Intimacy: Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I...

By Anonymous - 06/06/2011 13:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I work part time, got very drunk, and flashed her boobs at everyone. I found out when a picture was posted on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 924

You deserved it 3 238

Intimacy

Empathy lives

No Future

Sounds like a scam

Smash the Patriarchy!

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 00:02

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that yes, girls do get armpit hair, we just have to shave it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 209

Where is my mind?

By brainfart - 19/09/2020 10:01

Today, I was put on a medication for severe migraines. One of the side effects is difficulty concentrating and word recall. I was writing a paper and sat there trying to remember how to spell "isn't." This medication better work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 77

By HairyLeggedItalian - 24/05/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, I was putting a wooden shelf into my new TV stand. Right before I put it in, I rested it on my leg. I then realized that the wood was of poor quality, and it gave me splinters. Now, I can't remove the splinters, because I can't find their exact location under my really hairy legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 697

You deserved it 9 185

By Milked Richard - 06/02/2015 04:14 - Australia - Wagga Wagga

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 131

You deserved it 5 613

Forever Alone

By West of the day - 22/09/2020 05:01

Today, I've been feeling horny a lot lately, so I downloaded Tinder and subscribed to Tinder Gold. The only matches I've had are with bots and people saying 'subscribe to my Instagram for premium content.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 336

By yeyt209 - 10/06/2012 07:46 - United States - Bismarck

Today, I passed out in my car in a McDonald's parking lot. I got woken up by a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 540

You deserved it 10 065

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 18:23 - United States

Today, my six year old daughter discovered the family's pet rabbit in the basement freezer. The rabbit had died almost a year ago, and we'd stored it in the freezer, intending to bury it later. Here's to the trauma of losing the family pet. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 739

You deserved it 44 548

By CPD - 15/10/2011 04:12 - Canada

Today, I made a half-hour bike ride to the movie store, only to realize I'd forgotten my money. I made the ride back home, grabbed my money, went back to the store, paid, then made a second ride home. I got home exhausted, and opened the case. They gave me the wrong movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 227

You deserved it 6 136

By stormblade27 - 28/01/2019 02:00

Today, my friend told me to try dating apps, saying, “What's the worst that could happen?” I just finished paying some girl $100 to not send a dick pic to all my Facebook friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 6 514

By blah - 10/04/2009 10:17 - United States

Today, I had a bunch of parties while my parents were out of town. I made sure to clean up absolutely everything, I even vacuumed the stairs. As they pulled up, I noticed all of the trash bags filled with beer cans blocking their way into the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 531

You deserved it 80 537

Beat it

By frank - 13/01/2022 08:01

Today, while out with my girlfriend, her stalker ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and beat the shit out of me. While I was on the ground, my girlfriend got angry at him, and went to go “talk with him in private.” She’s nowhere to be found, and hasn’t picked up her phone in four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 90

By Anonymous - 24/11/2018 17:30

Today, I came home from a long business trip. I walked in the front door to see my house was a complete mess.The first thing my son said was "Did you bring pizza?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 746

You deserved it 331

Morning conversation

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 08:01

Today, I went into the bathroom only to discover my dad on the pot. “Oh, sorry”, I say and turn to leave. His reply, “Oh I don’t mind. Just having a shit here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 154

Party in my underpants!

By Anonymous - 06/08/2020 14:02

Today, you could think I was hosting a festival. Main event: Aunt Flow & The Zits. Preceded by: Mopey & the Munchies. After Party with: The Bloats and The Farts. Whoever hasn’t left by then will have to see The Bloody Underpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 313

By LD619 - 16/12/2010 05:51 - United States

Today, I gave my ex-girlfriend two concert tickets to show her I still care about her and want to win her back. She sold them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 564

You deserved it 44 481

By bitten - 15/05/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 016

You deserved it 2 768

Privacy violation

By privacy! - 02/05/2021 08:02

Today, I asked my mom to help my daughter with Zoom school while I handled an emergency. When I got back, I found out my mom went through my laptop containing all my documents, my emails and even the journal my therapist suggested I keep. She says she was looking for a Zoom link. Yeah right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 195

You deserved it 117

Whoops

By 8reth72 - 11/06/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I was helping a couple come up with a name for the baby they just had. I suggested "Joshua" thinking that it was an okay name. All sudden, the room got quiet. Turns out I had forgotten that Joshua was the name of their 3 year-old son who had died a couple months before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 168

You deserved it 86 963

By jerdub93 - 19/11/2011 08:40 - United States

Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box. I was amused when I found it expires on my birthday. Then I realized it expired on my birthday two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 078

You deserved it 28 290

By Frostbitten - 27/02/2013 03:00 - United States - Freeport

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 151

You deserved it 6 085

By Kyle - 03/12/2013 06:09 - United States - Seattle

Today, I set up a motion-activated sprinkler to drench the neighborhood kids who have been ding dong ditching me for years. Because they cannot get close enough to ring the doorbell, they decided to start egging me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 252

You deserved it 6 937

By EyeSeeYou - 02/05/2012 18:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I went on a picnic with my boyfriend's family. I thought it would be nice to wear my sundress and cowgirl boots. The wind repeatedly picked up my dress in front of everyone, including my boyfriend's seedy grandpa, who I have to admit can do a pretty good wolf-whistle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 892

You deserved it 6 907

By GettingNone - 25/06/2009 03:05 - France

Today, my wife asked me to pop an ingrown hair near her crotch. We haven't had sex since last September. Popping her ingrown hair was the closest I've gotten to my wife's vagina in nearly nine months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 178

You deserved it 6 206

By Jenievonteese - 12/06/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly flew by me and got stuck in my hair, fluttering its wings against my neck. Then I woke up and realized the "butterfly" stuck in my hair was actually a giant wood roach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 722

You deserved it 3 238

By Anonymous - 20/06/2014 19:21 - United States - Concord

Today, we went to the wedding of one of my friends. As she was about to throw her bouquet, my boyfriend muttered that if I tried to catch it, we'd be through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 854

You deserved it 5 516

By Still No Ring - 15/06/2016 21:49 - United States - Lisbon

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house with his family. A kitten walks over to me with an engagement ring tied to its collar and a note that says "Marry Me?" I got super excited, only to find out that it was for his brother's girlfriend of 10 months, not me. We've been together 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 867

You deserved it 1 464

By Anonymous - 12/07/2013 04:36 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 929

You deserved it 4 334

By itsEVERYWHERE - 08/03/2010 05:34 - United States

Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get some rest when my dad thought it'd be a good idea to sneak into my room and scare the shit out of me. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 040

You deserved it 2 629

By Anonymous - 02/05/2011 17:43 - United States

Today, I helped my parents move out of their old house. While I was guiding my dad down the stairs with the couch, my mom asked me to pick up the tape on the step below me. I bent over and grunted. My dad thought I said "Go" and kept moving. He knocked me down two flights of steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 660

You deserved it 4 225

By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 22:35 - United States - Houston

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he thought he heard another guy in the room when he called me, and that I'm cheating on him. The guy he heard was a character from a cartoon my sister was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 242

You deserved it 3 513

By Unlucky taxi driver - 08/11/2018 14:00

Today, a passenger in my taxi left without paying. They left their phone, so I posted a message about it from their social media, exposing them. Turns out they'd stolen the phone from someone else. I ended up getting arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 402

You deserved it 536

By cookscatastrophy - 08/12/2009 08:19 - United States

Today, in aerobics, while stretching, my friend leaned over to pull the long hair off my pants. It was my pubic hair sticking through my pants, and I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 623

You deserved it 47 046

By Anonymous - 12/02/2011 18:40 - United States

Today, I went in to the doctor's thinking I had a bladder infection. I walked out knowing I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 265

You deserved it 16 649

They weren't wrong...

By aginglikemilk - 14/03/2017 18:00

Today, I had a customer tell me that I don't look a day over 39. I'm 35. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 993

You deserved it 434

By Stung - 19/06/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, the weather was nice so I decided to eat outside. I quickly found out that my new, expensive hair conditioner attracts bees. Lots of bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 020

You deserved it 6 706

By momac86 - 19/01/2015 06:34 - United States

Today, I lost a sewing needle in the carpet. No worries, my big toe found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 117

You deserved it 4 198

By Anonymous - 20/07/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 767

You deserved it 4 174

Not now!

By Victim - 27/06/2009 13:47 - United States

Today, at lifeguard class, I played a victim while my peers strapped me to the backboard in the water. When I was strapped down, I got wood in a wet swimsuit. My hands were strapped down so I could do nothing to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 330

You deserved it 10 046

By CaityLovesBo - 05/02/2012 18:49 - United States

Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little treat. My brothers each got candy and a movie. I got acne medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 582

You deserved it 3 523

By rmL - 13/10/2008 08:31

Today, the real estate guy came with potential buyers to visit my house. He opened my bedroom while I was wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 918

You deserved it 41 486

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Top comments

heyimjennyFML 5

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Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

NEVER tell your mother where you work.

DudeImBetter 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 19:59

What's your mothers Facebook name? I need it for reference.

CryMoreFMLs 14

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Monday 6 June 2011 18:46

.... I think I can safely call for pics or it's fake.

heyimjennyFML 5

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Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

NEVER tell your mother where you work.

L3Paparazzo 7

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Monday 6 June 2011 19:09

Your mom is a party animal ! :P

fmart 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 19:20

i hope your a party aninal

dreamering 16

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Monday 6 June 2011 19:28

25, stop drinking tiger's blood.

DudeImBetter 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 19:59

What's your mothers Facebook name? I need it for reference.

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Monday 6 June 2011 20:48

MILF

bubble25_fml 5

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Monday 6 June 2011 21:13

I would sooo love to be her son!!

nyrangers1022 6

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Monday 6 June 2011 21:49

can i see??

imacreeper 3

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Monday 6 June 2011 22:01

Deny, deny, deny.

BagleHead 6

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Monday 6 June 2011 22:25

Pics or it didn't happen

BagleHead 6

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Monday 6 June 2011 22:34

I need to see the proof of the event, in photographic form, or else the FML is fake, and didn't happen.

BeastNerd 3

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:28

Facebook doesn't allow those kind of pictures..

btnhdude 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:31

53, FB allows pics, of me kicking you, in the nuts.

poohforMVP 4

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 7:39

damn girl Ur fine

BShady96 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

at least you have a good looking husband?

phatdaddy62 23

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Monday 6 June 2011 18:54

wrong fml

00SPRANGER00 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 22:28

wrong fml dick

scofield1109 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 22:53

I sense a new fml coming. today I commented on the wrong fml post, fml

A7X_LoVeee 10

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Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

Classy mother. You must be so proud.

00SPRANGER00 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 18:56

I know I would be (;

kingtz 6

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Monday 6 June 2011 19:58

She was probably just showing everyone how she used to feed you.

Marcelb 17

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Friday 3 February 2012 18:28

61, I don't see anyone asking for a pic of their mom, but a pic of OP's mom

candys123 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

your moms pretty scandalous!

mb1616 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 18:49

momma gots to have a life too !

Stupend0us 7

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Monday 6 June 2011 18:50

Pics?

electricmaster 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:40

Pervert?

locacolloca 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:03

@54 no not a perv, just a guy

phatdaddy62 23

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Monday 6 June 2011 18:53

I love bewbs!

iloveyouchung 0

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Wednesday 8 June 2011 1:19

you perv.

mycookiezz 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 18:53

Flash them your goodies and ask them to put your pic up next to hers! Follow her example DAMN IT!!! lol

Eggers 2

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Monday 6 June 2011 19:04

Gay. The comment I replied to was deleted by mods, and then my reply was moved here.

Jake_2013 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 18:57

OP should take notes.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 807

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 1 048

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