Miscellaneous: Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground...

By thedullard - 16/02/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 416

You deserved it 31 162

Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Leave us alone

Late term

By Rar - 09/05/2015 17:13 - United States - Palatine

Today, I went to the airport a full three hours before my flight departure time just to be on the safe side. I ended up having the best nap of my life and missing my flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 834

You deserved it 10 052

By partypooper - 28/07/2009 06:34 - United States

Today, a friend asked me if I could help him set up the stage for his wedding. Feeling honored that he considered me a close enough friend to aid him on his special day, I agreed to help. Turns out we aren't so close. I was asked to leave after I was done because I hadn't actually been invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 371

You deserved it 3 005

By Anonymous - 30/04/2016 06:20 - Australia

Today, I briefly had the coolest boss in the world. He stormed over to a nasty customer who was giving me hell, and he absolutely laid into her. It lasted about 10 seconds before he collapsed from a major heart attack. A coworker's already blamed me for not pacifying the customer in the first place and causing all this to happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 594

You deserved it 975

Overreaction club

By Punk'd - 03/04/2021 08:00

Today, my brother is about to move to a new house, all because last week I played a prank on him. I made him believe that I crashed my car and had to sell his things to pay for the damage. He's no longer talking to me, or acknowledging me as a sibling anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 1 890

By Eric - 13/05/2011 02:19

Today, I saw my dad chugging a beer in the garage. Why is that so bad? He was hosting an AA meeting in the basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 551

You deserved it 2 884

By This sucks - 11/10/2017 04:30

Today, in the toilet at work, I found that the scissors on my multitool are quite good at getting rid of a shit-stained shirttail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 568

You deserved it 597

By ConfusedCollegeKid - 11/03/2017 13:00 - United States - Normal

Today, my theatre studies professor played a soundscape, then had us write what we thought the meaning was. I thought it was a simulation of what schizophrenia was like. Turns out the teacher bet her friend she could convince us that a bunch of people speaking gibberish meant something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 620

You deserved it 556

By boyfriend123 - 18/08/2011 10:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 a.m. because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 703

You deserved it 3 470

By oliver - 27/01/2016 12:02 - United States

Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 447

You deserved it 2 235

By Hesjustapuppy - 10/05/2016 12:56 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, while I have never been able to say my dog ate my homework, I do get to call several people and tell them my dog ate my wallet. He even chewed up my driver's license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 596

You deserved it 1 043

By fuckedbyahipster - 15/06/2013 16:13 - Finland

Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 610

You deserved it 2 870

By nhyari - 25/08/2014 18:58 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 053

You deserved it 4 140

By Meagan smith - 24/08/2011 20:33 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a teacher. Worried about how I looked, I asked a coworker if I looked okay. She said, "You look fine. Just like a normal high school kid." I spent the next half hour convincing her that I was not a student, but a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 184

You deserved it 3 644

By be_so_slick_56 - 16/01/2010 17:51 - United States

Today, I found on the internet pictures of me sleeping. I sleep naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 110

You deserved it 7 814

By Anonymous - 03/06/2014 09:46 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my tits. He ignored it and instead sent a picture of his dog "looking blazed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 149

You deserved it 17 638

By Idktbh - 18/11/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, when I finished helping a customer, she said, “Thanks cutie!” When I thanked her she giggled and said, “I just like making people smile, plus I bet you don’t get called that often!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 138

You deserved it 306

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

By ugh mom! - 22/04/2020 20:00

Today, my ridiculously paranoid mom was almost arrested after she caused a huge scene outside her apartment's leasing office. She demanded to pay her rent with a money order, even though they’re only accepting online payments due to the quarantine. She thinks they’re trying to steal her information. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 801

You deserved it 179

By Anonymous - 01/08/2012 20:59 - United Kingdom - Bedford

Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 361

You deserved it 36 213

By disturbed - 10/05/2009 09:56 - United States

Today, I got rear-ended at a stoplight by a woman who had been doing her make-up while driving. She didn't get out to see if I was okay until she had finished perfectly applying both lipliner and gloss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 784

You deserved it 2 723

By DFR - 09/06/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 561

You deserved it 23 651

By soccer8goalie - 03/09/2014 02:13 - United States - Parkersburg

Today, I was punched in the face because my uncontrollable hiccups were "annoying". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 224

You deserved it 4 572

High times

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 10:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 952

You deserved it 1 620

By _akwardsituation - 01/01/2010 06:07 - Canada

Today, I realized the odd smell I've been trying to get out of the house is coming from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 199

You deserved it 33 142

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I was giving my friend sex advice when she asked me when was the last time for me. Not only did I lie but I realized that it was in November and the time before that was June. I have had sex less times this year than she has this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 426

You deserved it 12 034

By nobar - 04/06/2019 06:00

Today, I learned how to make my fridge colder. I felt that what it was set on felt a little warmer than normal, so I turned it down. Now everything in my fridge is frozen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 1 649

Cheers!

By imamonster1992 - 24/12/2009 23:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got rejected by his dream college. In an effort to comfort him, I told him that he is incredibly smart and that it's their loss. He replied, "Of course you think so, you're an idiot!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 882

You deserved it 4 958

By Joy - 16/06/2010 14:42 - Denmark

Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 002

You deserved it 19 181

By Anonymous - 11/09/2010 21:46 - United States

Today, I turned 18. My parents remembered that I loved German chocolate cake, so I awoke to a hot, fudge-filled chocolate cake with a slice cut out just for me. I've been lactose-intolerant for 8 years. As I cried, my mom handed me tissues, while eating the "Happy" part of my cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 088

You deserved it 5 629

By sorry :/ - 08/02/2015 18:28 - United States - Monroe Township

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 977

You deserved it 2 991

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 18:41 - United States - Portland

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 749

You deserved it 10 802

By OneGirlsLife - 15/06/2017 06:00 - United States - Spartanburg

Today, it was supposed to be my birthday dinner with two of my friends. They're both now bringing their boyfriends, so I get to be the fifth wheel to my own birthday dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 838

You deserved it 358

By lessinterestingthanadog - 08/11/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 217

You deserved it 3 783

By NoOrdinaryNZer - 30/10/2016 11:09 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, an old man, while I was working, asked me to spell average-length words. Confused, I refused. Turns out I was apparently taking too long counting the large amount of small change he'd given to me, and he assumed I couldn't count or spell. I study law, and I've learned basic calculus. Welcome to retail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 728

You deserved it 977

By lafinesse - 14/05/2012 22:23

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 559

You deserved it 4 518

By sambo99 - 25/10/2010 17:08 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 546

You deserved it 3 259

I've been… held up

By Anonymous - 01/08/2020 14:00

Today, I was finally able to see my gran for the first time since lockdown. She told me off for not visiting sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 121

By rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 719

You deserved it 5 469

Not a biology major

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 04:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 253

By zzarzzur - 22/05/2015 06:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 818

You deserved it 4 293

By Anonymous - 19/09/2010 14:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband keeps in contact with the woman he was infatuated with in high school. He texts her more than he texts me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 368

You deserved it 4 197

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blah_blah_shity 0

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Monday 16 February 2009 10:12

Dammmn good looking out! At least you were on top of it! I'm a lifeguard too, and some guards freeze up in situations like that... but you were on that shit! ITS A GOOD THING!!! :D

badonis 0

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Monday 16 February 2009 10:16

Why does he deserve it? He was just trying to do the right thing.

blah_blah_shity 0

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Monday 16 February 2009 10:12

Dammmn good looking out! At least you were on top of it! I'm a lifeguard too, and some guards freeze up in situations like that... but you were on that shit! ITS A GOOD THING!!! :D

qwerty8788 4

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Saturday 6 March 2010 2:34

yeah^^

My2864 1

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Thursday 20 May 2010 18:37

it really is a good thing you responded that way .. .. it still cracked me up though xD

h2opoloplaya 0

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Monday 30 August 2010 7:51

that's one of the funniest fmls I think

marulicko 19

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 9:28

Right!?!? I wonder why he got so many YDI's :S

badonis 0

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Monday 16 February 2009 10:16

Why does he deserve it? He was just trying to do the right thing.

khalia1239 0

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Thursday 18 August 2011 6:26

Because it's not an FML moment, it's an "I'm fully prepared to take an emergency citation on" moment, and thats awesome!

corocoro 30

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Wednesday 14 August 2013 13:55

Because employees at gyms are trained to assist in all kinds of emergencies. Chances are that in a real emergency asking to help would just end up with being in the way. Also, it could cause problems with the gym's insurance. Last but not least, he assumed that everyone in the gym was an idiot, capable of only standing around uselessly, and that he'd have to save the day with his genius CPR skills.

drummerp64 16

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Thursday 5 September 2013 4:49

While I can see the bit about the insurance, I disagree on the point about thinking they were all idiots. In a situation like that, it's less "I'm the only person that can save them, I'll play hero here!" and more "if I assume they know what to do and ignore it, there's a chance a person could die." It's not that you assume that everyone else is an idiot, it's just that you recognise the realism that not everyone knows what to do in that situation, and that many/most people (yes, even ones who have been trained) wouldn't be able to help (which isn't necessarily their fault, a lot of it is experience, so since most people haven't been in an emergency situation, most people couldn't really be able to help), so it's better not to assume that the situation's well in hand when there's still a risk of something bad happening.

NotoriousMandog 0

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Monday 16 February 2009 11:03

Hey, that just shows you were prepared. You should've stood up right as you figured it out and been like, "That's how it's done!" and walk off.

AlisonBlue 0

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Monday 16 February 2009 12:25

Aha I agree with #3 :)

Seegtease 0

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Tuesday 17 February 2009 1:26

This isn't really an FML, but why the heck are people voting that you deserved it? What's wrong with trying to watch out of other peoples' lives?

Novaeangliae 0

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Tuesday 17 February 2009 9:02

That's what you get for trying to do the right thing

jmcr 27

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 19:51

Its better that he made that mistake then let someone die...nice to know how well you look out for ppl

jenco332002 5

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Thursday 15 May 2014 23:19

Hey #44 I think #18 was being sarcastic so ease up a lil......maybe?

Hadley_fml 0

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Friday 27 February 2009 23:11

I've been here. It's slightly embarassing, but definately not FML worthy. A few friends and I were hanging out in a pool late one night, and one of them decided to see how long he could hold his breath at the bottom. While I was swimming, I noticed him down there laying motionless, and immediately grabbed him and pulled him up. When he surfaced, he was just like, "... what are you doing?", so I said "... Oh. I thought you were drowning. Nevermind!"

frenchfriez888 0

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Monday 6 April 2009 6:12

FUCKING DUMBASS. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

smokey23 0

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Monday 8 June 2009 18:52

good for you America needs more people like you GOD BLESS YOU!

yeti09 0

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Monday 29 June 2009 3:39

Lol, that is quite funny. But that kind of reflex could save a life in the future. Keep doing what you're doing. Perhaps you were mocked there, but you just as easily could have been a hero.