Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was confronted by my superiors for spending a "suspicious" amount of time in the bathroom every day. Not only did I have to take the test, but I also had to send in a doctor's note proving that I have a bowel condition I'd hoped to keep secret. FML
Today, I got diagnosed with a condition that expresses itself in the form of violent diarrhea whenever I get nervous. Now I am constantly nervous about getting nervous about anything. FML
Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML
Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML
Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML
Today, during an 8 hour shift at a very busy bowling alley, I found out I can't trust a fart anymore. I'm only 25. Now I have to finish my shift commando, and also get rid of the evidence without anyone noticing. FML
Today, I finally realized that I have so much anxiety and stress, I would fail a polygraph test asking me my own name. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML
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Top comments
Crazynopantsman 11
It's smelly in here my dear Watson
FMLJFL 5
Damn, that is some bad luck. But can't you train yourself to pass obstacles like this?
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Comments (106)
ElTigre995 4
You gotta be sneaky, Charlie. Sneaky.
LittleFluffy 1
Too bad. That job looks really cool on TV.
ummmmsoyah 5
Well that's just shitty
ajh557 22
No you don't it will stop in time and your body will get used to being sneaky... This stuff used to happen to me at my job
AmberAusgeflippt 13
I'm a private investigator...if you get nervous about getting caught by your claimant, even just your first day on the job, you're not cut out for it. It's not something that can be taught. It's one of those things you either have or you don't. You clearly don't have it in you. If you're nervous, you'll get made at some point on pretty much every case. Give up. People like you that think they can do this are a shame to our field and make us all look stupid.
Alina_Eduardovna 9
Get prescribed a low dosage of an antidepressant, like Lexapro. It works wonders :)
404wan 19
hahahaha your body is literally forcing you to live honestly... it's like a curse, once you learn to not be sneaky you wont suffer anymore! and neither will the people around you. Magic.