Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I nearly drowned. I was at a wave pool for the first time and stupidly swam out to the deep end. When the waves turned on, I discovered I can't swim in rough water. Despite my yelling, "Help!" and flailing around, the lifeguard paid me no attention. My friend had to save me. FML
Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML
Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML
Today, I decided to get back in shape so I went swimming. I only managed 10 lengths and was completely out of breath. I was so embarrassed that when a lifeguard asked me if I was OK, I made up a story about a leg injury as a reason to leave only 15 minutes after I got in. FML
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML
Today, I was at my lifeguarding exam. Everything was going well until I went to 'save' someone and slipped and bellyflopped into the pool. I broke my toe, and the person I was supposed to save ended up saving me instead. FML
Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML
Today, I tried to impress our swim team coach by doing a complicated backflip from the diving board. I landed face-first in the pool and had to be rescued by the lifeguard, so I guess I won't be going to the Olympics any time soon. FML
Today, while at work I tripped and fell in the pool while moving a waste basket. I nearly drowned and had to be saved. I don't know which is worse the fact that I nearly drowned or the fact that I'm a lifeguard. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
You must've been doing horribly, because lifeguards usually don't seem to give a **** unless it looks like you're seriously drowning. I don't even know how to swim and I do just fine. This is ridiculous.
electrocandy 0
at least he was on top of things
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Comments (68)
Xero3g 5
Took him a while to decide most likely.
Xero3g 5
And you swim like a retard.
whiskeyloverrrr 0
sad
HeyitsPheddy 0
11 gets a high five.
giganish 0
Okay, so #11 I literally just created an account to inform you that, while it is sometimes appropriate to use swam in the past tense--for instance: I swam in the lake today--in this particular case, swum is actually the appropriate conjugation of swim because it is a past participle. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that you are ******* retarded and should consider winning yourself a Darwin Award. Or at the very least getting sterilized. I'm seriously praying to Jesus right now to send a Koala to maul the shit out of you. Then maybe there would be a good FML again. This is how it would read: Today, as I was preparing to write a shitty FML, a motherfucking koala broke into my house, killed my entire family, ate my face off, and laid its eggs in my lower intestine. FML
lovemvmnt 6
Cause we all know Koalas lay eggs... idiot
24788 7
It's ok we all suck at swimming when were drunk.
chaddyd23 0
Well dipshit you obviously did something wrong. So suck my dick.
uberkrissy 0
I actually laughed at this
aerials_fml 0
I don't get why people have to be so mean when they correct people. I see it all the time where someone will put "asshole" at the end of their comment even though it wasn't even necessary to get their point across. Most of the time, it is unprovoked too. Where's the love, people?
redbluegreen 41
#20/ aerials - It's just easier to be a buttmunch I guess.