Animals: Today, I spent 90 dollars and two and a half hours getting my... - FML

By birdmagnet - 25/04/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I spent 90 dollars and two and a half hours getting my hair done at a fancy salon. As I was unlocking my car, a bird pooped in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 114

You deserved it 12 599

Our house, in the middle of our street

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Frittering it away

By bubbles - 05/09/2009 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I worked my first day at a nursery. At nap time I spent about an hour trying to get all the kids to calm down and go to sleep. I'd finally got the last one to drop off, when my phone rang. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 657

You deserved it 40 978

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 09:26 - Vietnam

Today, I finally had the confidence to show my girlfriend my hairy chest/stomach. I'm very self conscious about it, and get embarrassed easily. She said I looked disgusting, called me Chewbacca and broke up with me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 226

You deserved it 7 135

By Anonymous - 21/05/2012 01:10 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 011

You deserved it 2 015

By Tigerninjagoalie - 20/06/2016 23:13 - United States - Tonawanda

Today, I finally found someone who liked me and wanted to kiss me. It was a 5-year-old at the daycare I work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 595

You deserved it 1 022

Try again

By Anonymous - 10/09/2021 14:01 - Luxembourg

Today, I spent almost 8 hours working on a piece of hand lettering art for a friend. When I sent her a preview, she loved it, but also pointed out that the title was off centre. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 206

By Granny - 24/10/2009 21:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 894

You deserved it 3 452

By eyes wide SHIT - 28/12/2013 01:37 - Australia

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 941

You deserved it 5 929

Preemptive strike

By Alex Kiwi - 02/04/2020 20:00

Today, I grounded my son for vaping. However, the coronavirus has already grounded all of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 332

By Anonymous - 20/05/2009 15:42 - United States

Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 035

You deserved it 15 125

By Ngbaheir - 20/06/2015 02:36 - United Kingdom

Today, after weeks of my crazy girlfriend avoiding me because she knew I wanted to break up with her, I had no option but to do it by text. She told all my friends, who now think I'm a coward who isn't man enough to break up in person. They didn't even ask for my side of the story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 362

You deserved it 5 041

Old-timey expressions

By sexualpopcorn - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Diego

Today, as I was saying bye to my girlfriend, I said, "See ya later, alligator." She took offense because she thought I was calling her ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 319

You deserved it 4 467

By Julie - 25/03/2015 05:42 - Denmark - F?rup

Today, it's been three months since my sister broke her car, meaning she couldn't get to work, and I've giving her money every month so she could buy food and so on. I just found out that her workplace is less than 200 metres from where she lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 204

You deserved it 5 132

By mikeissad - 11/08/2012 19:37 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 219

You deserved it 2 459

By Pups4Cups - 26/10/2016 12:43

Today, I finally realized why my 9-week-old puppy was going to the bathroom so much. I went to pick up the food bag and realized she had chewed a hole in the bottom, and eaten half of the bag in the last 4 days. Goodbye 30 pounds of dog food, and 100$ for a vet visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 331

You deserved it 1 758

By jobless - 10/03/2017 18:00

Today, I received a rejection e-mail from a potential employer I interviewed with. I asked for some feedback and they said I didn't seem interested. I had showed extensive interest, even brought up some of the company's recent events, and literally said, "I'm very interested in this position." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 354

You deserved it 418

By PicturePerfect - 02/03/2009 21:33 - Canada

Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids?" I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 395

You deserved it 546 191

If it's brown, let it float around.

By Anonymous - 12/03/2017 07:00 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, for the millionth time, I walked into a complete smellhole of a bathroom, because my almost ten-year-old sister not only never flushes, but she doesn't wipe either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 233

You deserved it 340

By tinygirl - 07/03/2011 06:16

Today, it's official, we measured. My boyfriend's manboobs are bigger than my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 224

You deserved it 11 176

First Dates

By Anonymous - 06/06/2014 22:44 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 229

You deserved it 10 103

By Imaginary girlfriend - 21/09/2009 04:16 - France

Today, I found out that my whole family thinks my girlfriend is imaginary. I sent her a text in front of them telling her that. She never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 679

You deserved it 5 843

By Anonymous - 30/07/2016 17:45 - Mexico - Saltillo

Today, I now know how it feels to have a splinter of wood hammered a full inch underneath your fingernail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 634

You deserved it 1 035

By sophhiee - 05/11/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I was over at a friend's house for a party. I was trying to strike up a conversation with one of my cute guy friends, so I showed him this funny picture of me that my friend took. His reply was "Hahahaa those Fatbooth pictures are hilarious!" It wasn't a Fatbooth picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 692

You deserved it 7 187

By Teresa - 28/05/2010 04:30 - United States

Today, I couldn't sleep because I had the worst time positioning myself around my cat who was sleeping in my bed. I couldn't kick my cat out of bed because I earlier today had an argument with my brother over which of us the cat loved more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 974

You deserved it 42 620

By Anonymous - 19/09/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, my car wouldn't start, so I had to wait for AAA. Then, hurrying to pick up my brother, I got a $161 speeding ticket. Twenty minutes later, I got a call from him saying he didn't need a ride anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 599

You deserved it 6 734

By Anonymous - 27/01/2014 20:55 - United States - Gardner

Today, I got my wedding photos back. The only decent picture of my husband and me together also featured a fat guy in a crop top behind us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 457

You deserved it 5 176

By cheeseless - 11/08/2016 20:47 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I sprained my wrist while trying to grate a block of frozen cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 431

You deserved it 3 871

By Anonymous - 03/10/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, at work, I was called into the office by my supervisor, on whom I have a massive crush. He called me in to get my password to make some adjustments on my work account and asked me what my password was. I had to hold eye contact with him and tell him my password is his full name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 618

You deserved it 46 080

By Anonymous - 01/05/2011 18:49 - New Zealand

Today, I woke up at 4:40AM and went to the kitchen. My brother and his steel-capped boots easily found me in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 958

You deserved it 3 833

Denied!

By Anonymous - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got cock-blocked by the laundry. My boyfriend was the one who wanted to do laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 190

You deserved it 4 747

By rkl2010 - 23/05/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 412

You deserved it 3 442

By Betsydoll - 29/03/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, after a tiff with my boyfriend, I said to him, "You could at least PRETEND to love me sometimes." He responded with, "I do pretend to love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 541

You deserved it 26 264

Privacy violation

By privacy! - 02/05/2021 08:02

Today, I asked my mom to help my daughter with Zoom school while I handled an emergency. When I got back, I found out my mom went through my laptop containing all my documents, my emails and even the journal my therapist suggested I keep. She says she was looking for a Zoom link. Yeah right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189

You deserved it 115

Kids

By really? - 28/09/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, I noticed my daughter’s sullen mood and asked if there was anything I could do to help. With tears in her eyes, she snapped, “Yeah, you can go back in time and keep that appointment you’d made at planned parenthood!” I never had such an appointment and her older brother is a mean asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 123

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughters ballet class I got pulled over 2 houses away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 700

You deserved it 117 368

Best words

By "Kilamo" - 25/01/2020 14:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years got down on one knee and asked those words all girls love to hear "would you do me the honor of performing fellatio on me"? with a Lifesavers gummy ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 377

By Anonymous - 10/01/2014 23:05 - United States

Today, I realized I willingly support my boyfriend's alcoholism, because the only time he says "I love you" is when he's blind drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 408

You deserved it 17 603

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me it wasn't working out and he was breaking up with me. The reason? I have the same first and last name as a very unpopular girl, and he gets embarrassed when people mistakenly assume he's going out with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 035

You deserved it 3 334

By abrazama - 02/10/2009 14:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I went down to my accommodation office in fiery wrath, demanding that something be done about my three-days-cold shower. Looking dubious, they sent someone back with me. As soon as we got there he looked at me with deep pity and pulled the cord in the corner that activated the hot water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 768

You deserved it 37 177

By samantha246 - 11/05/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, I was pulling out of my driveway and was watching out for the flowers I'd just planted. I moved my head to look out of my window to avoid them, not realizing my window was up. I then hit my head, broke my nose and drove all over the flowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 592

You deserved it 43 154

By Anonymous - 07/08/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 96

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Sunday 26 April 2009 2:28

90 dollars? Two and a half hours? WTF were you getting done?

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Sunday 26 April 2009 2:25

DAAAYYYYUUUUMMMM that sucks!!!

Comments

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Sunday 26 April 2009 2:25

DAAAYYYYUUUUMMMM that sucks!!!

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Wednesday 14 April 2010 0:37

lemonz im at da top

youandme4ever_fml 0

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Sunday 9 May 2010 0:23

I'm sorry:(

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Thursday 1 November 2012 5:13

Actually some say it's good luck so try the lottery? :)

jj732 0

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Sunday 26 April 2009 2:26

i think i peed a little, ehh

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Sunday 26 April 2009 2:26

bahaha that sucks...next time wear a scarf or something over your head

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Sunday 26 April 2009 2:27

pwnt..

sinceidcishare 0

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Sunday 26 April 2009 2:27

Two-and-a-half hours getting my hair done would kill me. But I've had a bird crap on me before, right after I stepped out of the bus station in New York City...so I feel for you.

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Sunday 26 April 2009 2:28

90 dollars? Two and a half hours? WTF were you getting done?

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Friday 4 February 2011 12:44

A girl's hair cut. Always a fucking waste of money.

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Sunday 26 April 2009 2:32

WTF y spend 90 dollars for 2 and half hours? bird crap is good luck though

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Sunday 26 April 2009 2:36

HAHAHA. THIS IS A TRUE FML! Wow I feel so bad for you! I worry about this happening to me all the time! It really sucks. I hope you...er...managed to some how remove the poop and still have the pretty $90 hair!

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Sunday 26 April 2009 2:40

where are you that a fancy hair salon gets you $90 and 2.5 hours??? That's pretty cheap! and since I work at a salon if you went back they would've fixed it for you... hairdressers are not assholes... so not really fml worthy

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Monday 25 June 2012 0:00

That's what I was thinking... $90 is a crazy deal!

SarcasticUnicorn 9

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Saturday 18 August 2012 7:03

In my city the average is about 50 dollars and like one hour. I didn't know there were places where it was 90 and 2.5 hours! O.O

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Sunday 26 April 2009 2:41

wow that really sucks lol at least you'll get good luck!

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 29

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 22

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 195

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 265