Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, I woke up to find that I'd left my clothes in my roommate's bedroom. After returning from a night of heavy drinking, I apparently got up to use the bathroom and used her room as a toilet. I don't remember this, but pee stains don't lie. FML
Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML
Today, I drove my drunk sister home after a wild night of partying. She did not go to bed as I expected; instead, she laid in the bathtub and cried every time I left her. Now it's 3AM, and she's using her bra as a lasso for various objects in the room. The best part is I work in 4 hours. FML
Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
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Top comments
linzhart333 8
Mistake #1: You brought home a random drunk girl from a bar. Mistake #2: You brought her home, where you live WITH YOUR PARENTS. Mistake #3: You are old enough to go to bars, and you live with your parents. Wow. Three strikes. You're out.
livelaughlovinit 0
Dude.... get a life. You live with your parents, I'm guessing you're over 21 since you were in a bar, and you're bringing girls home with you? That's pretty pathetic.
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Comments (46)
CrunkCupcake97 2
wow, you shoulda went to HER house if you still lived with your parents.
tobichprophet 0
soo u bring a drunk girl home from the bar then sleep with her then let her leave still drunk? u suck
Compaq888 0
You got to remember, not only drunk people can't drive but most of the time they are so trashed they don't know where home is. Happens to everybody. My buddy's mom found his one night stand passed out on the toilet naked.
Grommet 0
By the way, people can not legally consent to having sex when they are intoxicated.
whoeffincares 0
Dude, how old are you? Get your own place before bringing home chicks
FD929 0
and F yer parents L if they don't kick your loser ass to the curb.
E40_fml 0
Failure to Launch.
Zanzig 0
agreed with number 53.... I hope 53 makes sense! lol. but seriously ur retarted
iRod 0
totally deserve it for bringing her home....
stephgoesrawrr 0
FYI, living in British Columbia means he'd only have to be 19... not 21. Just Sayin'