Intimacy: Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I...

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I work part time, got very drunk, and flashed her boobs at everyone. I found out when a picture was posted on Facebook. FML

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Intimacy

Season finale

The smell detective is on the case

Snitches get bitches

By Toloveornottolove - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I was about to call my parents and tell them we're getting married, but they called me first to announce they're getting a divorce. FML

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By Noname - Ireland

Today, I found the family's pet hamster under my mattress, he's been missing for six months. FML

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32855

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By the unfortunate man - United States - Salisbury

Today, I was using the urinal when another guy came in. His friends decided to scare him while he was using the urinal next to mine. They jumped out at him, he turned around and ended up peeing all over me. FML

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By silkysmooth - United States

Today, I was almost out of conditioner, despite having just bought some. Apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to condition his pubes. He thinks doing this will make me want to give him more blowjobs. FML

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34778

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By Anonymous - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I realized that it's become a regular occurrence for my mother and me to talk about our pubic hair. I don't know which is worse: the fact that I know she shaves it, or the fact that we even talk about this stuff. FML

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By NotDrunk - United States - San Diego

Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML

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By Cup_of___ - United States

Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML

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By Cheesey_Dorito

Today, I couldn't find the keys to open the store I work at. The resulting stress gave me chest pains that ended up sending me to the hospital. I still missed work and my father found the keys under the passenger seat in his car. The same seat I sat in on the way to the hospital. FML

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2500

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By stinkystinky

Today, after cleaning the whole house, I still couldn't get rid of the foul smell. Later, my roommate revealed his new place to "stash and dry" his socks: The ventilation ducts. FML

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13393

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By fat - United States

Today, I noticed that I've gained so much weight that even my feet have stretch marks. FML

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By Lucachoo

Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his muscles as my anniversary gift. FML

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By jobless - United States - Fort Collins

Today, my boss fired me by locking me out of my workplace after I went out to throw out the trash. FML

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33573

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2020 14:09

Get off my lawn!

Today, the police came to my house and arrested me. Why? The neighborhood kids thought it would be fun to hide behind my house and shoot at people with paintball guns. People saw it coming from my house and called the police. I was fired from work, due to missing it without notice. No excuses. FML

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1942

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By "Sonofaquiche"

No Ragerts

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up in the hospital with a broken coccyx. Apparently, my drunk self came to the glorious conclusion that it would be a good idea to cannonball into a puddle while screaming "POOLPARTYYYY!" at the top of my lungs. FML

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By oww - United States - Tekonsha

Today, I came to work with a huge hangover after a night out. I work as a marching band director, and guess who I had to conduct a sectional with? That's right, percussion. My head still hasn't stopped throbbing. FML

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12740

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By thjeltz - Canada

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

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28831

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By anon - United States - Chappaqua

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

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40083

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By brittbrat4 - United States

Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

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21266

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By holly - United States

Today, I was watching tv on the couch. My mom then kicked me off so she could lie down. Exhausted, I asked if I could sit at the end. She said no. A minute later she called the dog to come sit with her. As I was sitting on the ground, my mom told me to move because "the dog can't see the TV." FML

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By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the top of my bra. Before I had the chance to remove it, a creepy man picked it out and ate it saying that it was the best French fry he had ever eaten. FML

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By jimmy - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML

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52989

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 23:03

Devious, the lot of them

Today, I was out walking with a cute girl when we passed by a house with a Trump sign. Trying to make her laugh, I went to steal it. Turns out it was booby trapped. I got drenched by a sprinkler when I got close. FML

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By smashed - United States

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

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By Matei - Romania - Bucharest

Red tape

Today, after 4 years of nicely asking, I wrote an official memo to our logistics department, asking for new chairs for my subordinates. The logistics people came and concluded that there are more broken chairs than good ones, but suggested that perhaps we should all go on a diet. FML

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By NotAGoodStart - United Kingdom - Bristol

Fashion Week

Today, I went on a blind date, meeting up in a park. I got there first and sat down to wait for him. After a while, a guy sat down next to me. I wasn't sure if it was him, so I texted him, asking if he'd arrived. His response was, "I'm already here, sat to the left of the old woman dressed like a gypsy." FML

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By Stigmamma - 30/5/2021 20:01

Something is about to bust

Today, I had an ultrasound which required me to have a full bladder. I arrived on time, bladder full, only to be stuck in waiting room limbo for 40 mins. I nearly exploded. FML

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By sam.exe - United States - New York

Today, I was declined a sales position at a local store. As I headed out, I heard the interviewer telling a colleague, "Christ. That kid had less charisma than Microsoft Sam." FML

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By wellthen - United States

Today, I expressed my feelings to a guy I've liked for a long time. He basically turned me down because I have the same name as his mom, and dating me would be too weird. FML

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By :(

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend and told him how smitten I was with him. He responded by giving me a wedgie. FML

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32098

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I had to use antiperspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend left me after I'd been supporting him for 9 months while he "finds himself." Why? Because I wanted to go grocery shopping instead of him eating out every day with my money. FML

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1933

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By embarrassed - United Kingdom

Today, I texted my Dad to tell him I'm staying at my boyfriend's house and won't be home. Since I had predictive text on, my phone didn't quite get the word 'home' - the message I sent said, 'I'm staying at Will's, I'll not be good tonight.' FML

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By samsterling - United States - Blacksburg

Today, I paid $500 for a gym membership after moving into a brand new house, since 12 years of software development has taken its toll. When I told my instructor about my goal to lose 35lbs in two months, he simply said, "Yeah... That's not going to happen. Try another gym," and left promptly. FML

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18285

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw my four-year-old son running around outside, and copying everything our dog was doing. I thought it was cute, so I went to grab the camera. When I went back outside, I saw my dog eating a dead rabbit, and my son doing the same. FML

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43913

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By itsjustemcee - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years and I went to visit my 85 year-old grandmother at the hospital. While I went to the restroom, she apparently told him about a guy I was seeing on the side. I have no idea who she's talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML

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23492

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By Emma Five - United States

Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML

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8563

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By The_failure

Today, I found myself sitting in the bathroom at work searching the internet for the alcohol and caloric content of cool mint Listerine. I now believe that I may have a problem. FML

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1656

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By wdones97

Today, at my job, I was so tired and aggravated that I accidentally mumbled, "I need a drink." One of the patients I was taking care of heard me and said, "Me too." I work at an addiction rehab facility. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2020 19:01 - Costa Rica - San José

Not now, please

Today, days before my graduation, I got sick with a virus, so I had constant vomit and incontinence. To receive my diploma, I had to wear a diaper and spend the whole graduation drinking electrolytes. FML

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Top comments

By heyimjennyFML | 5

#2631569 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

NEVER tell your mother where you work.

By DudeImBetter | 0

#2632039 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:59

What's your mothers Facebook name? I need it for reference.

COMMENTS

By CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2631555 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:46

.... I think I can safely call for pics or it's fake.

By heyimjennyFML | 5

#2631569 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

NEVER tell your mother where you work.

L3Paparazzo | 7

#2631748 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:09

Your mom is a party animal ! :P

fmart | 0

#2631803 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:20

i hope your a party aninal

dreamering | 16

#2631840 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:28

25, stop drinking tiger's blood.

DudeImBetter | 0

#2632039 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:59

What's your mothers Facebook name? I need it for reference.

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#2632374 - Monday 6 June 2011 20:48

MILF

bubble25_fml | 5

#2632497 - Monday 6 June 2011 21:13

I would sooo love to be her son!!

nyrangers1022 | 6

#2632677 - Monday 6 June 2011 21:49

can i see??

imacreeper | 3

#2632769 - Monday 6 June 2011 22:01

Deny, deny, deny.

BagleHead | 6

#2632910 - Monday 6 June 2011 22:25

Pics or it didn't happen

BagleHead | 6

#2632950 - Monday 6 June 2011 22:34

I need to see the proof of the event, in photographic form, or else the FML is fake, and didn't happen.

BeastNerd | 3

#2633316 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:28

Facebook doesn't allow those kind of pictures..

btnhdude | 0

#2634097 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:31

53,

FB allows pics,

of me kicking you,

in the nuts.

poohforMVP | 4

#2635826 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 7:39

damn girl Ur fine

By BShady96 | 0

#2631576 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

at least you have a good looking husband?

phatdaddy62 | 23

#2631660 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:54

wrong fml

00SPRANGER00 | 0

#2632925 - Monday 6 June 2011 22:28

wrong fml dick

scofield1109 | 0

#2633020 - Monday 6 June 2011 22:53

I sense a new fml coming. today I commented on the wrong fml post, fml

By A7X_LoVeee | 10

#2631578 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

Classy mother. You must be so proud.

00SPRANGER00 | 0

#2631671 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:56

I know I would be (;

kingtz | 6

#2632030 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:58

She was probably just showing everyone how she used to feed you.

Marcelb | 17

#3987498 - Friday 3 February 2012 18:28

61, I don't see anyone asking for a pic of their mom, but a pic of OP's mom

By candys123 | 0

#2631582 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:48

your moms pretty scandalous!

By mb1616 | 0

#2631584 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:49

momma gots to have a life too !

By Stupend0us | 7

#2631608 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:50

Pics?

electricmaster | 0

#2633394 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:40

Pervert?

locacolloca | 0

#2633537 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:03

@54 no not a perv, just a guy

By phatdaddy62 | 23

#2631638 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:53

I love bewbs!

iloveyouchung | 0

#2639737 - Wednesday 8 June 2011 1:19

you perv.

By mycookiezz | 0

#2631645 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:53

Flash them your goodies and ask them to put your pic up next to hers! Follow her example DAMN IT!!! lol

Eggers | 2

#2631726 - Monday 6 June 2011 19:04

Gay. The comment I replied to was deleted by mods, and then my reply was moved here.

By Jake_2013 | 0

#2631677 - Monday 6 June 2011 18:57

OP should take notes.