Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was confronted by my superiors for spending a "suspicious" amount of time in the bathroom every day. Not only did I have to take the test, but I also had to send in a doctor's note proving that I have a bowel condition I'd hoped to keep secret. FML
Today, I got diagnosed with a condition that expresses itself in the form of violent diarrhea whenever I get nervous. Now I am constantly nervous about getting nervous about anything. FML
Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML
Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML
Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML
Today, during an 8 hour shift at a very busy bowling alley, I found out I can't trust a fart anymore. I'm only 25. Now I have to finish my shift commando, and also get rid of the evidence without anyone noticing. FML
Today, I finally realized that I have so much anxiety and stress, I would fail a polygraph test asking me my own name. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML
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Top comments
Crazynopantsman 11
It's smelly in here my dear Watson
FMLJFL 5
Damn, that is some bad luck. But can't you train yourself to pass obstacles like this?
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Comments (106)
keykeykyah00 1
I don't know if you're suppose to tell people you're a private investigator...
TheFMLMasterKing 2
Yes. Yes you do.
nightrose0087 10
I have the same problem, but the effects of mine on my personal life only includes ditching social plans and missing school a few times a week. Your situation is probably the most unfortunate possible lol. Unless you were a fireman and got the ***** while trying to save a family from a fire and then having to let them die because you, well, had the *****. Other than that though, your situation is rather "shitty" :)
klovemachine 24
29 is very funny :) and an awesome dude
HeartOfLead 24
Pooping yourself is... elementary my dear OP.
onorexveritas 24
eat more solids?
knick64 7
Hypnotism?
Satoaoi 13
good lord. ok here what you do. carry peptobismal wherever you go
Kalipczo 21
Lol! Sorry but that's pretty funny.. When ever you do something sneaky you get diarrhea? Hey it's like a physical manifestation of your conscience., telling you to be a good person rofl
iilovecokee 6
Lol, similar thing happens to someone I know, except they let out to most foul smelling fart ever. Rotten eggs is what it compares to.