Abandoned

By Anonymous - 04/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found a baby in a cradle on my doorstep. I was shocked that someone would do this, so I picked it up and uncovered the baby. It was actually a rudimentary stink bomb that went off in my face when I uncovered it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 189

You deserved it 256

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Same thing different taste

By failbaby - 02/06/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I heard a baby crying while I was walking down the street. I walked around until I found it. In a dumpster. I immediately called the cops, completely freaking out. When the cops came, they pulled the baby out of the dumpster. It was a plastic baby doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 558

You deserved it 24 214

By Anonymous - 27/02/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 609

You deserved it 3 176

Smooth delivery

By Evol1nOC - 11/01/2022 22:59

Today, I was found out when I was a baby, I was abandoned in a dumpster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 348

You deserved it 159

What was in the box?

By Anonymous - 29/09/2024 22:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, I got a notification that a package had been delivered. I opened my door and saw it on at doorstep. I was expecting one, so I grabbed and opened it, then realized it wasn’t mine, but my neighbor’s. I had to awkwardly re-tape it, then sneak over and leave the disturbing contents of the box on their porch before they noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 145

By Anonymous - 28/02/2015 18:11 - United States - Portland

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 679

You deserved it 62 927

Forgetful

By Jane - 02/03/2024 12:00 - Switzerland

Today, I woke up unusually early for an appointment and got ready real quick. Only after passing the front door did I realize I had forgotten my sleeping baby inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 299

Loud fart

By naomi3271 - 18/11/2019 20:00

Today, I accidentally scared my one year-old son with my huge, smelly fart that was really loud. He now won't come near me without crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 941

You deserved it 671

5-star meal

By storyofmylife - 15/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 645

You deserved it 10 789

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 17:30 - United States

Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 496

You deserved it 10 377

The miracle of barf

By EvictingItSoon - 08/03/2020 23:07

Today, what I thought was food poisoning is actually a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 706

sickerthanyou 13

Saturday 4 April 2020 7:21

That stinks

.AdalynneGlass. 1

Saturday 4 April 2020 21:03

Lol, oh my gawdddd!! Who did this!?!?

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 4 April 2020 5:14

How do you mistake a stink bomb for a baby? You'd think with a full diaper it might be moving around and crying.

sickerthanyou 13

Saturday 4 April 2020 7:21

That stinks

.AdalynneGlass. 1

Saturday 4 April 2020 21:03

Lol, oh my gawdddd!! Who did this!?!?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my parents told me that unless I think about my behaviour and make some real changes, people are going to think I’m weird or suspicious, and I’ll never make friends. This is because I choose to attend church on Sundays instead of watching TV and getting drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 266

Today, my dad came home from work complaining about all the people he'd seen. He said he doesn't understand why so many people with problems have to confide in him. He's a psychologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 699

You deserved it 3 323

The Top

Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 839

You deserved it 3 553

Today, I decided to take a nap before a big job interview at 6. I set two alarm clocks to make sure I didn't miss it, but I woke up at 5:59. As I'm scrambling in a panic to get out the door, my mom says calmly, "I took your alarm clocks out of your room because you looked really tired today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 075

You deserved it 3 566

Today, at 28 years-old, I broke the first ever bone in my body. I broke a metacarpal in my hand by going down an inflatable waterside at a children's birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 163

Today, my dad and I went fishing. We both got a bite, but when we went to reel it in, both our hooks were in the catfish's mouth. He pushed me in the mud and took my hook out its mouth so he could say he caught it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 232

Today, I tried convincing my husband to spend his day off work with me because we both work a lot, and have almost no time to spend together. His literal response was, “I’d rather pick a shift up at work.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 505

You deserved it 296

Today, I heard the cat flap so I called out, “Hello my darling!” When the noise continued but no cat appeared, I went to check and it turned out that "My darling“ was a rat that had just figured out the mechanism and was working up the courage to come in and steal my chicken feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 126