Miscellaneous: Today, I was on the toilet, when my Mom thought it would be a... - FML

By Anonymous - 20/08/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, I was on the toilet, when my Mom thought it would be a fun idea to barge in, take a picture of me, post it on Facebook, and tag me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 456

You deserved it 4 389

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Batman

Long time gone

By Marcela - 18/03/2009 13:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was taking a shower with my new boyfriend for the first time. Last night was the first night we spent together. As I was washing my hair, I looked down at my feet and noticed yellow water. Some of the warm water I felt on my feet was not from the shower head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 006

You deserved it 19 610

Geography

By Fhhmylifeman - 11/04/2021 11:00

Today, I invited my Peruvian girlfriend to my parent’s house for dinner. They decorated the house with Mexican flag and Fiesta lanyards, and bought Taco Bell. My girlfriend is vegetarian and had to explain to them that no, Peru is not a city in Mexico. It’s been 3 hours and she won’t pick up her calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 179

Distant love

By jadalaheart - 28/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today, for the first time in more than two years, a guy asked me out. Too bad he lives halfway around the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 181

By Camille - 14/07/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend hacked my facebook account and set my status to say that I was in love with my boss. Seeing the post, my boss called me into his office, and told me he loved me too... FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 447

You deserved it 4 670

By jkass - 07/10/2011 15:07 - Australia

Today, I was pulled over by the police. The cop was my ex-boyfriend. He had no legitimate reason to pull me over, so he thoroughly checked my car. He gave me a defect notice and a fine. What for? A broken door lock, on my rear passenger door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 316

You deserved it 4 468

Relationship goals

By Anonymous - 17/05/2015 05:10 - United States

Today, my husband missed the toilet again. I would have been less disgusted if he'd peed this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 423

You deserved it 2 682

Some guys will hump anything

By slschmidt - 22/09/2021 14:00 - Germany - Hamburg

Spicy

Today, when asked for a second date, I had to explain to a man that I didn’t want to see him again, and that he should give women compliments and ask them questions when on a date. He then told me he only does that when his dates look good or say something interesting. He sure still tried to fuck me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 271

Hangry dude

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 20:01

Today, I accidentally bit so hard on my fork that I cracked my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 207

By some explaining to do - 25/12/2016 08:34 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to my uncle's house to celebrate Christmas. His kids don't have their own phones so I let them play with mine. They sent all my contacts messages saying I love them, including two of my ex-girlfriends who both immediately wanted to make up and started to frantically call me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 274

You deserved it 3 107

By Anonymous - 25/06/2019 05:00

Today, I was running with two other women when a guy started tailing us in his car and catcalling. I quickly got fed up and gave him the finger. Turns out, he's the husband of one of the women I was running with. For the next half hour, I had to listen to her go on about how adorable he was. She totally saw what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 743

You deserved it 340

Added flavor

By Boyufd - 27/10/2020 11:01

Today, I walked out the bathroom and saw my girlfriend peeing in a mug. She said that's the mug she uses when she can't hold it anymore. That's the mug I put my coffee in every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 168

By bregaja - 25/02/2016 18:59 - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his mom for the very first time. After shaking my hand and looking me up and down, she loudly proclaimed, "She doesn't have the right hips to have kids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 788

You deserved it 1 611

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 01:30

Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 758

You deserved it 328

Bit of both

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 16:01 - Australia

Today, at the age of 30, I was diagnosed with both sciatica and ADHD. I don't know whether to feel really old, or really young. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 58

Not a good look

By dumb dumb dumb - 20/10/2020 11:04 - United States

Today, my daughter decided she wants to be a Pokémon for Halloween. To practice the look, she used fabric dye because she thought it would look cool on her skin. Only she decided to dress as Jynx and instead of looking cool, she looks like a racist idiot in blackface. She posted pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 165

By Nelson - 09/05/2011 15:05 - Sweden

Today, I was sitting on my balcony reading a book. My upstairs neighbors thought that would be a good time to water their flowers. I'm now drenched in water, as is my book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 873

You deserved it 3 822

By d.stack - 12/08/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I ran sound for my ex's wedding rehearsal since I was the only sound tech in town. Her dad was late for the rehearsal, so the pastor had me to walk her down the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 704

You deserved it 3 972

By Badhusky - 29/08/2018 20:30

Today, I had to carry the dead weight of my 90-pound husky upstairs to the bath because he hates it. He cried the entire time, loudly. He then rolled in the dirt when I let him outside to pee not even an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 708

You deserved it 487

By holladaddy - 24/02/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was DJ'ing a wedding. The groom wanted a song played for his grandma and grandpa. I announce over the microphone for his grandparents to come to the dance floor for a special song. Turns out his grandparents have been dead for over a year and the song was supposed to be in dedication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 060

You deserved it 10 329

By Idi - 09/12/2008 12:54 - France

Today, I arrived right on time for my train. Only problem, it was the wrong station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 115

You deserved it 8 437

By Great - 29/05/2015 12:13 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was on the train going to work when my travel tea cup began spilling inside my purse, which was on my lap. It went all over my skirt, pooled at the bottom of my feet, and, yes, everyone notice that it happened to be piss-colored yellow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 006

You deserved it 4 553

By blondie - 24/03/2009 23:10 - Australia

Today, I was trying to convince my boyfriend that I am NOT a dumb blonde. After screaming at the top of my lungs, I tripped over a bin and hit my head on a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 996

You deserved it 87 970

By Hotsauce887 - 29/03/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, my friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday. He brought out a dessert with a candle and put a huge sombrero on my head. Everyone at the restaurant started singing me happy birthday. I got embarrassed and put my head down. My sombrero caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 176

You deserved it 25 615

By names suck and so do I - 08/08/2013 12:54 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've had the biggest crush on. He spent the next ten minutes calling me delusional, said that I know nothing about him, and laughed that "this isn't Twilight, for fuck's sake". All he did when I started crying was pat me on the head and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 109

You deserved it 10 115

By bestiality, not even once - 14/06/2013 22:29 - Ireland - Waterford

Spicy

Today, I walked into the living room, only to find my brother wanking off to an episode of My Little Pony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 315

You deserved it 6 691

By dating a big bag of dicks - 13/05/2014 21:02 - United States

Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 379

You deserved it 9 181

By Anonymous - 16/01/2012 14:15 - United States

Today, I found my boyfriend passed out on the floor. Then I passed out, due to anxiety of seeing him passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 200

You deserved it 6 147

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 07:23 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 812

You deserved it 3 211

By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 08:00 - United States

Today, I ordered some food to get delivered. When I opened the bag a fly flew out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 033

You deserved it 538

By savioyr - 15/08/2018 15:00

Today, my business partners of 5 years asked me right after our 5-hour audit with the tax department, "Oh, we have to pay tax?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 850

You deserved it 361

By heartbrokenhaley - 23/01/2014 20:57 - United States - Brockton

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years told me that since I've proven my loyalty and faithfully stuck by his side, he has no reason to ever consider marrying me, because "It's not like you're going anywhere, honey." He seems not to understand why I am upset by this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 583

You deserved it 5 564

By Franigirl - 26/02/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, I had to present a powerpoint in front of my class. When I was finished, no one clapped. On my way back to my seat, I slipped on a pencil and fell straight on my face. That's when everyone clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 899

You deserved it 4 557

By Robyn - 05/01/2016 08:43 - Belgium - Stokkem

Today, the button on my husband's pants popped for the 4th time. I already used the strongest thread and buttons. He's obviously put on some weight around the stomach, but he won't listen to reason and still blames me for my sewing, which is making his pants "turn against him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 084

You deserved it 1 731

By Justme - 05/06/2013 05:02 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I got the bill for the flowers my husband arranged to be delivered to me while he's out of town next week. I also got the bill for the flowers he's sending to the floozy he'll be seeing next week while he's out of town. The gift tag for it was: "I can't wait to see you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 563

You deserved it 3 846

By DMStarsky - 21/10/2011 17:19 - United States

Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 521

You deserved it 4 676

Backwards ass logic

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, my boyfriend told me that it's "disgusting" to wash your "rear end" and that he has never, and will never, do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 206

By Vero - 17/05/2012 15:02 - Austria - Timelkam

Today, in an attempt to be romantic, my boyfriend threw little stones against my window. Unfortunately, the window wasn't closed, and I was standing in front of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 280

You deserved it 3 509

By Harry - 05/12/2009 05:29 - United States

Today, my dad decided to get his friend to help move our old sofas to save money. Its leg got stuck in the doorway, scratched the entire hallway wall, punched a big hole in it and the other leg made a big dent in our front door. We live in an apartment complex and now have to to pay for everything to be fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 178

You deserved it 6 219

By IHateMyLife - 22/09/2012 06:59 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, I received a compliment for the first time from a girl. She told me she admires my courage to go out in public since most ugly people don't like to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 772

You deserved it 2 002

Wreck

By Car Problems - 03/03/2021 20:01

Today, I paid over $500 to pick up my car from the mechanic, after it'd spent almost a month there. It broke down again on the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 53

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:06

That stinks. Sounds like a shitty picture.

dannythepoopface 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:06

shoulda locked it

Comments

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:06

That stinks. Sounds like a shitty picture.

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:09

well I have no idea what to say to that... but I GET MORE ASS THAN A TOILET SEAT!

twist_of_fame93 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:09

you deserve it for being on the toilet when your mom took a picture of you. she tagged you and put it on facebook

wickedsorcerer 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:09

aahaaahahhaaa........ :P

audj2 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:11

you should do the same to her. haha!

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:12

6, you fail epically. OP quit bitchin your mom is the coolest.

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:12

OP your mom is the coolest person I never met :)

twist_of_fame93 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:16

11 how did I fail epically. I was doing a skroal impression. you fail epically

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:22

You fail epically for doing a shitty impression of a shitty guy.

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:23

that was punny douchebag. hardy fuckin har

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:25

I'd be "pissed" - hopefully there's not a permanent "log" of that picture. Don't be too em"bare-assed"!

EricErection69 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:26

12 haha

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:30

hehe, freeze, the animes both our pictures are from are written by the same person :D

black_knight402 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:41

your mom sounds like a bitch

twist_of_fame93 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:42

17 skroal is a legend and 4ever my idol so piss off

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:43

11 lost the game

relyo 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:48

pics or it didn't happen.

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:58

Budummm Chh. :)

Oanaj 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 11:23

same here back when I was young. I think it's digemon. something like that.

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Saturday 21 August 2010 11:28

it was prolly just for shits and giggles

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Saturday 21 August 2010 11:30

if you're under 18 say it's child porn and alert facebook and the police. then you won't have a mom to bug you anymore ;-)

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Saturday 21 August 2010 12:05

Well, you should have locked the freaking door. And your mom is immature.

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Saturday 21 August 2010 12:44

this is just so funny that I can't laugh at OPs misfortune

MusicIsLife17 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 12:48

ever think to lock the door?? soo sorry I gotta go with YDI

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Saturday 21 August 2010 13:58

remove the tags on ur account :| ur dumb

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Saturday 21 August 2010 14:07

20= win stop complaining your mom sounds hilarious

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Saturday 21 August 2010 15:43

for those saying "lock the door": some doors don't have locks and OP should be able to go to the bathroom in the comfort of her home without having to worry about someone barging in. but OP, your mom is hilarious!

xXSweetNightmare 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 15:58

14- You Fail Apically For Posting Comments Like Those Thinking They're Funny. They Aren't. They Just Annoy People So Shut Up. Kk, Thanks. :D

Fother_Mucker 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 17:17

89 - You fail even more epically by Talking With The First Letter In Each Word Being Capitalized. It's annoying. Kk. Thanks. :D

CheechyChoochy 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 17:54

o but you have....

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Saturday 21 August 2010 18:09

your mom is awesome, but I suggest you to untag yourself.

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Saturday 21 August 2010 19:18

Freeze's pic is from FLCL or Fooly Cooly. weird ass anime but very entertaining.

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Saturday 21 August 2010 19:38

104, you fail even more epicly for spelling realizing wrong.

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Saturday 21 August 2010 19:49

i bet that was a shitty picture! hahahahahahahahahahahahha get it? shitty, toilet. hahahahahahaah I'm too funny...

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Saturday 21 August 2010 19:51

I already did that pun, douchebag.

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Saturday 21 August 2010 23:02

xD, though Ouran is better.

pingpongpenguin 3

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Sunday 22 August 2010 1:36

lock the door

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Sunday 22 August 2010 3:48

I get it, it's a stupid pun

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Sunday 22 August 2010 6:51

ydi for not locking the door. loser :P

turkeymonster39 0

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Sunday 22 August 2010 7:08

I like your mom lol

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Sunday 22 August 2010 7:26

u could remove the tag

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Sunday 22 August 2010 10:11

She must be trying out for Jackass.

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Sunday 22 August 2010 14:07

@129: why is that? You are a fan of white-trash parenting styles?

meelmo 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 5:19

YDI for not locking your door YDI for adding your mom on Facebook YDI for taking a shit

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Monday 23 August 2010 22:37

too many puns in one sentence. The puns belong but next time spread them out over two sentences, lol

victorioustunnel 0

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Thursday 26 August 2010 22:08

12, you never even met her!

emmagillespie24 11

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Sunday 15 April 2012 23:00

Have you ever met her?

dannythepoopface 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:06

shoulda locked it

glitterysnails 7

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Saturday 21 August 2010 14:44

Exactly what I was thinking.

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 0:47

Maybe there was no lock.

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:09

no offense but it's called a lock op

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Sunday 27 March 2016 20:44

It's called not opening a closed door

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:09

so glad I'm not you

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:11

do the same to her lmao or jsut untag ur self and block her from ur fb

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:13

Your mother did this? That's just rude and immature of her. Just remove your tag and if it bothers you so much, just ask her to delete it(:

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:19

i would hide a camera in the bathroom and film her while shes on the toilet, then post the video on facebook. With sound, to make it funnier xD

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:25

creeper...

fmlsxmakexmyxday 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 15:08

ur hot

xlGinIchimarulx 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:21

and if all else fails, hack her and delete it, then block her. & do the same to her :D

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:22

Beat her with the toilet brush.

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:26

D: thatss like socialll suicidee righhhtt thereee! :o

Son_of_Helghan 0

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Sunday 22 August 2010 9:44

it social homicide. hur dur dur dur dur derp derp derp

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 68

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 2 510