:12

Does she was her clothes?

Charlie Given 24

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Monday 10 September 2018 16:04

Tell your roommate to seek immediate medical help she definitely has some sort of medical condition causing the smell 😨😲😵🤢😖

Send a private message

Monday 10 September 2018 16:57

just an idea...but MAYBE YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO SOMETHING, like her soap, deodorant, perfume I am allergic to most fungi and even just smelling it makes me sick to my stomach. it is something to look into.

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Monday 10 September 2018 18:06

I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s food related. I’ve eaten too much garlic before and had the smell on me for a day or two.

Magtec 11

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Monday 10 September 2018 18:29

Possibly a medical condition called trimethylaminuria. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trimethylaminuria

Deez_Knots 10

Monday 10 September 2018 19:14

Gotta be the cooch

nentenkupo 16

Monday 10 September 2018 19:14

Sounds like an f her life too

DanielleinDC 32

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Monday 10 September 2018 20:06

FYL and F your roomie's life. It's gotta be equally tough for her. She should consider seeing a doctor about this, though.

DarkAngelsBlade 25

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Monday 10 September 2018 20:27

Perhaps she doesn’t smell bad and just happens to have a smell that YOU find bad. Perhaps it’s her soap or natural odor and you just have a sensitivity to it. Get a third party involved, see if they smell anything or check what soap she uses. Then perhaps it’s her clothing. Perhaps she has some weird medical thing.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 115

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 95