Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting... - FML

By :) - United States

Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgeways for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them, "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML

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There's no helping some people

People are strange

NRA fanboy

By Anonymous - 4/12/2020 05:02

Gotta start somewhere

Today, I found out my parents paid my "best friend" to be my friend for the past 7 years. She's my only friend too. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Placentia

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was running the drive-thru window at work, when a man pulled up with his dog in the seat next to him. As he was counting out his change, the dog leaned over his hand and drooled all over it. Not only did he pay exclusively in coins, those coins were slimy from dog drool. FML

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By surprise - United States

Today, I was getting ready to go to a surprise party I'd planned for my best friend. All was going well on the discretion part until I logged onto Facebook. I saw that my sister had set her status to, "At Natalie's surprise party! BBL!" Natalie had liked it. FML

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By dogshavenipples - United Kingdom

Today, I got a huge bill through the post. It turns out that my elderly mother made the vet come out to my house to see the dog while I was out, because she was scared of the little growths she had found on his body. They were nipples. FML

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By Faceplant - United States - Port Orchard

Smooth move, teach.

Today, I monitored my students as they conducted a lab experiment. I was walking to the other side of the room while looking at a student who seemed about to ask a question. When she looked up at me, I walked into a wall. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I'm being evicted from my apartment on my birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I thought it'd be hot to have it off on the golf course once it was dark. Who would've thought that sprinklers start up once it's pitch dark. I got a lot wetter than I thought I would. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

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By shit streak - 21/4/2020 20:00

KoBabe

Today, my husband was changing our son’s overflowing diaper. Instead of getting up and walking the putrid mess to the bin, he decided to shoot it basketball-style. He missed and it hit the wall, sliding down leaving a huge sloppy streak. He expected me to clean it. FML

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By Taraa3 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML

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By logkitty - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gun point, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Today, I ran into an old friend, and she remarked how she couldn't believe we hadn't seen each other in a year. Except not only did I attend her baby shower a few weeks ago, I spent hundreds of dollars on a unique gift. FML

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By not telling you my name - United States - Elkhart

Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML

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By brokeandsad - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight about a clogged toilet. He was yelling about not having enough money to buy a better plunger and so I stormed out to buy one myself. While pulling his truck into traffic, a car hit me causing $1000 in damage. FML

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By mandiballz - United States

Today, I was saying goodbye to my 5 year old son before dropping him at my mom's, as I was leaving for two days, and told him I would miss him. He says "l won't miss you, I never miss you when you are gone." FML

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By kiwi2323 - United States

Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML

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By fubuggie - United States - Saint Albans

Today, while working the register, a known mentally-unstable man approached me. He ended up telling me that the Statue of Liberty is sexist and a screw-up by Washington. When I told him that the French made it, he told me to shut up and complained to my manager. He knows me by name now. FML

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By luni - United Kingdom

Today, when my boyfriend said it was time to play with his baby, I figured he was talking about me. He meant his Xbox. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 20:03

No smoking

Today, my boyfriend told me he started smoking again and had smoked almost a whole pack in 3 hours. We were on the phone and I was on the bus. He knew that was the perfect time time to tell me, because he knew I wouldn't yell in public. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dansville

Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasanton

Today, my brother sent me an image by Skype, saying I really had to see it. I figured it was some kind of stupid joke, but I tried to look anyway. It wouldn't open. Turns out he thought he could just rename the ".exe" on a virus to ".jpg" and it would still run. My brother's a cretin. FML

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By Anonymous

Alexa, play "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy

Today, I was yelled at and fired by my boss. He claimed that I've been sleeping with his wife. I've never met his wife. FML

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By mikep - Netherlands

Today, I asked my mother if she thought my cat was getting fat. She replied "It's not the cat you should worry about". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while working at my dead-end call centre job that couldn't get any worse, I answered a call from a customer who was having loud sex. I still needed to sound professional and tell her when a product was released. FML

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By codizzy

Today, while working at my job at a lumber/hardware store, my coworker told me he was taking an hour break instead of the usual half-hour. Not only did he leave me with a store packed with customers on Customer Appreciation Day, but he never came back until closing time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Concord

Today, I got really horny during a 10 hour shift, so I snuck into a storage room and relieved myself. Then as I went to leave the room, I noticed the security camera above the door. FML

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By baddoggy - United States

Today, I went to pick up my dog from the vet after she had surgery. I somehow managed to lock my keys, my purse, and my dog in the car. FML

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By Ghost - United States

Today, I was at my 10 year high school reunion. I saw the girl I used to have a BIG crush on, so I decided to go over and say hi. She screams when she sees me. Then, she starts hitting me, looking panicked. I control her and ask why she's hitting me. She says 'Everyone thought you were dead!' FML

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By banana2894 - United States - Eugene

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

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By jen - United States

Today, I realized I have no life after I created a fake Facebook account, posted an insulting message on my wall, and then engaged in a vicious argument with it, just so I could impress my friends. FML

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By catherineratley - United States - Carmi

Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML

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By BARF - United States

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

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By pixkalexi - United States - North Easton

Today, I have an upset stomach. Every other minute, it sounds like Chewbacca is screaming to get out. FML

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By rejectedmidair - United States

Today, I went through with my elaborate plans to propose to my girlfriend with creativity. I took her skydiving and proposed in midair. She rejected. Why? She wanted a more "traditional" proposal. FML

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By jessica071509 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

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By sheisselluv - Germany - Gera

Today, was my first day of work in my life. I was excited, and so was my dad, who saw me to the door and ruffled my hair as he wished me luck. I didn't notice until half an hour after arriving at work that he'd stuck his gum in my hair. Nobody bothered to tell me. FML

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By Lexi - Canada

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter swimming. While sitting in the hot tub, my daughter pointed to the elderly man sitting across from us and mumbled something. I couldn't understand her, so I asked her to repeat it. After two more attempts, she shouted, "MOM! He has big boobs!" FML

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By Ava777 - United States

Today, while leaving school to skip fourth period, I hit someone's car in the parking lot. It was the teacher's whose class I was going to skip. FML

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Top comments

By omgcyndaquil | 23

#5512091 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:06

Sigh. Parents. Congratulations on your 96% though.

By fishstick557 | 14

#5512092 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:06

Ask your teacher if you could bring the test home

COMMENTS

By omgcyndaquil | 23

#5512091 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:06

Sigh. Parents. Congratulations on your 96% though.

Reply

aKaClickZ | 4

#5512126 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:18

Nutsack.

Reply

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#5512174 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:43

^Dickwad.

Reply

Djjooze | 4

#5512250 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 18:37

Change your life.

Reply

HKCgrimmjow | 15

#5512355 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 19:42

#40 I've seen 3 comments of yours now and not a single one correlates with what's being talked about even mildly, perhaps you should start reading the FMLs before you comment

By fishstick557 | 14

#5512092 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:06

Ask your teacher if you could bring the test home

By newburton13 | 26

#5512093 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:07

They just got number 48 out of 50 reasons they fail as parents.

By mockingjaygirl16 | 8

#5512095 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:08

Sorry OP. my parents are like that too.

By dontpanic_fml | 32

#5512101 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:10

Does your smiley face username mean you have exacted some sort of retribution?

Reply

Likian5 | 26

#5512435 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 20:50

My thoughts exactly...

By chabelo | 10

#5512110 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:11

I'm agree with #6

Reply

Han1156 | 23

#5512117 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:14

You are number 6

Reply

FluxPavilion | 6

#5512130 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:20

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

nyrangersfan9 | 13

#5512176 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:45

Not only is this a stupid comment, its got bad grammar too. Think before you write.

Reply

BulldogHoops | 14

#5512234 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 18:23

27: Your comment was something of a grammatical train wreck itself.

Reply

chabelo | 10

#5512244 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 18:30

AUTOCORRECT makes you look pretty stupid sometimes

Reply

RadeonDerp | 24

#5512275 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 19:02

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Reply

priceyfml | 7

#5512387 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 20:08

Okay grammar nazis no need to get angry, he isn't writing a fucking college essay.

Reply

omg36 | 7

#5512423 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 20:36

I love how, if someone misspells something or makes one TINY grammatical error on this website, most likely due to autocorrect, there are a good 15-20 people there to point it out.

By holeyman | 8

#5512111 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:12

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

EUPHORlA | 12

#5512249 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 18:36

So caring about your kid's grades and future are now only an Asian thing...?

By nyrangersfan9 | 13

#5512112 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:12

My brother said that today. Except I guessed the "out of 50". Try showing them the test. If you can't get ahold of it, just email your teacher. If THAT doesn't work, just have your teacher sign a note for it. Hopefully they'll believe that.

By Harpy20 | 24

#5512113 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:12

Happened to me once. Even after I got my mother to understand, she grounded me for making her feel stupid.

Reply

jackiemora | 18

#5512140 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:25

Parents just never admit to being wrong.

Reply

Tiger9099 | 11

#5512358 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 19:46

Sometimes you just can't win

By NickaPLZ | 26

#5512116 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 17:14

Do they want you to be a doctor or a lawyer or something? They sound like the types that demand control OF their kids' lives FOR their entire lives...