Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I was confronted by my superiors for spending a "suspicious" amount of time in the bathroom every day. Not only did I have to take the test, but I also had to send in a doctor's note proving that I have a bowel condition I'd hoped to keep secret. FML
Today, I got diagnosed with a condition that expresses itself in the form of violent diarrhea whenever I get nervous. Now I am constantly nervous about getting nervous about anything. FML
Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML
Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML
Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML
Today, during an 8 hour shift at a very busy bowling alley, I found out I can't trust a fart anymore. I'm only 25. Now I have to finish my shift commando, and also get rid of the evidence without anyone noticing. FML
Today, I finally realized that I have so much anxiety and stress, I would fail a polygraph test asking me my own name. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML
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Top comments
Crazynopantsman 11
It's smelly in here my dear Watson
FMLJFL 5
Damn, that is some bad luck. But can't you train yourself to pass obstacles like this?
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Comments (106)
WelcomeToAndale 13
I've actually had this happen to me for the exact same reasons.
Jenn50 19
Because your work as a private investigator made you feel guilty about being sneaky? That's a strange coincidence.
glki 7
Don't worry, just go to the doctor or therapy and they will sort you out.
CdnTestmonkey 3
Might not be that, figure out what you are eating those days, could be you actually have some type of IBD and you are inflaming it with junk food.
kawaiisakura 12
Doesn't have to be junk food. My IBS-D acts us with ANYTHING I eat. Whether its healthy or not, doesn't really matter. I don't know about most, but my IBS acts up whenever it feels like it
suri23 11
Take some antidepressants and you won't care so much.
kawaiisakura 12
Taking Imodium a lot makes things worse. I have IBS and that's the only thing that helps. It's good for a once in a while things, big no-no with taking them as often as his job would need
buckdharma 38
No shit Sherlock.
kait11 16
It sounds like irritable bowel syndrome :/ and if it is then you can go see a therapist that will help with your anxiety and stress levels. Maybe even getting a medication prescribed for the stress itself. Hopefully if it worked you wouldn't have to change you're career.
poopshreds 10
I thought I was alone! Used to happen during manhunt or hide and seek for me!!!
miss_sqwert 19
my ex used to have the same problem. its how i worked out he was cheating on me.
Tezoma 28
I think we should leave the shades to the Striders. Just sayin'.