Miscellaneous: Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting... - FML

By :) - United States

Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgeways for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them, "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

Serious times

Impressive

By Tyr88 - Australia - Blakehurst

The first step is admitting you have a problem: take away is bad for you.

Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML

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By Faluna - Sweden

Today, I found out that the mysterious yellow mould that won't come off my apartment floor is in fact the remains of a condom my room-mate used when she was f*cking her boyfriend in my bed. Afterwards, she apparently threw it on the floor and let it lie there. For three weeks. FML

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By Mrs. W. - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling and telling eachother nice things. The nicest thing he could think of to say to me was "Well, I see you shaved your mustache." FML

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By whoops - United States - Hicksville

Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to my family remodeling our (extremely) out of date bathroom. I was SUPER excited to help them get it done. I walked down the hallway and opened my bedroom door to find a huge, gaping hole in my wall and my room covered in dust. I had to sweep every surface in my room. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that the crumbs on the couch that look like the oreos you just ate, can actually turn out to be very crunchy, and have legs. FML

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By Go away - United States - Humboldt

Today, after doing vigorous chores all day with my girlfriend, her mom came and paid us each $100. My girlfriend cried and threw a fit because she said they were her chores, so she deserves all the money. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

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By Goldar - United States

Today, thinking I was alone at work, I did an impression of Goldar from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I turned around to find out I wasn't alone; a cute girl was staring at me, unimpressed. FML

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By Ouch - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML

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By Anonymous

Grand Old Irony

Today, I asked my 'friend with benefits' if she'd consider actually dating me regularly. She said yes, but only if I joined the Republican Party, because she "would never date anyone who didn't fight for morality." FML

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By tom0441 - Reserved

Today, I saw a father and son playing football in a car park when I was on my way to work. The ball rolled towards me so feeling nice I kicked it back to them. Turns out it went straight through their car window. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my girlfriend of a year exclaimed 'Oh my god!' for the first time during sex. Nope, I haven't improved in bed, I recently moved a tv into my room and something exciting happened on the show she was watching. FML

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By jada - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend over and over again and he never answered. His mom just called me and asked how I was holding up. I asked her what she meant and she had to tell me he checked himself into rehab because he was addicted to heroin. FML

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By sweetjulie

Today, and for the past week, my 5-year-old daughter has been introducing herself as “Mazda. Zoom-zoom!” FML

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By lydiacoolness - New Zealand

Today, I got my annual blood test. The nurse was inexperienced and it took her several tries to insert the needle properly. When I get back home, my fiancé starts yelling at me and storms out. The reason? I am a recovering drug addict and my arm appeared as if I had been shooting up. FML

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By FreshDonuts - United States - Antioch

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

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By Earths_Venus - Australia

Today, I sat for 3 hours at my boyfriend's Christmas celebrations. He has 22 cousins. They open presents one at a time. In silence. I got nothing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cleveland

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML

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By Wrabel - Germany - Mainz

Today, I received a package from Amazon. My mum smiled at me when I entered the living room, pointing to my package. She had already opened it and held back her smile. My penis pills for longer endurance just got delivered. FML

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By Anonyme - France - Mitry-mory

Today, I had an argument with my boyfriend who was accusing me of only being in a relationship with him because I'd fantasised about being with an Asian. When I told him he was wrong, he asked me what attracted me to him in the first place. "Your eyes" was definitely the wrong answer. FML

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, my mother walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. Afterwards, she informed me I would look a lot hotter if I smiled more. FML

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By nolove4me - United States

Today, I got asked on a date. I was later told we had to cancel. Why? My ex is parked in front of his house and he is afraid to leave. FML

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By Kika - France

Today, the phone rang. I run to get the call, I trip, fall on a metal chair. Tears in my eyes and out of breath I pick up... "Hi, do you have a minute to answer a few questions? It's for a survey." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my 16-year-old son broke two of his fingers playing with Play-Doh. FML

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By Boneo and Juliet - United States - Amherst

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

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By Samprib - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

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By thrifty gone wrong - United States - El Cajon

Today, I received a birthday present from a friend. It was the very same gift I gave to her for Christmas. FML

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By kylie - 2/4/2021 17:01

Unimpressed

Today, my doctor told me that I have severely and permanently injured my shoulder. Last week, I attempted to lift more weight than I normally do in an effort to impress my boyfriend. He was not impressed. In fact he said that most kids can lift more than that. FML

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By workaholic - United States - San Francisco

Today, I thought I'd finally finished the special project my boss gave me of changing the eligibility details on several hundred loans. My coworker later pointed out that the document was the same as it had been hours before, and that the changes I made hadn't saved at all. FML

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By Beccarr - United Kingdom

Today, it was boiling hot so my boyfriend and I decided to sunbathe in the garden and ended up falling asleep for a few hours. Not only is my back so burnt that I can't lie down, I also have a white hand print on my upper back where my boyfriend had left his arm while we slept. FML

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By Aether - United States - Lake Jackson

Today, I got to explain to someone that "enjoying the warm, rich aromas of fecal matter" is not a good subject to use as an ice breaker for making friends. FML

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By Wtf - Canada

Today, my doctor told me my asthma was being triggered by my dad's smoking. He wrote a note to my dad, asking him to refrain from smoking while around me. My dad took one look at the note, then threw it in the trash, saying the doctor "doesn't know what he's talking about." FML

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By disgusted - United States - East Waterboro

Today, while working as a teacher at a daycare, a two year-old girl decided the best way to share that she had pooped was to reach in her diaper and attempt to hand some to me. FML

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By whatthehell - United States

Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that second hand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML

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By Wanaaa - France - Toulouse

Today, I was watching TV with my husband and my 5-year-old son. Everything was going fine until my son asked his father, “Why can’t mom know that you have another sweetheart?” FML

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By lizzie - United States

Today, I was going to a talent show. On the way there, my car broke down, I lost my keys and managed to slam my hand in a window. I got there and waited in the theater for an hour before a janitor came by and said, "Show is tomorrow, lady." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my pregnant girlfriend and I moved into our first home together, signing a 1-year lease. Less than 12 hours later, we've discovered that the place is infested with cockroaches and we have a mouse. The landlord won't let us out of the contract. FML

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By campus pussy - United States - Ross

Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML

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Top comments

By omgcyndaquil | 23

#5512091 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:06

Sigh. Parents. Congratulations on your 96% though.

By fishstick557 | 14

#5512092 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:06

Ask your teacher if you could bring the test home

COMMENTS

By omgcyndaquil | 23

#5512091 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:06

Sigh. Parents. Congratulations on your 96% though.

Reply

aKaClickZ | 4

#5512126 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:18

Nutsack.

Reply

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#5512174 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:43

^Dickwad.

Reply

Djjooze | 4

#5512250 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 18:37

Change your life.

Reply

HKCgrimmjow | 15

#5512355 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 19:42

#40 I've seen 3 comments of yours now and not a single one correlates with what's being talked about even mildly, perhaps you should start reading the FMLs before you comment

By fishstick557 | 14

#5512092 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:06

Ask your teacher if you could bring the test home

By newburton13 | 26

#5512093 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:07

They just got number 48 out of 50 reasons they fail as parents.

By mockingjaygirl16 | 8

#5512095 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:08

Sorry OP. my parents are like that too.

By dontpanic_fml | 32

#5512101 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:10

Does your smiley face username mean you have exacted some sort of retribution?

Reply

Likian5 | 26

#5512435 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 20:50

My thoughts exactly...

By chabelo | 10

#5512110 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:11

I'm agree with #6

Reply

Han1156 | 23

#5512117 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:14

You are number 6

Reply

FluxPavilion | 6

#5512130 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:20

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

nyrangersfan9 | 13

#5512176 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:45

Not only is this a stupid comment, its got bad grammar too. Think before you write.

Reply

BulldogHoops | 14

#5512234 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 18:23

27: Your comment was something of a grammatical train wreck itself.

Reply

chabelo | 10

#5512244 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 18:30

AUTOCORRECT makes you look pretty stupid sometimes

Reply

RadeonDerp | 24

#5512275 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 19:02

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Reply

priceyfml | 7

#5512387 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 20:08

Okay grammar nazis no need to get angry, he isn't writing a fucking college essay.

Reply

omg36 | 7

#5512423 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 20:36

I love how, if someone misspells something or makes one TINY grammatical error on this website, most likely due to autocorrect, there are a good 15-20 people there to point it out.

By holeyman | 8

#5512111 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:12

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

EUPHORlA | 12

#5512249 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 18:36

So caring about your kid's grades and future are now only an Asian thing...?

By nyrangersfan9 | 13

#5512112 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:12

My brother said that today. Except I guessed the "out of 50". Try showing them the test. If you can't get ahold of it, just email your teacher. If THAT doesn't work, just have your teacher sign a note for it. Hopefully they'll believe that.

By Harpy20 | 24

#5512113 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:12

Happened to me once. Even after I got my mother to understand, she grounded me for making her feel stupid.

Reply

jackiemora | 18

#5512140 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:25

Parents just never admit to being wrong.

Reply

Tiger9099 | 11

#5512358 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 19:46

Sometimes you just can't win

By NickaPLZ | 26

#5512116 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:14

Do they want you to be a doctor or a lawyer or something? They sound like the types that demand control OF their kids' lives FOR their entire lives...