Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML
Today, I woke up to find that I'd left my clothes in my roommate's bedroom. After returning from a night of heavy drinking, I apparently got up to use the bathroom and used her room as a toilet. I don't remember this, but pee stains don't lie. FML
Today, after I had the place to myself for a while and it was easy to clean, my roommate returned and I woke up to trash piling up, dishes everywhere, and luggage full of sweaty laundry. Oh, and it smells like poo again, because he doesn't regularly shower. I want to scream. FML
Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
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Top comments
skyeyez9 24
Press the robe over his face and smother him! Autopsy will reveal he drowned in his vomit (hopefully).
tko 0
and that is why i dont drink
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Comments (44)
Broeman 0
first... just to be a douche lol
tko 0
I'm an anteater, I eat ants, I have ant breath, and I can rap like nobody's business. I rule.
tko 0
i
tko 0
lol i < 3 the moderators XD but seriously, people need to chill about the whole "first comment" thing
RachelTM 0
He wasn't moderated for saying "first." Please don't assume. We're just doing our job.
skyeyez9 24
Press the robe over his face and smother him! Autopsy will reveal he drowned in his vomit (hopefully).
mohomonopoly 0
Shower robe!? Honestly, does no one else think it's a little bit creepy that a full grown man owns a shower robe..
booshbooshboosh 0
Well, he is from Berlin.
bugmenotmofo 34
#10: I'm from Germany and have never heard of something like glistening showers. It's even less probable that people in Berlin use this stuff. Wonder where you got that stereotype from...
flying_vegan 0
Yeah, I was pretty sure the German's like Brotwurst und schweinfleisch... and not bagels...
mysuckishlife 0
Sooooooo?
Jeffler 0
This is why you don't buy robes that look like..oh forget it. That sucks.
bertiebass1 5
AHAHAHAHHAHA
tko 0
and that is why i dont drink
bugmenotmofo 34
Pamphlet for not having a roommate and instead getting work to be able to afford a single room.
sammisolstice 0
Now-a-days, getting a job is extremely hard. So I'd count that out. Let alone being able to raise enough money from a part time job [ due to being in college ] to afford having a single room. Just my thoughts.
atvarela 0
YDI, but for the OP, I can see how YLIF, but it's still FYL for sure, good luck
WhyworldWhy 0
wake them up and tell them to clean it up
perdix 29
He just wanted to make Oktoberfest go out with a bang! What weren't you similarly shit-faced? What kind of bru are you? (If we say bro for brother, do you say bru for bruder?) Kudos to you, my friend, for NOT saying "projectile" vomit when the wall puke suggests that the condition existed.
omghehehe 0
LOL op: thats A LOT of vomit! make him clean it up when he wakes