Today, I finally realized that I have so much anxiety and stress, I would fail a polygraph test asking me my own name. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I took a polygraph. The interviewer was mad at the way I was breathing and looking down once instead of straight ahead. The third test I started crying because he raised his voice, saying I was disrespecting his time. I was trying so hard but couldn't breathe with the equipment on, leaving my mind blank. FML
Today, the only part of my Psychology final that I was 100% confident in was my name. FML
Today, I finally went to the doctor's about my severe anxiety. I'm so used to putting on a happy performance around people that she didn't believe anything was wrong with me. FML
Today, I was talking about phobias and anxiety disorders in psychology class. I nearly had a panic attack because I was worried that someone might realize I suffer from them. FML
Today, I was so nervous about a medical exam I was about to take, that I misspelled my own first name. It only has three letters. FML
Today, I went to my first ever job interview, in a totally stressed out state. The employer's first question was: "What's your name?" I forgot. FML
Today, I had an anxiety attack just from thinking about appearing on TV and being watched by a real audience. FML
Today, I had a anxiety attack about taking my anxiety medicine. FML
Today, I found out that I'm failing this semester because I've missed too many classes. I've missed the classes because I've been having panic attacks, a symptom of my anxiety disorder. I got the anxiety disorder because I was so afraid of failing school. FML
Today, after my boss thanked me for being so "reliable" all the time, I confessed to her that I have really bad anxiety, which has given me a crippling fear of disappointing her and ending up jobless. Even after reassuring me that she would never do that, the feeling is still there. I think I need therapy. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
You're actually primed to beat the machine. With your underlying anxiety, the polygraph will get the same response whether they're asking your name or about all of those people you've murdered and eaten.
poopface82 25
I was going to suggest giving unfavorable responses to every question so it looks like all the bad stuff is lies, but your idea has fewer steps.
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Comments (2)
RichardPencil 32
You're actually primed to beat the machine. With your underlying anxiety, the polygraph will get the same response whether they're asking your name or about all of those people you've murdered and eaten.
poopface82 25
I was going to suggest giving unfavorable responses to every question so it looks like all the bad stuff is lies, but your idea has fewer steps.
mskeptik 12
From the science perspective, you can's fail a polygraph test. No scientific experiment ever has proven efficacy of a polygraph. There is no difference between horoscopes, palm reading and polygraph tests - all of the above is quackery.