By monkers - 06/10/2012 07:12 - Canada - Westlock

Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML
I agree, your life sucks 25 207
You deserved it 1 771

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intelliDude 7

Daiper time! Or just sit on the toilet all day and read FMLs.

I hope you're not the same person who pees every time she sneezes, that would really suck! Get well soon OP :/ FYL

Comments

intelliDude 7

Daiper time! Or just sit on the toilet all day and read FMLs.

OP i know how you feel, it's so annoying. I had it a week ago at school! My teachers wouldn't believe i needed to use the bathroom every 10minutes. Sucks OP! Feel better soon :)

I call it, Evil ass.

chell1894 13

Teachers or boss' don't seem to understand how severe a bad case of the poops can be. If its severe enough you can get dehydrated which makes you feel 10 times worse. And like throwing up its just better in the comfort of your own home.

intelliDude 7

Ah. Thanks. No wonder my phone kept trying to correct the word with dapper. It was 5:15am, so it didn't occur to me that I was spelling it wrong. Thanks for correcting me :)

Or you can say "cucumber" every time you feel like you have to sneeze! :P it actually kinda stops you from sneezing! Or you can wear the diapers... :)

OP- Try forcing your tongue against the roof of your mouth to prevent yourself from sneezing, works a lot of the time for me.

Field_hockey 6

I can't sway I feel for you on this one op. that has never happened to me, but good luck with that.

Just to let you know #2 it sucks having the shits. I've actually never shit myself but had to stay close to a bathroom for a awhile.

Field_hockey- Your empathy is simply overwhelming.

Sometimes I think the world would be a better place if we had empathy boxes.....

KiddNYC1O 20

2- Next time save your breath and be like one of those assholes and hit YDI.

Omg this actually happened to me once...

I hope you're not the same person who pees every time she sneezes, that would really suck! Get well soon OP :/ FYL

That would suck

That's a results of a week bladder. That's when you start your kegels!

Sometimes rubbing my eyes stops or delays the sneeze. It might help you last long enough to run to the washroom.

Or say 'Pineapple'. I've heard that stops the sneeze.

4- there is a slight flaw in your plan; while OP is rubbing their eyes, they will be unable to see, which might make locating the bathroom, a tad tricky.... :L

If you stick your tongue on the roof of your mouth you can delay or even stop a sneeze. Hope it helps!

ee13lbp 4

28- or it might not even stop the sneeze and without your hand over your mouth you'll just sneeze into the open. Possibly into someone's face...

Plugging your nostrils ALWAYS works. When you can't inhale you don't have any air to sneeze with!

loserboii 11

Looks like you'll be remaining on the toilet for quite some time.

klovemachine 24

Diarrhea diarrhea cha cha cha!!!

Autoshot 9

God Bless Poo

Press your tongue flat against the roof of your mouth to hold back the sneeze.

MrBond007_fml 6

Sneeze the shit out of it!

When you're sliding into first and you're feeling something burst, diarrhea diarrhea... When you're sliding into third and you lay a great big turn, diarrhea diarrhea... When you're sliding into home and you're pants are full of foam, diarrhea, diarrhea... Where did you learn that song, Son? Baseball camp, Dad. Ah. Well that was money well spent.

WTF??? That wasn't supposed to be a reply. Sorry for that accidental thread jacking, my friend.

You forgot the second verse! "When you're slidin' into two and you're trying not to poo, diarrhea. Diarrhea."

Well Sir......*takes off sunglasses*...that is a shitty situation.

I'm not going to lie that shit was worth the down votes.. Hahaha

RandomComments 6

I thought you were supposed to put on the sunglasses. Example: "Well, sir, that's a *puts on sunglasses* shitty situation." YEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

perdix 29

#16, let me give you a little coaching here. #42 has it right where the placement of the "*lowers sunglasses*" (my preferred version to describe the move), should be. What follows the move should be only one or two words. One word is better and a single-syllable word is best. I think the YEAH at the end is not necessary and doesn't add to the humor. Good luck out there!

Oh shit dropped the ball on that one guys.

the putting on sunglasses and YEEAAAHH is a csi Miami quote haha

Phone or Laptop.Netflix.Breaking Bad.Sorted.

Candle.pack of gum.apartement complex.shampoo.garbage truck.

are you guys ok?

12 is saying that if you have Netflix, you can just stay on the toilet because breaking bad is just so good. 31 did not understand 12's comment, but tried to go along with it and just stated random things that most certainly did not make any since.

SenselessPattern 12

Fuck.sentences.Lists.and.fragments.2012.

not exactly... i understood what he was saying, i was mocking the format of his thoughts. I just thought the joke would be more obvious to people following the thread, because my line was much more ridiculous and made no sense, but I'm new to FML, so forgive my stupid comment.