Geek: Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go...

By videochat - 14/02/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a dump. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 940

You deserved it 53 763

Geek

Mother of the year

Best teeth in the game

Corkscrew

By essay2 - 24/09/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, I found out that the double spacing format in an essay refers to the space between each line, not the words. I've been pressing the space bar twice between each word all through high school and halfway through college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 188

You deserved it 83 190

By kissrocks4 - 11/04/2012 07:04 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I got whiplash from sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 387

You deserved it 3 152

By Bondi414 - 15/02/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, my dad made a new house rule: "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down." My whole house now smells like pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 463

You deserved it 2 760

By testom - 17/04/2015 18:15 - Netherlands - Rotterdam

Today, my husband accidentally erased some pictures from our hard drive. No worries, nothing major: just everything from our wedding and the birth of our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 625

You deserved it 3 956

By Anonymous - 07/04/2014 17:43 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, in an attempt to potty train my step-son, my boyfriend and I put underwear on him, hoping that when he peed himself, he would realize using the potty is the way to go. Instead, he peed while sitting on the couch, got up, took off the underwear, and then switched seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 617

You deserved it 13 440

By waaah - 25/06/2012 07:00 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He decided he would be a gentleman and do this to me at work, over text, during a rush of unsympathetic customers, the day before our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 349

You deserved it 2 728

By cassidy_smith12 - 24/08/2013 14:55 - United States - Medina

Today, I was walking down the street when a man stole my purse. He then opened the purse, threw up in it, and gave it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 431

You deserved it 3 552

By Anonymous - 06/12/2013 16:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend and I finally watched Toy Story 3; I ended up crying when the toys almost die. After the movie, my girlfriend broke up with me because I embarrassed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 203

You deserved it 12 312

By Chan - 26/09/2011 01:57 - United States

Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried apologizing and saying it was an accident, but he then complained, which resulted in me being unemployed. The man I spilled coffee on was my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 119

You deserved it 3 124

By Anonymous - 07/11/2013 22:21 - United Kingdom - Derry

Today, everything that was beautiful and pure in my life turned into a terrible, warped version of what it once was. Today, I lost all hope and no longer believe that life, although sometimes shitty, is sweet and worth living. Today, I met my mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 600

You deserved it 5 896

By Anonymous - 17/03/2018 19:00

Today, I got a promotion because my boss “accidentally” had sex with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 730

You deserved it 380

By Anonymous - 02/04/2013 18:14 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I was playing Draw Something with my girlfriend, when I decided to start a game with some other people. She immediately accused me of "cheating" on her, and still refuses to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 098

You deserved it 4 960

By Nicki - 21/12/2011 12:30 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 509

You deserved it 31 779

By ImNotFat - 18/02/2015 04:22 - New Zealand

Today, a photo of my friends and me was posted in our college group. I didn't notice my legs looked enormous until my friend pointed it out. Her comment got 50 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 865

You deserved it 3 263

By sharee - 19/12/2015 20:51 - United States - Providence

Today, my father-in-law asked me if I have breast implants in front of the whole family for the third time this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 173

You deserved it 2 101

By claudio117 - 08/04/2012 09:16 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, during an Easter egg hunt, I found divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 676

You deserved it 2 804

By idkmybffjill? - 13/02/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 545

You deserved it 48 958

A Natural Snack!

By Anonymous - 20/02/2017 17:00 - United States - Charles City

Today, my husband argued with me for an hour, because he believed that loaded potato skins grow naturally on a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 807

You deserved it 776

By Nickolas Neffster - 05/10/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 014

You deserved it 3 089

By Anonymous - 11/02/2014 16:09 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 832

You deserved it 8 777

By rainonmyparade - 17/03/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I called my dad to tell him my boyfriend had proposed to me, and that we're planning on being married this summer. He was surprised at the short engagement, so I said, "Well, we're almost 30." Dad replied, "Wow, I left your mom when I was 35!" So not the conversation for that information, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 638

You deserved it 3 565

By Anonymous - 11/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my 7-year-old cousin has been having raging temper tantrums, added to an inability to tell the truth, and a disturbingly sociopathic nature. I'm pretty sure I'm seeing a psychopath in the making, and I'm stuck living here for 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 215

By divineinstrument - 12/07/2009 14:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent hours and hours trying to figure out why the wireless internet on my laptop wasn't working, but everything I tried completely failed. At the end of the day, my older brother came home, and fixed the problem in under 10 seconds by turning the wireless internet switch on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 579

You deserved it 58 310

By Nickolas - 31/12/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 994

You deserved it 3 713

By TowelSinger - 12/02/2012 08:07

Today, I was at a choir convention, and everyone sings the national anthem outside their rooms each night. I was not informed and took a shower. My roommates opened the door, yanked me out, and locked me out of the room to sing wearing just a towel. The guy down the hall was video taping it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 405

You deserved it 4 178

By lolwut - 15/01/2012 18:17 - United States

Today, I switched from pads to tampons. It took me several botched attempts trying insert one before I succeeded, and now I feel like I've just raped myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 499

You deserved it 13 781

By chinchilla4404 - 02/08/2011 14:17 - United States

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 118

You deserved it 72 118

By prettysmellingbedroom - 15/02/2012 14:18 - United States

Today, I wanted to freshen up my room, so I bought some Febreze. Standing on my bed, I began to spray, not noticing that the air vent directly across was turned on. The spray came directly back at me. The doctor says that the irritation in my eyes may last for several days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 041

You deserved it 25 112

By Noname - 26/02/2009 01:31 - United States

Today, at work, we finally got a digital projector so our theater can show 3D movies. Our first movie is The Jonas Brothers Concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 944

You deserved it 9 120

By Sursion - 12/11/2009 17:34 - Canada

Today, I was talking to a friend of mine over webcam, when I saw a scary looking man in a grey hoodie creeping around in the background. I loudly proclaimed "Paige! Who is that creepy looking guy behind you?" Turns out it was her mom. She heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 805

You deserved it 10 503

Whoops

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 02:38 - United States - Glen Ellyn

Today, an old friend of mine texted me, saying we should hang out. I thought it was really sweet and was excited to see her again, until she realized that she was texting the wrong person, and canceled our plans immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 531

You deserved it 1 325

By Anonymous - 13/06/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 366

You deserved it 4 914

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, my roommate and I were walking to a bar and a group of guys shouted out at us "Hey, it's like we're on Animal Planet, I see a zebra and a gorilla." My roommate was wearing a zebra print shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 509

You deserved it 5 112

By Anonymous - 27/10/2013 16:33 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I enjoyed a romantic evening at home with my husband while a babysitter took care of my 5-year-old daughter. After she came home, she told me the sitter let her use her "weird swing." I wasn't too worried, until she said it was indoors, and I realized she was describing a sex swing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 693

You deserved it 4 432

Nice

By meg - 07/02/2021 00:30

Today I got my senior pictures back from the photographer. When my boyfriend saw them, he said I look creepy. Not pretty, not beautiful, not even decent. Creepy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 110

By sistertaxi - 14/05/2015 14:23 - Australia

Today, I had to pick my brother up from work because he broke down crying. I arrived to find that apparently, you can get so stoned that serving a pregnant woman at a fast food joint moves you to tears over the miracle of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 751

You deserved it 2 646

By Anonymous - 12/05/2011 04:41

Today, I had a full on "conversation" with my cat about her laying off the catnip. I really need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 994

You deserved it 27 719

By Anonymous - 14/06/2019 00:01

Today, I gave my name for a lunch order, I even spelled it out for the cashier. When my food was ready, they screamed "Labia," in the restaurant full of people. My name is Nadia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 765

You deserved it 137

By fstfckd - 07/06/2014 19:16 - United States

Today, at college, I was frantically trying to finish an essay on gay rights that was due less than an hour later. In the end I failed, because the college internet filters kept classifying every single page containing the information I needed as "sex", and blocked it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 742

You deserved it 15 081

By Chakkamofo - 01/02/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card saying "You made it to 36!". It's my 35th birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 951

You deserved it 2 440

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Top comments

dh71388 0

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Sunday 15 February 2009 3:19

lol why would you take your laptop just to check facebook? do it from your phone or just wait.

midnyte 0

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Sunday 15 February 2009 3:25

I hope you have an honest boyfriend. The internet is a big place....

dh71388 0

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Sunday 15 February 2009 3:19

lol why would you take your laptop just to check facebook? do it from your phone or just wait.

midnyte 0

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Sunday 15 February 2009 3:25

I hope you have an honest boyfriend. The internet is a big place....

Hannah_fml 0

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Sunday 15 February 2009 3:32

psh, I think it's totally fine. possibly not something you're comfortable with, but when my boyfriend hears i'm having troubles pooping, he cheers me on. when i take a really really big poo that i'm proud of i get so excited and i just have to show him, he goes "aww good job baby".

metsrule64 0

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Monday 8 February 2010 14:44

ummmm that's gross

naza517 0

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 3:42

that is beyond disgusting...eeeewwww

alyssadapsycho 7

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Saturday 6 March 2010 3:07

aww how cutee :)

iampunk 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:05

LMFAO.

clara99_fml 0

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Saturday 6 November 2010 2:51

that's kinda weirdd he's conqratulatinq yuh for takinq a dump .

Manixs88 3

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Thursday 19 April 2012 22:42

TMI!?

vlaws17 5

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Saturday 21 July 2012 0:17

That is the most disgusting and UNromantic thing I've ever heard.... But hey, if your happy...

ms_coconuthead 3

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Sunday 26 January 2014 15:36

that is utterly disturbing

infantrygirl 0

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Sunday 15 February 2009 3:37

Yeah... I'm wondering why in all nine hells you would take your computer to the bathroom...

president_benson 0

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Sunday 15 February 2009 5:23

#6 FTW!! but #7 needs a sense of humor

NorfolkDude 2

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Sunday 15 February 2009 5:46

Let's think about this for a few seconds. First off, if you taken your laptop to the bathroom, you would have it on your lap right? So basically even if your bf was still watching, all he'd see would be you typing on the computer. Unless you're doing something that would be odd while pooping? Or holding your laptop from the toilet?