Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was confronted by my superiors for spending a "suspicious" amount of time in the bathroom every day. Not only did I have to take the test, but I also had to send in a doctor's note proving that I have a bowel condition I'd hoped to keep secret. FML
Today, I got diagnosed with a condition that expresses itself in the form of violent diarrhea whenever I get nervous. Now I am constantly nervous about getting nervous about anything. FML
Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML
Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML
Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML
Today, during an 8 hour shift at a very busy bowling alley, I found out I can't trust a fart anymore. I'm only 25. Now I have to finish my shift commando, and also get rid of the evidence without anyone noticing. FML
Today, I finally realized that I have so much anxiety and stress, I would fail a polygraph test asking me my own name. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML
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Top comments
Crazynopantsman 11
It's smelly in here my dear Watson
FMLJFL 5
Damn, that is some bad luck. But can't you train yourself to pass obstacles like this?
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Comments (106)
Gculk 1
It might be worth your while to go see a doctor, tell them how you think you have stress induced Irritable bowel syndrome. THey have lots of medicine for this, might take a bit to find one that agrees with you, but it's worth a try.
kawaiisakura 12
My doctor told me they don't have any FDA approved medications for IBS. Imodium is good every once in a while, but then again I guess it all depends on how your body takes things
Isoldael 27
Indeed. For some people fibre works wonders too. Personally I can't do anything except avoid the foods of which I know they would make things worse :(
gemmadaws 3
You must really suck at it as well
GingerNinja7 17
"Give me a minute, Watson, I have the *****"
Cavebone 5
You got the sneaky leakies.
rattusrattus 19
Original Poster, PI: Pooping Infinitely.
olpally 33
CSI: the private shit investigator. No? Lol, oh well.
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
*Walks past 34 with shades on* You do realize there are more than just one pair of shades right...?
wafflefriez91 17
It could be irritable bowel syndrome you need to see a digestive specialist stress is one major cause of ibs. Dont quit your job go to the dr.
wafflefriez91 17
It could be irritable bowel syndrome that is caused by stress and causes you to poop alot i know because i have it. Go to a digestive specialist.
wvcheesehead1 9
carve you a. good cork and back to work