Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting... - FML

By :) - 29/5/2013 07:31 - United States

Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgeways for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them, "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML

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Season finale

Peaky Bladders

Higher standards

By a cat named tiddles - 30/3/2017 00:00

Today, my cat looked like it was about to puke, so I put it outside. Unhappy with the situation, it leaped on to the kitchen window ledge and squeezed in through the open window, only to projectile vomit mid-leap all over the kitchen counter. I found a hairball in the butter. FML

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By spacemanspiff78 - 31/10/2011 15:07

Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

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By AnonymousQuagga - 7/2/2014 03:07 - United States - Flower Mound

Today, I was at the library, working with some classmates on our major semester project. I accidentally killed power to the row of computers by me. I've never had so many enraged faces looking at me before. FML

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By ironyisabitch - 2/6/2012 05:43 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML

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By eric4 - 23/5/2013 20:11 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML

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By Catnip - 30/6/2016 23:42 - Germany - Michelstadt

Today, I sent my boyfriend a selfie where I used the Snapchat face-swap to put my best friend's face on mine. My boyfriend didn't notice and texted back, 'Wow, so beautiful!' FML

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By imgonnadie - 7/9/2014 15:11 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I'm staying with my grandma and her older sister while my parents are away. It's been two hours and so far they've popped vicodins, talked about banging Alex Trebek, and had a farting contest. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2014 19:50 - United States - Powell

Today, after having multiple dreams where I have a daughter with my boyfriend, I'm now emotionally attached to a child who isn't real, and I get depressed when I can't be with her in real life. FML

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By bleredoshia - 8/4/2010 04:27 - New Zealand

Today, after church, my 5-year-old son asked me about God, so I answered his questions in full. We talked about God for over 2 hours. At the end of it all, he pondered for a moment, before saying to me "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. You're dumb." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/7/2012 21:13 - France

Today, I paid a social visit to my grandparents. While we were watching the news, a story came on about the Queen of England. I scoffed, "How is she not dead already? How old is she, anyway?" My grandmother replied, "About my age." Oops. FML

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By - 18/4/2019 00:00

Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML

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By not impressed - 9/10/2015 18:27 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML

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By imatotalloser - 28/7/2017 05:00

Today, after months of telling my landlord about the weak floorboards in my living room, I fell through them as I was trying to repair them myself. FML

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By blower - 11/4/2011 04:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blow job from me. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2015 05:56 - United States - Sacramento

Today, a teenage girl with a selfie stick came into my workplace. She knocked down multiple displays while trying to take pictures, before leaving without making a purchase. I had to clean it all up. FML

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By bruh - 28/3/2017 20:00

Unexpected

Today, I asked my girlfriend to prom. Instead of saying yes, she broke up with me. FML

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By ??? - 26/1/2017 04:00

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my mom about her boyfriend hitting on me. Not only did she not care, but she got mad at me. I'm 15. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2018 15:00

Today, I woke up from surgery to have my appendix removed, only to be told by my wife it didn’t happen because my appendix was healthy. It turns out my intense pain was a rancid fart that lasted nearly 10 whole seconds while I was asleep and cut open on the operating table. FML

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By lawman - 15/8/2013 13:34 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML

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By schooyou101 - 17/11/2012 13:34 - United States - Prairie Village

Today, my crush finally agreed to spend the night with me. I told my parents to act normal for one night. Apparently, "normal" is strutting around naked and acting like a chicken. FML

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By Abcporn - 25/9/2013 23:22 - United States - Portland

Today, I went to work at my job as a secretary. I had been given the task to file my boss's collection of Playboy magazines alphabetically by name of the centerfold. There was one for every month from the years of 1980 until now. FML

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By oh, shit...... - 2/2/2016 20:27 - Denmark - Bagsv?rd

Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2019 22:00

You snooze, you lose

Today, I got turned down by the person who has been wanting to date me for five months. FML

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By maleficunt - 3/6/2014 20:44 - United Kingdom - Cannock

Today, a customer yelled at me so furiously that she sprayed my face with spittle. I had to stand there, smiling and politely explaining that I needed to see a receipt before I could give her a refund. When she finally gave up and left, my boss bitched me out for "provoking the customer". FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2019 11:00 - Canada - Lakeville

Cash me?

Today, working in a liquor store, I had to tell a girl I couldn't sell her alcohol since she was severely intoxicated. She told me to "cash me ousside, how bow dat?" then smashed a bottle of wine and left. FML

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By Kate - 23/12/2012 08:24 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML

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By Catois - 5/3/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML

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By brandon - 10/1/2011 17:04 - Canada

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to unlock my garage door. After shouting several profanities, my roommate walked up to me, turned the key the other way, and unlocked it. FML

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By OzzyWannabee - 20/2/2015 08:12 - France - Issy-les-moulineaux

Today, I tried to overcome my shyness by warmly greeting the bus driver while entering it. I instead blurted out really loudly the words of the song my iPod was playing. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2012 16:04 - United States - Millers Tavern

Today, I was running late for an important job interview because I couldn't find my keys. I place the keys on my kitchen counter every day to prevent exactly this type of situation. After few minutes and missing my interview, I finally found my keys, in my hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2015 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after years of loneliness, I met the most amazing girl on Omegle. We spoke for ages and really clicked. But before either of us could exchange numbers, I lost my internet connection and her along with it. FML

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By transcendingnerd - 13/4/2015 10:46 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I heard my 2-year-old sister crying, so I left my room to comfort her. She looked at me, held my hand, escorted me back to my room and closed the door. FML

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By Ignored - 11/4/2011 09:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my phone wasn't working properly. After sending out 40 texts and getting no replies, I decided to test my phone by sending it a text from my old phone. The text came through straight away. Turns out my phone's working perfectly and 40 people are just ignoring me. FML

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By not gay in AL - 11/5/2014 17:57 - United States

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I love him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

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By Julia - 26/2/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I found out all the money my dad has been saving in the bank for me since birth has all been spent, by my mother who I haven't seen or talked to in about two years. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2014 19:22 - United States

Today, I moved into my new house. The previous occupants failed to tell me that they'd recently kicked out their crazy crackhead son, who seems to think they've paid me to pretend that they've moved out and that I'm the new owner. He wants back in. FML

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By flowerfail - 16/6/2009 09:13 - United States

Today, I stepped outside to wait for a cute guy to arrive after arduously preparing for our first date. Just as he rounded the corner, I tripped over the last stair and landed headfirst into my mom's fresh pot of snapdragons. My mom uses compost and manure for her plants. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 12:00 - United States - New York

Showtime

Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML

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By grosssss - 1/1/2010 13:03 - Australia

Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML

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Top comments

By omgcyndaquil | 23

#5512091 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:06

Sigh. Parents. Congratulations on your 96% though.

By fishstick557 | 14

#5512092 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:06

Ask your teacher if you could bring the test home

COMMENTS

By omgcyndaquil | 23

#5512091 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:06

Sigh. Parents. Congratulations on your 96% though.

Reply

aKaClickZ | 4

#5512126 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:18

Nutsack.

Reply

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#5512174 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:43

^Dickwad.

Reply

Djjooze | 4

#5512250 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 18:37

Change your life.

Reply

HKCgrimmjow | 15

#5512355 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 19:42

#40 I've seen 3 comments of yours now and not a single one correlates with what's being talked about even mildly, perhaps you should start reading the FMLs before you comment

By fishstick557 | 14

#5512092 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:06

Ask your teacher if you could bring the test home

By newburton13 | 26

#5512093 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:07

They just got number 48 out of 50 reasons they fail as parents.

By mockingjaygirl16 | 8

#5512095 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:08

Sorry OP. my parents are like that too.

By dontpanic_fml | 32

#5512101 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:10

Does your smiley face username mean you have exacted some sort of retribution?

Reply

Likian5 | 26

#5512435 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 20:50

My thoughts exactly...

By chabelo | 10

#5512110 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:11

I'm agree with #6

Reply

Han1156 | 23

#5512117 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:14

You are number 6

Reply

FluxPavilion | 6

#5512130 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:20

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

nyrangersfan9 | 13

#5512176 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:45

Not only is this a stupid comment, its got bad grammar too. Think before you write.

Reply

BulldogHoops | 14

#5512234 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 18:23

27: Your comment was something of a grammatical train wreck itself.

Reply

chabelo | 10

#5512244 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 18:30

AUTOCORRECT makes you look pretty stupid sometimes

Reply

RadeonDerp | 24

#5512275 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 19:02

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Reply

priceyfml | 7

#5512387 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 20:08

Okay grammar nazis no need to get angry, he isn't writing a fucking college essay.

Reply

omg36 | 7

#5512423 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 20:36

I love how, if someone misspells something or makes one TINY grammatical error on this website, most likely due to autocorrect, there are a good 15-20 people there to point it out.

By holeyman | 8

#5512111 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:12

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

EUPHORlA | 12

#5512249 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 18:36

So caring about your kid's grades and future are now only an Asian thing...?

By nyrangersfan9 | 13

#5512112 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:12

My brother said that today. Except I guessed the "out of 50". Try showing them the test. If you can't get ahold of it, just email your teacher. If THAT doesn't work, just have your teacher sign a note for it. Hopefully they'll believe that.

By Harpy20 | 24

#5512113 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:12

Happened to me once. Even after I got my mother to understand, she grounded me for making her feel stupid.

Reply

jackiemora | 18

#5512140 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:25

Parents just never admit to being wrong.

Reply

Tiger9099 | 11

#5512358 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 19:46

Sometimes you just can't win

By NickaPLZ | 26

#5512116 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:14

Do they want you to be a doctor or a lawyer or something? They sound like the types that demand control OF their kids' lives FOR their entire lives...