Intimacy: Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I...

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I work part time, got very drunk, and flashed her boobs at everyone. I found out when a picture was posted on Facebook. FML

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Intimacy

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Spread the news

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous

Something smells fishy.

Today, the maid left a bottle of Febreze in my hotel room. Think she is trying to tell me something? FML

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3219

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By ice4eva

Today, I was eating pizza and I started bitching about how our campus doesn't have any healthy food choices, and that I was forced to eat this disgusting, greasy pizza. My friend then pointed out that I was standing next to the salad bar. FML

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478

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By beatricesank - Canada

Today, I was straightening my hair when I heard this crunching, sizzling sound. Taking the flat iron away, I realized that I had just fused a spider to my hair with the heat. FML

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By DanJames24 - 5/6/2020 14:00

Family jewels

Today, while on the bus, I had to stand as all the seats were taken. I was standing behind a group of small girls who were messing around with their bags. As they were swinging them, one hit me square in the nuts with her elbow. The girl said, “Wise up, I hardly touched you.” I missed my stop. FML

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By workwork

Today, I got a threatening email from my manager, saying my job is in jeopardy if I call off again. Somehow, my leaving early to drive my mom to the ER is inexcusable, yet it's perfectly fine for the same manager to leave early to take her dogs to the groomers. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation with my mom to see if she would notice. She didn't. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, through a mutual friend, I met the girl of my dreams. After flirting and exchanging numbers with her, my friend confessed that she's liked me since the day we met. Now the girl of my dreams doesn't want to pursue a relationship with me out of respect for our friend. FML

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By jodibut - United States

Today, I put my boyfriend's t-shirt on and took sexy pictures with nothing else but panties. I then sent him the pictures. His reply was, "Can you wash that when you're done?" FML

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36615

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By hnickell93 - United States - Visalia

Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML

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By worstfatherever - United States

Today, I came home after having traveled abroad for the last two months. Before I left, I'd asked my dad to take care of my fish, and he promised they'd be safe with him. I found them all decomposing. FML

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33940

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By showerpower - United States

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

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By Shelbs - United States

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

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28305

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By Sonic - United Kingdom

Today, my boss left a lovely invitation to her wedding on my desk. I plan on resigning during our meeting later today. FML

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1865

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207

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By Meggie - Canada

Today, I walked in on my dad and his new "girlfriend". A couple days ago I realized that my sexy clothes that my boyfriend had bought me for our anniversary was missing. Guess who was wearing it? FML

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27009

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By somuchforthat - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

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35588

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By washed - United States

Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing machine under dirty clothes when leaving town for the weekend. I learned this AFTER I'd done a load of laundry. FML

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30948

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By "lildale92"

So cute

Today, my youngest decided my phone needed a bath in the toilet. FML

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1665

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268

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By Anonymous

The Dilbert Principle

Today, my boss called me into his office. I've been working hard doing extra work so I can get promoted. He called me in to tell me I'm to reliable in my current position, so I won't be moving up. FML

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4250

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By please don't get the succ - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a sailing instructor, I had to stop kids from getting their asses sucked by a pool filter. FML

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By Boulette - France - Dammartin-en-go?le

Today, I was on vacation, when a very cute guy starting talking to me and asked me what my name was. Overwhelmed and stressed out, I blurted out that I didn't have one. FML

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50850

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML

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By Coykoi - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML

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By Nekro_Kat - United States

Today, I got caught trying to steal my own cat back from my neighbor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after shoveling one guy's steps, sidewalk, and driveway for two hours straight, I went to ask for my money. He said, "Work is its own reward!" and shut the door in my face. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, while driving on the motorway, I sneezed so hard my contacts popped out. FML

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19862

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By wellgreat - United States

Today, I was in the Student Union when a man a came up to me and asked if I wanted to be in a study to see how men acted differently when working with attractive women. Flattered and taken aback, I agreed. He then told me I would be part of the control group to see how they act around plain looking women. FML

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59396

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By emergencyroom - United States - Parkton

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I crept up behind him, grabbed his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man-voice, "Give me all your money!" Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

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By blackandblue - United States

Today, I was waiting for a friend to pick me up. It was after dark and I was nervous, so when he pulled up I immediately jumped in the car. The young girl in the driver's seat started freaking out, screaming and punching me in the face repeatedly. I'd accidentally gotten in the wrong car. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I had a job interview, for which I spent hours preparing. My interviewer was nothing more than a pimple-faced teen, and after only two minutes of reviewing my qualifications, he lost interest and started asking such questions as which Hogwarts house is my favorite. FML

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28451

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By jo - United States

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

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By Jonny - United States

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my younger sister said that she was going to pray for her brother's HIV. I have Primary Immune Disease (PID) not HIV. School will be very interesting tomorrow. FML

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29868

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

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4035

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By "Cass Lyles"

It was a phone call

Today, I was talking to my fiancé on the phone. I said "alright see you in 10 minutes babe". My boss must have thought I was talking to him because he said "alright (my name) see you later". FML

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1734

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2021 21:28

Congratulations!

Today, I received the most comments and likes on a Facebook post for years. What exciting thing had happened in my life? Well, I bought a glow-in-the-dark plant. FML

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560

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By IfuSeekAmyIdo - United States

Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML

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By screaming monkey - United Kingdom - Whitton

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, during a drunken night out, a really trashed friend said to me, "Jeez, even when I’m drunk, you're really ugly." FML

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Top comments

By heyimjennyFML | 5

#2631569 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

NEVER tell your mother where you work.

By DudeImBetter | 0

#2632039 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:59

What's your mothers Facebook name? I need it for reference.

COMMENTS

By CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2631555 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:46

.... I think I can safely call for pics or it's fake.

By heyimjennyFML | 5

#2631569 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

NEVER tell your mother where you work.

L3Paparazzo | 7

#2631748 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:09

Your mom is a party animal ! :P

fmart | 0

#2631803 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:20

i hope your a party aninal

dreamering | 16

#2631840 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:28

25, stop drinking tiger's blood.

DudeImBetter | 0

#2632039 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:59

What's your mothers Facebook name? I need it for reference.

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#2632374 - Monday 6 June 2011 20:48

MILF

bubble25_fml | 5

#2632497 - Monday 6 June 2011 21:13

I would sooo love to be her son!!

nyrangers1022 | 6

#2632677 - Monday 6 June 2011 21:49

can i see??

imacreeper | 3

#2632769 - Monday 6 June 2011 22:01

Deny, deny, deny.

BagleHead | 6

#2632910 - Monday 6 June 2011 22:25

Pics or it didn't happen

BagleHead | 6

#2632950 - Monday 6 June 2011 22:34

I need to see the proof of the event, in photographic form, or else the FML is fake, and didn't happen.

BeastNerd | 3

#2633316 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:28

Facebook doesn't allow those kind of pictures..

btnhdude | 0

#2634097 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:31

53,

FB allows pics,

of me kicking you,

in the nuts.

poohforMVP | 4

#2635826 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 7:39

damn girl Ur fine

By BShady96 | 0

#2631576 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

at least you have a good looking husband?

phatdaddy62 | 23

#2631660 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:54

wrong fml

00SPRANGER00 | 0

#2632925 - Monday 6 June 2011 22:28

wrong fml dick

scofield1109 | 0

#2633020 - Monday 6 June 2011 22:53

I sense a new fml coming. today I commented on the wrong fml post, fml

By A7X_LoVeee | 10

#2631578 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

Classy mother. You must be so proud.

00SPRANGER00 | 0

#2631671 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:56

I know I would be (;

kingtz | 6

#2632030 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:58

She was probably just showing everyone how she used to feed you.

Marcelb | 17

#3987498 - Friday 3 February 2012 18:28

61, I don't see anyone asking for a pic of their mom, but a pic of OP's mom

By candys123 | 0

#2631582 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

your moms pretty scandalous!

By mb1616 | 0

#2631584 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:49

momma gots to have a life too !

By Stupend0us | 7

#2631608 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:50

Pics?

electricmaster | 0

#2633394 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:40

Pervert?

locacolloca | 0

#2633537 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:03

@54 no not a perv, just a guy

By phatdaddy62 | 23

#2631638 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:53

I love bewbs!

iloveyouchung | 0

#2639737 - Wednesday 8 June 2011 1:19

you perv.

By mycookiezz | 0

#2631645 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:53

Flash them your goodies and ask them to put your pic up next to hers! Follow her example DAMN IT!!! lol

Eggers | 2

#2631726 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:04

Gay. The comment I replied to was deleted by mods, and then my reply was moved here.

By Jake_2013 | 0

#2631677 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:57

OP should take notes.