Health: Today, I got diagnosed with a condition that expresses itself... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 90

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 43

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 25

18/10/2009 13:36

Today, I got diagnosed with a condition that expresses itself in the form of violent diarrhea whenever I get nervous. Now I am constantly nervous about getting nervous about anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 431

You deserved it 2 873

Walk the line

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Best teeth in the game

31/05/2017 22:00

Today, I gave my niece a $100 bill instead of a $10 so she could buy ice cream. When I realized my mistake, she never returned it but thanked me and gave me a big hug. Now I don't have money for gas or food all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 561

You deserved it 1 950

Told you so

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 22:00

Today, my wife is leaving me for the guy she told me not to worry about, who is also her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 89

10/07/2012 15:39

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 831

You deserved it 31 110

30/10/2012 13:27

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me by saying, "It's not you, it's me. I have a terrible taste in women." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 191

You deserved it 3 279

06/12/2009 14:58

Today, I was taking a placement test for the new college I am going to. After the test and picking up a few numbers, I left with great pride. I opened the door and started walking out. I then realized that I had walked into the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 458

You deserved it 27 877

09/01/2014 03:23

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 837

You deserved it 13 646

19/02/2009 23:17

Today, I was at the library studying. There was a really cute guy across the room. I decided to play it cool and walk his way and grab some water. Right as I walked by, my body decided to let out the loudest fart. He laughed. I kept walking and asked my friend to grab my books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 922

You deserved it 14 088

19/01/2012 14:17

Today, there was a big snow storm and I wanted to help shovel, so I put on 3 pairs of socks, 2 pairs of pants, 2 winter coats, 2 pairs of gloves, a hat and a scarf. Once outside, I was told to go back inside because the job was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 020

You deserved it 32 931

12/10/2011 03:34

Today, my roommates thought I wasn't home and started talking about me. Apparently I'm a lesbian, devil worshiper, and an alcoholic. I didn't know my life was so fascinating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 279

You deserved it 3 245

17/08/2011 08:13

Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 838

You deserved it 12 587

30/09/2015 10:18

Today, I got called a "politically correct loser" by a woman at the supermarket, all because I said I didn't want to find out the gender of my baby until birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 171

You deserved it 2 106

08/07/2012 03:16

Today, a homeless man started to wet himself in the recliner at the coffee shop where I work. He then walked all the way to the bathroom, only to finish urinating in a puddle right in front of the bathroom door. Guess who cleaned it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 336

You deserved it 1 856

15/10/2010 08:33

Today, I found my brother tampering with my laptop. He had changed the entire settings, in ways I don't even know how to fix. I finally had to get my mom to threaten him to change it back to its original setting. I'm 15. He's six and can barely get dressed by himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 104

You deserved it 9 587

06/09/2014 22:19

Today, my boyfriend canceled his plans to attend my father's wake, not even 10 minutes after he found out there won't be any alcohol on offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 938

You deserved it 4 112

10/11/2009 04:02

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me in a text message. Then I found out from a mutual friend that he "came out" and told everyone at our school that he is gay. He has known he was gay for years and he was just using me as a cover up. What a great way to start my senior year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 932

You deserved it 5 003

College life is hell

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 05:01

Today, my crush came up to me at a college party and said "I like you." I tried to be cool and said sarcastically, "Thank you. I like myself too. That was a wonderful prank." He was amazed, and asked me how I knew it was a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 185

17/12/2009 19:09

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 511

You deserved it 27 807

05/04/2014 14:27

Spicy

Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 428

You deserved it 7 322

20/03/2011 07:44

Today, at my wedding, my brother decided it would be funny to trip me as I was walking down the aisle, in front of hundreds of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 202

You deserved it 4 562

27/01/2015 16:12

Today, it's been five days since my roommate last talked to me. Although she's not communicating with me verbally, she's excelling at non-verbal communication: slamming doors and drawers, and watching loud videos, all while I desperately try to study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 864

You deserved it 2 913

31/05/2016 16:11

Spicy

Today, my dad asked my brother not to use his shaver so late at night. That wasn't him, and it wasn't his shaver either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 513

You deserved it 3 264

Betrayal

By Anonymous - 12/07/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I found out my fiancé has been sexting my friend for about a month. I've already paid for our wedding, which was supposed to be next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 238

You deserved it 85

Significant other

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 02:00

Today, my Apple Watch notified me that my long-term exposure to loud noises may be dangerous to my hearing. I’ve been crying since my SO left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 151

11/02/2017 17:00

Today, I learned that my neighbor of 9 years has a kid. I learned this after I knocked down his snowman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 314

You deserved it 3 886

26/07/2015 14:27

Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 645

You deserved it 13 692

23/01/2012 11:27

Today, I realized the universal beauty that can be found in a pancake. I'm not sure if I have reached spiritual enlightenment, or if I should have my head examined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 801

You deserved it 7 369

07/12/2012 00:19

Today, one of my work colleagues was staring at my severe sunburn. She wanted to know if she could "peel" me, when my sunburn becomes "ripe", because she loves the sound. She won't take no for an answer, and I work with her everyday this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 435

You deserved it 2 009

20/09/2009 12:28

Today, my friend called saying she was gathering all her girlfriends for a girl's night out. I was thrilled with the idea and started to think of something to wear. She then asked if I would mind watching her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 825

You deserved it 2 901

11/04/2013 00:45

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 310

You deserved it 12 662

04/06/2011 11:22

Today, my aunt gave my cat aspirin because when she touched his nose he had a 'fever'. I came home to a dead cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 114

You deserved it 4 152

13/10/2010 12:57

Today, I found out the man I'm getting a ride from drives a windowless van and is "excited to see me". My friends had encouraged me to sign up for the cheap-ride program because it was less expensive than taking a train. If I never come back, look for a windowless van somewhere in Europe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 147

You deserved it 5 146

21/02/2012 23:56

Today, while driving, I slowed down and made sure I safely went by a pedestrian, and in the process rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 305

You deserved it 22 072

24/07/2009 21:30

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 626

You deserved it 7 425

21/11/2010 19:07

Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 415

You deserved it 41 172

04/08/2012 01:52

Today, I got on an elevator at the mall, along with a twelve or thirteen-year-old girl talking on her cell. She spent the whole ride telling the person on the other end how hideous I looked and how I look like a pregnant sperm whale. I was too humiliated to even say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 910

You deserved it 4 837

13/12/2009 06:15

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has more armpit hair than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 432

You deserved it 6 455

23/02/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that while my mother-in-law claimed to be babysitting my son, she was actually dropping him off at an unlicensed “day care” in a shady part of town so she could go out. How did I find out? The house was raided by police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 655

You deserved it 317

It found you

By Anonymous - 20/04/2020 02:00

Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 1 024

08/08/2009 00:43

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 145

You deserved it 17 422

27/11/2010 06:38

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a back-up girl if we break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 603

You deserved it 4 479

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Sunday 18 October 2009 19:54

Look at the upside... you could be a superhero, like the incredible hulk. Except instead of turning big and muscular when you get angry, you shoot toxic shit out your ass when you get nervous. Start writing your comic book adventures and get rich. In the meantime, avoid job interviews and public speaking.

Faithful_Jewel 0

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Sunday 18 October 2009 19:52

That's one very unfortunate condition. Virtual hugs for you :( Very FML.

Comments

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Sunday 18 October 2009 19:52

FIRST OPMGGFDGD anyone wanna go on a date?

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Sunday 18 October 2009 21:53

it's all in ur head. like depression. unlike my aunt's pneumonia....

Ajjas013 6

Sunday 18 October 2009 22:56

Pampers anyone?

bugmenotmofo 34

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Monday 19 October 2009 0:21

Don't read about Dead Hand then basically if anything nuclear hits Russia the USA will become a radioactive wasteland. If you do want to read about it and have explosive diahrea go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dead_Hand_%28nuclear_war%29 or here http://www.wired.com/dangerroom/2009/09/the-soviets-built-a-doomsday-machine-its-still-working/

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Monday 19 October 2009 1:08

so you're like....leaking liquid poop 24/7?

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Monday 19 October 2009 1:14

I would not worry about it. You should be scared shitless within 24 hours.

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Monday 19 October 2009 9:32

I sincerely hope you're joking. Depression is a real condition. I have it and it's terrible. You have no idea what it's like wanting to kill yourself for no reason at all.

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Wednesday 10 March 2010 4:49

I like the wording.

Faithful_Jewel 0

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Sunday 18 October 2009 19:52

That's one very unfortunate condition. Virtual hugs for you :( Very FML.

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Friday 16 July 2010 13:13

yeah I get that when I get nervous too, but i didn't think it was a condition...

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Friday 12 October 2012 0:12

How the fuck do people think she deserves this? Yeah, she totally deserves a condition that she or no one else could ever cure or prevent. I hope that everyone that put " You deserved it" gets the condition themselves. I know I'm making a big deal, but why would someone say that. I bet you think cancer victims and such deserve the bullshit they go through. Fuck you. That is all

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Sunday 18 October 2009 19:54

that's so awful. i'm sorry. D:

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Sunday 18 October 2009 19:54

Look at the upside... you could be a superhero, like the incredible hulk. Except instead of turning big and muscular when you get angry, you shoot toxic shit out your ass when you get nervous. Start writing your comic book adventures and get rich. In the meantime, avoid job interviews and public speaking.

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Sunday 18 October 2009 20:01

Best idea ever. That really does suck though, Take something to help yourself relax.

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Sunday 18 October 2009 21:03

He shouldn't because he will become dependant of it....

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Sunday 18 October 2009 21:18

incredible bulk, turns brown and releases toxic smell :)

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Sunday 18 October 2009 21:44

No, you can take things and NOT become dependent on them.

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Monday 19 October 2009 7:19

I almost passed out reading number 6 or Was in nine I thing it is six but it is funny u so win number six XD

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 20:11

LOL You really made my day with this comment.

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Sunday 18 October 2009 19:58

IBS?

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Sunday 18 October 2009 20:00

butt munch.

HarrietPotter 1

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Sunday 18 October 2009 20:02

I'm so sorry! I hope you are able to find a treatment for this!

tigrouficele2012 44

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Sunday 18 October 2009 20:09

Now I'm wondering if it's the same as what I have. It sounds quite similar. Doesn't manifest more than thrice in an average week, but it's not very nice. >_>

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Sunday 18 October 2009 20:15

A true FML.

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Sunday 18 October 2009 20:33

if i were you i would stack slamingtons on their chooglers