Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, in frustration, I threw a spanner across the room at work, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. I woke up in an ambulance with a cracked skull and a gorgeous EMT lady. I would've tried to ask her out, but while I was out cold I'd pissed myself, and the whole ambulance reeked of it. FML
Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML
Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML
Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I saw an old homeless man who had just fallen down due to his drinking. Everyone laughed at him, but I felt bad, so I went to help him up. My reward? A quick punch in the face, landing me in the hospital. FML
Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML
Today, I had the last wedding meeting with my fiancé at our church. Running extremely late from my friends house I failed to notice a small penis drawn on my forehead by my friends when I fell asleep after a party. The priest wasn't too happy and said numerous prayers for me. FML
Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
It just goes to show that Freud was right: Subconciously, dicks are always on your mind.
lilhellian 27
Cum on op, he was just trying to lighten the mood. :)
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Comments (76)
mr_jack_meoff 5
A sense of humor is great and rare.
glamorous18 10
lmfao that's awesome!!
Zebediabolical 45
This FML is even funnier if you're half awake and see it as 'Today I farted.'
dblogic 19
That sucks for u...but is ******* hilarious!!! lmao!!!
ms_packman 18
that stinks. but funny. lol
kda357 4
All you stupid ***** need a new life cause apparently you day job is not working
Testing1234 25
Well now that was a ******** move