Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly...

By Anonymous - 5/7/2009 12:11 - United States

Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48856

You deserved it

3425

Favorite

Work

Season finale

Fashion Police

Buzzing the tower

By wookieewhosshe - 18/5/2019 12:30

Today, it's the first day in 3 weeks that I'm in my flat after 7 a.m. due to a very busy work schedule. I was looking forward to a Saturday lie-in. Also today, my flatmate's alarm clock went off loudly from 7:30 to 10:30. He's in another country and his door is locked. Bye bye lie-in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1764

You deserved it

116

Favorite

By anonymous - 8/1/2013 00:21 - United States

Today, I found a ring box in the pocket of my boyfriend's pants while doing laundry. I eagerly walked up to him knowing that it was an engagement ring, hoping that he would propose on the spot. He tossed it back to me and said, "Well you found it, I don't actually have to ask now, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

20219

You deserved it

51492

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/6/2013 20:26 - United States - Houston

Today, I took my girlfriend of nearly 2 years out to dinner so I could propose. When the waiter brought the check, I caused a bit of a scene to get everyone's attention. When I got on my knee and proposed, she said no and asked if I could hurry up and pay, because she was embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62609

You deserved it

18177

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/4/2015 17:18 - United States - Birmingham

Today, a few weeks after teaching my dog to fetch my phone and drop it in my lap, he decided to do it spontaneously. Too bad I was in the bath at the time. There goes a $300 phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29127

You deserved it

21255

Favorite

By pon-3 - 22/6/2012 21:13 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time. Their justification for giving me up for adoption was that I wasn't conceived at the ideal time for them. Apparently, the ideal time was six months after the adoption, when they conceived the first of my two brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35803

You deserved it

2300

Favorite

By Obsessed - 30/1/2010 20:54 - United States

Today, I was rushed to the hospital because I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. Why was I crying? My favorite anime character died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19595

You deserved it

82940

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/10/2009 02:56 - United States

Today, I was trying on dresses in a stall that requires an employee of the store to have a key to open. After I took off one dress to go to another, an employee quickly opens my door, to give the stall to someone else. The entire store could see me in my granny panties and bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35942

You deserved it

6490

Favorite

By j3r3zana16 - 31/10/2011 08:30 - Canada

Today, while parking, I accidentally hit my landlord's daughter's brand new car. I made a huge dent in the side door. I thought nobody was home, so I quickly went to my room. Turns out they were having a barbecue outside and saw the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8360

You deserved it

51583

Favorite

By getslostinherownhouse - 14/4/2009 19:12 - Spain

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw my brother on the other side of the road. He lives overseas and always told me he would visit when I least expected it. When I saw him, I got so excited I jumped on his back, screaming his name. It wasn't my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24063

You deserved it

60823

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/2/2015 01:46 - United States - Lebanon

Today, my mother moved in to my 2-bedroom apartment with me. She brought her boyfriend, 4 chihuahuas, and 2 birds with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33748

You deserved it

5067

Favorite

By InDeepBlue - 10/9/2019 06:00

Today, I took the bus home from work for the first time in my life. It was pretty crowded, so I immediately sat in an empty seat. Then, I felt something wet. It was puke. A lot of it, in fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1544

You deserved it

393

Favorite

By Alison - 8/12/2009 02:14 - United States

Today, the "hot" guy I've been talking to for a few weeks sent me a picture. He was very overweight and not good looking at all. He then followed up with, "Now send me one of you so I can prove to all of my friends that you're real." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10808

You deserved it

39848

Favorite

By shbaxter - 16/3/2020 06:00

That's nuts

Today, I finally got my car back after it was in the auto shop for a week. On my way home, I started swerving all over the road. It turns out they didn't tighten the lug nuts on one of my wheels properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1455

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/3/2012 23:05 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was holding our weekly poker game with a few work buddies. My psychotic, live-in mother-in-law wasted no time jumping into the game, cheating me out of $150, my new wristwatch, and what little pride I had left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21039

You deserved it

10492

Favorite

By Jamie - 10/3/2010 20:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex when he stopped responding. Five minutes later and ready to hang up, he apologized because he got distracted with his game of Tetris. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24717

You deserved it

3963

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/8/2009 02:34 - United States

Today, I received a $250 ticket when I parked my car, that has the disabled placard, in a handicapped spot at a Wal-Mart. The officer said she watched me get out of the car and walk to store without appearing to be disabled. I'm 59 years old, have a steel rod in my spine and a prosthetic hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64587

You deserved it

3313

Favorite

By Scumbagmemory - 22/1/2012 04:17 - United States

Today, I was texting a guy that one of my friends told me about. She gave me his number and told me about how he was deaf. Three hours into great conversation I forgot and asked him what his favorite music was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29287

You deserved it

11631

Favorite

By KamiAzaaaaaa - 11/12/2015 16:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23671

You deserved it

1533

Favorite

By boo! - 17/2/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, I saw my friend across campus, and I decided that I wanted to play a trick on her and scare her from behind. Turns out, I scared a complete stranger with really bad panic induced asthma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12493

You deserved it

42821

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/9/2012 00:37 - United States - San Angelo

Today, after months of believing my house is haunted, and years of being scared of the dark, I finally had to admit to myself that the only way I can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is if my cat follows me and sits outside the door. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22456

You deserved it

7762

Favorite

By cbarr98 - 6/6/2015 01:00 - United States - Orange City

Today, I lost all of my male friends at work. Why? The new girl has my same interests and a prettier face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30706

You deserved it

2987

Favorite

By taperjeangirl - 21/2/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43643

You deserved it

10491

Favorite

By tubby - 21/6/2012 20:28 - Sweden - Karlskrona

Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32216

You deserved it

3594

Favorite

By poseidon5213 - 17/5/2012 22:02 - United States - Inglewood

Today, I started my job as one of those sign spinners. About an hour later, some people drove up, yelled, "Bitch, get off my corner," and threw water balloons at me. My boss made me keep working in the soaking wet outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24921

You deserved it

2608

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/7/2020 14:01

Great time to try for a kid

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years complained about having to jack off for IVF. We haven't had sex in 9 months, I have to take hormone injections, and I'm jealous of his own hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1323

You deserved it

264

Favorite

By facepalm - 27/2/2012 11:06 - United States

Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to stop measuring his penis during our conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30983

You deserved it

4315

Favorite

By its ok to cheat!? - 20/2/2013 21:52 - United States - Brisbane

Today, I got my results on a recent, important midterm. During the exam, I'd noticed my instructor had accidentally left an answers page in the test packet, so being honest, I didn't look at them. It turns out she did it on purpose to help us pass. I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38612

You deserved it

15666

Favorite

By britanyann - 6/1/2012 03:45 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my 25-year-old boyfriend why we cannot get pet raccoons. This is not the first time we have had this conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27410

You deserved it

6353

Favorite

By onthemarket - 8/9/2010 19:46 - United States

Today, after being with my boyfriend for seven years, he finally proposed. To another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48465

You deserved it

4143

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/5/2009 14:20 - United States

Today, I found out that my writing teacher entered in one of my paper grades wrong. After many emails, she said she can't change my grade unless I fax her the original. I need that grade fixed so I can keep my scholarship. I can’t find the paper anywhere. That one paper could cost me $30,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75636

You deserved it

8631

Favorite

By boner - 1/2/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, I was spacing out in French class and randomly got an erection. My professor called on me to stand up at the front of the room and say, "I am wearing a belt," in French. Not everyone was observing just my belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36566

You deserved it

6147

Favorite

By you're just creepy. - 11/12/2012 08:39 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34957

You deserved it

3737

Favorite

By WTFFAIL - 3/12/2012 05:06 - Canada - Montreal

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25482

You deserved it

8937

Favorite

By onething - 8/7/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83588

You deserved it

17848

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/1/2011 07:31 - Canada

Today, a pretty co-worker invited me out for drinks after my shift. I have no money left until payday. Embarrassed, I had to decline and go home alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30743

You deserved it

7276

Favorite

By hockeymango57 - 24/9/2017 23:15

J'accuse...!

Today, one of my friends blew a giant vape cloud and the principal saw and called us into his office. We blamed each other, so the principal checked both of our backpacks. Apparently, my friend snuck his pen into my bag somehow. I don't even vape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3927

You deserved it

608

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/2/2012 12:36 - Australia

Today, I was very cold and tired, so I took a shower to warm up and went to bed. The minute I hopped into bed, it collapsed and broke. I have spent half-an-hour rearranging furniture to get the mattress on to the floor. Now I'm cold again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25184

You deserved it

3258

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/3/2012 03:05 - United States

Today, I was chatting to my brother on Skype. Out of the blue, and just as I read the punchline to a hilarious joke, he said his girlfriend had been cheating on him. I couldn't stifle my side-splitting laughter, and he's been ignoring my calls since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26774

You deserved it

9899

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/1/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, I picked the treadmill next to an old man so I could feel better about myself. He ran faster and longer than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9032

You deserved it

36410

Favorite

By jriese444 - 23/12/2011 15:45 - United States

Today, my sister is visiting. She used more toilet paper today than I have in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27402

You deserved it

3270

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By xxsunshine | 0

#370856 - Sunday 5 July 2009 20:04

ahah, wow.

so did you call her?

By Colby_Colbert | 0

#370889 - Sunday 5 July 2009 20:09

hey ... it could be the best you ever have

COMMENTS

By xxsunshine | 0

#370856 - Sunday 5 July 2009 20:04

ahah, wow.

so did you call her?

Martyrio14 | 0

#370957 - Sunday 5 July 2009 20:32

haha, nice said, that just made this fml better XD

greenltrn2003 | 0

#371537 - Monday 6 July 2009 1:25

ahhh...I was gonna ask the same lmao

The_Unspool | 0

#373970 - Tuesday 7 July 2009 1:24

Too many clearly fake old lady FMLs.

SerbianGirl_fml | 0

#456763 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 19:25

Wow, that's disturbing. :D

hopper5101 | 11

#1094760 - Thursday 15 July 2010 19:43

lol

By monsterhospital | 0

#370878 - Sunday 5 July 2009 20:06

nice mental image ;)

pelican2 | 0

#374574 - Tuesday 7 July 2009 5:05

yeah its so hot. Im getting hard just thinking about it

By bgukusa00 | 0

#370880 - Sunday 5 July 2009 20:06

LOL haha omg i cant stop itz funny yeah so what did u with here number after alll and btw old people are soo disturbing sometimes

By hk_fml | 9

#370884 - Sunday 5 July 2009 20:07

lmao xD Well good for her, I suppose.
Still going at it that old.

By token_blackguy | 18

#370885 - Sunday 5 July 2009 20:08

how is this an fml? ydi for being a prude

jjjjessica | 0

#372060 - Monday 6 July 2009 5:47

yeahh i agree
it's not even bad.

spoo | 24

#373455 - Monday 6 July 2009 21:54

take the compliment and move on if you arent into it. YDI

By treli1593 | 0

#370887 - Sunday 5 July 2009 20:08

LMAO. old people + shower heads + young cashiers. Never a good mix.

NDouglas | 0

#371248 - Sunday 5 July 2009 22:40

What makes you think the OP is young?

Maybe he's just as elderly as the customer, and it's FHL because he hasn't come to grips with the fact that he can't get the young 'uns anymore, and will have to settle for for the ladies his own age.

MwahFMLS | 6

#3607139 - Saturday 19 November 2011 23:20

Who cares, #45? He's hawt. :)

orange9494 | 0

#4510144 - Saturday 2 June 2012 2:21

Ya, but how many elderly people do you see on FML?

By Colby_Colbert | 0

#370889 - Sunday 5 July 2009 20:09

hey ... it could be the best you ever have

By meanie_monday | 0

#370894 - Sunday 5 July 2009 20:10

Do you plan on calling her?

By Glam_fml | 0

#370908 - Sunday 5 July 2009 20:14

Haha. I so hope I am like that when I get old - still getting off and still hitting on hot guys... Go Granny!

What, were you jealous because she is getting more than you?

By AAAAHHHH12 | 2

#370915 - Sunday 5 July 2009 20:15

Maybe you looked like a handyman? bahaha ;P