Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I...

By Anonymous - 6/6/2011 13:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I work part time, got very drunk, and flashed her boobs at everyone. I found out when a picture was posted on Facebook. FML

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Intimacy

KoBabe

Alternative medicine is bull

Spooky

By Anonymous - 1/3/2014 10:42 - United States - Richmond

Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML

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By Sardine - 18/12/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I went to a park and sat down next to this older lady. These kids started to fight and scream at each other. I leaned next to her and said, "Man am I glad those aren't MY kids." She turned to me and said, "Yeah, they're mine." FML

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By Buzz - 28/11/2008 05:35 - France

Today, I was doing a Power Point presentation to the management committee. Outlook Express was still open, and right in the middle of the presentation, a window popped up notifying me of a new message. "Subject: our reply to your application for the post of Marketing Manager". FML

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By WellFineThen - 17/4/2017 05:00 - United States - Cedar Falls

Today, at work, a woman screamed at me and called me a bitch because I refused to refund something we give away for free. FML

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By Frazz - 10/6/2013 05:09 - Australia - Aspley

Today, I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese and German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML

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By ilovemom - 1/12/2009 06:20 - Costa Rica

Today, after reading a very emotional article about always letting your loved ones know how much you love them in case it's your last time seeing them, I went to my mom and told her how much I loved her and how thankful I was for everything. Her reply? "Shut up kid, Vince Vaughn is on Ellen". FML

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By Satan'sChildren - 28/4/2013 02:30 - United States - Oak Creek

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2009 13:05 - Austria

Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML

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By reb2632 - 29/5/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML

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By uhoh - 16/2/2013 05:27 - Canada - Sechelt

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2009 06:43 - Canada

Today, when I walked into work all of my co-workers were giggling and asking "How was YOUR night last night?". Last night I had sex for the first time with someone I'm seeing secretly (with good reason). That person is my boss. He told everyone. FML

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By Teylot - 28/6/2009 21:30 - Canada

Today, I was sitting at my desk eating cereal with my cat sleeping on my lap. I got a really funny text and I started laughing hysterically, and spilled my cereal all over my cat. I'll let you know how my legs, arms, neck and face heal up. FML

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By Confused - 13/5/2013 14:39 - United States - Bath

Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML

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By Jen - 20/3/2012 05:11 - United States - Woodland Hills

Communication breakdown

Today, my new boyfriend asked why it takes me so long to reach orgasm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he's never even given me one. FML

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By Hatty - 14/3/2010 10:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting on the toilet when I felt something brush my shoulder. I turned around in fright, and one of my bum cheeks slipped off the seat and into the toilet, making me fall sideways and hit my face on the toilet roll holder. I now have a black eye. It was my hair on my shoulder. FML

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By - 2/3/2017 10:00 - United States - Ithaca

Today, my first grade student apologized for cutting his bangs off in class, and explained that it was his mom's birthday and he had wanted to make her an origami flower. Out of his hair. FML

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By honeymoonisover - 28/6/2009 16:05 - United States

Today, my husband of one week lost his wedding ring while we were preparing for a dinner party. After a thorough search and no luck, I started to cry. He told me to quit being a drama queen because we had guests. He then got drunk with his friends, puked on the patio, and called me a bitch. FML

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By madmomma - 25/7/2012 19:46 - United States - Veneta

Today, my mom got a new puppy and named her Olivia. Which would be fine, if that wasn't the name I had been planning to give my baby, who's due in 3 weeks. Thanks mom. FML

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By shoveless - 20/12/2016 21:08 - United States

Today, I came home from school to find my house ransacked. The robbers shoveled a path from my back door to the driveway, through the snow, then they stole my snow-shovel. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2016 09:21 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, my friends told me they have been able to see all my BDSM likes in their Facebook feeds. My family and coworkers also follow me. FML

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By dempasi - 6/5/2016 18:51 - United States - Utica

Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML

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By shininghayley - 15/2/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to take me out bowling. My mom was going to take us. My parents ended up bowling with us. I had a double date with my parents. FML

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By fmylyfe - 9/11/2013 14:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML

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By Nudge23 - 26/9/2011 07:26 - Australia

Today, I cleared out the messages in my voicemail. Of the 50+ messages, most were from my mother wanting to know when I'd be home. I'm 27. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2010 15:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered everyone at work refers to me as 'The Man-Lady'. I work in a supermarket's beauty department. FML

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By notsosexy - 18/7/2020 08:01

Alexa, play "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye

Today, I attempted to have amazing birthday sex with my boyfriend in his dorm room. Everything was going great until we tried switching positions. I hit my head so hard on the bunk above his bed that I gave myself a concussion, and blacked out. Needless to say, the moment was ruined. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2014 19:20 - Ireland - Galway

Today, while clearing stuff out of the basement, I found my ex-wife's old electronic diary device from the '90s. I found the charger, powered it up, and had soon read all about out she'd been cheating on me for almost half our marriage with the guy she's now married to. FML

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By lea5459 - 20/11/2012 06:47 - United States - Medford

Today, my parents kindly told me what they are getting me for my 18th birthday. An eviction notice. FML

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By a critically injured shitehawk - 25/4/2015 10:34 - United Kingdom - York

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML

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By levit - 8/6/2009 07:32 - United States

Today, I had to tell a girl I liked she couldn't sleep over because I live with my parents. I'm 24. FML

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By wheelmaker - 3/12/2018 17:30

Today, the girl I've had several passionate encounters over the past few weeks admitted we cannot entirely be together as she is married. She wants to make it work with me but cannot divorce as she would lose her visa. FML

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By mags - 16/2/2009 15:05 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said "See you in a decade." FML

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By sick of this shit - 6/2/2016 05:04 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, my grandma got drunk, tried to change the TV channel with my Xbox controller, and slurred at me to fuck off when I told her it wasn't the remote. She pulls this kind of crap way too often. FML

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By ilovebigmacs - 6/8/2015 04:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML

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By badidea - 23/12/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, someone nearly hit me with their car, so I flipped them the finger. They turned back around and tried to run me over. FML

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By impatient amy - 27/1/2009 14:23 - Ireland

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML

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By anon - 27/4/2016 00:11 - United States - Arverne

Today, I got pulled over by the cops for swerving a lot while driving. I tried to explain that my dog bit the back of my neck, but as soon as I opened my door to show him the bite marks and the dog, it ran out of the car. I still can't find him. FML

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By Rants - 1/5/2019 16:00

Today, we've had some auditors with us and I chat with some of them during the day. It's Friday so I asked one of them until what time they were working. It was late and I loudly exclaimed, "That's so late! Your bosses have no hearts!" The auditor then points to their table where the boss is sitting. Glaring. FML

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By someone - 2/9/2009 11:00 - Denmark

Today, I went to the dentist to get a hole in my tooth filled. After the dentist had injected the anesthetic into my gums, she realized that none of the electrical equipment were working. She sent me home. My entire right side of my face is completely numb and swollen for no reason. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 01:08 - United States

Today, I was waiting at an intersection. Across from me, a car was approaching and a bunny ran out. Trying to save it, I flashed my lights and beeped at the car crazily, when the bunny turned around. The lights turned, and as I drove forward the bunny came back out and I hit it. FML

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Top comments

By heyimjennyFML | 5

#2631569 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

NEVER tell your mother where you work.

By DudeImBetter | 0

#2632039 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:59

What's your mothers Facebook name? I need it for reference.

COMMENTS

By CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2631555 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:46

.... I think I can safely call for pics or it's fake.

By heyimjennyFML | 5

#2631569 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

NEVER tell your mother where you work.

L3Paparazzo | 7

#2631748 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:09

Your mom is a party animal ! :P

fmart | 0

#2631803 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:20

i hope your a party aninal

dreamering | 16

#2631840 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:28

25, stop drinking tiger's blood.

DudeImBetter | 0

#2632039 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:59

What's your mothers Facebook name? I need it for reference.

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#2632374 - Monday 6 June 2011 20:48

MILF

bubble25_fml | 5

#2632497 - Monday 6 June 2011 21:13

I would sooo love to be her son!!

nyrangers1022 | 6

#2632677 - Monday 6 June 2011 21:49

can i see??

imacreeper | 3

#2632769 - Monday 6 June 2011 22:01

Deny, deny, deny.

BagleHead | 6

#2632910 - Monday 6 June 2011 22:25

Pics or it didn't happen

BagleHead | 6

#2632950 - Monday 6 June 2011 22:34

I need to see the proof of the event, in photographic form, or else the FML is fake, and didn't happen.

BeastNerd | 3

#2633316 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:28

Facebook doesn't allow those kind of pictures..

btnhdude | 0

#2634097 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:31

53,

FB allows pics,

of me kicking you,

in the nuts.

poohforMVP | 4

#2635826 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 7:39

damn girl Ur fine

By BShady96 | 0

#2631576 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

at least you have a good looking husband?

phatdaddy62 | 23

#2631660 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:54

wrong fml

00SPRANGER00 | 0

#2632925 - Monday 6 June 2011 22:28

wrong fml dick

scofield1109 | 0

#2633020 - Monday 6 June 2011 22:53

I sense a new fml coming. today I commented on the wrong fml post, fml

By A7X_LoVeee | 10

#2631578 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

Classy mother. You must be so proud.

00SPRANGER00 | 0

#2631671 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:56

I know I would be (;

kingtz | 6

#2632030 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:58

She was probably just showing everyone how she used to feed you.

Marcelb | 17

#3987498 - Friday 3 February 2012 18:28

61, I don't see anyone asking for a pic of their mom, but a pic of OP's mom

By candys123 | 0

#2631582 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

your moms pretty scandalous!

By mb1616 | 0

#2631584 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:49

momma gots to have a life too !

By Stupend0us | 7

#2631608 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:50

Pics?

electricmaster | 0

#2633394 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:40

Pervert?

locacolloca | 0

#2633537 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:03

@54 no not a perv, just a guy

By phatdaddy62 | 23

#2631638 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:53

I love bewbs!

iloveyouchung | 0

#2639737 - Wednesday 8 June 2011 1:19

you perv.

By mycookiezz | 0

#2631645 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:53

Flash them your goodies and ask them to put your pic up next to hers! Follow her example DAMN IT!!! lol

Eggers | 2

#2631726 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:04

Gay. The comment I replied to was deleted by mods, and then my reply was moved here.

By Jake_2013 | 0

#2631677 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:57

OP should take notes.